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Moments of Frustration

On the whole I think I do pretty well adapting to the changes required by Kate’s Alzheimer’s, but one thing I have not been able to fully let go of is happening right now. We had been out to lunch with our church friends, Angela and Marvin Green. We came back to our house after eating and had a long chat. We always have a good time with them although we don’t get together that often.

After they left, Kate stayed outside to work in the yard. As usual, she didn’t change clothes. I am prone to protect my clothes and wouldn’t work outside in anything I valued. She doesn’t feel the same way. I don’t believe she was ever as sensitive (obsessive compulsive) about this as I am, but clearly the Alzheimer’s has meant she has little or no concern about soiling or damaging good clothes. On a few occasions (not many) I have said something to her about working in her good clothes. It never works; so I am holding off. She is seated on the ground digging in the flower beds. I don;t know what condition her slacks will be in, but I know that her work clothes look pretty soiled when she comes in. This is a little thing I know, but I feel the need to report it lest a reader think that I am more understanding than I really am.

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Cleaning up

It has been a while since I have commented on the condition of Kate’s rooms (2 guest rooms and her office). I am glad to report that she has kept them in much better order in the past few months. That has changed in recent weeks when I believe she has been trying to arrange her clothes in some kind of order to make it easier for her to find what she wants. In the short term (and perhaps the long term as well) it is back to being about as messy as it ever was. The difference is that it appears to be directly related to her sorting her clothes in preparation to put them in her closets. Each room seems to change in that it gets cleaned up and then after a while, it returns to a similar disorderly condition. Yesterday her office looked pretty good. I went in there about an hour ago after my morning walk, and clothes were laid out on her bed. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera. She said she would but wanted to continue cleaning up. I decided to let her do that as long as she cares to. We can go to Panera anytime.

I don’t know why she has tried to get her house in order, but I take that as a good thing. The big problem is that it goes pretty quickly back to its disorderly state.

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More Signs of Insecurity and Withdrawal

Last night we attended a choral concert at First Presbyterian. After the concert. they held a reception that we attended. I noticed once again that Kate would just walk away when I was talking with someone that both of us know. As I have noted before, I think this comes from a lessening ability to talk about many things, but I also believe it happens because she recognizes fewer people. She seems to walk away as an escape. At one point while I was talking with someone about the flooding at his house during our recent storm, she took a seat in a chair by herself. Fortunately, someone came over to her and they engaged in a conversation. Then it was time for us to go. As we left, Kate asked who that was she had been talking to. She did recognize her as a friend of Ellen’s. I suspect the person may have mentioned Ellen in the conversation. Then as we walked out of the church, she put her arm around my waist and said, “I need you.” I said, “And I am right here.”

Yesterday afternoon Kate worked in the yard. I called her in about 45 minutes before I felt we needed to leave for dinner and the concert. I had told her a little earlier where we were going. I reminded her when I went out to get her. When she got dressed, she was dressed more informally than I thought she should. She asked me if she met my approval. That led into a comment or two about where we were going. She hadn’t remembered at all. When I reminded her, she felt she should change. Even though I believed she was dressed too informally, I told her she was all right. She could tell my heart wasn’t in it. Ultimately, she changed, but the top she was wearing was soiled in several places from cosmetic stains. Later I noticed that her slacks were also soiled.

That reminds me that something new is that she is beginning to make a habit of asking me about the clothes she wears when we are going to something a little more special like last night. She did not do so last night, however. It is clear that she is releasing her independence a bit by soliciting my opinion on her clothes.

She also commented to me this week that she wants to please me. This came after she had gotten ready on time when we were going someplace.

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Change In Irritability?

Lately I have noticed what may be an increase in Kate’s irritability. Here is an example from this morning. This is our third day at Chautauqua, and she put on the same clothes she has worn at least the other 2 days. Last night I had reminded her that her suitcase was in the closet. Earlier this morning I put it beside the chest of drawers in our bedroom where she would see it. When I saw that she was wearing the same clothes, I said something about it. She did not take offense. I said, “Here is your suitcase.” She said sternly, “Put it on the bed.” Then she added, “How am I supposed to get it there (meaning by the chest)?”

Something else that could become a problem is a habit she has developed. It has two variations. The first is simply a very audible yawn. This is most common in the morning after she gets out of bed. It also occurs when she is tired or bored. While we were waiting for the opera to begin last night, she started yawning with the accompanying audible yawn. I said something to her about how loud she was. She was very irritated with me. I don’t know where this leads, but I fear that it will become something that is a bother to people around us. I remember that Sharon Billings said she carried a card with her to give to servers and others in restaurants and other places letting them know that her husband had Alzheimer’s. I may need this in the future.

Since beginning this post, Kate has changed her top, but is still wearing the same slacks. I cut her a couple of pieces of zucchini bread. She ate a banana and is now resting beside me on the sofa. This continues to be a pattern. It is as though getting up and eating something wears her out. I would think that her desire to rest relates to the strain of being outside the confines of her familiar territory; however, she does the same thing at home. The difference is that at home she always has the yard in which she can busy herself.

All these things continue to cause me to wonder if coming back to Chautauqua next summer is a good idea whether for one week or two. I really want to come back. She enjoys being here, and it seems easier for me to guide her into more things to do than at home. So far I have been unsuccessful in trying to get her to walk around the grounds. That seems like it would be something she would enjoy, but she reacts quickly and negatively when I suggest it.

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Travel Issues

Yesterday Kate and I drove to Nashville to attend a performance of Tirandot at the Schermerhorn Symphony Center. As always, I was concerned that Kate would not remember to bring things she likes or needs. Such was the case. As she was packing in a rush, she couldn’t find the shoes she wanted to wear last night. I found a pair of black boots that she said would work. It turned out, however, that they are too tight; so walking was a problem. Fortunately, we didn’t have far to go, just across the street.

After the opera, she discovered she hadn’t brought anything to sleep in. She asked if I had something. I gave her the dress shirt I had worn to the opera. Interestingly, she brought several pair of hose. She wore 3 pair to the opera to protect her from the cold. We were outside for only a short time; so she was a little warmer than she likes.

We opted for the breakfast buffet this morning. This offered another example of the difficulty she has getting her eyes to focus on the various items she is looking for. For example, she stood in front of the bowls beside an assortment of fruit (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and apricots) as well as yogurt. She noticed the fruit and then walked down the buffet looking for a bowl even though they had been right in front of her. She didn’t notice the bowls, but she said she remembered having been here before even though this was our first time at this hotel. Another case of Deja Vu.

Last night at the opera, she asked me to take her gloves because she couldn’t get them in the pocket of her jacket. Now that I think of it, I must have dropped them below my seat because I don’t see them. It is obvious that I don’t do a great job of keeping up with her things. I am finding it challenging to keep up with her things as well as my own.

As soon as we came back to the room after breakfast, she got right in the bed with the covers over her. Over the past year or two this has become a pattern. In a few minutes I will get her up to meet an old TCU friend for lunch.

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Everyday Confusion

We are sitting here in front of the fire. I have the Cowboys-Packers playoff game on. About 10 minutes ago, I showed Kate a video that a friend  had posted on Facebook. It shows a cruise ship in rough seas. The first part of the video was taken from a helicopter or plane of the ship bobbing up and down as well as left and right. The second part of the video was shot from a camera in a dining or lounge. The latter video shows people, tables, chairs, and other non-fixed equipment sliding from one side of the room to the other and back again. It is staggering to watch. It would certainly reinforce any fears of cruising that anyone might have. Kate started to put the iPad down after the first part, and I told her to keep watching. She never said a word. When the video was over, I asked if she understood what was happening. She said no. I then explained. Then she understood. I then said, “I should have given you the explanation before just asking you to watch it.” She gave me a glaring look and nod of agreement. This is a common occurrence when I am telling her something. The difference is that in most instances where I have not given a proper setup it is usually harder to understand than this video. This is a very clear video of exactly what it is. The fact that she did not understand explains why she does not react or understand so many other things in conversation or on TV or in movies. She is further along that even I fully realize.

This brings to mind another clothing issue that came up before our going to lunch. When I arrived home from Sunday school (she didn’t want to go to church again today), she had not dressed to go out. She told me she was trying to find something to wear. Thinking about the 5 pair of slacks we had just bought on Thursday and the turtleneck sweaters she has still not worn, I asked if she would like me to help. She told me no and to “leave me alone.” I said “you really don’t want my help. You want to do it yourself.” She replied with an emphatic, “Yes.” When she came out to the family room for us to leave, she was wearing old clothes. There was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, but I fear that she has no idea where the 5 pair of slacks are located.

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A Couple of Little Things

Ellen came by this morning to pick up her Christmas pottery and her poinsettias that she had loaned Kate for her PEO meeting on Thursday. She mentioned to Kate in my presence that after Christmas she gets into a clean-up mode and would be willing to help Kate sort through her clothes to determine what she needs to get rid of and what she wants in her closet. After Ellen left, I asked Kate about Ellen’s help. She told me that she didn’t want her to help, that she didn’t need it; she is already taking care of it and has been giving clothes to our housekeeper. She told me that she has been doing a little bit at a time and didn’t need any help. This is obviously not true, but she doesn’t realize she is not making progress.

This morning she asked me which light switch in the family room controlled the outlet she likes to use when she is charging her computer. After I told her, she said, “”How did you know that? You remember everything.” She is often amazed by what other people can remember or do.”

While we were at lunch, she asked me what my mother died of. I said, “Alzheimer’s.” I went on to say that many people with Alzheimer’s often die of something else, but that Mom really died from Alzheimer itself. She said, “You know I don’t remember much about that at all.” I told her there was a good reason for that; she was taking care of her mother, and she didn’t have the kind of daily contact with Mom that she did with her mother.

Following lunch we went to Belk to get Kate some gloves and hose. When we walked into the store, she said, “”I also want to look at some slacks.” I mentioned that we had just bought a lot of slacks. She asked me to stop talking. We did look for slacks. When I noticed that she was looking at black slacks, I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair of black slacks last Saturday. She then looked for others but didn’t find anything. She told me she would just get the gloves and hose and look at home to see exactly what she needs.

On the way home, she asked me a question (I don’t remember what it was.) When I told her, she said, “I know. I have asked you that five times.” I said, “”That’s all right. You can ask me as many times as you want. I’ll remember for you.”She said, “”You are so patient with me.”

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More on Clothes

This past Saturday I took Kate shopping for black slacks. She told me she didn’t have any that fit. We bought 2 pair and a couple of turtle neck sweaters as well as another long sweater to wear over a blouse. This time I took pictures of them so that I know what to look for when the time comes. I also told her I wanted to know where she puts them so that I would be able to find them when necessary. She did not want me to do that. She said she would keep them where she could find them.

Last night as she was getting ready for the music club, she said she couldn’t find any black slacks that fit. I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair on Saturday. She asked where they were. I told her she had worn one on Sunday and the other was in my closet held back for alterations. I got the ones in my closet for her to try on. They worked except they were too long.

This was about 2 hours before we needed to leave. I told her that we ought to go get a quick bite to eat at Panera. She hadn’t realized we had so much time. She said she would change clothes before going. It turned out that she changed to a different outfit to wear to music club. About 40 minutes had passed; so I said let’s just go to Panera the way you are. You can finish getting ready when we get back. She told me all she needed to do was put on her make up. We went to Panera. When we got back I went to take a shower and get dressed. An hour later, after I was dressed, she had completely changed.

When we got home, I suggested she give her slacks to me to keep in my closet. This insulted her. I fear that she will lose these as she has the others.

In the meantime, she is having her PEO group over on Thursday morning for their meeting and Christmas lunch. Up until today she had done almost no decorating. I got decorations out of the storage room and suggested she look through them. She has done so and gotten some things out and also put up some decorations; however, she has a tremendous job to get ready for Thursday. She has refused my help and told me not to worry about it, that she would get it done. In a conversation with Ellen, I suggested that she might drop by in the morning to see how things are going hoping that Kate might accept her help. I have also arranged for the woman who cuts my hair to cut hers tomorrow as well as giving her coloring. She asked what the color is. I couldn’t answer; so I am taking Kate by her place this afternoon to let Dawn determine the right color.

The bottom line: Kate is continuing to get along well in many respects, but she is getting worse when it comes to organizing her life and remembering recent things. She needs to be reminded of just about everything.

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Shopping for Clothes

This is Friday. We got back home from our cruise on Wednesday afternoon.. Yesterday Kate mentioned that she would like me to take her to Belk’s for a sale they are having this weekend. Today after lunch I did so. I went with some trepidation because she still can’t put her hands on all the things we have bought since February. I sat down in a chair and waited while she strolled through the store. She must have spent almost 45 minutes walking around and trying on a few things. At one point she showed me a top and a pair of slacks that I am sure she had shown me earlier. She was sure that she had not. We finally ended up with 2 sweaters and 2 pair of slacks. When we got home, I took a picture of the things so that I can remember what she bought. I did so because she may ask me the whereabouts of these things, and I probably won’t remember without a picture.

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Wearing the “Right” Clothes

We have a continuing problem with clothes. As I have mentioned before, I made a significant addition to her wardrobe in February. At that time I was trying to make sure that she has clothes appropriate to wear to some of the foundation receptions and especially a board retreat in Asheville. Some of those things she has never worn. Others are misplaced. We bought 5 pair of pants. At least one or two need alterations, but she hasn’t been wearing the others. More recently, we bought 5 pair of pants and an assortment of tops and matching tops. She has worn at least two of these and a couple of the tops but they are being worn infrequently.

Today I noticed she was wearing an older outfit to a funeral. I was also aware that this is an outfit she is wearing quite frequently. I waited until after the funeral and after we had eaten lunch. Then I asked about her new clothes and that I noticed she hadn’t worn something new rather than some old. She was offended that I had said anything and indicated that the other clothes were not appropriate. When we arrived home, she apologized for getting angry with me. I think this is very hard for her and must not forget that, but I need to figure out a way to make sure she is dressed appropriately.

We had another of those situations in which she fakes her way through a conversation. We ran into a neighbor that she would have recognized in the past. When I asked her if she remembered the person, she said she had no idea. I said, “Well, you faked it well.” She indicated that she does a lot of that.