During the course of Kate’s illness, I’ve always tried to anticipate the future and make necessary preparations. With her changes over the past few months, I’ve been doing a few things that I have held off for some time. The biggest one involves the yard. A year or two after Kate began her “extreme pruning” activity, I began to wonder about the long term impact it would have on the shrubbery. At first, I thought it might be beneficial, but it would come at a time when she could no longer appreciate it. It wasn’t long after that when I suspected the shrubs might be permanently damaged. At the time, she had three things that occupied her time – pruning (“pulling leaves”), editing photos for a photo book on her computer, and working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. Pulling leaves was her major activity when weather permitted. She could spend as long as 6-8 hours a day in the yard. Because she seemed to enjoy it so much, I made a conscious decision to let her pull leaves as much as she wanted even if it meant having to replace the shrubbery.
When this past spring arrived, it became clear that most, if not all, of the shrubs would have to be replaced. I didn’t want to move too quickly. I thought it might bother Kate. I didn’t want her to feel guilty. I realized she might never make the connection between her pruning and the demise of her shrubs. On the other hand, I didn’t want to risk it. Two or three months ago, I hired someone to start the project. I wanted it to be gradual so that Kate wouldn’t notice. He began by cleaning out the weeds. That’s been a big job. He is still working on that. He has another fulltime job, so he only works on Saturday. Along the way he has taken out four or five good sized shrubs. There are probably another twenty that will have to go. I think we should have the clean up done in the fall. Then we will look at planting new shrubs.
I have been surprised that Kate has had no reaction at all. She has seen the man and his wife working in the shrubs and hasn’t expressed either interest or irritation that I’ve initiated this without consulting with her. In addition to the cleaning out the flower beds, I asked them to use Kate’s existing pots for plants on our patio. I told Kate this was an anniversary present. I had hoped that she might take an interest and enjoy tending to potted plants as she has done in the past. This was an idea that flopped. It turns out that I am the one who tends to them. I really hadn’t wanted that, but that may be good therapy for me
For a long time, I have felt the need to do some serious work to the inside and outside of the house itself. I recently had all of the windows replaced. The next job is painting the outside. I’m going to wait until fall for that.
Our housekeeper passed away in April. Her daughter filled in for her until the end of July. Through a friend I found someone else. She started yesterday with a deep cleaning of the entire inside of the house. She brought a helper, and the two of them worked twelve hours. Like most people, we’ve accumulated a lot of “stuff” that we never use. I’ve spoken with her about helping me clean out a lot of these things. Chief among those are clothes that Kate will never wear again. Most of these are too small for her now. I’m going to feel better when we get organized again.
These changes are a direct result of the changes in Kate’s condition. I wanted to allow her to continue to be the one in charge of the house. That has been her role in the past. Of course, I recognize that I have gradually come to be the one to assume that role, but I haven’t wanted to do anything that I thought she might not like. At this point, I don’t think she will even notice much of what is done. A couple of years ago, I took out the tall entertainment center and the 42-inch TV in our bedroom and replaced it with a much lower cabinet with a 65-inch TV on top. I don’t think she ever realized the change. She never commented on it. By now, of course, she would not remember at all.