It has been a while since I have mentioned it, but Kate continues to have Deja vu experiences. For example, yesterday or the day before, we were driving on our way to church. We saw two women walking on the sidewalk. She pointed out that she has seen them before walking along about “this time.” Of course, it is really doubtful because she doesn’t have a car, especially this time of morning. A little later she saw someone else and said she had seen him before. At Panera in the past few days, she has pointed out people she has seen before. This even happens in places where we have not been before. I never challenge her or tell her she couldn’t have seen them before. There would be no purpose in doing so, and it might hurt her. It is amazing how natural it is to want to correct someone. It requires self-control. Once in a while, I find myself failing in this respect.
These kinds of experiences make it clear to me that Alzheimer’s not only affects the memory but also other aspects of the brain. Another example of that occurred yesterday. When I arrived home, I discovered that she had brought in the garbage bin from the street after the garbage had been picked up. She had left it out instead of returning it to the garage where we keep it. When I looked in it, I saw that she had put yard trash in it, something she would not have ordinarily done before Alzheimer’s.
While at the office yesterday morning, I called our former dentist, Hank Noble, to see if we could get together again. It has been several months since we last did so. We talked about 20-30 minutes and set a day next week to meet for coffee at Eggs Up. I had a feeling that I had gotten the very first time we talked. He is suffering much more than I am. He says he is getting along well but then what he says lets you know he is troubled. He told me that he was having difficulty making himself do little things like write checks to pay bills. Another friend told him that he was depressed. Hank said, “I don’t feel like I am depressed, but I guess that is what it is.” Another indication of his depression is that he said he needs to begin thinking about possible arrangements with some kind of facility for his wife. He said that he hasn’t been able to make himself think about it as though if he doesn’t think about it, it will go away.
He asked how we were doing. When I told him about our having had good trips to Switzerland and New York and that we had gone paragliding in Switzerland, he was amazed. He expressed a touch of envy that we were getting along so well. I will have to be very careful in our future conversations not to make him feel badly about this. I did tell him that our time is coming, that we had been very fortunate, and that both Kate and I often talk about how grateful we are for our circumstances. He reiterated how fortunate he and his wife are that that have the financial resources to provide the care that his wife needs. He has had 24/7 care for 8-12 months or so. His wife can’t walk on her own and cannot feed herself. He indicated how hard it was for him to look across the room at his wife with her head slumped toward her breast much like we envision those in nursing homes. He says he sometimes just has to get up and leave the room. He misses conversation with her. He had told me that the previous time we spoke.
I plan to stay in touch with him even though I don’t feel he is in a position to provide me a great deal of support. I feel I will be able to help him more than the reverse. There is another way to look at it, however. I draw strength from people whenever I am around them (most people at least). It isn’t necessary for him to express any special concern or support for me to benefit or be strengthened. Just having another person to talk with will help me down the line. I am thinking about the time when Kate has progressed much further than she has now. At some point, his wife will pass away. At that point, he may not feel the need to get together.
