Kate finally decided the new computer is not for her. The big factor is the size of the screen. It is to small for editing pictures. I have spent hours getting everything on the new computer. Tomorrow I will spend less time taking things off and preparing to return it to Dell. I may explore giving it to a grandchild first, but I think Kevin’s children are so used to the Apple that going to a PC would not be appealing to them.
Once again, Kate was in bed quite early last night – around 7:30. She did not seem especially depressed, but I think her being tired is related to her discouragement. This morning she left a pot boiling on the stove. It had a peach in it. She was intending to loosen the skin to remove it but forgot about it. I could tell this was another blow for her. She just keeps running into things that make her feel she can’t do anything right. It, of course, saddens me as well. This is just a further indication of the changes that are taking place.
Last night Kate and I sat in front of the fire and just relaxed. It was one of those rare times that she has spoken about her AD. We talked as we have before about how well we have gotten along since her diagnosis. I told her I thought the past 4 years had been the best of our marriage. She hesitated and didn’t quite agree. She preferred to say that we have gotten progressively better with the passage of time. A little later he did acknowledge that the past 4 years have been especially good ones for us.
In the discussion she said something she has mentioned before that no one knows about her condition except Ellen, Ken, and Virginia. She even noted that no one would suspect. Quite naturally, I do not dispute this notion. This is the way she wants it. I want to support to the extent I am able. When she says these things, I must admit to a tinge of guilt for having told our children and even more for telling special friends like the Greeleys and Robinsons or my staff.
Perhaps because I know that Kate’s PEO chapter is aware and that another friend told me he had heard about Kate, I am becoming to suspect that others at our church might have an idea. The other day someone asked me if Kate is with me on most Sundays. I have told her before that Kate is in the library. Sometimes she asks if Kate is in the library. This morning someone else asked me how Kate is. I may be especially sensitive now, but I wondered if she might know. Several other people ask about her, but all of the inquiries could be just normal interest. One day, however, I know that it will occur because they are aware.
I have awakened in the middle of the night several times in the past few nights. I have managed to get back to sleep, but it is has taken more time than I have been accustomed to in the past. Previously, I would wake up and then go right back to sleep. I don’t know if this is just something that is natural with aging or the stress that I feel as I try to keep things in order and think about the future when it will be more challenging.
I feel that my recent contact with several other friends and family members may be an indication of my feeling greater stress than I have had in the past.
I arrived home from the Y about 40 minutes ago. When I drove into the garage I noticed that the door to the patio was open. That usually means that Kate is outside tending (pruning) to her plants. Given that the temperature is 32, I thought surely that couldn’t be the case. When I came inside, I called out, “I’m home.” There was no response. I looked around, and she was not there. Then I knew that she must be outside. I went out to the side of the house, and there she was. I told her I was surprised to see her outside. Then I asked if she knew that it was 32 degrees. She said, “Yes.” I asked if she were cold. She told me she wasn’t. She didn’t have a coat on, but she did have a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I did not notice, but she usually wears another sweatshirt and pants under those. I told her I would be in the house. We’ll see how long she stays out. Right now I am not terribly worried about her from a health standpoint. I don’t believe she is at risk of harming herself. It is just a matter of discomfort. In that regard, she seems all right. What I fear is the future. There may be a time when she is doing this kind of thing and not properly dressed for it. Who knows what lies ahead.
Note added at 10:39. Kate came in 10 minutes ago. She said, “You know what? It’s cold out there.” It turns out that she got along well. She said it was only her hands that felt cold. She did have on two sweatshirts but only one pair of sweatpants.