It is Thursday, three days since my previous post. Some of my readers have let me know they wonder if something is wrong when I miss a day or two. I usually say that I have been busy and that we haven’t experienced any significant problems. That answer doesn’t fit this time.
I have been busy, but a good bit of that has involved problem-solving with Kate. She hasn’t been her normal self. It seems to be an escalation of the problems surrounding her sleeping late. It’s not just the sleeping that is the problem. She has been more confused. She frequently thinks she is not in her own house. Now, however, it seems that she typically believes she is somewhere else. I don’t believe there was a time yesterday when she realized she was at home.
It’s not just home that she doesn’t recognize. She is also having more trouble recognizing me as her husband. It’s ironic that she is simultaneously remembering my name more than she has in a long time. That provides me with a certain amount of comfort although she frequently asks, “Where is my husband?” or says, “I wish Frank were here.” That was especially true yesterday. Before I tell you about that, I need to follow up on our very busy day Sunday. It will be easy to summarize.
You will recall that she was up early on Sunday and very active. She wasn’t agitated, but she was awake all but a very brief time during the entire day. She slept well that night and was wiped out the next day. I made an effort to get her up for lunch before the sitter came. That was a lost cause. I decided to let her sleep/rest as long she wanted. I finally got her up for dinner at 5:45.
She didn’t want to come to the table. I set up a card table and folding chairs in the bedroom, and we ate our dinner. She was still tired after dinner and wanted to go to bed. She slept well. When she woke up on Tuesday, she was back to normal. We had a good day. That brings us to yesterday.
Kate got up about 6:45. I don’t recall her ever getting up so early in years except for a bathroom break. I was in the kitchen when I looked at the video cam. She was starting to make up the bed. When I went to her, I found that she seemed wide awake. I offered to take her to the bathroom. She didn’t want to go. She also didn’t want to get dressed. She wasn’t irritated with me. She just didn’t want to do these things. She was somewhat like she had been on Sunday. She felt there were things she needed to do.
I had taken my plate of scrambled eggs with me to the bedroom. She saw them and said, “That looks good.” I told her I could make some for her. She liked the idea, and we went to the kitchen.
Throughout the entire day, she kept “losing” me. In most instances, I was very near her at the time. She just didn’t see or recognize me. This first occurred as I walked ahead of her from the bedroom to the kitchen, she lost me a couple of times and asked where I was. She didn’t seem terribly upset, but she was relieved when she saw me. This continued at the table while I was getting her breakfast of apple juice, strawberries, grapes, and scrambled eggs. She ate every bite. I was pleased because she hasn’t wanted eggs in a long time. I’m glad to have a more nutritious option for blueberry muffins.
It was also a day when she didn’t recognize me as her husband nor that she was in our home. She was especially surprised when I started to load the dishwasher. She acted like I was her guest and said she would do it later.
Several times she said, “Where is your brother?” I told her Birmingham. She said, “Why is he there?” One time she said, “When is he coming?” This surprised me as she hasn’t said anything about my brother in a long time. I can’t imagine what prompted her to remember him.
After breakfast, she was tired and wanted to rest. I suggested she get dressed first and then rest in the family room. She accepted my suggestion and slept almost an hour, much less time that I expected given that she was up so early. Since I had missed my morning walk, I took advantage of the time and took it then (inside the house, of course).
The next surprise was that she started to get up after she was awake. Normally, she would continue to rest and only get up when I suggest that we do something together. I asked her where she was going. She said she didn’t know. That’s when I suggested that I come over to the sofa and look at one of her photo books with her. She agreed.
I picked up a photo book and sat with her. She didn’t know who I was and asked my name. I told her, and she wanted to know our relationship. I told her I was her husband. This was a time when I shouldn’t have been honest. She was bothered by not knowing. I told her I didn’t mean to upset her. She said she wanted me to be honest. She went on to say she was not herself. I told her I recognized that. She wanted to know why she was this way. She said, “It’s not just my memory. I don’t know how to do things.” I said, “That must be scary.” She said, “It is.’
She wasn’t as interested in going through the photos as she usually is. That led me to go in a different direction. I started to give her a tour of the living and dining rooms. We passed by a photo of our twin grandchildren. She enjoyed seeing them. Then I showed her a pitcher with a note from her mother that said it had been a gift from her father to his mother and that she had kept in her living room many years and was to go to Kate who could pass it along to our daughter Jesse. Kate was moved by this. From there we went to the living room. I showed her a cabinet with eighteen porcelain dolls. Her father had given them to her mother for anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions. At this point, she got very emotional and indicated this was too much for her. I suggested we eat lunch. I fixed her a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a salad with chicken for me. She sat at the table while I prepared the meal. Several times, she said, “Where is he?” Each time, I walked to her and said, “I am right here. I wouldn’t leave you.” She was very relieved each time.
After lunch, we went back to the family room to look at photo books again. That’s what we were doing when the sitter arrived. Kate was still confused. I decided not to abruptly get up and leave. Mary had brought her lunch and ate it in the kitchen while we continued to look at family pictures. When Mary finished, she came back to the family room and took a chair across the room. Finally, I told Kate I thought I would take a walk around the neighborhood and asked if that would be all right. She said that would be fine, and I slipped out.
I was gone forty minutes. I expected to see Kate asleep on the sofa. Instead, she was still looking at her photo book. That is very unusual. She always likes to nap after lunch. In addition, I don’t remember a time when she spent that long looking at photo books by herself. It makes me think that she was trying to find something that would jog her memory.
More importantly, she was more confused than when I left. She looked at me with a flash of recognition but was puzzled. I think she recognized me as someone she knows but not as her husband. I sat down with her and went through the book giving her information about the people she in the book. Several times she asked my name and relationship. I told her, but she didn’t express any great emotion.
I could tell rather quickly that she needed something to divert her and thought of her father’s family movies that had been transferred to DVDs. I mentioned them to her, and she was interested. We went back to the bedroom where I put in one of the DVDs. The part we watched was shot around the mid-to-late 1930s, so the quality of the film is poor. The sound that accompanies them was made by Kate’s father, mother, and two cousins as they watched the films we watched. That helped us identify most of the people. That is especially important for the children we have only known as adults. Kate was immediately taken by what she saw. We watched for an hour before ordering a takeout meal for dinner.
During the film, Kate periodically said, “Where is my husband?” Each time I said, “I am right here.” She experienced immediate relief and then asked the same question again. It was a bit frustrating for both of us, she because she didn’t know where I was and didn’t recognize me as her husband, I because no matter what I said I could give her only momentary comfort.
We went through this same routine at dinner. After we finished, she was tired and ready for bed. She was still awake when I joined her two hours later. She didn’t ask about her husband, but I could tell by the way she responded to me that she didn’t believe I was he.