We had a nice day in Nashville yesterday. I had made noon reservations for lunch at Maggiano’s near our hotel, but we got there at 11:15 because Kate woke up earlier than I expected. I always like it when she wakes up on her own. That means I don’t have to be concerned about waking her and the challenges that sometimes presents.
We had a good meal and a pleasant time. The last time we were there it was Father’s Day and a little noisy. It was much quieter yesterday and very relaxing.
Before leaving, Kate went to the restroom. I took the opportunity to go to the men’s room rather than waiting outside the ladies room. Moments after I went in, I heard her call me. When I opened the door I saw her looking around for me. She expressed a big sigh of relief when she saw me. I felt bad about not being there as she walked out, but she came out so quickly. She could not have used the toilet. I suspect she got confused and just turned around and came out.
As we left the restaurant, Kate saw a poster with a photo of Frank Sinatra. She stopped to look and naturally asked me who it was. We had been to this restaurant several times before, and neither of us had noticed it. I chuckled because she always asks who he is in posters on the wall at Andriana’s when we are there. She said something to the hostess who told her that Sinatra died some time ago. Kate said, “He did. I didn’t know that.”
Our visit with Ellen went well although understanding her is a big problem. She hadn’t declined since last time, but it is hard to have a good conversation when you can only understand about 10% of what she says. I relied on YouTube videos that she and we enjoyed until Emily, the music lady, arrived to entertain the residents in Ellen’s “neighborhood.”
As we gathered around the piano, one of the staff dropped something that made loud noise at the nurse’s station. Kate is getting increasingly sensitive about surprises, especially sudden noises. She responded audibly that was almost as loud as the noise that frightened her. One of the residents spoke up quickly and told Kate that she had the same problem.
Remembering how Kate had sung, danced, and cheered last month made me eager to see how she would react to the music. She did enjoy the music and sang along rather quietly but was never tempted to do any of the things she did last time. I guess she was just in a different mood. She was more like herself than the previous visit.
Later as we drove to Knoxville, I told Kate we were close and would stop for dinner before going home. She said, “I don’t have any money.” I told her I had money. She said, “I will pay you back when we get home.” When I parked the car at Andriana’s, she again told me that she didn’t have any money. I told her that was all right. It was all “our” money. She said, “I guess that’s right.” She quickly forgot, however. As we walked from the car to the restaurant, she told me she didn’t have any money. I told her I would pay. She said she would pay me back. One other time she mentioned it while eating. This was something unusual. I don’t ever recall her saying this before. Of course, it fits if she thought I was a friend instead of her husband. It would still be the first time she has raised a question of her paying for anything when we are together. On quite a few occasions, she has been concerned about not having money when I leave her with a sitter. In those cases, I have always told her that I left money or a card with the sitter.
While we were waiting for our meal, she asked our server if she knew her name. The server said, Yes, it’s Kate.” Then Kate asked the server’s name. This was shortly after the server had introduced herself since she sensed that Kate had not recognized her. The server said something about “your husband,” and Kate said, “We’re friends.” I said, “Very good friends.” Kate said, “Yes.” All of our servers know about Kate’s Alzheimer’s, but this particular server has had the opportunity to observe her memory problems more than any other. I don’t think it’s because Kate is more comfortable with her. I believe it is just a chance occurrence.
I mentioned earlier that Kate had taken interest in a poster of Frank Sinatra when we had lunch at Maggiano’s. At dinner, she may have set a record for the number of times she said, “Who is that?” while looking at a poster of him at Andriana’s. I didn’t count, but I am sure it was well over ten times, some in rapid succession.
When we got home, she started going through two of the guest rooms. She acted as though we were moving, and she needed to decide what to take with us. She went into a guest room and picked up a couple of things. I suggested we relax a while and that she could work on that tomorrow. She agreed.
When we got to the bedroom, she asked what she should do. I told her she could start by taking the pills I had put on her bedside table. It looked like she was going to do it but started to undress for bed. It seemed like she was just randomly selecting what to do although she was asking me to tell her. She didn’t seem to follow any of my instructions after asking for them.
While I was brushing my teeth, she called to me and said, “Where is he?” I asked who she was talking about. She said, “You know.” I told her I really didn’t and that she and I were the only ones in the house. She was puzzled but didn’t pursue it further.
She went to bed almost an hour before I did. When I got in bed, she was still awake. We talked about having had a nice day and that we have many nice days. That led to a comment or two about our marriage. Then she said, “We are able to talk to each other. We’re able to be really honest with each other.” Then she suggested something I never fully understood. She talked about how our relationship could grow even further by talking with other people about it. I said, “Do you mean a counselor?” She said, “That could be, but I was just thinking about people we know.” At first, it sounded to me as though she thought we had a problem we needed to work through. The more the more she talked the more it sounded like just improving on the relationship we already have. I don’t know how long she talked, but she sounded very thoughtful as she considered the benefits of exploring ways of enhancing our relationship.
This conversation and a couple of others we have had recently has impressed me with her rational ability to think through something like this. Sometimes she says that I underestimate how smart she is. She may be right.