We face important decisions at every stage of our lives. It’s no surprise that seniors confront them as well. Some decisions are more significant than others. For example, when should I retire? What will I do after retirement? Sooner or later (we always hope the latter) we face things like giving up driving. That’s a big one. Few people want that. It’s a critical sign that we are giving up some of our independence.
An even bigger one is where we live as we age. It’s no secret that most of us want to continue living in our own homes. As our population ages, there is a growing effort to support seniors in their effort to accomplish just that. As with so many things, finances play a key role in such decisions. The combination of personal preference and finances accounts for the fact that most seniors do live in their own homes. At the same time, there are increasing options available for those who might feel the need to do otherwise.
I will turn 79 one month from today. That was the age of my parents when they talked with Kate and me about moving from West Palm Beach to Knoxville. We encouraged them, and they moved here in 1994. They lived in their own apartment. It worked out well for us and for them. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my mom was probably showing the early signs of dementia before then. Four years later, she was diagnosed here in Knoxville. I suspect their age and their health situations were strong motivators in their move. They loved South Florida and wouldn’t have wanted to leave otherwise.
At my age and with Kate’s Alzheimer’s, I find myself in a similar situation. For several years, I have thought about our options. Kate and I have lived in Knoxville for 48 years. We have invested our lives in this area. I find it difficult to think about moving away. On the other hand, Kate and I long ago agreed that we wanted to make life as easy for our children as possible with respect to their care for us. There is no way to relieve them of all responsibility, but there are ways to make it easier.
One of those would be to move closer to them. Right away that becomes a problem. Our daughter lives in Memphis, our son in Lubbock. If we move close to one, we are much farther from the other. Despite that, Kate has always wanted to go back to Texas, and our son is in the elder care business. He is a care manager who works with seniors and their children to meet the needs of both the parents and their children. He is familiar with all the senior resources that are available in the Lubbock area. If we were going anywhere, that sounds like a perfect option.
I’ve thought about this a long time and have mentioned it to both of our children, but I’ve never taken any steps to explore moving out of our current home. During the past six to eight months as Kate has declined, I have become increasingly concerned about what would happen to her if something unexpected happened to me. Could this be the same motivation that influenced my parents’ move?
For years, I have been reasonably familiar with Knoxville’s continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs) as well as the independent living, assisted living, and skilled nursing facilities (including memory care). I haven’t seriously considered any of them for Kate and me, but I have felt three of the CCRCs were possibilities for us should we ever have the desire or need.
Two or three months ago, I decided I should get more specific information about one of the CCRCs I believed was most suitable for us. Each week I meant to call but never got around to it. In the meantime, Kate’s condition has noticeably declined. Two weeks ago, I decided I needed to take action. I called for an appointment. Two days later, I spent almost three hours with the marketing director and one of his staff. They took me through all the details of their community and what it has to offer. Because I have visited several residents over the years, I was familiar with some things, but there were many things I didn’t know. One of those was about a new building that will be completed sometime during the first quarter of 2021. All but three of the apartments were pre-sold. Nothing was available among the existing buildings.
I took several days to think about it. Then I arranged another meeting with the intention of making a deposit on one of three apartments that were still on the market. I met with them again, got a little additional information, and wrote a check for the deposit. I have thirty days to make a final decision. If I decide to go ahead, I will have to put down a larger down payment. If I decide this is not for us, they will return the deposit. Until then, I plan to weigh all the benefits and potential downsides. My friend Mark Harrington once told me that when he is facing a choice like this he flips a coin to determine which way to go. Then he sleeps on it overnight before making a commitment. If he feels comfortable with the decision the next morning, he commits himself. If not, he looks to the other option. In a way, that is what I am doing with my decision. I’ll see how I feel at the end of thirty days.