Ups and Downs Over the Past 10 Days

In most of my posts, I report on our positive experiences. That’s because we don’t really have many negative ones to report; however, we had two unpleasant surprises recently. A week ago Thursday she woke up early and was fine. I spent some time with her listening to music and chatting with her. We were quiet for a few minutes, and then she seemed to be worried. That increased to agitation. It reminded me of delusions she periodically experienced several years ago. During those times, she was bothered or concerned but never to the degree I noticed that morning.

She felt hot and her skin was clammy, so I took her temperature. It was normal. Then I took her blood pressure. It was 194/130. Her pulse was 96. These are all far above her normal readings. I called her doctor whose office is next door to our building. He and his nurse came over right away. They checked her blood pressure, and it had gone down. She seemed more relaxed. They were with us about 15 minutes, and her blood pressure continued to go down, and she seemed fine. We concluded she must have had a delusion that frightened her.

Two days later, she had a similar experience. Her blood pressure was 193/126. About 20 minutes later, it dropped to 123/76. We haven’t had any other such experiences since then, and I hope this doesn’t become a new part of our lives.

Those two experiences were followed by at least three very good days. On each occasion, she woke up early and was awake for a good bit of the morning before the caregiver arrived. During the afternoons, she was more cheerful than normal and one of those days, she was very talkative. She spoke to people we saw while having our afternoon ice cream as well as at dinner that evening.

When she has happy days like these, I am happy too, so it was a great week for both of us. Her behavior continues a trend that has been taking place for 8-10 months. Over that time, she has felt more at ease. That matters a lot. When she is at ease, it is easier for her to smile and talk.

Yesterday was not a good day for her. She seemed to be fine in the morning, but her mood had changed by the time I returned from lunch. She smiled briefly when I returned, but she didn’t appear to be happy after that. It was only at dinner that she began to change. When she spoke to two guests, the caregiver and I were amazed because she hadn’t been very responsive all day.

As often happens, we had a good evening together. I have no idea what made such a difference during the afternoon.

I drafted most of this post over the weekend, but I am glad to report that this morning she awoke in a cheerful mood with lots of smiles. She hasn’t talked, but she has smiled and laughed at things I have said to her. We’re off to a good start. Right now, I am sitting up beside her in bed as I close this post. She is smiling and talking. I can’t understand what she is saying, but I enjoy her Happy Moments. It looks like we could be in for another good day.

Sometimes What Looks Like a Bad Day (or weekend) Turns Out to Be a Winner.

As I hope my previous posts have conveyed, Kate and I have lived well with Alzheimer’s. Regular readers will also recognize that I do mention some of the challenges we face. Many of my posts describe a combination of our ups and downs. This post is one of those.

A month ago, we lost a caregiver who comes every other weekend from noon until 7:00. The agency sent a new person on Saturday two weeks ago, but she was with us only one day. The agency couldn’t find a replacement for her on Sunday but were able to get a “floater” who works on the grounds to help me get Kate up and ready for the day and another one to help me get her to bed. That meant I didn’t go out to lunch that day. The upside was my being able to take Kate for ice cream by myself. This was only the second time I have done that without a caregiver. It’s nice to have alone time with her.

Between then and this past weekend, the agency found a replacement who was prepared to work with us every other weekend. Her first day was this past Saturday. It got off to a rocky start. Like most of the other caregivers, she has another job, full-time on the night shift of a skilled nursing facility. Not surprisingly, she was tired when she got home that morning and lay down to rest. Unfortunately for us, she didn’t wake up in time to be at our place at noon. She was an hour and a half late.

She’s an experienced CNA (certified nursing assistant) and handled the basic tasks quite well. She only needed a little more experience with Kate’s situation. Like others, she didn’t show much interest in Kate herself, just the basic tasks of changing her, dressing her, etc. I did tell her that one of the things I wanted her to do was to bond with Kate and that I understood that would take some time. I also mentioned that Kate is sensitive to being ignored and sometimes expresses that when I get in a conversation with another person while I am with her. Despite this, I don’t recall her ever trying to communicate with Kate apart from the moments when she told Kate what she was about to do for her, something all CNAs learn as part of their basic skills.

When she left that night, she said she would see me the next day. Early the next morning, I received a call from the agency letting me know that she could not come and that they were looking for a replacement. They weren’t successful, so the person who called came over to help me get Kate up.

Once again, I had to skip going out to lunch. I know that seems like a little thing, but it’s a significant part of my selfcare. I go to the same restaurant Kate and I went to every Sunday for over five years. I know most of the personnel and some of the other customers who are also regulars. It’s a relaxing getaway for me.

On the other hand, it gave me an opportunity to spend more time with Kate. I looked forward to our going out for ice cream together as we had done two weeks before. Unfortunately, Kate experienced a delusion that troubled her and didn’t want to go out. I tried several times, but she refused to leave. Shortly after 3:30, I resorted to my old standby, music, to see if I could change her mood. Recently, I’ve found “Edelweiss” helpful in getting her attention and calming her. I tried once again.

We were seated side-by-side, and I leaned over and started singing. After going through it a couple of times, I played it about six or seven times on my audio system. It worked like a miracle. She was cheerful and had forgotten whatever was worrying her. More importantly, she was cheerful the rest of the day and evening. That’s not even the best part. Since our caregiver didn’t show, I was able to take her to dinner by myself. That was the first time we had been to dinner without a caregiver.  Kate was talkative. We actually engaged in conversation that had some of the elements of a normal one. She seemed to process my questions and asked me questions as well. Anyone watching from a distance would have thought we were just another married couple having a pleasant dinner and conversation.

Of course, her aphasia prevented my understanding everything she said. I am also sure that anyone who might have overheard us, would have wondered if I had any idea what Kate was talking about. For me, it was one of the most enjoyable “Happy Moments” we’ve had in a long time. The last time we had eaten together outside the apartment or our home was before Thanksgiving two years ago. So, what looked like, and could have been, a bad weekend turned out to be something special. It was an early Christmas present.

Ups and Downs While Living with Alzheimer’s

My last post was upbeat, and for very good reasons. Kate had had a string of very good days. I should be clear that her Alzheimer’s has not improved. Her memory is no better than it was. Nor is her aphasia. She still experiences delusions that sometimes cause her to be afraid or annoyed, and sometimes she has periods when she does not recognize me at all.

The big change was in the comfort she feels when we go about our daily routine. That includes getting her dressed and out of bed each day as well as the reverse process that occurs every evening. She is no longer physically or verbally combative with her caregivers and me during these moments. She is also less vocal when we take her across minor bumps in the hallways when we go for ice cream and dinner.

Overall, she’s been happier, and less afraid of everything that has bothered her in the past. The good times continued until two days ago. It may have started the afternoon before when she had an unusually grouchy spell and yelled at the caregiver and me. We got through that and dinner without any serious problems, but she was not as cheerful with friends we met during this time.

I wasn’t sure what we might be in for that night. Fortunately, she began to calm down as we got her ready for bed. It turned out we had a very good night. I think she was worn out.

The next day, she was awake around 9:00. It was one of those times when she didn’t recognize me at all. She was also obsessively talkative. As in the past, what she said was rooted in delusions and hallucinations. I thought it would help if I got in bed beside her and tried to comfort her. She wanted me to leave.

I left for a short time. When I returned, I turned on some music that I hoped would be soothing. I got in bed beside her with my laptop and began to check email. A few minutes later, she apparently recognized me because she reached out to take my hand. I was with her the rest of the morning. During that time, she talked continuously, often pointing to places in the room for me to see people or things that were not there.

I was with her when the caregiver arrived shortly after noon. I briefed her on the situation and went downstairs for lunch. When I returned, the caregiver had fed her and put her in her recliner. She was still talking. I tried to calm her for about thirty minutes before she had a doctor’s appointment at 2:00. She relaxed somewhat, but she didn’t stop talking.

When the doctor and his nurse arrived, I answered the door and stepped outside to explain what was going on and that Kate was very different than she had been for their previous appointments. Then we went inside where we went through the regular routine as well as we could while she talked. She never responded to them verbally.

The doctor asked if I had given her a sedative (Seroquel). I told him I hadn’t but would have if it were bedtime. I indicated my preference was to make an effort to relax her and play music that I know she likes. I thought, however, that it would be a night for the sedative.

After they left, I spent almost an hour on my knees beside her in the recliner. I listened to her and responded to her in a very calm manner. She became somewhat more relaxed but was far from normal.

The caregiver gave her an afternoon snack. She stop talking for a while but started again when she was finished. She was somewhat more relaxed. I experimented with a variety of music including “Bushel and a Peck” and “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” She continued to relax, and I asked if she would like some ice cream. She said she would, and we prepared to leave. As we went down the hall to the elevator, she became agitated. We returned to the apartment. I also chose to eat in the apartment rather than go to the dining room for dinner.

She calmed down for dinner. After that we still had time to sit on the balcony for a while before the caregiver left, but I thought it was better to get her into bed. That turned out to be a good idea. She was worn out and soon went to sleep.

She slept for about an hour while I watched the evening news. When she woke up, we watched two symphonies on YouTube. She was at ease the entire time. We talked very little, but it was clear that she was all right. It was a happy ending to a trying day.

Yesterday, she was very tired. We didn’t get ice cream, but she was alert for dinner. When we returned to the apartment, she went right to sleep and is still sleeping. We had a very good run for three weeks. I’m grateful for that and suspect we won’t have a repeat. I am, however, confident that we will have many more special moments in the days ahead.

Happy Moments and Challenges

I often fear that when I post stories of the more challenging (troublesome? Disturbing?) experiences Kate and I have, you may feel our lives have become gloomy. Similarly, when I post our good ones, I fear that I am failing to convey the trials we face. The truth is that both the good and bad are happening, sometimes in very close proximity. I want you to know about both. Beyond that, I want you to know that our Happy Moments continue to outweigh the more difficult ones.

This morning (See below.) we have had contrasting experiences, and it’s only 9:55. It began when I woke up a couple of minutes past 6:00. As I started to get out of bed, Kate said something to me. She seemed wide awake . . .

The paragraphs above were written about 9:45 Wednesday morning. It is now 2:58 Wednesday afternoon. Since then I have been occupied with Kate, some household chores, and checking email. In a way, the break was fortuitous in helping to make my point about the mixture of experiences we have during the day.

Let me pick up where I left off. She seemed wide awake when I started to get out of bed. More importantly, she seemed perfectly at ease although she did ask me what she should do. I said that it was a couple of minutes past 6:00, and she should probably go back to sleep for a while. That satisfied her, and I went to the bathroom.

Moments later I heard her say, “Hey.” I opened the bathroom door and saw her standing there. She needed to use the bathroom. As is often the case, she was very dependent on me. Since she was up so early and cooperative, I suggested it would be a good time for a shower. She didn’t object.

When we got out, I started to dress her. She wanted to rest before we could finish. That seemed like a good thing as I hadn’t done anything to get myself ready for the day. I left her in the bed while I went to the bathroom, dressed, and fixed breakfast.

I had just put my breakfast on the table when I heard her call. I took my plate of scrambled eggs with me to see what she wanted. She was ready to get up. She was in a good humor, and I had no trouble getting her ready. While helping her, I ate my eggs and gave her a bite. She loved it.  I was glad because that gives me another breakfast alternative for her.

She was in an unusually cheerful mood when we left the bedroom for breakfast. She was excited about the flowers and trees in the back yard. At breakfast, she was very talkative. Everything pleased her. The sun was shining brightly, and she loved looking out the kitchen window at all the “green” in our neighbor’s yard. She raved over the apple juice, blueberries and strawberries, and her eggs. We were off to a great start. I had already thought about writing a more upbeat post, and she was providing all the material I needed.

After breakfast, we went to the family room where I picked up The Velveteen Rabbit, and we sat down to read it. She has never enjoyed it more, but she did look tired when we finished. I asked if she would like to rest. She said she would. That’s when I got my laptop and sat in a chair across from her to write this post.

She didn’t rest long. She began speaking to someone who had apparently appeared in a dream. When she started to get up, I walked over to her. She greeted me warmly as though I were a guest and not her husband. I asked what she wanted to do, and she said she was going “over there” and pointed to the back yard. It is most unusual for her to go out to the patio and back yard. I was pleased.

We spent about fifteen minutes walking around to see all the plants that she admires from inside the house. She was excited to see everything up close. It was another high point of the day.

It was time for lunch when we came back inside. I called in a takeout order from a place nearby. Everything went well until near the time we finished eating. She seemed a little disgruntled and wanted to go home. I was hesitant to do that since the sitter arrived only a few minutes before. I told her we were at home but quickly recognized that wasn’t going to work. I told the sitter I was going to take her home. She remained at the house while we took a 20-minute drive.

Until then, our drives “home” had worked well. That wasn’t so  that day. Before leaving the house and in the car, Kate asked several times if I knew where she lived. Each time, I assured her I did. She seemed quite suspicious. Then as we came within a block of the street where I was to turn for our house, she said, “This doesn’t look right.” She repeated this after I made the turn. When she saw the house, she didn’t believe it was her house. She was hesitant to go in and insisted on my going in first. It seemed to me that she recognized the house as familiar but knew it was not “her” house. Since this was the first time she did not accept “our” house as “her” home, I wonder what will happen next time I try the same thing. (I got to find out yesterday afternoon. It went well.)

When she saw Mary, she didn’t recognize her at all; however, she gave her a warm welcome. I started to go to the kitchen, but she wanted me to stay with her. I sat beside her on the sofa and picked up The Velveteen Rabbit again. She shrugged but listened. She didn’t respond at all the way she usually does and had earlier that morning; nevertheless, I could tell she was following the story. She got tired before I finished and put her head down on the pillow. I finished the book while she rested. I went to the grocery store and back. I was at home the rest of the time the sitter was here.

After Mary left, I decided we needed a boost for the day. I took Kate to Casa Bella for dinner. We had a nice meal and returned home for the night. All was well. It wasn’t our best day, but it had some very good moments. I felt good.

From Low to High in Thirty Minutes

In my previous post, I mentioned that recently we’ve had a range of experiences from high to low. Sometimes the change comes quickly. That was true night before last. I was about to get in bed when I noticed that Kate was awake and looked frightened. I asked if I could help her. She asked my name and then hers. She told me she was scared, that she didn’t know anything. Typically, this happens in the morning. She is not normally this way at night. She was also more frightened than usual.

I took my usual approach to her when this happens. I tried to be as reassuring and comforting as possible. I told her I thought I could help her and that I knew a lot about her and her family. I mentioned that we have a number of family photo books that have a lot of information about her family. She said she would like to see them.

I brought her the “Big Sister” album that her brother made for her. I didn’t try to go through the book. Instead, I focused on selected photos and sections starting with the cover photo of her and her brother. She has always been taken by that picture. We went through a few early pictures soon after each of them was born. Then I skipped to a section that has several of our wedding pictures. It wasn’t long before she was relaxed and said, “I feel better now.”

The quickness of her change was striking. I don’t think she remembered her past any better than she had before we started, but the pictures and information gave her a sense of comfort. No longer was she adrift without any connection to world. Kate’s brother Ken, who also has Alzheimer’s, created the book to help her as her memory faded. He could not have known how valuable it has been. I am grateful to him for this gift that keeps on giving.

Highs and Lows Continue

I look forward to another day that I can call a “Good Day,” but right now it looks like our lives are a mixture of highs and lows. That is the story for yesterday. Kate was awake early and wanted to go to the bathroom. She was unusually unsteady and frightened. She held my hand tightly as we waked to the bathroom. At one point, she thought she was going to fall. After finishing in the bathroom, she went back to bed and wanted me to stay with her.

After an hour, I tried to get her up again, but she was too tired and seemed weak. I told her I wanted to take her to lunch before the sitter arrived, but she still didn’t want to get up. I decided to forego lunch with her and let her rest. I did, however, manage to get her up and dressed before Mary arrived. She was very uneasy about standing up and said, “I don’t feel good.” I asked if she were in pain or wanted to throw up. At first, she said she didn’t. Then she said she wanted to throw up. I brought her a pan. She couldn’t throw up. I think she must have picked up on my suggestion and didn’t know what I meant. We walked slowly from the bedroom into the family room. She seemed afraid and unsteady. She wanted to lie down. I took her to her recliner where she was when Mary arrived.

I met her at the door and explained what was going on. I also told her we had bananas and breakfast bars if Kate wanted something to eat. I also reminded her that I have gift cards for both Panera and Applebee’s should she want a meal. When Mary walked in, Kate seemed perfectly normal. I put the chair in its upright position and left. I thought she might be all right. When I returned, Kate was still sitting in the chair. I don’t think she had been asleep. All she had eaten was a banana.

After Mary left, Kate was eager to “go home.” I told her I would take her and that we could get a pizza on the way. Kate was still unsteady on her feet and almost lost her balance as we walked to the car. Everything seemed fine again at dinner. Again, I thought the problem was over; however, she was still unsteady and frightened when she walked.

Once we were home I decided not to watch the news and turn on YouTube for some music that Kate might enjoy. Kate watched for almost two full hours and enjoyed every minute. It was a great time for both of us. She was enthusiastic and would have watched longer if I hadn’t told her it was time for bed. That may have been the source of the next problem.

As we went through the nightly routine of going to the bathroom, brushing teeth and getting her night clothes on, she became irritated with me. She said, “You don’t know what it is like to have someone tell you what to do all the time.” I apologized. Then she did the same. As I walked her to the bed from the bathroom, she said she was all right and let go of my hand. Then she became unsteady and fell on the bed. No harm was done, but it scared both of us. I was up another thirty minutes before joining her in bed. When I got in, she was glad to see me. We ended on a high note.

That leads me to this morning. Once again, she was up early and wanted to go to the bathroom. She was as unsteady and frightened as she was yesterday. She also mentioned that she didn’t “feel good” but couldn’t identify anything that was wrong. Several times she said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not usually like this.” She asked where she was. I told her we were in Knoxville, and she said, “I knew that. I’m having to learn things that I already know.” I told her I was glad to help her with anything she wanted to know.

I suggested she take a shower. She didn’t protest at all. Her insecurity continued and she held a security bar the entire time while I bathed her. Several times she expressed her appreciation and said she wished she could do things for me.

She wanted to lie down again after drying off. Once she was in the bed, she said, “Sometimes I can do things and sometimes I can’t. That may be a sign that I am getting better.” She asked if I would stay with her. That’s where I’ve been for the past hour. I just asked her about lunch. She indicated that she would like to but not now. It’s still just 11:20. I plan to give another thirty or forty-five minutes before asking again. If it is like yesterday, it could be a long time.

I’m still trying to make sense out of what is happening. By best guess right now is that she may not be “sick.” Instead, it may be changes that are related to her Alzheimer’s. I did a Google search on balance among Alzheimer’s patients and found quite a few references to just what I witnessed yesterday and today. Unless I see clearer signs of an infection of some type, I will take this as another symptom that Kate is experiencing with her Alzheimer’s. She has also had more difficulty getting up from a seated position during the past couple of days. Her mobility problems could easily have as great an impact on our lives as her memory loss.

Ups and Downs This Week, Mostly Ups

It’s been a busy week. My daily schedule has been interrupted more frequently than in the past. That means I’ve been less regular with my posts. Several times I have started one and not been able to finish because of something else I needed to do. Kate has required more attention than usual, but that doesn’t explain everything. The other things have involved household chores.

Tuesday was one of those days about which I didn’t say anything. I was especially interested in writing about the events of the day as a follow up to Monday when she had a rough beginning. Fortunately, I jotted down a few notes so that I can cover the highlights.

The day started like the day before. Her brain seemed to be “blank.” She was very dependent on me; however, she didn’t appear to be disturbed the way she was on Monday.

I don’t know that my own behavior played a role in the way she responded. I do know that I tried to be more careful in waking her than I had done the previous day. I played a full 20 minutes of relaxing music before going to the bedroom to wake her. When I entered the bedroom, she was awake. I said hello and sat down on the bed beside her. This wasn’t planned or intentional, but I think it may have played a role in conveying a relaxed morning, not a moment when I was eager to get her up.

She didn’t know her name or mine nor our relationship. When I said I was her husband, she couldn’t accept it. As I have done on other occasions, I suggested she think of me as a friend. She liked that. I mentioned a shower, but she didn’t want it. I didn’t push.

I told her I loved her. Though a bit unclear, she responded with what she meant to be “A Bushel and a Peck.” I pulled it up on the audio system, and we sang it together several times. Then I suggested she get up so I could take her to lunch. She got up easily. I had started to wake her with plenty of time for her to take a shower. When she didn’t shower, we were left us with additional time to get ready.

As a result, we got to lunch earlier than usual. She was very talkative and initiated a conversation as though we had never met before. She asked me what I did for a living. I explained that I had started out as a college professor. She wanted to know what I taught. When I told her sociology and social psychology, she asked me to explain. I did, and she said that sounded interesting. I went on to say I ended up with my own market research company. She didn’t know what market research is. I explained that, and she also thought that was interesting.

When I finished, I said, “Why don’t you tell me about yourself.” I knew this might put her on the spot but thought my question wasn’t especially threatening. She handled it well and said, “There really isn’t much to tell.” I told her I knew a lot about her. Then I recounted her academic background and teaching career. I pointed out that she had been a good student and had earned two masters degrees. Then I told her about her volunteer career as our church librarian. She was quite interested and added her own comments.

It had been almost a year and a half since she had had a cortisone shot for the arthritis in her knee. Over the past couple of months, she has complained about it periodically, so we went directly from the restaurant to the orthopedic clinic. She was very childlike throughout the visit but handled herself well. We waited in the lobby for about fifteen minutes. Assuming we might have to wait a while, I took along her “Big Sister Album.” I thought that would occupy her for a longer period of time than her iPad. She enjoyed looking at it and made a lot of comments. There were only a couple of others in the room. I am sure they wondered a bit as they heard me identify all the people including Kate herself as she responded much like a child listening to a parent read a book.

We didn’t wait any longer after going back to one of the examining rooms. We met with two different people. Kate didn’t understand a lot of what was said and asked for clarification. I helped interpret what they said. She never understood, but she was satisfied. As we left, she thanked everyone including those in the waiting room.

The most important thing I should say about the day was that it was one of the nicest days we have had in a long time. I think that relates directly to her mood. She was very happy and quite at ease. Her memory wasn’t any better nor was she any less confused about things like whether we were in Texas or Tennessee, but she enjoyed herself. I couldn’t understand everything she said in our conversations, but she was surprisingly sharp in terms of her understanding about the importance of values and the role of parents in teaching them to their children. She has lost so much of her rational ability that I really enjoy hearing her express her opinions, beliefs, feelings, and values that remain intact. It keeps me in touch with the Kate I have always known.

Recently, especially this week, our lives have vacillated between highs and lows. The highs have been very special, and we experienced them every day. They far outweigh the lows. I know greater challenges are on the way. I am counting on the Happy Moments to sustain us.

Trying to Get Back to “Normal”

About 10:45 yesterday morning, I put on some music to wake Kate. Ten minutes later, I approached her bed. She looked up at me and smiled. I knew it would be a different day. I didn’t test her, but she appeared to recognize me. She was still very relaxed and not ready to get up. I chatted with her for another few minutes before telling her I would like to take her to lunch.

She still didn’t want to get up, but finally, with a little encouragement, she did. It was a shower day, and she wasn’t enthusiastic about that. Again, she delayed a little but agreed it was good to get one. Then it was back to bed for another twenty minutes before I got her dressed.

It was a morning when she wanted to exercise her independence and let me know it rather sternly when I tried to help. This is a tough situation for her because she always ends up recognizing that she needs help even though she wants to do everything for herself. I really felt for her. I am always struck by her self-awareness when she responds so harshly to me. She apologized several times before going to lunch. I may say more in another post, but I want to emphasize something I have said before. I don’t interpret her irritation with me to be a direct symptom of her Alzheimer’s. It appears to be result of what is a symptom – an inability to understand what I want her to do and/or my intentions. In her confusion, she strikes back in defense then intuitively recognizes that is not the way she has traditionally acted or wants to act.

Our walk through the family room was not as long as it often is, but she did react positively to the usual things that appeal to her. It was the drive to lunch with music she enjoyed that brought her back.

We didn’t get to the restaurant until 12:45. They were “slammed.” As a result, we didn’t get home until almost 3:00. She was ready to rest and did so for the next two hours. I was on a phone call with my brother fifty minutes of that time. She appeared to sleep a while, but she was awake most of the time. She often mentions the trees outback, especially the tops of the trees she sees through the skylights. She didn’t talk at all yesterday. A half hour before we left for dinner, I thought about looking at some of our old photos, but that didn’t seem to appeal to her.

Throughout the day, she was confused about a variety of things. Most of them were the usual ones I have mentioned before. I had a hard time getting her to understand about using soap when she showered. When I attempted to show her by putting the soap on her, she said, “Don’t touch me.” I think that was a moment when she didn’t recognize who I was. She is also beginning to get confused about the use of her toothbrush and toothpaste. At dinner, I brought her an extra napkin. She didn’t know what to do with it. I explained it was just an extra one she could use if she needed it. (She always does.) She said, “Where should I put it?” I showed her a place on the table to the left of her fork. She couldn’t understand what I meant. I finally placed it for her. She still looked confused.

The best part of the day, and it was really good, came after we got home. I turned on the TV to a YouTube video of a concert version of My Fair Lady with Kiri Te Kanawa and Jeremy Irons. I have played this several times before, but she was never as taken with it as she was last night. She sat in her chair and devoted her attention to it for almost an hour. That is unusual. It is more typical for her to lie down in bed and listen without watching. When the video was over, I got her ready for bed. I had intended to stay up a little longer as I usually do, but she wanted me to come to bed as well.

Ending the day on a high note is one of the most predictable times of the day. The morning continues to be the most unpredictable; overall, however, we still have more happy times than sad ones. I am grateful.

A Day of Ups and Downs

As I said in my previous post, Kate was resting peacefully yesterday morning though not asleep. When I felt it was time to get her up for lunch, I encountered what appeared to be a combination of anxiety and depression. She didn’t want to get up. I quickly sensed that this wasn’t something I had faced before. She seemed more frightened. It was also one of those times when she wasn’t sure who I was and wasn’t as trusting as usual.

I decided not to worry about getting her up immediately but to see if I could comfort her as I have done in the past. I brought in the photo of her mother from the hallway. She looked at it but didn’t say anything nor did she express any interest in seeing it. I put it back and brought in the “Big Sister” album with the photo of her and her brother on the cover. She was mildly interested. She did recognize herself, but it didn’t do a thing to change her mood or readiness to get up.

I said, “You look frightened. Are you?” She nodded her agreement. I said, “I would like to help you if I can.” She said, “I know you want to help, but there isn’t anything you can do.” I asked if she could tell me about it. She couldn’t. I continued to talk with her very gently focusing on making her comfortable with me. That paid off.

After what was probably fifteen minutes, I asked if I could take her to lunch. She said, “I don’t know.” Then I suggested that she might feel better if she got dressed and we went to lunch. She didn’t buy into that immediately, but I assured her that she would feel better if she got up. She finally agreed.

When she got to the family room, she started to recover. She took an even longer time looking at the plants on the patio and the trees behind our house. She also perked up when she saw her ceramic cat just before entering the kitchen. All of this stimulation took her mind off of her fright. It looked like she was fine. Then as we stepped out of the house into the garage, she became frightened again. She didn’t know why.

We got into the car, and I put on some music that I hoped would help to calm her. That worked. By the time we reached the restaurant, she was all right. We encountered only one issue during lunch. She asked my name. I told her, and then she became very sad about not remembering it. Then she asked her name. When I told her, she tried several times to repeat it, but was only able to do it with great difficulty. The rest of our lunch went well, and we got back to the house without any problems.

As she often does, she asked what she could do. I gave her the usual options. She decided to look at a photo book. I decided to let her look through it by herself. I read the introductory information. Before I finished, she was tired and wanted to rest.

She rested about two hours before I asked if she would like to look at some of our old 35 mm slides that I had converted to digital a few years ago. She usually declines. This time she surprised me. I got my laptop and sat down beside her. I started with photos from the Fall of 1968 when our daughter was born. She enjoyed seeing them. It had been years since we had looked at them. We spent almost an hour doing that before going to dinner. It was a highlight of the day.

As we drove home from dinner, she became concerned about “the other people” who would be “there.” I explained that we were going to our house and that no one else would be there. I told her it would be a time for us to relax without any obligations. That seemed to relieve her. At least she didn’t say anything more about it.

At home, she surprised me again by working on her jigsaw puzzles for over an hour without much help. After that she was tired and wanted to quit. We adjourned to the bedroom, and she was in bed around 8:00. It is almost 10:00 this morning, and she hasn’t gotten up. I’ll let her sleep until 10:45 if she doesn’t wake sooner. I am hoping for a better day.

Christmas Music And A Fire

This is a cold, rainy day with the prospect of some snow. We made our usual visit to Panera and Kate seemed to be having a good day. While we were at lunch, I checked something on my phone. Kate asked what I was doing. I told her. Then she said, “Why don’t I have one.” I hesitated a moment trying to think of just the right thing to say. I said, “You used to have one. We may have an old one at the house.” She gave me a disgusted look and said something about having to depend on me to drive her where she wanted to go. I realized she was talking about a car and not a phone. Then she said something that indicated she didn’t want to talk about it any further. She looked very depressed.

She was very quiet for the balance of the meal. I began to think of the afternoon and her not being able to work outside. That led me to check the Live in HD at The Met performance. We have frequently attended those in the past but have not gone this season. I saw that Hansel and Gretel was scheduled. I asked if she wanted to try it. She said she did. We continued with our meal. At one point she asked, “What am I going to do this afternoon?” I reminded her about the opera, and she accepted that.

The theater that usually has the operas was diagonally across the street from the restaurant. We walked over after lunch to discover that they were not showing the one today. I hope that doesn’t mean they have discontinued them. That left us with another option, to go home and sit by the fire. Both of us thought that sounded like a good idea.

On the way home I played a recording of Fiddler on the Roof. When Kate heard “If I Were a Rich Man,” she chuckled. That completely changed her mood. She continued to chuckle throughout the song. Once we were home, I got the fire going and turned on some Christmas music. She had her iPad in her lap, but she was so taken by the music and the fire that she put it down. At one point, I looked over at her and saw that she had her eyes closed and a smile on her face. She was happy. I must admit that brought a tear to my eyes. I love seeing her enjoy herself.

After a while, she got up and left the room. She’s been gone about 45 minutes. I walked back to the bedroom. She was in bed with the cover over her.