As I hope my previous posts have conveyed, Kate and I have lived well with Alzheimer’s. Regular readers will also recognize that I do mention some of the challenges we face. Many of my posts describe a combination of our ups and downs. This post is one of those.
A month ago, we lost a caregiver who comes every other weekend from noon until 7:00. The agency sent a new person on Saturday two weeks ago, but she was with us only one day. The agency couldn’t find a replacement for her on Sunday but were able to get a “floater” who works on the grounds to help me get Kate up and ready for the day and another one to help me get her to bed. That meant I didn’t go out to lunch that day. The upside was my being able to take Kate for ice cream by myself. This was only the second time I have done that without a caregiver. It’s nice to have alone time with her.
Between then and this past weekend, the agency found a replacement who was prepared to work with us every other weekend. Her first day was this past Saturday. It got off to a rocky start. Like most of the other caregivers, she has another job, full-time on the night shift of a skilled nursing facility. Not surprisingly, she was tired when she got home that morning and lay down to rest. Unfortunately for us, she didn’t wake up in time to be at our place at noon. She was an hour and a half late.
She’s an experienced CNA (certified nursing assistant) and handled the basic tasks quite well. She only needed a little more experience with Kate’s situation. Like others, she didn’t show much interest in Kate herself, just the basic tasks of changing her, dressing her, etc. I did tell her that one of the things I wanted her to do was to bond with Kate and that I understood that would take some time. I also mentioned that Kate is sensitive to being ignored and sometimes expresses that when I get in a conversation with another person while I am with her. Despite this, I don’t recall her ever trying to communicate with Kate apart from the moments when she told Kate what she was about to do for her, something all CNAs learn as part of their basic skills.
When she left that night, she said she would see me the next day. Early the next morning, I received a call from the agency letting me know that she could not come and that they were looking for a replacement. They weren’t successful, so the person who called came over to help me get Kate up.
Once again, I had to skip going out to lunch. I know that seems like a little thing, but it’s a significant part of my selfcare. I go to the same restaurant Kate and I went to every Sunday for over five years. I know most of the personnel and some of the other customers who are also regulars. It’s a relaxing getaway for me.
On the other hand, it gave me an opportunity to spend more time with Kate. I looked forward to our going out for ice cream together as we had done two weeks before. Unfortunately, Kate experienced a delusion that troubled her and didn’t want to go out. I tried several times, but she refused to leave. Shortly after 3:30, I resorted to my old standby, music, to see if I could change her mood. Recently, I’ve found “Edelweiss” helpful in getting her attention and calming her. I tried once again.
We were seated side-by-side, and I leaned over and started singing. After going through it a couple of times, I played it about six or seven times on my audio system. It worked like a miracle. She was cheerful and had forgotten whatever was worrying her. More importantly, she was cheerful the rest of the day and evening. That’s not even the best part. Since our caregiver didn’t show, I was able to take her to dinner by myself. That was the first time we had been to dinner without a caregiver. Kate was talkative. We actually engaged in conversation that had some of the elements of a normal one. She seemed to process my questions and asked me questions as well. Anyone watching from a distance would have thought we were just another married couple having a pleasant dinner and conversation.
Of course, her aphasia prevented my understanding everything she said. I am also sure that anyone who might have overheard us, would have wondered if I had any idea what Kate was talking about. For me, it was one of the most enjoyable “Happy Moments” we’ve had in a long time. The last time we had eaten together outside the apartment or our home was before Thanksgiving two years ago. So, what looked like, and could have been, a bad weekend turned out to be something special. It was an early Christmas present.