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Life Continues to Go Well

Three months ago, I reported that Kate had improved during the previous few months. The improvement was not with her Alzheimer’s. She was simply more at ease than she had been. She was awake more. She smiled more, She talked more and responded more frequently to residents and staff. At the time, I suggested that one reason for the change was that she has recovered from the stroke she had in February. I also indicated my belief that she was adapting to the new routine we have established here in our retirement community as well as the attention she receives from residents and staff. A month later, I said she had continued to get along well and wondered how long this would last.

It has now been a year and a year and seven months since our move and nine months since her stroke. I am happy to say that the bubble has not burst. She still requires total care with all of her daily activities; nevertheless, we still enjoy life and each other.

Kate has continued to improve. She is awake more. She has been waking up earlier in the morning, sometimes before 7:00 a.m. She usually goes back to sleep a little while later, but on a few occasions has remained awake all day. She is also less likely to go to sleep shortly after the caregiver leaves at 7:00 each night. The result of these changes is that we have more time together.

When she sleeps until the caregiver arrives at 11:00, I spend my time in the kitchen, living room, or office. When she awakes early, she is still slow to be ready for conversation, but I often get my laptop and sit up in bed beside her. As you would expect, I also accompany that with music we both enjoy. Very little talking occurs. Kate rarely says anything until after noon, but each of us knows the other is right there. We take pleasure in being together.

Our evenings remain the best part of our day. Kate is usually awake another hour or two before she goes to sleep. For several months after her stroke, she was asleep from the time we put her in bed until 11:00 or later the next morning. Sometimes she is talkative. Often she is not. In either case, she seems very much at ease. Relaxing music is also an important part of our time together.

Coincidentally, she was quite talkative last night. We talked for over an hour. As usual, her aphasia greatly affected our conversation. I can’t understand most of what she says although I can sense when she asks a question or other things she tries to communicate. Last night she spoke some words very clearly. She also expresses humor. She did that last night. She would say something and then burst out in laughter. I laughed with her and served as the facilitator to keep the conversation going.

This morning she was awake before 7:00. Not only that, she was talkative. After a while, she relaxed but never went back to sleep. I finished the rest of this post while sitting up in bed beside her. We watched and listened to Khatia Buniatishvili play Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 until the caregiver arrived.

It is still impossible to predict how she will be in a particular situation. That seems to be governed by her Alzheimer’s. It’s like a little switch that clicks on and off when you least expect it. The residents and staff seem to accept this pattern with understanding. They are excited when Kate responds with a smile or an audible reply to what they have said, and they accept when she does not do either. In that respect, they are just like me.

I no longer wonder how long this good period will last. I simply enjoy the Happy Moments when they come. I have a sense the good times may continue a while longer along, but I realize that changes can occur at any time. In the meantime, life is good.

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We’re Adapting.

I am mindful that my previous post was not as upbeat as usual, but I do believe it was an accurate portrayal of our situation at the time. Since then, Kate has been pretty much the same except that we’ve had more bright spots. Here are some of the positive signs that have occurred in the past week or so.

Although Kate is still not speaking much, she has surprised us on a number of occasions. Sometimes that has occurred with the caregiver and me, but it has also happened with other residents when we are out for ice cream or dinner. I don’t think I’ve heard her say more than three or four words at a time; however, it’s been exciting to hear her. It clearly communicates that she has understood what has been said to her and that she has responded appropriately.

Two nights ago, I was getting something to drink when a resident who was on the way back to his apartment asked if he could stop by our table and say hello to Kate. I told him that would be fine, but that she might not respond. He later told me she said, “Hello.” Our caregiver also told me that another person had spoken to her and she responded to him as well.

Music continues to play an important role in our lives. One night after dinner, I played an album of The Kingston Trio. She smiled and moved her head in rhythm to the music. I started singing along, and she tried to mouth the words as best she could. The best part came when they sang “M.T.A.” I wasn’t sure she would understand, but I explained the storyline to her. As we sang together, she broke into laughter. She must have understood more than I expected.

We had a touch of spring last week. That gave us an opportunity to sit on the balcony after dinner. I took my phone and a small speaker with us and played an album of The Carpenters’ hits. She was engaged for almost fifty minutes. For a good part of that time, we held hands as her facial expressions communicated how much she was enjoying the music. Moments like this are very special because she hasn’t expressed much emotion since her stroke seven weeks ago.

She has also responded to several things I have read to her. One of those is The Velveteen Rabbit. Another is a letter written by her grandfather to her grandmother on their 40th wedding anniversary. One other is a resolution given to her by our church celebrating her 19 years of service as our volunteer church librarian. These things may not seem so special, but they let me know that the Kate I have known so long is still with me.

She sleeps more in the morning and goes to sleep earlier at night. That leaves us with less quality time together. She experiences longer periods of time when she is awake but doesn’t respond to anything I say or seem to recognize me. Because of that, I was delighted yesterday when the caregiver told me that, “out of the blue,” Kate said, “Where’s my husband?” Life is not the same, but we’re adapting.

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A Week of Challenges

If you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you have no doubt noticed the long delay since my last post. There are good reasons. Apart from the temporary focus on our recent election, they all involve Kate’s changes that have consumed more of my time. Here is an outline of what happened.

I’ve commented numerous times on Kate’s morning confusion. Sometimes, her response is uneasiness or fright. Until last week, that has been infrequent, and I have been able to get her up. Once she is up, her uneasiness subsides in a short time (10-15 minutes). Periodically, I have also reported that she has refused to get up in the morning. That happened four consecutive days last week.

She had a good day on Monday. She was in good humor and didn’t rest much at all during the day. In fact, I was surprised that she got up early enough for breakfast the next morning. It wasn’t long after that when she rested for 30-45 minutes. We started to look at one of her photo books before she wanted to rest again. This didn’t seem strange because she had lost so much sleep the day before.

The problem occurred when I couldn’t get her up for lunch. I didn’t push her at all but periodically checked to see if she was ready to get to dinner. She awakened periodically during the time she rested and seemed very relaxed. Then she went back to sleep. She was ready to get up about 4:15. We went out to dinner. She went back to sleep right after getting home. That made me think that she would be up early yesterday, but I was wrong.

Not only did she not get up early, but she didn’t want to get up at all. I tried to get her up starting at 11:30. I hoped that I could get her up in time to eat lunch before the sitter arrived at 1:00. She was uneasy, but I got her up. Things fell apart when we got to the bathroom. She wouldn’t go in. It often takes encouragement to get her to use the toilet. She was adamant about not going into the bathroom and insisted on going back to bed.

I tried one or two other times to get her up before deciding to let the sitter handle it. The sitter tried several times before succeeding after 2:30. Thursday and Friday brought variations on this same theme. I was able to get her up before 1:00, but she was very resistant. She was scared and kept saying, “I can’t.” I repeatedly encouraged her and told her I would help her (something I always do anyway). Both days I got her into a sitting position, but she wouldn’t stand up. She sat on the side of the bed between 30 and 40 minutes each day before I was able to help her stand and go to the bathroom.

In addition, getting her to bed is becoming a problem. For a long time, she has been getting ready for bed between 7:15 and 7:30. Several weeks ago, she didn’t want to get ready that early. That broke a well-established pattern, and it started requiring more time and effort to get her to change into her night clothes. That was especially difficult two nights last week. I won’t go through all the details, but here is what happened Friday afternoon and evening.

Although Kate was slow getting up, she lighted up when the sitter arrived. They were having lunch together when I left. She was disappointed I was going but handled it well. When I returned, she and Mary were talking. Kate hadn’t rested at all while I was gone. She was tired and rested about twenty minutes before we left to pick up our dinner. She was very talkative when we went to the bedroom after dinner. She was delusional but happy. I listened to her for almost an hour before attempting to get her ready for bed. I was successful getting her to the bathroom, but she was hostile and refused to get into her night clothes. I decided it was not worth it to try any longer, and she went to bed in her clothes.

Saturday was a good day. She was up in time for me to give her a shower before going to lunch. We had a pleasant afternoon and had no trouble that night.

Yesterday (Sunday) brought other problems. I’ll comment on that in my next post.

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Living with Unpredictability: Part 1

Living with COVID-19 has brought about significant changes for everyone, and they keep coming. Kate and I are no exception; however, I am especially mindful that Kate’s Alzheimer’s is also undergoing changes that have upset the very nice routine we have had for years. I’m a person who likes consistency but “Living with Alzheimer’s” means increasing unpredictability. Her sleeping “pattern” is a good example.

Before Kate’s diagnosis, we tended to follow a regular schedule each day of the week although it changed periodically with other changes in our lives. That has been true true since the diagnosis as well.

Until about two years ago, her daily schedule meshed rather well with mine. I got up around 6:00. That gave me time to have breakfast, take my morning walk, and take care of email and household chores. She got up between 8:00 and 9:30. That is when we started going to Panera almost every morning and the café in Barnes & Noble in the afternoon. Add eating out for lunch and dinner, and we had a full day. Then we enjoyed a little time for relaxation at home before going to bed.

The first big change came about when she started sleeping later in the morning. We began to skip Panera and go straight to lunch. At the same time, she started resting shortly, sometimes immediately, after returning home from lunch. The consequence was that we also stopped going to Barnes & Noble in the afternoon. We still ate out for dinner, so our schedule continued to maintain a significant amount of stimulation for both of us. In addition, when she wasn’t resting at home, she worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. That kept her occupied and her brain focused on a pleasurable task.

We began to move away from this routine early this year when she twice remained in bed until well past lunch. The pandemic brought about more change. Eating out came to an abrupt halt, and Kate lost the ability to work her puzzles on the iPad. The result was a drastic reduction in outside stimulation. It has been especially tough for Kate. That, in turn, has required more of my time to keep her entertained. Despite my efforts, our lives have become more sedentary.

Kate adjusted by resting more than she did previously. That may be what is behind the variability in the time she awakes in the morning. Of course, it is also possible that it relates more directly to changes in the brain as a outgrowth of Alzheimer’s.

At first, I suspected that her staying in bed so long related to fear or anxiety related to her confusion upon waking or to frightful delusions. On at least two occasions, I have said, “You look frightened. Are you?” In those instances, she said she was but didn’t know the cause.

More recently, she hasn’t appeared to be frightened, simply tired. That was true two times last week. The first time I was successful in getting her up. The second time, I was not, at least until after 1:30. I first tried to wake her at 11:00. She woke up and seemed in good humor; however, when I suggested that she get up for lunch, she balked. I let her rest another twenty minutes and tried again. Still no luck. I tried two other times and finally gave up.

I had planned for us to go out for lunch but shifted gears and had lunch delivered to the house. At 1:30, I tried again, this time with success. The only problem I had was that she didn’t recognize me as her husband. Usually that doesn’t make a difference. This time she wasn’t as comfortable with my help in the bathroom or in helping her dress. She ate her lunch. Then she had a hair appointment.

As in the past, she sometimes gets up early. Last Friday, that was 6:25. This occurs frequently enough that I am keeping more breakfast food for her. Although her early starts interrupt my daily routine, I adjust easily to that. I enjoy the time with her. In addition, I know she will want to rest before lunch. That gives me a chance to take my morning walk. Not only that, but she normally wakes in time for us to have lunch on those days we have a sitter.

What is next? I’m not sure. Although the unpredictability of her getting up represents a significant change in our life style, it is far from being a serious problem. I know we will have bigger adjustments in the future. I expect that she may eventually sleep for extended periods during the day. I don’t look forward to that. I would rather live with the current unpredictability.

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Sleep and Rest

Long ago I learned that people with dementia reach a point at which they sleep more. I’ve been mindful that would happen, but I wasn’t prepared for the way that is happening with Kate. I just thought she would simply start going to bed earlier and getting up later.

I’ve not been able to identify a consistent pattern for her. Until two years ago, she went to bed between 8:00 and 9:00 and got up early enough for us to get to Panera for a blueberry muffin between 9:00 and 10:00. In addition, she would rest a while after lunch. That would give us time to spend an hour or more at the café at Barnes & Noble before going to dinner.

When she started sleeping as late as 11:00 or 11:30, we stopped going to Panera. It was time for lunch. Along with that, our afternoons changed. She wanted to rest immediately after lunch. That would last as long as two or three hours which took up most of the afternoon. That put an end to our visits to Barnes & Noble.

This pattern changed with the arrival of COVID-19. Kate was losing her ability to work jigsaw puzzles on her iPad long before then, but she lost it completely after we began sheltering. That was her last self-initiated activity and had a significant impact on her sleep and rest. As recently as a year ago, she could easily spend 6-8 hours a day working her puzzles. That lessened during the day because she was either sleeping or resting, but she continued to work on her iPad for an hour or more each night. That meant she got to bed between 8:00 and 9:00.

Without her puzzles, she had nothing to do after dinner. I tried to interest her in looking at her family photo books, but she really needs someone to identify all the people. That was a time when I would try to catch a little of the evening news and get my shower. The result was her going to bed shortly after dinner. Since we have started eating out some evenings, that means she gets to bed around 7:30 although she is rarely asleep when I get in bed.

Several times a few months ago, she refused to get up when I tried to wake her. Before that, she wasn’t always eager to get up, but she never refused. Since that first time, there have been several other times like that. One day she remained in bed until 5:15 in the afternoon. Then she began to wake up early on a few mornings. I am now used to her getting up early almost once a week, sometimes twice.

Until recently, she has always gotten up rather quickly in the afternoon. The exceptions occurred in the last week or ten days. The first time happened when I wanted her to get up for dinner. After a couple of efforts within 15-20 minutes, I let her rest another hour. Then she got up agreeably.

Thursday afternoon last week we had hair appointments at 3:30. She was resting, not asleep, when the sitter arrived for me to meet a friend for coffee. I returned just a few minutes before we needed to leave. She was still resting. I told her it was time for our hair appointments and fully expected her to get up easily. I was wrong. She was just like she has been in the morning. She was very relaxed but also very firm in saying she wasn’t going. I called the stylist and told her I was having trouble getting Kate up and that I might have to cancel. I gave her another ten minutes and tried again. I could see it was no use and rescheduled our appointments.

I stayed in the family room with her while she rested. An hour later she was ready to get up. She was in a good humor. I feel sure she didn’t even remember that I had tried to get her up earlier. It wasn’t long before we left for dinner at Casa Bella and had a good evening. It was as though nothing had happened at all. We both felt good.

Saturday morning she was up very early. I had just gotten up and walked into the bathroom when I heard her moving. She had gotten out of bed. I helped her to the bathroom and took advantage of the early morning and confusion to give her a shower. When we finished, I helped her dress. She wanted to lie down on the bed. Because it was so early, I was happy to tell her that would be all right. That gave me time to comb my hair, shave, and dress. She remained in bed until time for lunch.

Sunday morning, she was up before 9:00. She was unusually cheerful at breakfast. Afterwards, we spent about forty-five minutes looking at one of her family photo books. It didn’t surprise me when she got tired and rested over an hour before lunch.

She awoke early again this morning, about 7:30. I went to her and found that she seemed wide awake and in a good mood. When I told her it looked like she was ready to get up, she said, “I don’t know.” We talked a few minutes. I told her I would be happy to help her get up and dressed. She said she wanted to rest a little more. It’s my day for Rotary, and I like to have her ready for the sitter who comes at noon. We had plenty of time, so I let her continue to rest. I don’t plan to get her up until 11:00. If she wants to stay in bed, I’ll let the sitter handle it.

The only thing that’s clear is that Kate hasn’t settled into a consistent sleep pattern. I’m not sure whether the present irregularity is something that is long-lasting, or she will gravitate to something else. As Kate herself is prone to say, “We’ll see.”

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The Sleep Issue Continues.

Yesterday was almost a rerun of Saturday though this time I was more successful in getting Kate up. There was another difference. On Saturday, she seemed to be all right. Yesterday she was disturbed and unable or unwilling to help me understand what was bothering her.

Around 11:00, I put on a Julie Andrews album of music from Broadway.  That didn’t have any impact although I may not have given it as much time as I should have, less than fifteen minutes. The end result was that she didn’t want to get up. Because she was disturbed, I shifted gears and brought in The Velveteen Rabbit. That calmed her, but she went back to sleep before I finished.

In the meantime, I received a call from the agency that provides our sitters. The sitter was running late. That meant I would be late to my Rotary meeting. I thought about cancelling but decided to be late to the meeting. The minute I hung up I felt that I made the wrong decision and called them back. Given Kate’s situation, I thought it would be better if I skipped the meeting altogether and see if I might get her up a little later.

I ordered lunch to be delivered by Panera. I let Kate rest while I ate lunch. Then I tried getting her up again about 12:30. She wasn’t interested. I decided she should at least have a little juice and one of her morning meds that has an uncomfortable side effect if it is skipped. She drank a little juice, but she refused her pill. She was quite angry. I knew then that getting her up was a lost cause for a while.

I returned to the bedroom about twenty minutes later with (you guessed it) The Velveteen Rabbit. I also took a couple of her photo books in case TVR let me down. She didn’t want me to read to her, but I told her I would like to read it myself (out loud, of course). She didn’t protest, but she closed her eyes and didn’t express any audible interest until after I was mid-way in the book. Then she began to make audible expressions that fit with what was happening in the story. That was a good sign. I forged ahead with some optimism.

She opened her eyes and kept them open through the end of the book. I said, “Thank you for letting me read that. It’s a nice story.” She nodded her agreement. I was developing some confidence, but I didn’t want to abruptly suggest she get up for lunch. I held back. Instead, I told her it was also nice to be able to share the story with her and went on to say that she was very special to me and how much I like our being together. I said, “I hope you feel the same way.” That enabled us to have a brief conversation about our feelings for each other. After a few minutes, I was able to get her up and dressed.

When we got to the family room, she stopped to look at some of the poinsettias that are thriving but now have mostly green leaves. Then she wanted to rest. She rested about thirty minutes before I asked if she would like something to eat. We spent the next hour at the kitchen table chatting while she ate. We followed that with one of our tours of the dining room and living room. She wanted to rest again and took her place on the sofa until it was time for dinner.

The rest of the day went well. We had a pleasant afternoon and evening. She was tired when she got in bed but didn’t go to sleep right away. She didn’t, however, encounter any uneasiness. She just rested while I played YouTube music videos for her. There was no need for TVR. I think she went to sleep soon after I got in bed. I know I did.

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A Day of Sleep

Saturday was a day that Kate slept/rested until almost 3:30. It was in the early spring of this year that she first stayed in bed so late. Since then, there have been 3-4 other days like that. She didn’t get out of bed until 5:15 one of those days. In addition, there have 5-10 days in which I thought she wasn’t going to get up, but I was successful in coaxing her.

On some of those occasions, she was scared of something she couldn’t identify while she seemed all right the other times. She just didn’t want to get up. Saturday was like the latter. In fact, she surprised me. When I tried to get her up around 11:00, she was awake and greeted me warmly. I told her I was glad to see her and wanted to take her to lunch. She smiled. She told me that sounded nice.

The problem occurred when I told her I had her clothes out and would help her up. She said, “In a little bit.” That didn’t sound good. When she says that, she doesn’t usually follow through. I told her I would let her rest a little longer and came back in fifteen minutes. It was clearer that she wasn’t going to get up. I tried several times over the next hour and a half and then gave up.

Close to 3:30, I returned to try again. She was awake and in a good mood. I had no problem getting her up, showered, and dressed. I had already decided we would have an early dinner, so I didn’t get her lunch. I gave her some juice and blueberries. Then we enjoyed our time together looking at her photo books.

She hasn’t been as interested in the YouTube music videos, so I tried something different  after returning home from dinner. It was early enough that I decided to put on a DVD of Sound of Music. She has responded to movies for a long time, but I thought it was worth a chance, especially because of the music. She lay flat on the bed with her eyes closed most of the time. She didn’t appear to be watching or paying attention, but she remained awake until the end. At one point, I asked if she was still watching and was prepared to turn it off. She wanted to continue. She went to sleep without a problem after that.

She apparently got enough sleep. The next morning she was up before 7:00.

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Alzheimer’s Has Been Testing Me For The Past Two Days: Part 1

Preface

I wrote most of this post yesterday (Saturday). That was 24 hours after I started. My intention was to write a brief summary of a special time Kate and I had Friday morning. I dropped those plans when other things took precedence. Although the morning had gone very well, the day turned out to be most unusual and very challenging. Even more unusual, was that it marked two days in a row that Kate faced problems that were especially difficult for me to address. A lot has happened. I won’t do justice to what occurred, but here’s the story in two parts, starting with Thursday.

Kate got up early on Wednesday and didn’t rest as much as usual during the day. Thus, it was no surprise that I needed to wake her on Thursday. At 11:00, I played music to wake her up gradually. After 30 minutes, I went in to see if she was awake. She wasn’t. That is unusual. Normally, she would be relaxing in bed while the music plays.

When I spoke to her, she responded and seemed sleepy but not disturbed in any way. I sat down on the bed beside her and chatted with her a few minutes. I told her it was getting close to lunch time. She wasn’t interested and said she would get up “in a little while.” We didn’t have any immediate plans, so I told her I would check a little later.

I checked at noon and again at 1:30. She still did not want to get up. She had a hair appointment at 3:00, so I tried again at 2:00. Still no luck. This time she looked somewhat disturbed and said, “Shhh” when I spoke. She pointed to the ceiling and very softly said, “See them?” I nodded and hoped that she wouldn’t ask me about “them.” She didn’t.

I mentioned that she had a hair appointment. She wasn’t interested. It didn’t matter if I cancelled, but I thought it might help her to get up and out. I encouraged her to go but decided not to push her.

I left the room to cancel the appointment. When I returned, she still seemed a little disturbed. I got in bed with her and put my arm around her. I told her I was there to help her with anything she needed and that I would protect her. We were mostly silent for almost an hour before she spoke. She sounded more awake. I told her it was after 3:00 and wondered if she would like to get up. This time she agreed. She was at ease again.

I’m not sure I understand why. I do know that “things” in her brain are changing all the time. She can change very quickly. Typically, that happens after she rests. My own guess is that her mind wanders a lot and she begins to have delusions and/or hallucinations, some of which trouble her. In the case of not wanting to get up, being patient often works. Comforting her also helps to shift my role from being the bad guy who wants her to do something she doesn’t want to do to that of a partner who really cares and wants to help. There are still a lot of unsolved mysteries for someone caring for a loved one with dementia.

Something else unusual happened that day. As I was helping her dress, she mentioned that she was going to have a baby “tomorrow.” She often thinks of herself as a much younger single woman and mentions that she wants to have children someday, so I didn’t think much about it until she said something else a short time before going to dinner.

We were looking at a family photo book when she said, “Where is the baby?” Things like this always raise a question for me, “What do I say?” The reflexive answer is always “What baby?” or “We don’t have a baby.” I didn’t think they were appropriate. She obviously thought we had a baby. I saw her stuffed bear sitting in a chair a few feet from us and said, “Oh, he’s right there.”

When I do something like this, I am never certain that what I decided will work, but I felt my options were limited. This time I was successful. I brought the bear to her, and she took it in her arms and held it lovingly like a new mother holding her newborn. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about the baby. At one point, Kate spoke to her (the gender changes frequently) and said, “I love you.” Then she looked at me and said, “Did you hear that, she said, ‘I love you, too.’”

It was close to the time I planned for us to leave for dinner. When I mentioned that to Kate, she said, “What about the baby? I can’t leave her.” Then I dug myself a hole and climbed in. I told her I knew someone who could come over and pretended to make a phone call to him. I didn’t think this through but assumed she would forget before we left. Not so. For the next few minutes she waiting impatiently for his arrival. Then she got worried about leaving the baby. I told her he was a nurse with lots of experience, but she continued to be concerned.

My next attempt to address the situation was to tell her I could call him back and ask if he could meet us at the restaurant. She was fine with that. Once again, I depended on her inability to remember what we were going to do before getting to the restaurant.

She continued to hold the bear in her arms all the way to the restaurant and at least once or twice said something about our meeting the nurse. Fortunately, she completely forgot everything but her baby before we arrived. We got out of the car. She cuddled her bear in her arms, and we walked in.

The hostess took us to a table with just two chairs. I asked if she could bring us another just in case Kate wanted to put the bear in a chair while she ate. She brought one, but Kate continued to hold the bear in her arms. I wondered what she would do when the food arrived. I soon found out. She wanted to put the bear down but didn’t know where. I got up and took the bear and placed him in the third chair where she could see him. That worked. We had a good dinner. When we were through, I picked up the bear and gave him to her, and we walked out to the car. There were no more surprises that day.

(See the post above for Part 2.)

 

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Childlike and Tired

On Monday Kate and I had very little contact until 4:30. I got her up at almost 11:30. She was more than a bit confused but didn’t express the kind of fear she sometimes does. Recently, she has been unsteady after sitting up on the side of the bed or the sofa. The day before, she had fallen back on the bed before attempting to stand up. This time I asked her to sit for a moment. I put my hand on her back to support her. Then I helped her up. She got along all right but was very insecure as we walked to the bathroom.

She experienced one of a number of childlike behaviors when we went to the car before getting a takeout lunch from Panera. She noticed a Dr. Pepper baseball cap that she had long ago hung on the knob of a cabinet door in the garage. Periodically, she takes interest in it. This time she was just like a little child discovering something new and exciting. She thought it was a nice decorative touch (my words, not hers) and said she might hang a number of them around the garage.

After lunch, she was ready to rest. That worked out well because I had a Zoom meeting at 2:00, and she fell asleep on the sofa. She must have been quite tired because she didn’t take off her shoes nor lift her feet to the sofa. She just fell over on a pillow from a sitting position and slept until at least 4:30 when I noticed she had opened her eyes. I got up from my chair and walked over to her and asked if she was about ready to get up. She told me not to talk, that she wanted to talk with me later. She looked like she was bothered by something. I said, “I love you.” She said, “That may be the right thing to say but not right now.” I started to ask her to explain, but she cut me off. I took her hand and told her I would be seated across from her if she needed me. When I started to release my hand, she gripped it tightly. I sat down on the corner of the table in front of the sofa. It wasn’t long before it felt too uncomfortable. I started to gently pull my hand away, and she held it tighter. In five or ten minutes, she was asleep. I took a seat close to the sofa and waited another fifteen minutes before waking her for dinner.

Whatever was bothering her faded from her memory like so many other things. It’s another good example of the pattern of her delusions. She may be resting, but her brain is active and doesn’t function the way it did before Alzheimer’s took over. As I have said before, she had experiences like this before sheltering. I believe, however, that the reduction in her activity has exacerbated the problem. I should add that it is not boredom alone that leads her to rest. She is really tired.

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Kate Was Up Early Again This Morning

Kate called me at 7:15 this morning just as I was about to begin my walk. She was wide awake. I commented on that and asked if she would like me to fix her some breakfast. She nodded, and I proceeded to get her up and finish her “morninglies” (with thanks to Tom Robinson for introducing me to this term) before heading to the kitchen.

Mornings are her most likely times to be confused. I use that term when she seems bothered by not knowing where she is, who she is, who I am, or what to do. I think insecure was a better word to describe how she was this morning.  As she got out of the bed, she said, “Help me; I don’t know what to do.” . She repeated variations of this multiple times before we left the bedroom.

It is not unusual for her to ask, “What do I do?” when we enter the bathroom. Another time recently, she said, “You’ll have to tell me what to do because I’ve never done this before.” Today, I had to do more than explain. She seemed worried that she would fall as she sat on the toilet. I had to put my arms around her and let her weight rest on them. I supported her until she was seated.

She enjoyed her breakfast of apple juice, a small bowl of blueberries, and two slices of cheese toast. She finished more quickly than usual, and we went to the family room where I thought we might read something. I wasn’t surprised when she looked tired, and I asked if she would like to rest. She said, “May I?” (That is something she says frequently. She also asks if she can take off her shoes. She is very respectful, at least 99% of the time. It is more like I am the “person in charge” rather than her husband. Of course, I am both, so I understand. She generally thinks of me as older than she is. She commented on that yesterday, and I asked how old she was. She said she was eighteen.)

She started resting at 8:40. It is now 10:20, and she is sound asleep. Fifteen minutes ago, she opened her eyes and said something I didn’t understand. This is a day for the sitter. I should have plenty of time for us to have lunch before she arrives at 1:00. I plan to make a quick trip to the grocery and then return home for a walk. The balance of the afternoon I plan to remain at home and work on my computer.