Good Things |

September 14, 2026September 14, 2026

More Happy Moments at Stage 7 Alzheimer’s

I co-chair the CART Committee for my Rotary Club. The committee raises money for research on Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Each Monday, I prepare a message about dementia that provides information and encouragement for members to contribute to a bucket at each table.

Recently, I asked Gemini for a list of topics I might use for my weekly CART Message. One of those was of special interest to me. It focused on joy in caregiving. I asked Gemini to write something about that. Here is Gemini’s reply with a few edits of my own. I was struck by how well it captures the way Kate and I find joy at this late stage of Alzheimer’s.

Looking for Moments of Joy By Gemini (Google’s Chatbot)

Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging, but even at later stages, the ability to experience joy hasn’t vanished.

You might find these moments in unexpected places: the soothing rhythm of brushing your loved one’s hair, the shared warmth of holding hands during a quiet afternoon, or the familiar comfort of a favorite song playing softly in the background. These fleeting interactions may not change the course of the disease, but they can profoundly change your day.

By shifting our focus away from what has been lost, we open our hearts to what is still here.

September 10, 2026September 10, 2026

How Eating Out Helps Me Avoid Social Isolation

Recently, I had a very special day that reminded me of how much I benefit from eating out. It happened at Travinia, a restaurant that Kate and I enjoyed on Sundays before her hospitalization with COVID in 2020. Since then, she has been more restricted, but I have continued to have lunch there every Sunday.

Before I was seated at my table, I walked over to a nearby table and spoke with a couple that I see every week. They always ask me about Kate, and I was happy to give a good report that she is still doing well. I asked how they were doing, and that began a brief, but pleasant conversation.

When the server took my order, she said she thought she might have served me before. I told her I wasn’t sure, but I thought I would have remembered her hair that was shorter than my flat top when I was a teenager. She said, “Well, it’s just now growing out.” That made me think that she may have had cancer, but I didn’t ask. After she left, I felt I should have asked and been more supportive.

It wasn’t long before the manager of the restaurant stopped by and asked about Kate as well as my brother who travels a lot and my son-in-law who has been talking about retirement. In between, we talked about how the Labor Day weekend had kept many regular customers away. That caused me to mention the seasonal patterns of my business.

I was eating an arugula salad that is a new addition to the menu. I told him I had never heard of arugula when I was growing up. Then, he told me about its being a west coast vegetable that had gradually made its way across the country.

When the server returned a little later, I told her I wanted to ask her a personal question: “Did you have cancer?” She said she hadn’t. She told me that she had shaved her head and kept it shaved for a while. That led to more questions about why and another interesting conversation.

Midway through my lunch, a man and his wife took a table across the room from me. I knew them from Villa Tronco. We saw them regularly for about eight years when the restaurant brought in opera singers to perform on the first Thursday. I didn’t know them well, but I see them at Travinia once in a while. It wasn’t long before the man walked to my table to say hello. We had another brief conversation.

As I left, I dropped by their table to speak with his wife. I told her that I still remembered calling her by the wrong name for several years. I told her that I now remember her name each time we see each other but can’t remember what I had called her before she corrected me. She laughed and said that she couldn’t remember either.

From there, we began a longer discussion about some of the funny things that have happened to us during our married lives. When we finished, I left the restaurant feeling great.

July 30, 2026July 30, 2026

The Power of Love

Many things have helped us live well with Alzheimer’s. Love is at the top of our list for Kate and me. This takes me back to our dating years in the early 1960s. One month after our first date, I took a job at a funeral home that paid me forty cents an hour. I worked afternoons during the week and at night three or four nights a week. I was a senior in college, carrying a full-time course load and short on time and money, but each of us was willing to do whatever we could to attract the other.

Throughout our marriage and during our journey with Alzheimer’s we have lived the same way. It has given me patience when it was needed. It led me to be more creative when Kate could no longer do the things she had enjoyed in the past. It motivated me to make her happy in every way that I could from the day of her diagnosis right up to this very moment.

Every day, I express my love for her in many ways. Because of her aphasia, she can’t express her love verbally as she used to, but she is able to express it through her facial expressions, holding my hand, stroking my arm and with her smiles, and taking my hand to her lips and kissing it. Love has benefited us every step of the way, as described in I Corinthians 13.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love has worked and still works for us.

July 6, 2026July 24, 2026

Not Just a Happy Moment, But a Day Filled With Happy Moments

Regular readers of my posts will recognize the importance of “Happy Moments” in our lives. They are moments when Kate is especially cheerful. She smiles and talks much more during these moments, and that adds to the joy that we’ve been able to experience while “Living with Alzheimer’s”.

These usually occur in the afternoon or evening and, on occasion, off and on throughout the day. Yesterday was one for the record books. She awoke with a smile and talked. I try to take advantage of moments like these and got in bed beside her. For an hour or so, we enjoyed ourselves while watching YouTube videos. It was a thrilling experience that continued the rest of the day.

Normally, something happens to stop moments like these. Then it can be hard for her to recover. That wasn’t the case yesterday. We had interruptions, but she always retained her cheerfulness and spoke with people who often don’t get to see or hear her like this.

Over the past two or three years, she has experienced a lot of Happy Moments, and although we can’t understand much of what she says, it is clear that she understands much of what the caregivers, residents, and I say and tries to respond appropriately.

We are very fortunate, and I am grateful.

June 30, 2026July 6, 2026

Our Lives Since Kate’s Diagnosis Part 8: The Most Important Thing I Have Learned About Caring for Someone With Dementia

In previous posts since April, I’ve summarized what “Living with Alzheimer’s” has been like for Kate and me over the past fifteen and a half years. At first, we were afraid of the changes we would face in the years ahead.

We did face changes, as well as the challenges that accompany them, but after fifteen years, we still enjoy life and each other. It was seven or eight years after the diagnosis that I read a book that helped me understand why we were able to live so well. That is The Dementia Handbook by Judy Cornish. It not only helped me understand the past but also continues to guide me as Sarah Lee’s caregiver every day.

The book is filled with information about dementia and caring for someone with the disease, but what caught my attention most was the distinction between rational and intuitive thought and its relevance to people with dementia.

Dementia involves the loss of rational thought. People lose their ability to remember the names of people, places, and things. They also lose their ability to follow directions and to remember how to do things that require rational thinking. That includes using a computer, following a recipe, and many of our daily activities.

However, all is not lost with dementia. People retain the ability to experience the world around them via their senses. They can see, hear, taste, smell, and touch. Our senses work with intuitive thought, and it is through them we derive much of our pleasure in life.

That has been critical for Kate and me. When we decided to enjoy life and each other as long as we could, the things we did were mostly ones we could experience and enjoy through our senses. We binged on music and eating out. We remained socially active. We traveled to interesting places and did interesting things like staying in tents and getting close to wild animals on a safari in Tanzania, paragliding off a mountain in Switzerland, taking a helicopter to the top of the Franz Josef Glacier in New Zealand, as well as hiking and swimming with wildlife in the Galapagos Islands.

At the last stage of Alzheimer’s, Kate has lost all of her rational thought. There are many things we can’t do anymore, so we depend on her intuitive thought to find pleasure, and that still works for us.

June 24, 2026June 28, 2026

Our Lives After Kate’s Diagnosis, Part 7: Living With Alzheimer’s at Stage 7

The most dramatic changes in our lives occurred following Kate’s hospitalization with COVID. Since then, she has required total care with all of her daily activities. We added in-home care eight hours a day, seven days a week. Five months after her hospitalization, we moved to Still Hopes Episcopal Retirement Community. That was a wise move.

While there are many things we can’t do now, we still enjoy music. Most of that occurs in our apartment where we play YouTube music videos day and night. Our favorites are Andre Rieu’s orchestra and soloists, Andrea Bocelli, Daniel O’Donnell, and the Maestro and the European Pop Orchestra. We watch many others as well. Many are singers and songs that were popular during our teens and early years of our adulthood.

We get out as much as we can. Every afternoon we go to one of the cafés downstairs and follow that with dinner in the main dining room. We also have dinner in another café downstairs on Sunday and Monday nights when the dining room is closed. Still Hopes also has quite a few musical events. We take in as many as we can.

For me, the best parts of every day are “Happy Moments” when Kate is cheerful and talkative. Those are usually in the morning and evening when Kate and I are alone together. I love talking with her even though I only understand a few words that sneak through her gibberish. I also love it when she has these moments with other residents and staff when we go out in the afternoon for yogurt or ice cream.

So, even at this stage of her Alzheimer’s, we have found ways to enjoy life and each other. In my next post or two, I will explain what has enabled us to do that.

May 12, 2026May 25, 2026

What We Did After Kate’s Diagnosis: Part 3, Travel

Travel had been an important part of our lives from the early years of our marriage. When our children were 4 and 2, we took them to Spain and France for six weeks. Three years later, we took them with us to Colombia, South America for the summer. While there, we took trips to Ecuador and Venezuela. When we became empty nesters, we began to travel more, mostly in Europe.

One of the first things we thought we were likely to lose was our ability to travel. In particular, we had wanted to visit Africa, Machu Picchu, the Galápagos Islands, New Zealand, and Switzerland. We were successful in getting to all of them. We engaged in a number of activities we had wanted to experience. We took a safari in Tanzania, took a balloon ride over the Serengeti, paraglided off a mountain slope in Switzerland and somersaulted on the way to the ground.

Travel was becoming more difficult for Sarah, so Switzerland was our last international trip. Two years later, we took our last trip to Chautauqua, NY, our favorite summer getaway.

In 2018, we took our last trips to visit our children and grandchildren. Since then, they have traveled to see us, but we were able to do international travel for four years after her diagnosis and travel in the US for an additional three years.

April 29, 2026May 25, 2026

More Happy Moments at Stage 7 Alzheimer’s

At this late stage of Kate’s Alzheimer’s, I am mindful that our Happy Moments may decline. Thus far, however, we continue to experience them. Yesterday, we had an especially good one.

Our caregiver had a meeting with her agency at the same time we normally go downstairs to the café for ice cream, so Kate and I went by ourselves. Prior to leaving, she wasn’t in one of her cheerful moments and wasn’t talking. I keep a variety of things on the coffee table in our living area that the caregivers and I often read to her.

I picked up a three-ring binder where I have collected a lot of different things about our lives together. I read her something I had written about our dating, falling in love, and getting married. As I read, she began to perk up. By the time we left for the café, she was smiling. While we were at the café, we had an special Happy Moment. We were alone most of the time. She was very relaxed, and we had a conversation that lasted almost an hour.

I didn’t take the attached video yesterday. I took it ten days ago, but it gives you an idea of what our conversations are like at this stage of her Alzheimer’s. The fact that I can’t understand her doesn’t keep me from loving these moments. I treasure them.

April 7, 2026April 7, 2026

Kate’s Alzheimer’s Diagnosis and Our Thoughts About the Future

For months, I’ve reported on positive changes in Kate’s behavior. She is better now than she was two or three years ago. This doesn’t mean that we have found a way to cure Alzheimer’s, but even at Stage 7, we have found ways to live joyfully.

Occasionally, people ask me how we’ve been able to live so well. I’ve given that a lot of thought and would like to share those thoughts in several upcoming posts.

Today, I’ll focus on our immediate response to Kate’s diagnosis. It was January 21, 2011, exactly one week after she turned seventy. Although we had seen the first signs of dementia more than five years before, the reality of the diagnosis frightened us. Our marriage had been filled with joy, and we were afraid that Alzheimer’s would make that a thing of the past.

We went directly from the doctor’s office to Villa Tronco, a favorite restaurant of ours. We began a conversation that continued for several weeks, perhaps months. We had been caring for our four parents (and my dad’s girlfriend after my mother died) for twenty-two consecutive years. We were aware of the many challenges we were likely to face. Now, it was time to focus on our own future.

We spent much of our time discussing how each of us felt and the first steps we should take. We talked about when to tell our children and our friends. We considered the practical issues, such as legal and financial decisions.

We reflected on the things we had enjoyed during our marriage and wondered how long we could continue living so well. We had no idea but made a decision that worked then and now. We would just enjoy life and each other for as long as we could. I’ll have more to say about this in following posts.