Posted on

Another Strange Incident

I got home from Rotary about 30 minutes ago. Kate was seated in her chair in her office working a jigsaw puzzle on her iPad. I can’t remember all the dialog, but this is what happened. She was relieved to see me and asked if she could come out now. I was puzzled. She indicated that she thought I had told her to stay in the back of the house. I apologized and told her I never intended for her to remain in the back of the house. She was relieved but also a little peeved with me and told me she almost went to her bathroom to sit in the tub just to get out of the room.

I turned on the stereo in the family room. In a minute she came in with her iPad and her sweater and looked ready to go. It turned out that she thought we were going to lunch. I learned this while we were in the car. She had wanted to go to Chalupes. When she realized we were not going to lunch, she said Panera was OK.

A moment later she said something about “their” coming to see us and that she was going to say something about what they had said about her mother. I asked if she were talking about a couple in our church. She said she was. Once again she said something about what they had said about her mother. I told her I was unaware of anything they had said. She was annoyed. It appeared that she felt I knew but couldn’t remember. When I asked what they had said, she said, “”Let’s just not talk about it.” That is pretty much her standard response to almost anything I ask.

3:34 pm

We are back home now. I wanted to add that this is one of those afternoons when she is feeling quite bored. She just looks depressed. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the iPad’s charger, and her battery ran down; so we came home about 30 minutes ago. I offered to show her my slide show of our trip to Africa. I thought it might interest her. She agreed, but her body language indicated she didn’t have that much interest. Finally, she came into the family room where I was setting up the show. After she sat down, she indicated that she was sleepy. I asked if she would like to rest before seeing the show. She said yes and is now lying down in our bedroom.

Tonight is a reception in connection with an upcoming symphony concert. We usually attend but have missed the last 2 or 3. I had thought we might go tonight. When I mentioned it to her this morning, she indicated she didn’t want to go. It was actually a little stronger than that. She was really indicating that she was not going.

Posted on

Recovering from our Colds

Today seemed like a day of progress in recovery from our colds, at least for Kate . It is peculiar, but we both seem to have trouble early in the day but are better later in the afternoon and evening. It has been hard for me to determine how much of her listlessness is a result of her illness and how much might be a result of her Alzheimer’s. I suppose I will see in a few days. I think it has been a combination.

She is still asserting her independence but also showing her need for and acceptance of my help. Today, for example, I noticed that she had not taken her medicine. Instead of telling her that she had forgotten (which I usually do) I simply took the pills I knew she really needed and gave them to her. She never asked any questions, just took them. I might have thought she would ask where the others were, but she didn’t. She easily accepted my help. On the other hand, tonight when I gave her her medicine (she had forgotten to take it again), I told her to be careful because there were a lot of them. She said something to me that clearly indicated that she didn’t need me to tell her that. The reason I had done so was that earlier when I had given her the pills she had missed this morning, she dropped one of them in her bed and couldn’t find it.

I am sensing there is greater importance in my trying not to push her too much. After getting out of a movie at 2:30 today, I told her we needed to get to our haircuts. She expressed displeasure in that prospect. Normally she would be glad to get a haircut. It turned out she was tired and wanted to go home. We had been away from home since 10:00 this morning. As it turned out, I was wrong. When we got to the salon for our haircuts, we found out that they are really scheduled for next Tuesday. Thus she got to spend the balance of the afternoon (almost a full 3 hours) at home before we went to dinner. I have tried not to over schedule in the past, but this experience confirms just how important that is. She likes to have breaks at home and by herself (I think). I need to make sure she gets this time while also trying to minimize her boredom. It turned out that going to Panera, having lunch, and then seeing a movie was all she needed. It was time for a break, and she got it.

I continue to be surprised at some of her confusion. Yesterday, for example, she had gotten up from a little nap in her office. She came into the kitchen for something and was going back to our bedroom and asked, “”Do we have an iPad?” I think that she was momentarily forgetting that she has a new iPad to replace the one that was stolen last week.

Posted on

A Good Day

Yesterday and today I have been drafting a letter to Dr. Reasoner updating her on Kate. It is a rather glum update as was my most recent update to our children and friends. For that reason I want to be quick to report that today has been a very good one. I’m not entirely sure what accounts for it, but we have been comparatively active. This morning I decided not to go to the Y because my back was hurting. I took a walk instead. That meant that I was home more today. In addition, Kate was up earlier than she has been the past couple of weeks. Perhaps that is because she is recovering from her cold. We sat together in the family room after my walk. She worked on her computer editing photos while I watched the news related to yesterday’s Super Tuesday election results. About 8:30, Kate said she wanted to go to Panera Bread. We were there shortly after 9:00. She was ready to leave shortly after 10:30. We ran a couple of errands.  Then it was time to eat lunch. We left the restaurant at 12:05 and headed home for a while before going to a movie at 2:30. We got out of the movie just before 5:00. We got caught in the traffic and listened to some soft classical music on my phone. We got to Kate’s favorite Mexican restaurant, Chalupes, before 6:00. After we returned home, she walked into the kitchen and said, “It’s been a nice day.” I agreed and gave her a big hug. Now we are watching an old “Murder She Wrote” with Angela Lansbury. Kate is working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad, but she is catching a little of the program and enjoying it. This has been our best day in quite a while.

As we were coming home from lunch today, something funny happened. She looked at me and asked, “”Have you thrown anything of mine away today?” I said, “”Have I ever thrown away something of yours?” She gave me a dirty look but said nothing. I said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” She gave me another look. I asked what I had thrown away. She said firmly, “Just shush!” I did. This is another example of her imagining things.

Posted on

Sunday Morning Sleep

Kate got up briefly around 8:30. She got some yogurt and apple juice. Then she went back to bed while I was preparing to leave for church. I planned to encourage her to be ready for lunch when I returned. Then I have changed my mind. I thought it best to let her rest and see if she was up when I get home. Yesterday I had to get her up for lunch around 11:35. I called her from church at 11:15. She was still in bed. I told her I was on the way home and that I was planning for us to go to lunch. She was almost ready when I arrived home. Everything went fine.

We have a wedding reception for our next door neighbor and his new bride at 2:00. She will definitely want to attend. It is good that we don’t have a specific deadline; so if we get there at 2:30 or a little after, we will be fine. It ends at 4:00.

I am going to start my periodic letter to Dr. Reasoner today or tomorrow. In particular, I want to ask about Kate‘’s medications. They might have something to do with her recent lethargy. I also want to know if a visit to a neurologist might be a good idea.

Posted on

Good Evening and Slow Morning

Last night we went to a theater production of Honky Tonk Angels. It was a somewhat corny musical tied together by a series of popular country music. Most of it was quite familiar to the audience – at least to us. Kate loved it. It was the most enthusiasm I have seen her express in a while. I was glad to see it as I was beginning to think it might be over.

This morning she was slow to get up. She got up somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00 and got something to drink. Then she went back to bed where she remained until I told her it was time for lunch (11:35 am). She got up and dressed quickly. She perked up after lunch. We didn’t get dessert but on the way home she said she wanted something. I stopped at a new bakery near our house where we got a couple of blondies.

When we got home, I came inside to check email and upload a couple of CDs to my computer. She remained outside until a few minutes ago. She was just doing some pruning.

Tonight I will not give her Benadryl. I have been doing that to help her with the drippage she has had with her cold. I hope that she will be more alert in the morning. I am also going to start my regular letter to her doctor. She has her next appointment on March 10. I have questions about her medications as well as whether or not there might be value in seeing a neurologist.

Posted on

Feeling Better But Not Wanting to Get Out

I came home directly after going to the Y this morning. My purpose was to get here early enough that I could take Kate to Panera for a while before time for lunch. She was in the family room editing photos on her computer. The TV was on to MSNBC. I asked if she would like to go to Panera. She said she would but not right then. I told her to just let me know when she would like to go. Then I went into the kitchen where I checked and answered my email. After 45 minutes or so, I went to the family room to see if she were ready to go. She wasn’t there. I went into the bedroom and found her under the covers. She was sound asleep.

Just a few minutes ago she came into the kitchen still dressed in her sweat pants and shirt that she had slept in. She said she wanted to go to Panera. Noticing the time I asked her if she would like to go eat lunch and, perhaps, go to someplace else instead. She hesitated. Then she said she didn’t want to get dressed. I suggested that she wouldn’t want to go out in her sweats. She didn’t want to but agreed to change. When she came out, she was still wearing the same sweatshirt but had changed to black slacks.

A little earlier I had reminded her that we are going to a musical tonight. She said, “Tonight?” and looked like that was an awful idea. I told her I thought it was something she would enjoy.

Posted on

Closing the Day

I just got home from a United Way dinner where they recognize the humanitarian of the year. I was there along with a number of others from the foundation because our previous board chair was this year’s selection.

At any rate when I got home at 10:00, I was surprised when I walked into the bedroom to discover that Kate was awake. When I expressed my surprise, She told me it had been hard to stay awake, that she had gotten up and walked around and also gotten a Dr. Pepper, but she stayed awake because I wanted her to. When I explored this a little, I learned that she thought I had told her to stay awake until I got home. We hadn’t even talked about it though I had joked at dinner and said, “Now don’t get into any trouble while I am gone.” I suspect this led to her incorrectly remembering what I had said and altered it to be that I told her not to go to sleep.

Now she has been wide awake. She has been a little irritated because it is my fault that she is awake. She said she was going to tell my next wife what I am like. As in most situations like this, she doesn’t sound serious. It’s her way of kidding me, but it does have a tone of seriousness as well. This is different from those times when she gets angry with me because she thinks I am rushing her to get ready to go someplace. That is definitely serious.

Posted on

Can’t Sleep

I have always been a good sleeper, but in the past year or so I have had trouble. It isn’‘t trouble going to sleep. It is waking up early in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep. This is one of those mornings. I awoke at 2:59 and have not been able to go back to sleep since then. At 3:30 I got up, put my earbuds in and listened to soft music (a playlist that I created for Kate when she has a panic attack). Finally at 4:00 I just got up and decided I would write this post.

When I wake up like this I find myself thinking about all the different obligations I have. These are heavily focused on Kate. That has been the entire case this morning. When I say Kate, I really mean the two of us. This morning I have been thinking about the challenges of keeping her entertained. She seems to get so bored. I started thinking about the senior center where Mom and Dad used to go. I didn’t think of it at the time, but I am confident now that Dad was connecting with places like that to try to entertain Mom. Of course, it isn’tjust the person who has Alzheimer’s. There is also a focus on the caregiver. With the loss of our closest friends in town, I have had a fear that the two of us will become more and more isolated. While I am the more gregarious, Kate also enjoys being with people. I can see ourselves getting cut off from close social contact. We are not likely to be cultivating new friends at this stage of our lives unless we are very deliberate about it. That is getting harder as Kate’s condition deteriorates.

So what am I going to do about it? First, I am going to pursue more regular attendance at the Wednesday evening church suppers. I am also going to check into the senior center and explore what possible opportunities they have. In addition, I believe I will start participating in the Shepherd’s’ Center programs. Finally, I will start regular attendance at the senior’s’ luncheons at church. I am hoping those outlets will be good for both of us.

I also mindful that this is a short-term fix. As Kate declines, she will be less able to get out and be involved. What I will have to do is balance the benefit she may derive from the social stimulation with the frustration she experiences because she is not fully able to enjoy, understand, and participate in these activities. Inevitably, she will drop out, and I will be left to go on my own. I have to admit that as I consider these things I am experiencing fear about the future. We have gotten along so well during the past 5 years since her diagnosis. The inevitable reality is beginning to hit me.

Posted on

Fighting Colds

A little over a week ago we both came down with colds. That has captured our attention since then. Although Kate has had a more serious cold, I have also taken longer to come back than I normally do. It is a little difficult to assess how her Alzheimer’s has affected her behavior during this time. What I can say is that she has been more vocal than usual. By this I mean that she has moaned and groaned a lot as well as expressing vocal sighs and “ohs” during coughing bouts and other moments when the congestion in her throat and nasal passages increases.

Her typical Alzheimer’s symptoms have continued, but I have paid less attention as my focus has been on treating my cold. I have been drinking water all day each day. On Tuesday (2 days ago) I received 2 new SONOS wireless audio speakers. This made for a good time to set them up in the family room (less than an hour) and listen to a variety of music from my own CD collection as well as streaming from Amazon and Pandora. Yesterday I ordered a subwoofer to add to the system. It should be here by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.

It has also been a good week to gather income tax records for our accountant. I am pleased that I have assembled 90% of what I need. I still haven’t received everything.

The one thing I have noticed today is that Kate sounded unusually annoyed with me. It occurred around the time we were to go for our haircuts. I think this is a holdover from the times when I have rushed her. It seems that every time we get ready to go someplace, she seems to be annoyed.

Posted on

“I’m So Frustrated With Myself.”

Earlier I neglected to report that as we were pulling out of the garage to go to lunch, Kate said, “I’m so frustrated with myself.” This was after several things she had done as she was getting ready to leave. I said, “I know you are frustrated.” Then I asked her if she would like to talk about it. She said no as she always does. She just doesn’t like to talk about her Alzheimer’s.

A few minutes ago as she was coming into the bedroom for the night, she said she wanted to thank me. She said she was falling apart and appreciated my taking care of her. I said, “I know you’re frustrated. I want to help you.” She said, “That means a lot, that you want to do it, and I know you do.” When she says something like this, it makes me want to do all the more to help her. On the other hand, I can find it frustrating myself when she won’t let me help. For example, I wanted to give her a Benadryl this morning. She asked if it would make her sleepy. I told her it would. She didn’t want to take it. This afternoon she has been having more trouble with her nose. I told her I was going to give her a Benadryl before she went to bed and that I wish that I had gotten her to take one earlier. She agreed, but earlier she didn’t want to take it. It is hard to know what to do, when to push and when to back away.