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Another Slow Start

At the moment, I am at Whole Foods where I am waiting for Kate who is getting her monthly facial. I always schedule these appointments at 2:00 to give her plenty of time to get ready. Today that was almost not enough. After getting up earlier than usual yesterday, she slept late again today. At 11:45, I tried to wake her. She was not eager to get up but not cross. She mostly just ignored me. I put on some music in the bedroom thinking that might provide a gentle wake up. By 12:15, she was still not up, so I reminded her of her appointment and that I wanted to make sure she got lunch first. That did the trick. She was up, but she didn’t move any more quickly than usual.

We went to Panera since it is close to both home and the spa. We arrived there at 1:25. I decided to save time by just getting her a muffin that she would be able to start eating right away while they prepared a sandwich and salad for me. I got sliced apples with my order so that she could have them. By the time we both finished what I had gotten, it was time to leave. We arrived at the spa at 1:59. I was glad that I never really had to push her. As she was getting dressed, I explained that we would have very little time for lunch and that she needed to get dressed if we were to eat at all. She responded very calmly and never changed her speed.

Earlier this morning, I sent an update on the patient portal for her doctor’s medical practice. Kate has a 1:45 appointment with him on Thursday. I conveyed the change in her sleeping habits although I am not expecting him to make any changes in her prescriptions. I definitely don’t want her to go back on Trazadone. That would probably exacerbate the problem. I hesitate to call this a problem, but it is a bit of one for me. It would be nice if I had a better idea of when she is going to get up. I had thought I was pretty safe making appointment for 2:00. Now it looks like that may be a little too early.

More than that, I think I am bothered by its altering my schedule. Since I get up early, I am ready to eat about 11:30 or noon. Waiting until 1:30 or 2:00 means we don’t have much time between lunch and dinner. That, too, is my problem. Kate is not at all affected by this. If this is something that becomes a regular pattern, I will probably make sure that I have something at home to tide me over until she can get up. Adapting to change is not something new. It will work out.

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A Late Lunch Today

This is one of those days when Kate has slept late. I tried to wake her around 11:00. She was so sleepy that I gave her more time. Finally, at 11:50, I made some progress. She got up and showered. She’s been out of the shower for 45 minutes. A few minutes ago, she still wasn’t dressed even though I had gotten out everything for her to wear. She had taken everything to the bathroom where she showered but came back to our bedroom and had forgotten that I had gotten clothes for her. She asked me to get them. I think she should be about ready. This is going to be a short day, at least for the two of us together.

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Slept Late Again Yesterday

Yesterday I woke Kate about 11:45. She was sleeping soundly and did not get right up. Our housekeeper was here, and I wanted her to change the sheets in our bedroom. In addition, I had made a 2:00 appointment for Kate to have a massage, so I got her up after twenty minutes or so. I had gotten her clothes out so that she wouldn’t have any trouble finding something to wear. I went to check on her just as she got out of the shower. I showed her the clothes and started to leave. She wanted me to stay. She doesn’t do this a lot, but sometimes she wants me to be around in case she needs help. I know it may not be long until this becomes a new routine.

It was 12:50 before we left for lunch. We went to Panera since it was convenient to our house and the spa where she gets her massages. After her massage, we came back home for about an hour before going to Barnes & Noble. We were there until 5:15 when we went to Bonefish Grill for dinner.

It was an unusual day in that Kate did not ask me to tell her anyone’s name. She was somewhat quieter but seemed to be in good spirits. After dinner, each of our children called which provided a nice boost. Then I got out Kate’s night clothes and put on a DVD of Fiddler on the Roof. She continued to work jigsaw puzzles on her iPad while the movie was playing, but she was listening and enjoying the music. It wasn’t long before she was sleepy. We called it a day.

It is now 9:30. I just looked in on her. She is still sleeping soundly. Since this is a day for the sitter, I would like her to get up before 10:30. That will give her enough time to get ready for the day so that we can have lunch together before the Mary arrives. I will probably wake her if she doesn’t get up on her own. I am hoping she responds more enthusiastically about Mary’s being here than she did on Monday with Anita.

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A Slow Start on the Day

Kate was late getting up today. It was a few minutes before noon when she appeared and said she was ready to go. She was dressed appropriately for the day except that she was wearing a bathrobe over her clothes. She was carrying two night gowns over one of her arms. As we walked toward the garage, I told her we were expecting it to be hot and that she might not need her robe. She accepted that without a challenge. I wasn’t going to say anything about the two gowns. Then she started to put one of them on over her clothes. When she did that, I said, “I don’t think you’ll need the night gowns either.” She put both of them down on the island in the kitchen and off we went to lunch.

After we ordered, she seemed tired and confused. She asked me to tell her my name. Then she asked me her name. That was followed by asking if we have children. I told her about them and their families. I pulled out my phone and showed her several pictures taken with them in the past few months. As we went from one picture to another, she kept asking me who the people were. Some of that is related to the size of the photos on the phone coupled with her eyesight. Her vision in one eye is 20/60. She also has cataracts that are affecting her sight as well. I’ve been in conversations with the ophthalmologist about surgery. We had decided to wait until her next appointment in January. I am beginning to rethink that decision.

On the way home, she said asked if she could take a nap. I told her that would be fine. She didn’t waste any time getting into bed. It is now 4:15, and she is still in bed. I woke her 25 minutes ago, but she hasn’t moved. Tonight is jazz night at Casa Bella. We’ll be leaving for that at 5:30. She always enjoys the musical nights. I hope this perks her up, but then I wonder about getting to sleep tonight.

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Starting Slowly, but Hoping for a Strong Finish

In other posts I’ve noted that Kate has never been a morning person. Throughout our marriage, I’ve always been up much earlier than she. The exception was when she was working. Because of that we have never had breakfast together except when we are traveling. These days I let her sleep as long as she cares to. Over the past 2-3 months, she has been quite erratic. Yesterday and today, she has gotten up much earlier than usual. It was before 8:00 Sunday and today. When that happens, she gets sleepy and often wants to rest before lunch. Today she made it until after lunch.

Until we were just about finished with our lunch, she wasn’t ready to engage in conversation. I didn’t push her at all at Panera. I always let her take time to fully wake up before saying much. Sometimes she asks me not to talk during the 4-minute drive from our house to Panera. Before leaving for lunch, she is usually wide awake. That wasn’t so today. By the time we finished dessert, she was ready. As we walked out of the restaurant, she said, “You know, I love you more every day.” As I was saying the same to her, she said, “No, I really mean it.”

She still has retained a sense of humor. Yesterday at Panera, she had a problem with her iPad. The cover folds into a stand, but she can’t ever do it herself. Each day when we arrive, she fills her cup at the drink dispenser while I do it for her and open the jigsaw puzzle app. Periodically, she accidentally unfolds the cover. That is what happened yesterday. I saw her struggling with it and asked if I could help her. She said yes. Once I set it up, she said, “You can be irritating at times, but I really need you.”

This morning when I wondered if her slowness might relate to the kind of confusion that led to her anxiety attack the other night, I decided we needed something to give her a boost in the afternoon. I got online and bought tickets to see Won’t You Be My Neighbor? a second time. She is resting now, but I will get her up in another thirty minutes to leave for the movie. When the movie is over, it will be time for dinner. I would be very surprised if we didn’t end the day on a high note.

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Follow-up on Previous Post on Sleep

Kate got up on her own around 11:30 this morning. I told her I would be going to Rotary. She gave me a bit of a frown. Then I told her I would not leave her along, that Anita would be here. She said, “Good.” That was reassuring. Then she went to take her shower and get ready for the day.

When Anita arrived, Kate was still getting ready. She went back to check on Kate, and I left for my meeting. When I returned, they were both in the guest room. Kate was resting and Anita reading. Everything appeared to have gone well.

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More on Sleep

Yesterday I was very surprised that Kate waked up before I returned from my morning walk about 7:45. That would have been highly unusual even before she started sleeping later over the past couple of weeks. I suspect that is because she slept so much the previous day. Today, she is back to what is becoming a more normal pattern. She was still asleep at 10:00, so I woke her. I reminded her that I would be going to my Rotary meeting and that I like to take her to lunch before the sitter comes. I asked if she would rather sleep and have Anita take her to lunch. She said she would. I told her that would be fine and that she could sleep as long as she wants.

Telling her “that would be fine” is one of those little white lies that I often use with her. I really would prefer that she get up earlier so that we could go to Panera together. We usually go early enough for her to get a muffin and the get her lunch before I leave for Rotary. Although our morning visits to Panera were originally motivated by Kate’s desire, I have found that it has been beneficial to me as well. As I have said many times, it is a social occasion. As she begins to sleep later, this daily custom may be a thing of the past. Of course, it will be gradual. It won’t end right away, but I’m afraid what is happening now may be a hint of the future.

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More Surprises

The life of a caregiver and the person with dementia is full of surprises. I tend to think all of the surprises are ones that take the caregiver off guard. I know that can’t be the case. With the increasing loss of memory, the life of someone with dementia must be filled with surprises all day long. I can’t speak to those, but I can tell you what surprised me this morning.

I returned from my walk just before 8:00. I noticed quite a few leaves from a neighbor’s loquat tree on our driveway. That looked just like something Kate would have done. She has always liked to pull leaves from her shrubs and those of our neighbors when they hang over into our yard. I was surprised because she has been sleeping so late recently. When I got inside, I met her coming into the family room ready for Panera. She was dressed in a pair of pants from my gym suit. They were a little long for her, so she was walking on them. She was wearing an old top that I had put with a few other old clothes in the back of my closet. When I got back to the closet to change, I noticed that some of my things appeared to have been rifled the way a thief might have done. She had gone through my underwear drawer and a shelf at the back of the closet that had a stack of my tee shirts. They were simply thrown to the floor of the closet. When I went back to the family room, I found that she had moved two chairs from their usual spots and placed them side by side in a different place than where they had been. Later today when we got home from lunch, I decided to take in some of the things she put in the back seat of the car yesterday. They included a heavy fleece robe, a pair of shoes, one of her tops, and a pair of my socks.

Because she was up early, we had plenty of time to get to church, something that doesn’t happen frequently these days. We got to Panera by 8:30 and came home to change clothes for church around 9:30. It is difficult for her to participate in the service because she doesn’t understand a lot of things. It is also hard for her to read. She can’t read the bulletin or the lyrics of the hymns. There are some things that are still in the recesses of her memory. I watched carefully this morning. She remembered the Apostles Creed, the Lord’s Prayer, and some of the lyrics for one of the hymns.

I should also mention that on the way to church she talked about her time as the volunteer church librarian. She served in that capacity for 19 years. She is proud of the contribution she made and was able to point out some of the ways she helped members locate the materials they needed. She has a reason to be proud. She worked a lot for a volunteer. As she said to me this morning, it was something she enjoyed doing. She was a natural for the position. She and her family were very active in their church. She was very familiar with church life. She has a master’s in library science and 13 years experience as a librarian in the public school system. She also has the right personality for a position like that. She has excellent social skills and an eagerness to serve those who enter the library. I remember many times when we were traveling, and she would make long distance calls to various members following up on their requests for information. Frequently, she had picked up those requests on her voice mail after we were out of town. Despite the unusual behavior this morning, I am pleased that she is happy and remembering these things from the past.

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Changes in Sleep Pattern

I was expecting (hoping?) Kate to be awake a little earlier today. I had a special interest. A man with whom I have had a friendship going back more than twenty years died this week. His service was at 11:00 this morning. At 9:00, Kate had gotten up to go to the bathroom. I thought that was a good sign. That would give her ample time to be ready to leave by 10:30. I told her about the funeral, and she asked if she could sleep a little longer. I told her she could. She got back in bed and was quickly sound asleep. Shortly after 9:30, I had dressed for the funeral. I knew time was getting short for her to get ready and asked if she thought she could get up. She really wanted to sleep, so I changed clothes and let her sleep.

About 11:30, I went back to the bedroom with the intention of waking her. I found that she had gotten up. We were definitely too late for the funeral, but we got to lunch at Bluefish close to our normal schedule. We ordered our usual meals, the salmon for Kate and a salad with a cup of shrimp and andouille sausage stew for me. Our regular server was out. She had cut her hand shortly before we arrived, but we were served by someone else who was as friendly as our regular one. We chatted with her about her educational and career plans. She hopes to start college in the fall.

We came directly back to the house after lunch. Kate brushed her teeth and went to the guest room where she is taking a nap. She is lying down on a love seat. That is a bit unusual for her. She has napped many times in the guest room but it has always in the bed which for me would be much more comfortable. This continues the change in her sleeping that I have been following the past several days. I intend to let her sleep as long as she feels the need. Since her diagnosis, it has not been unusual for her to take an afternoon nap, often right after lunch. Generally, she is up within 30-45 minutes. I am eager to see if she sleeps any longer today. I am hoping not.

I should say that I have not given her Trazadone since Monday night, so I can’t blame her sleeping on that. She hasn’t gotten to bed any later than usual. Everything seems to suggest that she may be entering a new stage. That would fit with some of the other changes that I have observed over the past week or two.

P.S. 3:04

Af few minutes ago, Kate walked in. She must have rested about 45 minutes. That’s not bad. I asked if she would like to join me for a while. She said, “For a while.” I take that to mean that she’ll want to go out sometime in the next hour. That would work out pretty well. We could go to Barnes & Noble and then to dinner. In the meantime, she is content with her iPad. I don’t know what we would do without it.

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Something New, Another Sad Moment

After returning home from dinner last night, Kate got her robe and her iPad and came to the family room where I watched the news while she worked on her iPad. At 8:30, I told her I was going to take a shower. She said she would come back to the bedroom. As I was getting ready for my shower, she came into the room holding her iPad under her arm and asked in a very childlike way, “What do you want me to do now?” I told her I thought this would be a good time for her to get ready for bed. She looked like she didn’t know what to do. I asked if she would like me to get her night clothes for her. She said she would. I brought her a gown and the robe she had taken to the family room earlier. She was seated on the side of the bed. I placed the gown and robe on the bed beside her. She asked, “What do I do now?” I told her she could take off her clothes and put on the gown. She still seemed unsure what to do. I suggested that she take off her top first. She did that and then looked to me to tell her what to do next. I told her to take off her bra. She did that. She looked to me once again for instructions for the next step. I told her to take off her pants. She did and waited again for my instructions. I told her to take off her underwear and to put on her “night time” underwear that I had earlier put on the bed. She did that. Then I told her to put on her gown. As she started to do that, I walked away to the bathroom. She called for me to help her. She couldn’t put it on. In fairness to her, I think it is a challenge myself. I am not going to give her this gown again. We worked together to get it on. She got into bed with her iPad. I took my shower. When I got out, she had put away her iPad and was off to sleep. Based on the amount of sleep she had gotten during the previous night and the day, she should have had trouble going to sleep. It wasn’t a problem.

This was not the first time that I have helped her put on one of her gowns; however, the experience last night was very different. She seemed completely unsure of what to do from the time she walked into the bedroom until she was dressed for bed. Earlier in the week, she had told me, “I’m just going to let you make all the decisions.” That was the first time she had said that. The fact that last night’s experience came a few days after her statement is a another sign that she is softening her desire for independence. That’s a sad thing for me.