Last night as she was getting ready for bed, Kate said, “I know one thing; I hope I go before you. I wouldn’t want to live without you.” That led to a discussion of how each of us would not want to live without the other. In that conversation, she repeatedly made statements that underscored her genuine belief that she is very dependent on me. She clearly recognizes there are many things that she either can’t do or finds too challenging.
Her comments come as I am noticing more little things that are different. For a long time, I assumed responsibility for getting my laptop, iPad, her iPad, and my cup to take with us to Panera. She has almost always gotten her own cup. Recently, she has occasionally given me a puzzled look when I’ve asked her to get her cup. She couldn’t remember where we keep them. A few times she has forgotten where to get ice when she fixes herself something to drink.
For a long time she has had trouble closing the garage door. She would almost always hit the button for the doorbell. She has given up closing it. She leaves that to me. Similarly, when we come in at night, she has locked the door behind her. That has become more difficult for her. She leaves it to me.
She gets confused about the light switches in our kitchen. Now, she frequently asks me to take care of the lights. Something that really can be trickier is turning off the water for the kitchen sink. We have a handle that we push to the right to turn on the water and left to turn it off. We push it back for hot water and pull it forward for cold. Several times lately she has called me into the kitchen to turn it off for her.
There are two other ways in which she is changing. One is relying on me to pick out her clothes. This happens both in the morning and at night when she is getting ready for bed. This is something that is inconsistent. She still normally gets her own clothes, but she seems just as happy when I do it, sometimes happier. It seems like it is just too difficult to decide what to wear. I am thinking about reducing the number of choices she has. That might help.
The other change is wanting me to hold her hand when she goes up or down a curb or stairs. As with her clothes, she is not consistent. She often refuses my hand when I offer it, but she is accepting my hand more than in the past and sometimes asking for my hand before its offered.
All of these things together (and there are a lot more of them) illustrate her growing dependence on me. I’m glad I can help.
