I got in bed last night about thirty minutes after Kate. That’s rather typical. Sometimes it’s a little longer. She was still awake and said that she had been waiting for me, wondering what I was doing. I had been reading in my chair right beside the bed. Until the past few months, I had been going in the family room and reading so as not to disturb her. When I discovered that left her feeling alone, I started reading in the bedroom. Since I read from my iPad, I have no trouble reading in the semi-dark room. Even though I am nearby, I find that she feels better when I finally get in bed with her.
After snuggling up close to her, she said in a very childlike way, “Tell me about our children.” I did. We talked a few minutes more and she again said, “Tell me about our children.” It was like a child who wants her mother to tell her favorite story once again. Over the past 4-6 months, I’ve grown accustomed to her asking me to tell her our children’s names or sometimes asking “Do we have children?” This was the first time, however, that she has asked in this way, and it opened my eyes to a reinterpretation of her asking.
She asks me other people’s names continuously throughout the day. That almost always occurs when I have said something like “Today we are going to see the Robinsons.” Her typical response would be “What are their names?” When she asks our children’s names, it isn’t usually prompted by anything I’ve said. For example, we may be driving in the car, not even talking, when she says, “What are our children’s names?”
At first, I interpreted her questions as a simple request for information. I also wondered why she seemed to ask about our children’s names as much or more than other people’s names. She should have been able to remember them much longer than those of others.
Last night when she said, “Tell me about our children,” I don’t think it was because she is simply forgetting their names like those of everybody else. It’s precisely the opposite. Her many unprompted requests for their names is because they do matter so much to her. She loves them dearly. They are precious to her, but their names are slowly slipping away. It’s her “mother’s love” for her children that is prompting her questions.
In addition to forgetting their names, I am sure she is forgetting most of the things about them. She hasn’t forgotten her feelings for them, however. She is doing her best to hold on to the last memories she has of them. I intend to do my best to help her.
