Posted on

Is It Possible That Others Could Benefit from the Same Things That Have Worked for Us?

In previous posts, I’ve said that our approach to Alzheimer’s has helped us live well, even joyfully. If that is so, it seems reasonable to ask if it could do the same for others.

I can answer that question, but first, I want to make clear what I mean by our approach. I’m not referring to the specific things that we did – binging on music, eating out, and traveling to exciting places. The approach I mean is to accept Alzheimer’s and the loss of rational thought coupled with a heavy emphasis on intuitive thought. We didn’t realize it at the beginning, but most of the activities we chose to enjoy life were ones Kate could enjoy for a long time. Not only that, but I could enjoy them with her.

So, is it possible that other Alzheimer’s couples facing the disease could live as well as we have? My short answer is “Yes, it is definitely possible. In fact, it’s already happening. One example is that of Tony Copeland-Parker and his wife, Catherine (Cat). Tony wrote the book “Running All Over the World”. Their story follows their lives after Cat was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. They took early retirement at UPS, sold their house, and began years of marathoning in all fifty states and seven continents. They did that for years until the late stage of Alzheimer’s brought that to an end.

Another is Helene Berger and her husband, Ady. Helene decided to shift her focus from managing a disease to actively focusing on daily happiness.

The result was constant mental stimulation, absolute kindness, and a conflict-free environment that led to what physicians considered an unprecedented stabilization. In his final years, Ady became known in his community as “the man with the radiant smile,” returning to the piano, drawing, and greeting friends by name. Helene tells their story in her book CHOOSING JOY. There are many similarities between Berger’s care for her husband and my care for Kate. Both of us have placed emphasis on keeping our spouses happy.

Judy Cornish can tell other stories like these. She is the author of THE DEMENTIA HANDBOOK. She has made a career out of helping people live well with dementia. She has numerous examples of others, besides Kate and me, who have followed her advice and have been able to live well with dementia.

Thus, I have no doubts that it is possible for others to live well if they followed our approach. The key word, however, is “possible”. Kate and I have had a number of advantages that have made a difference for us that others might not have. I’ll explain in a later post.

Posted on

Babies, Toddlers, and Kate

The families of our fellow residents at Still Hopes often bring their little ones when they visit. I’m always intrigued by how much they enjoy simple things. They can have fun with a cardboard box or a piece of paper. At this stage of her Alzheimer’s, Kate is like that.

She enjoys the plastic placemat at her place on the table of our community dining room. For a while, she liked pulling it off the table and folding it. Now, she just enjoys touching it.

She also smiles and laughs the way babies and toddlers do. This often happens at surprising times. One of the most predictable times is when we are getting her ready for bed in the evening. That involves personal things most of us wouldn’t want others to do for us, but for Kate, most of what we do is simply part of her daily routine.

She also laughs and talks at other times. That often happens when I say “I love you.” Sometimes she smiles and talks as she is waking up in the morning. It is clear that she is happy, and my intuitive thought enables me to be happy with her. What more could I want? To be cured of her Alzheimers? Obviously, that’s impossible. My rational thought accepts that.

Prior to the late stage of Alzheimer’s, I hadn’t thought about the likelihood that she might be so childlike, but it makes sense when I think about it. Kate as well as babies and toddlers have something in common. Their lives are shaped by their dependence on intuitive thought. Babies and toddlers haven’t yet developed the rational thought that will play such a large role later in their lives. Kate, on the other hand, has lost her rational thought. That leaves her with only her intuitive thought.

I want to emphasize that we have not been able to cure Alzheimer’s. We just found ways to make the best of a situation that has radically changed our lives for the past fifteen years.

One might ask if other people in our shoes could also find joy while “Living with Alzheimer’s”? That’s an important question, and one that I’ll leave for another post.

Posted on

Not Just a Happy Moment, But a Day Filled With Happy Moments

Regular readers of my posts will recognize the importance of “Happy Moments” in our lives. They are moments when Kate is especially cheerful. She smiles and talks much more during these moments, and that adds to the joy that we’ve been able to experience while “Living with Alzheimer’s”.

These usually occur in the afternoon or evening and, on occasion, off and on throughout the day. Yesterday was one for the record books. She awoke with a smile and talked. I try to take  advantage of moments like these and got in bed beside her. For an hour or so, we enjoyed ourselves while watching YouTube videos. It was a thrilling experience that continued the rest of the day.

Normally, something happens to stop moments like these. Then it can be hard for her to recover. That wasn’t the case yesterday. We had interruptions, but she always retained her cheerfulness and spoke with people who often don’t get to see or hear her like this.

Over the past two or three years, she has experienced a lot of Happy Moments, and although we can’t understand much of what she says, it is clear that she understands much of what the caregivers, residents, and I say and tries to respond appropriately.

We are very fortunate, and I am grateful.