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How Eating Out Helps Me Avoid Social Isolation


Recently, I had a very special day that reminded me of how much I benefit from eating out. It happened at Travinia, a restaurant that Kate and I enjoyed on Sundays before her hospitalization with COVID in 2020. Since then, she has been more restricted, but I have continued to have lunch there every Sunday.

Before I was seated at my table, I walked over to a nearby table and spoke with a couple that I see every week. They always ask me about Kate, and I was happy to give a good report that she is still doing well. I asked how they were doing, and that began a brief, but pleasant conversation.

When the server took my order, she said she thought she might have served me before. I told her I wasn’t sure, but I thought I would have remembered her hair that was shorter than my flat top when I was a teenager. She said, “Well, it’s just now growing out.” That made me think that she may have had cancer, but I didn’t ask. After she left, I felt I should have asked and been more supportive.

It wasn’t long before the manager of the restaurant stopped by and asked about Kate as well as my brother who travels a lot and my son-in-law who has been talking about retirement. In between, we talked about how the Labor Day weekend had kept many regular customers away. That caused me to mention the seasonal patterns of my business.

I was eating an arugula salad that is a new addition to the menu. I told him I had never heard of arugula when I was growing up. Then, he told me about its being a west coast vegetable that had gradually made its way across the country.

When the server returned a little later, I told her I wanted to ask her a personal question: “Did you have cancer?” She said she hadn’t. She told me that she had shaved her head and kept it shaved for a while. That led to more questions about why and another interesting conversation.

Midway through my lunch, a man and his wife took a table across the room from me. I knew them from Villa Tronco. We saw them regularly for about eight years when the restaurant brought in opera singers to perform on the first Thursday. I didn’t know them well, but I see them at Travinia once in a while. It wasn’t long before the man walked to my table to say hello. We had another brief conversation.

As I left, I dropped by their table to speak with his wife. I told her that I still remembered calling her by the wrong name for several years. I told her that I now remember her name each time we see each other but can’t remember what I had called her before she corrected me. She laughed and said that she couldn’t remember either.

From there, we began a longer discussion about some of the funny things that have happened to us during our married lives. When we finished, I left the restaurant feeling great.

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Tips for Caregivers: Caring for the Caregiver


Caring for the Caregiver

People often ask me if I’m taking care of myself. My answer is yes, and here is what I have done. Perhaps that will give you a few ideas that might work for you.

I had been going to the YMCA almost every day for years and continued to do so until the pandemic arrived in 2020. Then I started walking in our neighborhood. When we moved to Still Hopes five months later, I started going to the wellness center, where I spend 45 minutes on the seated elliptical after 15-20 minutes of stretching exercises. I get up between 3:45 and 4:30 each morning so that I can get back to our apartment before 6:30. Kate is a good sleeper, and I am confident that she will remain asleep at that hour. At first, I went every day, but my doctor convinced me that it would be good to take off at least two days a week. I started taking off Wednesday and Sunday. That is my present schedule.

I’m also mindful of my diet. For many years, I’ve followed a high protein, low carbohydrate diet that has served me well. I am thirty pounds lighter than I was in high school and forty pounds lighter than I was in my freshman year in college.

I also find other ways to care for myself. One of those is listening to audiobooks while I’m at the wellness center. Most of my listening is nonfiction, but I periodically read fiction. Recently, I finished listening to THE GALES OF NOVEMBER by John H. Bacon. It is about the Edmund Fitzgerald that sank in Lake Superior in 1975. In addition to the ship itself, it contains a lot of interesting information about the Great Lakes, and the economy in that area which was heavily dependent on the auto industry and more specifically iron and steel.

The most important thing I’ve done is to be as socially active as possible. Prior to and during the first nine years after her diagnosis, Kate and I were both socially active, as a couple and separately. Since she entered the last stage of Alzheimer’s, we have been more restricted. I do take a three-hour break every day from noon until 3:00 pm. That gives me time to eat lunch, run errands, have coffee with friends and drop by Starbucks where I work on my blog. Apart from that break, I am with Kate all day and night.

I go off the grounds for lunch five days a week. Most of the time, I go by myself, but I often see people I know. Once a month, I go to lunch with two Still Hopes residents. I also meet a former staff member and longtime friend for coffee every Friday afternoon. At noon every Saturday, I meet three other guys for coffee.

I’m also a member of three support groups, two of which are here at Still Hopes. One is for dementia caregivers. The other is for people caring for anyone who needs care. I am also a member of “The Men’s Coffee Club”, a men’s support group at Leeza’s Care Connection. It meets the second and fourth Fridays of each month. I participate on Zoom since it is before our caregiver arrives at 11:00 am.

One of the things I learned in my reading about caring for a loved one with dementia came from an online magazine in the UK. It recommended that caregivers and their loved ones put together a team. The focus of the article was on medical, legal, and financial professionals. We had those in place, but I took that a giant step forward. I consider everyone who does anything to make each of my days a little brighter, a member of my team. That would include all of you who read my posts and respond with kind and encouraging words. During my three-hour daily break, I often have conversations with people I don’t know. I include them on my team as well.

Although I retired long ago, I still own my business and stay in touch with the staff. For years, I had been active in several non-profit organizations. I’m much less active now, but I still maintain contacts with them.

I wish I could say that my effort to care for myself has prevented the stress that goes along with caring for someone with dementia. It doesn’t, but it keeps my head well above water. I’m very grateful for the support you and others have given me. That has played a major role in how Kate and I have been able to live so well with her Alzheimer’s, and I thank you.