Posted on

Where Are My Keys?

I suspect it may be clear from what I said last time that I am going through a sad time as I think about Kate’s decline and as I imagine where we will end up.

Today I made two presentations to a client group just outside Knoxville. As I was leaving, I got a phone call from Kate saying she was at Bojangles and couldn’t find the key to the car. I told her to sit tight and went to meet her with another key. When I got there I looked for the key and found it in the console. She didn’t remember putting it there, and I don’t think she had actually gotten out of the car. Thus, it would not have been hard to find for someone else, but with AD, a lot of things are difficult.

I hated to leave her, but when I got home, she said she had gotten along all right. She was having trouble with email, and I helped her. We went to dinner at Altruda’s, and she has gone to bed. I went to the bedroom and she said she had forgotten to take her evening medicine. I got it for her. After she had taken it, she said, “I’m glad you are back.” This is the kind of thing she could have said to me in An earlier time, but I think we both read more into it now.

Posted on

More Discouragement

Last night we had a nice evening – a fire, wine and cheese and olives, and good conversation. Kate indicated that she was discouraged over her decline. We both talked about making the most of the time we have together. We never talk in terms of specific amount of time, but I think she believes we have more time than I do.

This conversation was brought up by my showing her a video on Michael J. Fox and Family Ties and a song, “At this Moment.” I first heard this on the show and loved it but didn’t know the name. Periodically over the years I have thought about getting it. Yesterday I went to YouTube and found a part of the episode that included the song and then downloaded it from iTunes.

I put it and 24 other songs on a playlist on my iPhone and played them while we talked. The last song was a repeat of the first one I played, “At this Moment.” She had no recollection of the song when it was played again. Even though I had played it a couple of times and she indicated she liked it as well. That is when she said something about being discouraged.

Posted on

Stressful Times

We’ve had a couple of stressful weeks following our trip. We still have to finish up an irrigation leak in the front yard that we identified before leaving, Kate got a cold that has lasted until the last day or two, her computer went out, and we bought another, Dad’s heart rate dropped to 30 and he went to the Heart Hospital for a couple of days, business is off and I have been deciding whether or not to close entirely, we’ve had a buyer for our building and settled on a contract, etc.

Kate seems to have felt better this week although she was a little upset with herself this morning as she prepared to get ready for a PEO Founder’s Day luncheon. She couldn’t remember the exact time of the lunch and waited too late to find someone at home who could tell her. Then she lost a magnet for the back of her PEO pin. She found it but said, “”I’m a disaster.” At 12:06 she asked me what time it was. I told her. and she thought it was earlier; so it meant that she was late for what turned out to be a noon lunch. I drove her which reduced her stress and told her I would try to take her places whenever possible.

The good news is that selling the building will take a little financial pressure off of us. In addition, Megan figured up the committed projects and our part of the income. It turns out that we almost have everything covered for the year. All we need is another 4-5 average projects to get that; so it looks like we will make it another year. That’s good because we agreed to sign a one-year lease with the new owners of the building..

Posted on

One Year Since Diagnosis

One year ago today, we met with Dr. Reasoner to receive the news that Kate’s results showed she has AD. During that year I have noted apparent declines in her memory, sometimes not quite sure whether the changes were real or not because they can be so subtle and similar to what we all do. At this point, there is no doubt that she has declined in a perceptible way.

A week ago last night we got back from our trip to Africa (Tanzania) with OAT. It was a great trip that we both enjoyed far more than anticipated. On the other hand, I felt as though I had to be watching and helping her every step of the way. I am having to assume more and more responsibility for everything.

She continues to get along well in normal interactions with people. I don’t think anyone on the trip would suspect her condition. Neither do I think our children or close friends suspect. I do sometimes wonder about her best friend, because she and Kate have had so many opportunities to talk and socialize together.

The most distressing thing to me is that Kate is so frustrated over her inability to do many things that she would have been able to do before. In the last 2 days she has commented that it’s the little things that bother her the most. From my perspective that would include things like remembering how to charge her cell phone or how to deal with a technician on the help line. She has great difficulty following a set of instructions. They simply overwhelm her. In our personal conversations when she indicates a problem and I automatically try to explain, she stops me because she can’tunderstand.

The whole situation makes me recall times when I hear people say something like, “Well, at least she doesn’t know.” I heard this when my mother was in the early stages. Kate is keenly aware that her memory is declining. She sees how much of her time is spent looking for simple things like car keys, her purse, etc.

It has gotten so bad that I feel I can’t depend on her to do anything. I either have to do it myself, or follow her to see that it is done. While on the trip, she picked out a bag to bring back to Doris. We bought it along with a couple of other things. Then after eating lunch (this was in our lodge) she went back into the gift shop. I saw her looking at the bags again and asked what she was looking for. She told me she was looking for a bag for Doris. She had not remembered buying the first one only 45 minutes to an hour earlier.

She is clearly discouraged. She is not sleeping well. I am not sure, however, how much is a result of jet lag and how much is anxiety over her condition. I think it is some combination of both.

Over the past year, I have cited specific instances of her memory failure. I suspect I may do less of that as so much occurs that I can’t recall the instances without writing things down at the time, and I find that impossible.

We enjoyed the Africa trip so much and are looking at possible trips to New Zealand, the Galapagos, Russia, and China. I fear, however, that our travels may be heavily influenced by her condition. Right now, for example, I am thinking of taking an OAT trip to New Zealand next January (2013), but I wonder whether or not that will be a good idea. I do believe we could do a cruise, but half of the time is spent on the water. I will wait until later in the year to see how things are going.

I need to be honest about my own anxieties. This is a very trying time for me. My business is so bad that I had to let Regina go before Christmas. She had been with me for 28 years. Now I am wondering how long I can keep the doors open. Dad requires attention. This week he spent 2 days in the hospital. I am spending less time in the office. I need to spend more time with Kate. It is a difficult time. I am not sleeping as well as I used to.

Posted on

Celebrating Christmas

The past few weeks have brought with it the usual stresses associated with Christmas as well as special ones related to Kate’s Alzheimer’s. Here are some of the key things that happened.

First, she started late with her Christmas shopping and then had great difficulty ordering online. She wanted to order 1 Vikings and 1 Falcons Pillow Pets for the twin grandsons. She ended up ordering 2 Vikings and having them shipped here which might have been too late for us to take with us. I ended up making a new order with delivery to Memphis.

I had given her instructions that we would give Kevin and Rachel, our son and his wife, a check for Rachel’s birthday as well as Christmas presents for the whole family. She ended up writing two checks for a total of less than we had agreed upon. Neither arrived for Christmas.

We had bought 3 gift cards to a yogurt shop for their children, and she misplaced one of these. Rachel had to arrange another. She didn’t get the other 2 in the mail early enough to arrive for Christmas. She also tried to order Sonic gift cards for the grandchildren but wasn’t able to do so. I ended up doing it for her, but it was too late to arrive for Christmas.

She worked 2 hours trying to order a TCU shirt for our oldest grandson but was unable to get it done. I did this for her.

On Christmas morning in Memphis with our daughter’s family, we opened presents as usual. We also took a break after opening some of them and returned to opening the rest later. We had purchased a gift card from a local restaurant for Jesse and Greg. When she hadn’t given it to them, I suggested she do so. She wanted to hold off. Then later she told me she wanted to do it “tomorrow.” That evening after our Christmas dinner, she told us (Jesse, Greg, and me) that she thought we should just wait to open the rest until tomorrow. I told her we had already opened all the presents. After we retired to our bedroom, she told me she had been thinking all day that Christmas was tomorrow. I could tell that she was troubled by this recognition of her mistake. Recently she has seemed more troubled by her Alzheimer’s though she doesn’t say much.

Last night our son, Kevin, called to say that most of the things that we had purchased had arrived. In the process of talking about things, he asked if we had opened the CD he had given us when we were in San Antonio for Thanksgiving. I told him I didn’t recall a CD. We told him we would look for it. This morning she found it while taking down our Christmas decorations. He had given it to Kate and hadn’t told me about it. Of course, she put it in the tree and forgot it.

We went to a movie last night, and she seemed especially pleased for us to be going out. I found myself a little down last night, as well. In fact, I woke up around midnight when I received a phone call from Dad. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I couldn’t get my mind off what I believe is the fact that she is declining faster than I had hoped. Furthermore, I think she is feeling the same way but not saying anything. I can’t help wondering about what things will be like next year and how we will be affected by her condition. I am feeling the same compulsion to be with her and hang onto her tightly.

All this comes at a time of great stress for me at the office. I had to let Regina go after 28 years, and I listed the building with a realtor just before Christmas. Furthermore, I see no signs of immediate improvement.

Posted on

Getting Lost is Commonplace

Today was Dad’s Kiwanis Club luncheon. I assumed that Kate would go with me to pick him up. I also knew that would require more of her time which is precious since she is trying to get ready for my Sunday school class party at the church tomorrow at noon. She also has her PEO Christmas dinner at our house on Saturday night. She wanted us to go in separate cars. I hesitated knowing that she has both a time management problem (she runs late) and that she has no sense of direction. She assured me that she knew how to get there. I consented and told her we were to gather at 11:30 with the meal to start at noon. She had not arrived when the meal started. I slipped out at 12:15-12:30 and called her. She said she thought she was almost there. We hung up. Then she didn’t arrive until after 12:30. By that time we had finished our salads and the entrée had been served at our table. She indicated she had asked three different people for directions and that they had been very helpful.

When I got back home, she was working on her family album. She told me that she had ordered the meal for her PEO dinner on Saturday. She said that she had ordered lasagna and a chicken dish over spinach pasta. I reminded her that we had decided to have just spinach ravioli. She asked me to call back and handle the transaction.

Monday night was the December meeting of our music club. I was putting my shoes on in our bedroom when she walked in, and I said something about her clothes. She hadn’t realized I was in the bedroom and was quite startled when I spoke to her. I started to apologize and she broke into tears and didn’t want to talk about it. These are two common patterns. First, she is very skittish. I try to be very careful about announcing when I come in the house to prevent scaring her. The second pattern is her not wanting to discuss anything when I want to discuss the situation. She just wants to drop it.

Yesterday we had lunch together at Applebee’s. When we left, Kate said she was going to do a little shopping. About 3:15, I was about to walk out the office door when I received a call from Kate. She told me she couldn’t find her car. I asked where she was. She told me, and I told her I would be right there. When I got there, we decided it best for her to get in the car with me and for us to drive around to find the car. I asked her where she had been. That led to my driving along the street where she had been shopping. As we drove, I saw her car in a parking lot. I turned around and went back. She had absolutely no recollection of having left the car there even though that would be the most obvious place to park. Before we went our separate ways, I suggested that in the future she might try using her phone to take a picture of where she parks to help her find her car. That is something I do when I park in a parking garage. Of course, I realize in order for that to work, she would need to remember to take a picture.

Last night we talked about her experience and very briefly about how she was feeling. She acknowledged feeling discouraged and angry. She feels that she is too young to face this and that her lifespan has been unfairly shortened.

Posted on

Everyday Issues

This past weekend Kate expressed more than usual frustration, some of which was directed at me. Our TV service had been out since the previous weekend, and she had wanted me to call AT&T to get it fixed. When it first went out, she said she was going to call AT&T. Later she indicated that she thought it would be better for me to do since she would not know what to say to them. As I am sometimes prone to do, I forgot about it during the day. It wasn’t that I was too busy to work it into my schedule although I did have a busy week. We spoke on the phone late Friday as I was leaving Dad’s for home. She told me she really wanted to get the TV working again. I could tell she was put out with me and asked if she were peeved. She said, “Well, yes.”

When I got home, I proceeded to contact them and after about an hour and a half, we got to the point at which they said they would have to send a technician to our house. Kate was pleased, and we ended up going to Casa Bella for dinner. During our dinner she said she was feeling better and indicated that she guessed she was feeling a little neglected. We didn’t go into a discussion, but I know we have periodic talks about how much time I spend with Dad.

The next morning she was on the phone with one of her PEO sisters. They were discussing the financial statement of a scholarship candidate. Before making the call, Kate went over the statement with me and made notes so that she would be sure of what she was going to say when she was on the phone. She is increasingly unsure of herself, especially when it involves things that are not in her skills area. Numbers are clearly one of those.

When she was on the phone, I was right next to her but working on the computer. She got very nervous and told me not to leave her. Everything worked out, but these kinds of things are added stress to her life.

Yesterday I got out my backup drive to back up my computer. I keep it in a box that has 2 corrugated pieces that hold it firmly in place within its box. When I went to put up the drive, I couldn’t find the 2 pieces of corrugated paper and asked her about them. At first she didn’t know what I was talking about. When I explained a little more, she thought she recalled that she had done something with them but couldn’t remember what. She looked in a number of places and finally found them for me. It was not a big deal, but this represented another instance in which her memory failed her. When she gave them to me, she said, “I’m just getting worse.” I tried to comfort her, but I can tell this doesn’t help. I think it is because she knows I also see it.

Posted on

The Party’s Over and All is Well

We had Dad’s 98th birthday party this past Saturday and everything went well.  We had  over 50 people at our house. It was a beautiful day, so we were able to seat most everyone on the patio and the back yard. I decided it would be better to have the party catered, and Kate agreed. We had BBQ with baked beans, macaroni and cheese, and banana pudding. I had tried hard to minimize the things that Kate had to do, but events of this nature necessitate everyone’s being involved. She came through quite well. It was only before the party itself that she got a little flustered. I think that did not involve the stress of events but rather one of our guests. Most of the family was there early to help with the final preparations.  I had gone to pick up our dinner for Saturday night. When I returned, she said, “Don’t you ever leave me like that again.” After probing a little bit, it appears that it was simply the stress of dealing with other people.  I am sure that others were trying to offer help when she didn’t want it. She works more slowly these days. I suspect that is because she has to concentrate so much on what she is doing. She is sensitive about receiving help when she thinks she is doing fine.

One example of her AD is that I had gotten a small birthday cake for Dad that I told her I would use at the birthday party on Saturday. She got confused and planned to do it on Friday night when we had a small gathering of the family. It’s a simple mistake that anyone can make, but in this case, it is another of many examples I now attribute to her AD.

One other general example is that she frequently doesn’t see things that are right in front of her nose. She frequently asks me to help her find things. I usually find them where she has already looked. Once again, this is the kind of thing that can and does happen to everyone. In Kate’s case, they happen so often that it has got to be a symptom of AD.

Posted on

More Signs of Confusion

Yesterday Kate misplaced the money I had put out for our housekeeper. I have no idea where it is. I’m sure it will turn up sometime.

She also put dirty dishes in dishwasher with clean ones after my telling her they were clean. This incident could really happen to anyone, but I am more prone to link it to AD since her diagnosis.

Posted on

Entertaining Is Becoming Difficult

The big thing in our lives right now is Dad’s 98th birthday party which we are having at our house this Saturday, the 29th. In connection with our preparations, I have had several observations related to Kate. First, she has really wanted to have the party and to work hard to be ready. At the same time these things introduce frustrations that would have been different in earlier times. For example, she decided to do 2 collages of photos to display in a frame during the party. One is of Dad with his family; the other with friends.

This seems straightforward enough and falls within the kinds of things that she likes to do. However, we have had to take pictures from my computer to upload to hers which introduces some frustration. She can’t remember where she loaded pictures. As she was working on the collages last night, she exclaimed how confused she was. I told her not to be too hard on herself and that she knows this is something she can’t control. Even as I said this, I recognized that this is a simple thing to say but difficult to do.

Last night she was trying to dial the phone number of one of her PEO sisters and kept misdialing. She ended up giving me the phone to dial.

She is also planning to host a PEO dinner on December 10. Fortunately all she will have to prepare is the chocolate mousse, but there will be lots of things to do to have the house ready for this group.

She has also indicated a willingness to host our  music club for its February meeting. I love the fact that she wants to do these things, but it concerns me that it introduces too much frustration in her life.