I called Kate in from the yard about 25 minutes ago. She came in and took a shower. A minute ago she called to me. I went into the family room where she was standing. She asked, “You want to eat outside?” I told her I thought we would eat out. Then she told me that she thought I had said something else and indicated she was probably wrong. This is one of the many little things that are not of any great consequence but can be a coordination problem, especially if they occur where there is a time deadline that is approaching.
From Memphis
We had a leisurely trip to Memphis where we met Jesse and the boys for a Lacrosse game. Their team lost, but they didn’t seem too disturbed by it. They have been playing 4 years and enjoy it.
Kate has gotten along pretty well but does get confused when we are in different places. Yesterday morning as I was finishing up in the bathroom before running out to Starbucks for coffee and a couple of blueberry muffins for her, I heard the door to the room open. I opened the bathroom door and found that she had gotten out of bed and opened the front door looking for a bathroom. I told her she could come in (to the bathroom). She said, “That’s all right; I’ll just go to another bathroom.” She obviously thought she was at home.
I won’t take this time for a serious discussion of how I am adapting as Kate’s condition worsens. I will only say that I believe I am letting a number of things slip that are a result of trying to think of so many things in connection with Kate as well as my own obligations. On this trip I left my backpack with my camera and backup medications in the hotel room in Nashville along with some of Kate’s clothes and my black belt. Fortunately, they found the backpack. I will pick it up as we pass through Nashville on Tuesday. I made a subsequent call about the things in the closet, but I haven’t checked back to see if they found them. I am optimistic that they did since they found the backpack. We haven’t come close to the situation described in the 36-Hour Day, but I can easily see how one can feel there are not enough hours in the day to do it all.
Looking Forward to a Good Day
It is a beautiful day in Knoxville today. In fact, we have had a string of beautiful days. That has meant Kate is spending a little more time in the yard. I try to let her stay out as long as she cares to. Sometimes, especially late in the afternoon, I feel the need to encourage her to come inside as I did yesterday when we were supposed to pick up friends to go to dinner at Casa Bella where they had a special night of music the songs of Peter, Paul and Mary as well as Simon and Garfunkel. This was a one-time replacement for Broadway Night that occurs the third and fourth Thursdays of each month. They have been doing this for the past 16 months. Kate and I have made almost every program as well as Opera Thursday which is the first Thursday of each month. This is something we both enjoy. I believe it is especially beneficial for Kate. It is not only a time to enjoy the music; it is also a social occasion. Many of the people who attend are regulars like us. Last night was a special treat for Kae as she is very fond of the couple who went with us. She loved the evening. That, of course, makes me happy.
Yesterday there were a couple of things to note about Kate’s behavior. Early in the day as she was getting dressed, I went to her room to get an idea of how long it would be before leaving for Panera. When I entered the room, she picked up a small painting or print that we had gotten on a trip some time ago. She asked, “Where did I tell you I wanted to hang this?” We had not had a conversation about this at all. I said, “I don’t remember your telling me.” She looked mildly disgruntled and tossed he picture on her bed where it had been. From past experience I knew not to pursue the subject any further.
The second thing occurred as we were getting ready for the dinner last night. She said something like, “They really have the time down on the deodorant.” I was puzzled but didn’t say anything. She came out of the bathroom and said, “It works. You just hold your arms up like this for 10 minutes (seconds, I assume).” She went on to say more that I didn’t understand. At first it sounded like you didn’t need to use deodorant if you just washed under your arms and then held them up for a short time. She said something else that made me think holding up one’s arms let the deodorant dry made it work more effectively.” I told her I didn’t know that. She then said, “You told me that it made sense.” When I told her I didn’t remember talking about this, she was irritated and said, “Let’s not talk about it.”
Crisis, Come and Gone, Only to Return Again?
Late yesterday after my entry indicating that Kate’s crisis was over, it appeared that everything was fine again. Then as we prepared to go to dinner, she asked was looking for shoes to wear. I told her I thought they were in our bedroom where she had been resting and then using her iPad. I went to the bedroom and brought them back. Before I left her in her bedroom, I heard her becoming frantic and starting to cry. By the time I returned with the shoes, she was in tears again. I put my arms around her. Through her tears she said, “I can’t find anything.” She continued to be distressed when we got in the car to go. I put on the second movement of Brahms’s Violin Concerto which is a soothing piece of music that I regularly play in the car to calm her. In a few minutes, she said, “I really could not live without you.”
When we got to the restaurant and sat down, I could see that she was depressed even though the tears had stopped. I reached across the table and grasped her hands in mind and said something I intended to be comforting. She said, “I am just a little low right now.” I, of course, was thinking this was an expression of her continued frustration over misplacing things. Then she said, “To say that about my mother.” Then I knew that she was thinking about believing that someone had said something about her mother. I started to say something. She stopped me and said, “And I know it’s not a dream.” That is something I have suggested following previous occurrences. Moments after this, she smiled and said, “I’m over it now.” Then she was fine for the balance of the meal and the evening.
What concerns me is the intensity of her frustration. If it is at this level now, it is bound to get worse before it gets better. She is really suffering pain even though I don’t think it weighs on her mind all the time. Since she can’t remember things from one minute to the next, she always has to face not being able to find something she wants or needs. I wish I could relieve her of the problem.
A Day of Confusion
Kate and I are both trying to recover from colds we got late last week. She got hers about 2 days later than I, but hers was more severe. Sunday (2 days ago) was very hard for her. She moaned and groaned very audibly. She often does this anyway, but this was much louder and more intense. She was miserable. Fortunately, today has been much better though as I write this post, she is saying, “Oh, Oh, Uh . . .” She sounds as those she is in serious pain. I am hoping tomorrow is closer to a normal one.
By that I mean our “new normal.” Given Kate’s decline, our normal is quite different than it was even 3-6 months ago. Today she has experienced several moments of confusion. This morning, for example, as we were getting ready for lunch, she said she was going to get her clothes and take a shower before leaving. In a few minutes, she came back to the bedroom where I was dressing and asked, “Did you say you laid out my clothes for me?” I told her that I hadn’t. This was apparently one of those occasions when she thought I had told her something but hadn’t. I can’t remember them now, but she mentioned 2-3 other things that she thought I had said.
This afternoon we went to her dentist to pick up her new night guard. She had lost the other one a while back and has been using a temporary one since a week or so before we left for our cruise in January. While she was with the dentist, I went over to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. I got a call that she was ready. When I walked in the door, I walked over to Kate and planned to leave. Kate told me that the dentist was going to come out and explain something. We waited about 10 minutes. Finally one of the women behind the counter called to us. I told her we were waiting on the dentist. She told me that Kate was all finished and that we were free to go.
Shortly after returning home from dinner this evening, Kate called to me. She said, she had left her night guard at the restaurant. She described to me how she had taken it out of her mouth, wrapped it in a napkin, and put it on the table. She just knew that it had been picked up and thrown out as trash. I called the restaurant to see if our server might have found it. She had not. I told them we had just picked it up this afternoon and that it cost almost $600. The person on the phone said they would be happy to look in the trash. Before I could answer, I could hear Kate calling to me that she had found it. It was in its container. I suspect this is only the beginning of many such occurrences.
Communication Issues
We are back from PEO and lunch. As I we got close the home where today’s meeting was held, Kate spoke my cell phone number. It was not correct; so I corrected her. Then I said maybe I should write it down. She said that would be a good idea. It turned out that I didn’t have anything to write with; so we rehearsed the number several times. She also asked me what to say if someone asked her about our cruise. I told her to say, “We went on a Caribbean cruise.”“She liked that. I felt bad for her because she has never felt the need to ask my number before. In addition, her asking about the cruise suggests to me that she continues to be alert to the fact that she is less able to remember things. I know this must create a good bit of stress, discomfort, and, possibly, fear.
Shortly after 11:00, she called me to say she was ready to be picked up. I was at Starbucks. I said goodbye, and started to leave. As I was driving out of the parking lot, I received another call from Kate. She said she was sorry, but the program just began. I turned and went back to Starbucks where I waited for another call that she was ready. When the call had not come after 12:00, I decided to leave and head toward house where the meeting was held. I figured Kate would probably call while I was on the way. When I arrived, all the cars were gone. I went to the door and rang the bell. I discovered quickly the meeting had been over for some time but Kate had not called. The hostess said encouraged Kate to call me, but Kate said she had called me and that I was on the way. It was 12:50 when I arrived. My guess is that the meeting had been over more than an hour. It had been a long wait for her, and she was not happy with me. She thinks I said I was coming but didn’t. The truth is that the communication was unclear. I thought she would call me back when the meeting was over. She thought that I would come ahead.
More Confusion
We have had a good day. This morning was an experiment in a morning excursion leaving at 8:30. I had my alarm set for 5:15 thinking it was really 6:15 because when I went to bed the time on my phone had not changed. Unfortunately, the clock reset during the night; so I actually got up at 5:15. I went to breakfast about 5:40 which is 20 minutes before the breakfast opens. I took a walk to pass the time. I woke Kate at 7:00 and did not rush her. I brought her some breakfast to the room. We were able to disembark for our excursion on time without a problem.
She has seemed happy and not too tired today. When we returned from our excursion around noon, we went to lunch. Upon returning to our room, she immediately got into the bed and pulled the covers over her. It is now almost 3:00, and she is still in bed although awake and using her iPad. I asked her if she would like to go to a movie at 4:00. She said she would. A few minutes after saying that she said, “The nice thing is that we can go home anytime if we want.” I gave her a puzzled look. Then she said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in St. Martin. She said, “I knew that. I was confused.” At least one other time she has asked me where we are and said something that led me to think she thought we were in Knoxville. To me one of the interesting things is that she can be confused when she can see that we are on a ship. When she asked me where we are, she was looking directly at me. I am sitting in front of the glass door leading to our balcony. Directly through the door, it is very easy to see a very large cruise ship that is docked behind us.
Panic Attack
Kate is in the midst of a panic attack as we get ready for our formal dinner tonight. I had left her resting to take a walk and then stop by the Lido for some water and to write the previous post. When I returned, she was taking a bath. When she got out, she was hot. It was getting time to get ready for the evening. I picked out her clothes and put them on the bed. I showed them to her. Then she went to the closet and got another outfit. I said, “Here is what you can wear tonight.” Surprisingly, she accepted that. She was at the beginning of her panic attack at that point, and I believe she was willing to accept a suggestion that would make things easier for her. Somewhere before this she had asked me what we were doing and where we were going. I told her that this was formal night and that we were going to get our picture taken, go to dinner, and then to a show.
Once she had put on what I had picked out, she came from the bathroom with her toothbrush, iPad, and puzzle books in her hand. I suggested that she wouldn’t need to take those with her. She asked where we were going. It turns out that she had forgotten what I had told her. She thought we were going to the house. Then she started panicking. She started breathing harder and shed tears. It turned out that she didn’t bring any shoes except the ones she has been wearing since we left on Sunday. They are casual shoes that look a little bit like tennis shoes. I think this caused more concern. I don’t think it was because she didn’t have the right shoes. I think it was because she had forgotten to bring any other shoes. That was yet another reminder that she makes one mistake after another.
After this, we were ready to go. We got our picture taken, had dinner, and saw the show. Things turned out fine. Still, I have to believe this kind of issue will only get worse until she lets me take charge of packing everything for her. This will also affect our travel in the future. I am wavering on the cruise from Rome to Amsterdam in May.
Lots of Confusion
Kate has been outside for a while. When she came in she asked me what we were doing tonight. I told her that we were either going to dinner at Elizabeth’s Chris if they are not already booked or to a Christmas concert by a local choral group. I reminded her that we leave tomorrow on our flight to Texas. Since then (less than an hour ago), she has asked me at least twice if not three times what we have on tonight. A moment ago after telling her once again, I reminded her of our flight to Texas. She asked me what time we were leaving. I told her again. Then she said as though it were a surprise, “I really need to know that.” She is beginning to show a little panic as tonight and departure tomorrow are coming together.
Some Changes
I was just about to write a post that would say that a number of things have happened over the past few days that make me think Kate is making a shift downward. The first sign is that she has seemed depressed and not as upbeat. The other is confusion which I have mentioned in an earlier post today.
Just before I started I heard her call me. She wanted me to come to her office. When I got there, she said she wanted me to see her closet. Her bed had no clothing on it, nor was there any on the floor. Her closet looked beautifully organized. She thanked me. When I asked why she was thanking me, that I hadn’t done a thing. She said, “You bought me the hangers.” For over a year she has periodically asked me for more wooden hangers. Each time we have gone by Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Each time I think this is the end. Then a while later she says she wants more. I am surprised she attributed her success to me. This is something she has done on her own. She said, “I feel so much better. I can’t tell you how much better I feel.” I reinforced how much better her room looked and that I know she must feel better. This is not the first time she has cleaned up, but it never lasts too long. I am wondering if in her depression of the past few days, she hasn’t directed her attention to cleaning up which made her feel better. Whatever it is, I am grateful. It makes her feel a lot better. It makes me feel better as well.
