Posted on

More Good Times

Yesterday was Memorial Day; so the office was closed. I did not go to the Y because of my back. I did take a 2-mile walk in the neighborhood. Kate and Ellen went to lunch . Then they went to a nursery before going to a movie at The Flick. I went to lunch at Panera and then to the Acura dealer to have the car serviced. I then went to the store and bought a pot roast, the fixings for spaghetti sauce, and tilapia. We had the fish last night before going to a neighborhood gathering to welcome the new neighbors on our street.

While there Kate got in a conversation with two women. One of them asked if she didn’t get bitten by bugs while working in the yard. Kate told her not very much and that she used Listerine to keep them away. They acted surprised. She told them it worked for her. This is something I have ignored for quite a while. I was thinking that she got the idea by hearing that it was good for bites not as a preventive measure and that she had simply misunderstood. At any rate, I let this go because it annoys her when I challenge her on things like this. I felt awkward with the neighbors because I didn’t want them to believe it would work for them and learn later that it does not.

Kate was quite sociable. She went her way, and I went mine. We both had a good time. When we got back home she joked with me that I was not the only one who could socialize. She jokes like this frequently now, something she didn’t do before.

This morning we went to breakfast with the Y group. She had a good time, especially as it was ending. We walked out with a couple of people and were talking with them outside the restaurant when we saw two other people we know. We must have talked with them for 30 minutes. Larry asked her if she had been to Texas lately. We said yes, and Kate said we went to Fort Worth for one day. We did not go to Fort Worth on this trip. We did go there in December. In that case we went for 2 days. There are lots of examples like this in which the listener would have no basis for questioning what she says. This is another way that Alzheimer’s can remain hidden for so long. Then another church friend and his caregiver, Judy, came out of the pancake house. We then engaged in conversation with them for another 15-20 minutes. Kate spoke with Judy about our getting together for lunch one day. This is something I see happening more often nowadays. In the past she might not have done it or at least not been as enthusiastic about it.

Posted on

Why don’t people notice?

This is really a rhetorical question to which I know the answer. I still find it interesting that with so many signs of problems Kate successfully conceals her Alzheimer’s from most people. The reason is that other people see such a small part of her behavior. The time they are with her involves ordinary social conversation that she is able to handle as well now as she could in the past. I, on the other hand, am with her so much and get to see much more than others. This morning, for example, she let me know that she had called Ellen to arrange lunch and go to see a movie this afternoon. Although I had told her yesterday that the movie does not start until 3:00, she had forgotten. That would mean a long time between lunch and the movie. She called Ellen, and they worked out plans to do something in between lunch and the movie. Had I not intervened, they would have worked out things on the spot.

I told Kate she had an hour until Ellen was to pick her up. She said she was coming in anyway because of the heat and humidity. Thirty minutes later she was still outside. I told her she now had less than 30 minutes until Ellen arrived. She came in and started to get ready. She did a good job getting ready. Ellen came almost 15 minutes early; so she only had to wait 5-7 minutes before Kate was ready. This is part of a daily occurrence. Nothing too serious, and Ellen would probably never have connected it to Alzheimer’s if Kate hadn’t told her. Even then she may not have noticed anything. Most things are simply unseen by others.

Posted on

She surprises me sometimes.

All of the entries I give point to the many things that are symptoms of Kate’s Alzheimer’s. This is unfair in painting the whole picture. In many ways she is herself. Once in a while she really surprises me. That happened this morning when I saw her rinsing out a yogurt container. This is something about which she has been sloppy. It’s not that she doesn’t do it; it is that she does it but leaves traces of yogurt which concern me because we attract insects inside and have the potential for doing the same in the recycling bin outside in the garage. I was made especially sensitive about that recently when I saw a swarm of gnat-like insects around the recycling. We are also getting gnats in the kitchen.

I don’t know that I paid special attention to see that she had sufficiently rinsed the yogurt container, but when she had finished, she said, “I saw you watching me to see if I rinsed the yogurt container.” I have never said the first word to her about my doing this, but I have watched in the past, and I also come behind her and re-rinse the containers she has already rinsed. She has obviously picked up on this.

We are enjoying an unusual Sunday morning at home today. She told me last night that she was thinking of not going to church today. She re-confirmed that this morning. I decided to follow suit as there was no regular Sunday school this morning.

We have been active the past few days. Friday night we went to a play at the Bijou. They performed Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks. It was a wild comedy. It was not exactly our kind of thing, but we do share a love for theater. We will continue to attend as many theater performances as we can. I am optimistic that we will have a couple of more years to enjoy them.

Yesterday afternoon we went to lunch at a small café on Millwood and then drove to The Flick planning to see Belle. It turns out they were sold out for the 2:30 movie; so we bought tickets for the 5:00 show. We came back home in the interim where I solved a syncing problem involving my iPad and computer. We went back to the show and enjoyed it. It was the best movie we have seen in quite a while. Since we were so close to Casa Bella, we went there for dinner following the movie.

I hope our activity is something that would be encouraging to anyone else in our situation. We have had almost 3 ½ good years since Kate’s diagnosis, and we continue to enjoy life. We’re going to keep it up as long as we can.

Posted on

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I have found that so many things are happening I can’t remember to report on all of them. In an effort to do a better job covering what’s going on, starting today I am going to attempt to write daily updates. I may not be as detailed, but I hope to write more often.

Yesterday was a good day. I took Kate for a haircut at 9:00. While she was there, I went to Barnes & Noble, got a cup of coffee and checked email. I find this to be quite relaxing and today it took a little longer since Kate was also getting color this time.

When she finished, I got a call from her hairdresser’s  daughter telling me Kate was ready. I had made sure that Kate had her phone with her; so I wonder why she didn’t call me herself. Perhaps she forgot she had the phone. In the past few months, she has used her phone much less and usually doesn’t have it with her. That may be because she doesn’t usually have her purse with her. That is to prevent forgetting it.

When I got to the hairdresser’s, Kate asked me if I had the money to pay. I told her I had given her the money. She didn’t remember at all. I told her that it was in a pocket in her purse. I showed her, and she paid. This conversation was in front of her hair dresser, her daughter, and one other customer. This kind of thing makes me think that surely they know about Kate’s AD.

From there we went to Belk’s where I bought some new athletic socks and Kate got hose that she has desperately needed. We also got some new towels for our bathroom, the first since we moved in almost 17 years. Kate also bought some new sunglasses. I wanted to discourage the purchase, but she really wanted them. She has sunglasses although she doesn’t know exactly where they are. This is but one example of when I feel the priority should be on other things. For example, she needs more casual clothes that fit her. She doesn’t seem to feel the same need.

At my suggestion, we went to shop for slacks after leaving Belk’s. She didn’t find anything. I will continue to push on this although I have to be gentle.

We had lunch and went back home. She got ready to go to a funeral over an hour earlier than departure time. Then when it was time to leave, she couldn’t find her shoes and had to wear a different pair. We went from the funeral to get a sandwich and salad for dinner. She just had iced tea. We got home at 6:30, and she changed clothes before going outside to work in the yard. We were going to watch a movie, but she didn’t come in until almost nine o’clock. She thanked me for letting her stay out and commented on how good she felt. We both mentioned how much working in the yard is like therapy for her. It is really amazing.

Thus it was a good day. She was excited about today as well because the woman who helps with landscaping came over at 9:00 this morning to spread compost in the flower beds.

Posted on

Normal Ups and Downs

The Robinsons visit last Wednesday was a good one. It gave Kate a psychological boost. It was a non-threatening experience in which she could chit-chat on routine things and things from the past. I find that all experiences whether it is a good movie, a theater production, time with friends, eating out, etc. play a part in keeping her spirits up. I don’t mean that she gets depressed regularly. She does not. It’s just that she enjoys having things to do. That is increasingly important as her ability to do some things decreases.

We have been pretty active in the days since the visit. One of the things that she has enjoyed most was a book festival. We went on Saturday and Sunday specifically to see and hear one of my former clients who has written a book about his experiences in public relations. In addition, we browsed through the vendor area and saw a number of people we know in the hallways and in sessions we attended.

Kate got depressed when she was getting dressed for church. She had a hard time finding something that fits. This kind of situation occurs more frequently now. While the fundamental issue is her weight, I have tried to see that she has slacks that will fit. As I noted in one or two earlier posts, I took her to buy clothes about 6-8 weeks ago. We got 5 pair of slacks and several tops to go with them. She has rarely worn them. I assume that is because she forgets she has them. I have put the new clothes right at the front of the closet so that she can find them easily, but I am now assuming that she customarily has put things in some other location. I need to be more conscious of when she is getting dressed and helping her pick out things. The problem with this approach is that she is coming to resent my help thinking that she doesn’t need it.

Posted on

Problems with Bank Cards

For months I have been keeping Kate’s debit card and her driver’s license. That has led to a couple of problems lately when she went out to lunch with Ellen and another friend and didn’t have money to pay. They paid and I paid them back.

To avoid this situation, I just put Kate’s cards on her dresser so that she would have money when she goes to lunch tomorrow with Ellen. She was a little irritated and asked if we couldn’t just keep the cards on the table next to her side of the bed. I said that would be all right if she would make sure they stayed there. She looked at me seriously and said, “why wouldn’t I?” I told her we would talk about it later. She really could not imagine why? This is something that concerns me because it suggests she is less cognizant of her condition than she has been in the past.

Posted on

Going Back Home

As we were preparing to leave the Residence Inn in Lubbock, Kate made a point of telling me she was taking her computer on board the plane to Knoxville. I told her she seemed quite insistent on that. She said, “I thought you would tell me not to take the computer on board; to take the iPad.” This is an illustration of the frustration she is having with me and the irrational thinking that is becoming more common. Of course, she was going to carry her computer on board. That is what she always does.

Sticking to a time schedule is a consistent problem. For example, at 8:30 I told her that breakfast would end at 9:30. I said that she did not have to rush, but I wanted to let her know how much time she had. At 8:50, I told her she had 30 minutes to get ready. She was still in bed. She was still getting ready (slowly) at 9:17 when I told her I was worried that she was going to miss breakfast. We left and made it. Without my pushing, she would never have made it.

Posted on

Email to Jesse and Kevin

Dear Jesse and Kevin,

 I wanted to let you know a couple of things. First, Mom received a surprise recognition at church today. Presbyterian Women gave her a life membership in their organization for her almost 20 years of service as the volunteer librarian. She was surprised and delighted. As you know she committed a large part of her life to the church library. It might be nice if you gave her a call or sent her an email congratulating her. I was a little concerned about having to create some creative story so that she would go to this luncheon. You probably would not know this, but she has never been involved with Presbyterian Women or one of the church circles. This may have been the first time she attended one of their luncheons. At any rate, it turned out to be rather easy to get her there. I simply said, “I wanted you to know that you are going to get a call from someone at church inviting you to the next luncheon sponsored by Presbyterian Women, and I think you should go.” I thought she would ask why. She never questioned it at all; so I didn’t have to resort to making up a story. The exception is that the person who called her talked with me and told me to tell her that she would bring her home if I would take her. What your mother didn’t know was that I had been invited to be present for the award; so I brought her home.

Second, is that two weeks ago today she told Ellen about her diagnosis. This is the first time she has told anyone. I don’t know what prompted her to do it at that time, but it came after several days of significant frustration over having to rush to find the right clothes and get herself ready for several events. It is interesting that for the first time I mentioned it to two of my friends, Tom and Stan, with whom I carry on a daily email correspondence. I suspect we were both feeling that the situation is getting worse and felt it was time to tell our closest friends. She, of course, does not know that I had already told Ellen a couple of weeks earlier and that I told Tom and Stan. Neither does she know that you are aware. She told Ellen that she wanted to be the one to tell you. She doesn’t, however, believe it is time for you to know. As I mentioned before, she does not realize how far along she is. She does clearly recognize that her condition is worsening all the time.

I am planning our summer as though this may be the last summer that we have the grandchildren for a visit or a trip. I would never say that to your mom. She is still looking forward to taking the twins and Taylor to New York. It is hard for me to envision doing this next summer. I still don’t think it is time to tell the children. Although they will begin to notice signs in the future, I suspect they could be with her now without realizing. Our trip to Lubbock this Friday and the following 5 days will be something of a test in that respect.

We are eagerly looking forward to a grand summer.

Love,

Dad

Posted on

More Signs of Problems

Yesterday was a busy day. We went to our monthly YMCA breakfast at the at 8:00. At 10:00 I had a short conference call with our attorney. At 11:45 we went to a lunch for seniors at our church. We came home after that. I changed clothes and then went across town to a foundation event honoring donors.

I arrived home sometime before 4:00. We were scheduled to meet Ellen and some of her friends at a restaurant at 5:00 before attending a performance of Camelot at 7:30. I was concerned that Kate might still be in the yard when I got home but didn’t see her. When I went inside, I saw that she had laid out her clothes on our bed. That made me think that she had remembered that we were going out. I went around to her office (which I call her room) where she keeps all of her clothes. I noticed that the room was cleaned up except for a large pile of things on the floor. She told me to go away, to leave her alone. She said she had to clean up these things. I have learned that when this kind of thing occurs, it is best to follow her instructions and went back to the kitchen where I was reviewing the day’s email.

In a little while, she called for me. I went to her in the guest room where she was dressing. She told me to vacuum the closet where she had taken off her clothes she had had on outside. Then she asked, “What time is he coming?” I said, “Who?” She said, “Morton.” (Bruce Morton is my old roommate at TCU. He and his wife Debbie are going to visit us in June.) I told her the Mortons were not coming until June. She asked, “Then who’s coming?” I told her that no one was coming, that we were going to meet Ellen for dinner at 5:00 and then go to see Camelot after that. The she broke down. It was then that I got the picture. She hadn’t remembered that we were going out at all. She thought we were going to have house guests and needed to have everything cleaned up.

Then she felt she needed to wear different clothes than the ones she was putting on. We went to her closet where I discovered that all the mess that was on the floor in her room was now stuffed into her closet. It was at least 2 feet high and went from the front of the closet to the shelves in the back of the closet, at least 6 feet. It turns out that all her shoes were in the back of the closet; so she couldn’t get to them without taking everything out of the closet. I decided to crawl over the debris and get some shoes. I found a pair that she said would work. She was now in a panic attack. I tried to calm her down. I told her I thought we should cancel our plans to meet Ellen for dinner, that we would simply take our time and go to a restaurant on our own and meet Ellen and her group at the theater. She gladly accepted that suggestion. The panic attack subsided, but she was whipped from the emotion generated by the experience. She didn’t really become herself again until we met Ellen at the musical. The rest of the evening went well. She got into bed quickly and slept well.

It was painful to watch her go through this, and this is something that I could not have prevented. She has had a couple of other experiences in which she was confused about our going somewhere or meeting someone that we had never discussed at all. I believe this particular experience  arises from something I said at lunch. Our speaker was from the zoo and botanical garden. I told Kate that we should think about taking the Mortons to the zoo when they are here. She thought that was a good idea. We didn’t discuss it after that, but it must have stuck some way in her mind and transformed into their coming last night.

As painful as this experience was for both of us, I know this is just a precursor of things to come.

Posted on

An Interesting Example of Confusion

Although some stories of my life these days are sad ones or frustrating ones, there are some or aspects of some, that I think of as cute or sweet or humorous. One of those occurred yesterday. Between Panera Bread and the road that runs to our house there is another road that runs parallel to it and then curves around the back of the shopping center (where Panera’s is located) toward town. The road has been closed for several months while work was being completed on draining issues and then resurfaced. After it re-opened, Kate wanted me to drive along the road. For some reason she liked the drive. Yesterday as we left Panera’s, she asked me to drive home “the other way.” I knew exactly what she meant and did so. What I think is cute about this is that it is NOT another way home at all. It is a road that runs into 2 other roads that brings us right back to the same shopping center we just left. This time we just drive by “the other way home” and turn on the road we should have turned on to start with. In miles, it must be two-mile circle to get back where we started. She does not appear to have any sense of this. I should add that she has always been geographically challenged, but in the past she would have recognized this is not simply another way home.

I hasten to say that this kind of thing also involves a touch of sadness as I see her becoming more childlike.