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Reflecting on Christmas in Memphis

We got home from Memphis late yesterday afternoon. We had a great time with Jesse and her family. Kate had an especially good time. She enjoys being with Jesse and her family as well as their neighbors, Jeff and Sally, across the street. As she usually does, Kate handled herself well at the reception. She introduced herself to people and had conversations with them. On Christmas afternoon, Jeff and Sally came over before we had Christmas dinner. They were there about 30-40 minutes. Kate and Sally were in their own conversation the entire time.

Kate continues to speak a lot about her family. She also is very expressive about how much she enjoys things (food and people). Yesterday morning I asked Jesse if she had noticed anything different about her mother since they were last together. She said she didn’t though she said she noticed Kate seems more expressive about things. I told her that confirmed what I had heard from Kevin at Thanksgiving. I reiterated to her what I have said here and to others. The good thing about this illness is that she is able to get along so well in social interaction with other people. There are only little things that someone who is close to her might notice. For example, Jesse and I both noticed that when she was speaking to Kevin’s children on Christmas evening, she was thinking that Christmas would be the next day. She asked at least one of them if he was excited about tomorrow and getting presents though that had already occurred that morning.

When we were in Fort Worth for Thanksgiving, she received a directory for her high’ school class. She has misplaced it and has wanted to send email Christmas messages to a number of her friends. She asked me about it several times during the week preceding our trip. At least one of those times she thought I had it. Once she asked me was immediately before the trip. She asked me a couple of times during the trip. She may have asked me about it last night. I know she asked me about it a few minutes ago. Again, she thought I had it. I told her that it was misplaced a couple of weeks ago and that she had said she was going to contact a Waco friend about getting another one. Even though I am quite aware of her forgetfulness, it is surprising to me that she would so easily forget something as important as this directory and after so many times that she has mentioned it to me, and I have told her it is misplaced. I am confident it is here in the house because I can’t imagine her taking it out with her.

One of the days we were in Memphis I got on the Alzheimer’s website and reviewed some of the entries on the caregiver/spouse forum. I found this quite depressing and don’t intend to go back until Kate’s condition has progressed much further than it has so far. I was reading all the horror stories involving bathroom habits, changing bed clothes, etc. It was too depressing.

It did give me two impressions, however. First, Kate is not nearly as far down the path of Alzheimer’s as others. Second, it reminds me what I may face with time. That sensitized my observations about her increasing memory failure. That made me wonder just how much time remains that we can enjoy ourselves. We are truly enjoying ourselves even with the memory issues. When she is no longer able to enjoy social activities or people and can’t remember friends, I will have more of a problem.

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Leaving for Memphis

Last night Kate asked me what time we were leaving for Memphis. I told her 10:00 although I was really shooting for 10:30. This morning she asked again. (I had not expected her to remember from last night.) We had awakened early (5:00 am). I told her 10:00. But that we could leave earlier if were ready. Around 8:00 she was on her iPad in bed and asked me what time we were leaving. I told her 10:00. She got up and started to get ready. At 9:00 she told me if she were not ready when I was ready, I could just wait. That is what I have been doing since. Just before 10:30 I went to the back of the house where she was putting up some clothes. She asked what I wanted. I told her I was just checking and wondered if she had a progress report. She asked me what time we were leaving. I told her we were going to leave 30 minutes ago. Then she panicked and said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I told her that I did. She insisted that I hadn’t. I told her I was sorry. She has been scrambling ever since though it looks like she could be ready any minute.

She just called to me. She wanted to know where her boots were. I told her the last I had seen they were on the bed in the bedroom.

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So How Are Things Going?

It is hard to believe that it has been a full month since I have updated this journal. I see that on Nov. 10 I started an entry but never finished it. I will do better this time.

Kate and I got back this past Friday (Nov. 28) from a trip to Texas. We flew into San Angelo and stayed a night with her brother,  Ken, and his wife, Virginia. The next day we drove to Fort Worth where we stayed two nights in the former home of one of her aunts and uncles. It is now called the Franklin House B&B. I had arranged this sometime ago and not told Kate. I wanted it to be a surprise. She loved being there as did Ken and his wife.

We met Naomi Richardson for lunch at Sadie’s Cafe. On Friday night we went  to Kate’s cousin’s house for barbeque. On Saturday we met Kevin and his family at Nate’s BBQ.  That evening we went to the TCU/Texas A&M football game in the new stadium. Although it rained, we had a good time.

On Sunday we drove to Lubbock where we stayed at the Residence Inn near Kevin’s house. We had a Mexican meal that night. On Tuesday we went to Rachel’s parents house. We then drove to a small town near Midland for lunch. That made for a nice day. We celebrated Thanksgiving at Ken and Rachel’s. Then we drove back to San Angelo on Friday where we caught our flight home.

There has been nothing of great import that has taken place since my last entry. Kate has had another appointment with her doctor. There was nothing to report on our end or on the doctor’s end. I would say that she continues to display some of the common symptoms that have happened pretty regularly over a long period of time. Our (my) biggest problem continues to be getting ready to go places. I may get a good taste of this as we prepare ourselves for several Christmas receptions, one of which is tomorrow night.

I would say that she has been somewhat more assertive about doing some things for herself. For example, I offered to help her with packing for our trip. She would have no part of it. As has happened on several trips in the past, she did not take enough underwear. One morning we had to go to Target for a bra. Another morning I went to Target for panties. One day, she put on a pair of my jeans. I never said anything. It gave her another change, they fit, and no harm was done. I don’t think she ever realized she had done this.

The first morning we were in San Antonio, she was looking for a bra and tossed clothes all over the bed. I volunteered to help and started putting clothes in drawers and the closet under the assumption if we got some things out of the way, it would be easier to spot her bra. I noticed that she took everything out of the drawers and put them in her suitcase. It turned out that she thought we were going home. The fact that it wasn’t even Thanksgiving did not strike her at all. One day during the week in San Antonio, she told Kevin about our staying at the Franklin House. She hadn’t recalled that we had taken him and his family through the house on Saturday.

She really enjoyed seeing people, especially her high school friends. She seems to be unusually enthusiastic and talkative when she gets together with people. I need to work harder on seeing that she gets more opportunities. We are together so much that we don’t talk that much. She is also getting a little stir crazy being in the house so much. Because of the cooler weather, she is not working in the yard nearly as much. That doesn’t’ leave her many things to do for stimulation.

We laugh a lot. She is much more prone to let me know about things I don’t do. Today, for example, I mentioned that I had not checked phone messages on our home line since our return. She wanted to know why I had not done it. Some of the things I consider to be cute. This week we had lunch at Panera. Each of us got, as usual, 2 napkins with our meal. Not noticing that she had two napkins, she reached over and took one of mine. It was only when I pointed out that she had taken my napkin that she realized she had napkins too.

On Friday morning in San Angelo she asked me if we were going home tomorrow. I told her we were going home “today.” She was ecstatic. Periodically through the trip home she expressed her eagerness to be home. Upon getting home and through the next day she continued to express her pleasure in being home.

In sum, we are doing well. I see no signs of depression on her part or mine. I do, however, recognize that she does not like being dependent on me to drive her everywhere. Today she also asked if I would build a fire for her to enjoy while I attended a meeting. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable doing so. She accepted that.

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Lost While Traveling

Kate and I are in New York City with our granddaughter, Heather. We are having a great time, but I am finding it challenging to keep up with Kate.  I’ve had several scares on the trip.

The first one occurred in the Charlotte airport. Our gate was on a small concourse (12-14 gates). Kate wanted to walk while we waited for plane. Heather and I stayed behind. In about 15-20 minutes, the gate attendant announced that we would start boarding in 10 minutes. We couldn’t see Kate. anywhere. Twice I walked the entire concourse. Then I went to the central terminal and didn’t see her. I returned to the gate to see about paging her. They would only page outside. Finally, she came strolling toward our gate. She had simply walked to someplace outside our concourse and had no sense of time. She said she never felt lost.

The next time was a minor incident at the Empire State Building. Heather and I were on the down escalator when I looked back to see Kate was not with us. I ran up the escalator and found her. She had not seen us get on. She was having the same emotional reaction as we were. Fortunately, this was just a moment.

The last incident as we neared the end of a tour of Rockefeller Center. We lost her when the group went inside, and she didn’t follow. The big problem was that we didn’t miss her for another 15 minutes when the tour ended. I received a telephone call from a Missouri number. The tour was just ending, and I didn’t answer because I thought it was a wrong number. Then I saw that I had a message and called the number. It was Kate. She had borrowed a phone and said that she was at the statue of Prometheus. She had been helped by an employee.  I tried to keep my cool but was in quite a panic. The good thing is that she can still remember my phone number and didn’t hesitate to ask someone about using his phone.

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Visit to Dr. Reasoner

Kate’s visit to Dr. Reasoner was uneventful last week. I was called in at one point to provide some information about a new prescription (Prempro) for which we were having to get prior authorization. It has now been a month since the doctor prescribed it. I got an email yesterday that it is ready. This is to deal with Kate’s hot flashes.

We are in our third day with Ken and Virginia in Ann Arbor. The visit is going well though Kate has expressed a desire to be home. Last night she was worried that Virginia might be ready for us to leave. I think his was a misunderstanding. It was actually Ken who asked when we were leaving – as a simple question. She translated it as Virginia’s asking interpreted it as being ready for us to go.

I have had two good conversations with Ken. We have exchanged info on Kate’s situation and how she has changed since we last were together at Christmas. He has been open about his own situation and the frustrations he has and that Virginia has. I told him that Kate is more irritable, especially with me, that in general she is more emotional, that her short-term memory is worse, that I notice a decline in the long-term memory as well, that she is frightened by sudden noises, and that she is suffering occasional panic attacks when getting ready to go places.

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Coming Home

As the previous post indicated, we had a great time in Chicago. Kate, in particular, enjoyed being with Brian and especially enjoyed my interaction with him. I don’t think there was anything noteworthy about that interaction. I look at her reaction as another indication of how impressed she is with the things that other people do quite normally that for her are becoming difficult. She thinks many of the people she is around are very intelligent and skilled in many areas. She believes Brian is quite observant because he notices things that she doesn’t notice. One of the things she is losing is the ability to notice things around her. She misses so much; however, that doesn’t keep her from enjoying travel and doing things like attending shows and movies. She also felt that I did a good job of explaining things to Brian. I was, indeed, attempting to teach him things without being too pedantic. For Kate, this was something she can’t envision herself doing. In fact, when she tries to explain things to the grandchildren or anybody else, I can tell that she works very hard to make a clear expression of her thoughts. It is getting harder and harder to express herself.

Lest I paint too glowing an impression of the way that I handle things, especially with Kate, I should point out that Kate told me yesterday that I said something that I should not have said and that there was no reason to say that. After she said she didn’t know something, I had told her that I had told her the day before. That is like saying, “Do you remember . . .?” That is also something she has asked me not to say. Something else occurred today, but it was not a big issue. When she was looking for her computer, I told her that I had taken it to the shop for servicing before we left for Chicago. As it turns out, I had told her, but she had forgotten which is not surprising since that was a week ago yesterday. I did not tell her I had told her before, but I did say that I was sorry to have caused her some distress. She said she wasn’t distressed, she just wanted to know where her computer was and that I should have told her (which I had but didn’t want to say so).

The final thing that I believe is important to say about our trip home is that she was very eager to be back home. She repeatedly expressed how much she wanted to be home. When we finally arrived at the airport, she had a hard time moving quickly off the plane. She was just whipped and emotionally drained.

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In Chicago With Brian

We are having a grand time in Chicago with Brian. Today begins our third day, and we have been busy. Here are a few observations about Kate.

She has enjoyed herself. I have been trying to see that she doesn’t get out of my sight for fear of losing her. Yesterday I slipped when we got off the train in front of our hotel. I led Brian and Kate across the street. I looked back and saw Brian and assumed incorrectly that Kate was right behind. When we got in the hotel lobby, I looked around and she was not with us. I rushed back outside and she was waiting on the street corner where we had gotten off the train. I later asked if she realized she was across the street from the hotel, she said no.

A couple of other things are both sad and cute. When we were walking to Tommy Gun’s Garage Friday night, we passed the Sommerset Hotel. It had a plaque that indicated it was built in 1889. I pointed this out to Brian and Kate. The next day we walked past the same spot. Kate noticed it and pointed it out to Brian and me. I didn’t say anything about having shown this to her the day before.

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Ellen’s Noticing Confusion

Yesterday at Chautauqua, Ellen told me that the day before Kate had pointed to a place on Bestor Plaza and said that it was a nice shop and that she had bought things there before. Ellen and Gordon’s sister, Ann, went there and discovered that it was someone’s house.

I observed a number of things that Kate told people during the week that I knew were not correct. They were all minor things. In such cases, I don’t say anything. It would only make Kate feel bad, and it wouldn’t make any difference to the listener. I wish I always exercised good judgment, but I find that when it is just the two of us I seem to be more prone to correct her.

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Lost and Found

After the morning lecture yesterday, Kate was hungry. I got her a melon tart to tide her over until we got to lunch. I took her to a bench outside The Amp and told her to sit there while I took our cushions back to the room. When I returned, she was gone. I looked all over. When I saw Ellen and Ann, I told them to go to Hurlbut Church, and we would meet them. Ellen called to say that Kate was at the church already. I was relieved, but the frightening thing is that she had forgotten in the short time that I was coming back for her. When I reached her at the church, I didn’t say anything.

Today she left the Hall of Christ where we were going to watch Bishop Spong on a closed circuit TV presentation. She got up to use the restroom and never came back. An hour and a half later, she arrived on the front porch of our hotel. I had been looking all over for her during an hour of that time. So had Ellen and Ann. When I reached her on the porch, I said that she must have been walking around the grounds. She said, “You know me and directions.”

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Good times at CHQ

We arrived at Chautauqua last evening just in time to walk to The Amphitheater for the night’s entertainment. A Swedish group performed the music of ABBA whose music was featured in the movie and stage production of Mamma Mia. We enjoyed it, Kate especially. I told her I had never seen her express the same degree of enthusiasm for the Knoxville Symphony.

We got to bed later than usual because the performance wasn’t over until nearly 10:00. This was three nights in a row. It was hard for Kate to get up. It was 9:00 before she got to breakfast. After breakfast, she went back up to the room to rest some more. I have noticed that over the past year or so she has been sleeping more. Usually that involves going to bed as early as 8:00; so the change in the schedule really affects her.

It has been a good day here. She has enjoyed herself but has been hot and is resting in bed right now. We had lunch with friends from Long Island and ended up spending most of the afternoon with them. I noticed that Kate gives some misinformation or fails to pick up on things in our conversations. I know this is one of those things that will only get worse.