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Sunday in Nashville

After leaving Ellen Saturday afternoon, we had dinner and then went to our hotel for the night. Normally, we drive back to Knoxville on the same day, but my longtime friend from, West Palm Beach, Gary Dinkins, and his wife, Jeanette, were in Nashville for Gary’s brother’s 80th birthday. We stayed over a night so that we could have lunch with them.

Kate was tired after the day’s activity and was in bed early. She also slept late. I’m not sure how long she might have slept had I not awakened her around 10:00. Like the previous day, she was a little sluggish getting up. I let her rest another thirty minutes before getting her up.

As with everyone we get together with, she had to ask me Gary and Jeanette’s names several times on the way to meet them. She had done the same thing with Ellen. In fact, after spending 90 minutes with her, she said with surprise, “That was Ellen.” as we walked away from her. I don’t know at what point she forgot who we were with. I know that she was aware at some points during our visit because of the things we talked about. There were references to Ellen’s father and children and several friends. Kate gave no sign of wonder as to who we were visiting.

The visit with Gary and Jeanette went very well. I always wonder how she will do in different social situations. I’m not sure why I wonder. She handled herself quite well. She connects very well with both of them. She was at ease from the beginning and was an active participant in our conversation. Gary and I go back a long way. We knew each other as far back as junior high school and were roommates at TCU our freshman year. We don’t lack for things to say. Kate picked up on that. Several times she had side conversations with Jeanette. I could tell she was talking about our “gift of gab.” That’s a kind way of saying we talk too much. Despite that, she truly enjoyed herself. It was obvious to me while we were together, and she specifically mentioned having had a good time as we walked to our car. That meant as much to me as my own personal pleasure.

We topped off the day with a nice phone call from our daughter Jesse. We always enjoy catching up with her and her boys. Our conversation was a particularly nice one. It’s great to say that we had another good day.

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More Happy Times

I like good news, and that’s my report today. In my post yesterday, I noted that Kate was in a good mood and had accepted having the sitter without any reservation at all. When I left them, they were beginning to watch Fiddler on the Roof. When I got home, Mary was in the family room watching TV. Kate was in the bedroom resting. Mary said Kate had watched Fiddler for a while and then got sleepy. She got in bed and went to sleep.

When I went to the bedroom to see Kate, she wasn’t asleep but still resting. She was very relaxed but cheerful. This was Mary’s first time to see Fiddler and loved it. I explained that to Kate. I also said that it was nice that she (Kate) could share this experience with Mary. Kate, then, felt she had done something nice for Mary. I mentioned that she might share other musicals with her in the future. Kate liked the idea. I know that she won’t remember that, but I also know that she would feel good if she is able to introduce Mary to something she hasn’t known before.

Last night I asked if she would like to watch Fiddler. Yes, that’s the same show she had watched with Mary. She was excited about that. She was engaged right at the beginning. At 9:30, I suggested that we stop and watch more another night. She said she was getting sleepy but wanted to watch more. We continued for another 45 minutes before I said, “I think I’ll stop it here, and we can watch the rest another time.” She said that was fine, and we were off to bed.

I thought that was the end of the day, but Kate was wound up. We had quite a conversation. I can’t remember all that she said, but I was impressed with her expression of feelings about life and the two of us. She talked about how well-matched we are. Once again, I was struck by the accuracy of the things she said about our respective personalities. That reminds me of something that happened this morning. We stopped by Panera to get a muffin for Kate to eat in the car as we went to the airport to pick up our son, Kevin, who is visiting us for a few days. When I mentioned that she could eat the muffin in the car, she gave me a look of amazement and said, “What’s gotten into you?” The reason I mention this is that I have always been particular about not eating in the car. This time I felt we didn’t have enough time for her to eat it inside. I also knew that she wanted something to eat before we would be able to eat lunch. She may not always remember my name, but she knows me well.

Kevin arrived shortly after 11:30. We had a nice lunch and have been back at the house watching a little football. Kate has continued to be very cheerful. She has teased me a good bit today. I told Kevin that at times she seemed like a child trying to show off with company. He is also getting to see a few of the things that I have told him about. For example, she asked me to tell her where the “restroom” is. I walked her there. As she walked into the hallway, she said, “This looks familiar.” She saw a picture of her mother on the wall and stopped to look at it. She remembered it was her mother, but she had to ask me her name. When she came to a doorway that opens into family room, she said, “Oh, I like this room.” It was just like she had never seen it before.

We are meeting a high school friend of Kevin’s and her mother for dinner. We’re having happy times.

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A Nice Way to End One Month and Begin Another

Good Morning. I hope it is as pleasant a morning for you as it is here. The sun is shining brightly, and the temperature is a little bit cooler. Sometimes days when you don’t do anything special turn out to be especially good. That was certainly true for us yesterday. I was pleased that Kate was up early. So early, in fact, that we beat the group of Catholics who come to Panera after mass. We spent an unusually long time at Panera. We were there 2 ½ hours. Not only that, but we spent the entire afternoon at home after returning from lunch. That was almost 4 ½ hours. It’s hard for me to remember a time when we spent more than 3 hours at home in one stretch (during the day, of course). It would have been when Kate used to work in the yard. During that period of time, she could easily spend as long as 4 or 5 hours working outside. That hasn’t happened in at least two years.

During our time at home, Kate worked continuously on her iPad. She does have more problems working puzzles now than in the past, but she feels comfortable asking for my help. Her biggest problem is accidentally getting into the puzzle store to buy more puzzles. The creators of the app she uses make it very easy to buy more puzzles. I do that once in a while to make sure she has a good supply, but it doesn’t mean a lot to Kate. She has her favorite puzzles and works them over and over, often repeating a puzzle immediately after completing it.

For a long time, I thought it was just completing the puzzles that was appealing to her. Recently, however, she comments a lot on the beauty of the colors. She has one puzzle in particular that she frequently points out to me. She likes the colors and the kitten in the middle of a bouquet of flowers.

Apart from getting herself into the puzzle store, the second biggest problem is her eyesight. She often loses puzzle pieces when they are on top of pieces that are already in place. I admit that sometimes the patterns make it challenging, but it is mostly her eyesight that is a problem. I often move the pieces she can’t see to the side where they are clearly visible. I’m going to buy her some reading glasses and see if that helps. She’s had plenty of them in the past, but they get lost or broken rather quickly.

There are also two other possible reasons she doesn’t see well. One of those is her cataracts. In discussions with her ophthalmologist, we have decided not to have surgery. That’s true at least for now, but the likelihood of surgery decreases as her Alzheimer’s progresses.

The other reason involves dementia itself. I don’t fully understand but people with dementia often don’t notice things that the rest of us would see easily. One of the best examples is that Kate often doesn’t notice her iPad that is in a bright red case. I bought that case to make it easy to find. She often looks right over it. It’s not that her eyesight is that poor. She has 20/60 vision. That would make reading a problem and also identifying the right puzzle piece, but not seeing larger objects lets me know there is something else going on.

Kate is awake but not up yet. I expect she will be soon. We have a new sitter coming today. She is filling in for Anita who had minor surgery last week. I’m not sure when she will be back, but I feel good about Marilyn. While she is here, I will get to Rotary and then to a United Way meeting. I’m hoping for another good day and believe it is likely to happen.

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A Happy End to the Day

After returning home from dinner, we relaxed about an hour in the family room. Then we went to the bedroom where I played the last hour of Les Miserables. Shortly after sitting down in her chair, Kate asked (hand signals, of course,) if she could use her iPad. I told her that would be fine. I was curious to see if she would put it down when the music started. She didn’t immediately, but it wasn’t long before it grabbed her. That was it for the iPad. For the next hour, she gave her full attention to the music. As she has done in the past, she made frequent comments about the beauty of the music and the quality of the acting. For those of you who may not have seen this 25th anniversary concert, I should remind you that this is different from the stage production. It does not have the elaborate sets, and the singers do not act in the way they would on stage. All of the lead singers stand in front of a microphone as they would do in a typical concert. They do, however, use facial gestures as they would in the stage production, and they are always in role, even when they wait for the applause after each song.

At dinner last night, Kate told me that she was going to “crash” early. It didn’t happen. When Les Miz was over, she was so keyed up that it took a while for both of us to go to sleep. I had been up since 5:15 yesterday morning, so I was ready for bed. She was in one of her talkative moods. To me it is fascinating how much she is moved by this musical. I don’t think it is just the music. I believe it is this particular production that is so spectacular. At any rate, we turned off the lights and got in bed. Kate talked for a long time before dosing off. She talked about all the usual things – the beauty of the music itself, how wonderful that we could share things like this together, what a good marriage we have had, the wonderful things we have done together, our parents, and our children. In a way, it was almost like a child’s bedtime prayer, an expression of gratitude for everything we have done together. I wanted to sleep, but I wouldn’t trade anything for seeing her enthusiasm.

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Another Good Day

I am always concerned when Kate and/or I have any special obligations in the morning. That is the time of day when I am least likely to know when Kate will get up and how easy or difficult it will be to get her places. Yesterday, we weren’t going anyplace early, but I had a conference call meeting at 9:30 for an advisory committee on which I serve. The last meeting was almost two hours. This time I had made an 11:00 appointment with a new sitter who will serve as an interim sitter for Anita while she is out for a minor surgical procedure. I had already prepared the committee that I might have to break away a little early if I needed to get Kate up. As it turned out, everything worked out well. The meeting was unusually brief. It was over by 10:15.

When I went back to check on Kate, I found that she was getting dressed. That meant I didn’t have to be concerned about her being ready to meet the new sitter. We had a little extra before she came but not enough time to get a muffin at Panera. I had one in the freezer that I thawed. Then Kate worked on her iPad until the sitter arrived.

The sitter, Marilyn, arrived on time, and joined us in the family room where we chatted for about 30 minutes before going to lunch. We had a little over an hour and a half over lunch to get better acquainted. The interview turned out to be a nice social occasion. I felt very good about her and called the agency to let them know we were pleased and would look forward to her being with us on Monday.

Kate had her bi-weekly massage at 2:00. From there we went to Barnes & Noble for an hour or so before returning home to relax before dinner. She picked up her “Big Sister” photo book that her brother, Ken, had made for her. I brought a chair over beside her and watched as she went through almost the entire book. She loves seeing all the old pictures of her and her family. She continues to comment on several specific photos that she likes. I always enjoy seeing her enthusiasm. When she was near the end of the book, she said she would like to finish the rest tomorrow. Then without closing it, she went back to the beginning and started going through it again.

We had a quiet dinner at Casa Bella. We had already been there for Broadway night last Thursday. The musical performances are held in the larger back room. This time we took a quiet booth in the front of the restaurant and enjoyed ourselves.

From there, we came home. Kate asked me what she could do. When she asks this, I tend to think she is asking because she wants something different than the iPad. I suggested a few things, one of which was to work on her iPad.  That is just what she wanted. She was so engrossed that she continued working her puzzles after I told her I would put on Les Miserables. A little later, she came back to the bedroom and got ready for bed. She was asleep a little earlier than most recent nights. It was a good day and a reminder that we still have many good times.

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A Good Day

I realize that as Kate has declined over the past few weeks, I have had more sad moments to report than before. For that reason, I am especially glad when I can report positive news. That was the case yesterday. She slept late, and it was a day for the sitter. That means I spent less time with her, but it was quality time. As I noted in a previous post, Kate’s mood has a significant impact on mine. Yesterday, she was upbeat all day. That by itself would make for a good day.

We were able to have lunch together before the sitter arrived. Then I was off to the Red Cross to donate platelets. Shortly after I got home, we went to dinner. We had a very pleasant time despite the fact that she kept asking me the name of the restaurant. Once we were back home, we sat in the family room where I watched the evening news, and she worked on her iPad.

About 8:30, we went to our bedroom where I decided to test her response to Les Miserables again. After thirty minutes, she said she wanted to watch more but was tired. I told her she could go to bed, that we could watch more tomorrow. I intended to turn off the TV, but she wanted me to leave it on so that she could listen a while. Then she pulled the covers over her and said, “Good night, I love you.” She paused for a brief moment and then added, “Whatever your name is.” I said, “Richard Creighton, and I love you.” Then she said, “What’s your name?” again. A few minutes later she turned over in my direction and blew me a kiss. Once again, she asked my name. As the music proceeded, she audibly expressed her pleasure. She was quite moved and said, “It’s so beautiful; it makes me want to cry.” She was happy. So was I.

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Our Visit With Another Longtime Friend

We got in another good visit with the Stones yesterday at lunch. Dot had an obligation at church and joined us a little later. That gave Reggie and me and chance to catch up on a number of old friends and colleagues from our graduate school days. Although he has had a number of TIAs, I was impressed with his memory. In most cases, I thought his long-term memory for those days was better than my own.

Before meeting them, Kate repeatedly asked me their names and tried to remember them. It was impossible. Once again, she handled herself well. At one point after Dot had joined us, she said something about Dot’s manner or personality that was very complimentary. It was a reminder that although her memory is virtually gone, she is still able to perceive certain qualities in people. I wish I could remember exactly what she said. It may have been something about Dot’s smile that she felt conveyed a warmth that Kate liked. I have noticed that she often comments when she sees smiles that appeal to her. That is especially true with photos. It may also be a reminder of how important a smile can be for anyone in social encounters.

We (I) left the Stones on a high note. It had been wonderful seeing them again. I was glad we had made the trip. For Kate, the experience was different. She did not express her feelings, but I could tell she got along well during our time with them, but that her memory of them was gone right after we left them. Even while we were together, she couldn’t remember their names. When Reggie got up from the table to go out front to meet Dot, she said, “Who is he?” At no time did she remember that we were in Raleigh. That should not surprise me. She doesn’t remember when we are in Knoxville. It is interesting that wherever we are she tends to think we are in Fort Worth, her hometown. That connection is still alive.

After lunch, we drove over to Chapel Hill where Kate’s longtime friend, Evelyn Schmidt, had recently moved into Carol Woods, a continuing care community. We have always loved Chapel Hill. I was disappointed that Kate’s memory of the place is fading. Before coming last week, she spoke fondly of the town. Yesterday, she couldn’t remember it at all or why we were coming here.

Evelyn gave us a tour of her new home. It is set in the middle of a beautiful, wooded area. Of course, that is easy to do. One of the things we always liked about Chapel Hill is the trees. It is a deeply forested community. I loved seeing Kate’s reaction to Evelyn’s new residence. I mean the setting of the place, not the apartment itself. As we walked from place to place, she would wander away to the windows that open on to such scenic beauty. Her aesthetic senses were working on over time.

As we walked around, we met several of Evelyn’s friends who also live there. Interestingly, one of them received his undergraduate degree from TCU just a few months before I was a freshman there. He and Evelyn’s husband, were colleagues in the English department at UNC. Although Kate enjoys social encounters like this, her attention was still focused on the beauty around her. I’m not even sure she realized that he had been at TCU. If she had, she would have responded with more interest.

When our tour was completed, we went to dinner at a small French restaurant where we had a good meal and enjoyed conversation with Evelyn. Afterwards, we went back to Evelyn’s apartment that is still stacked with cardboard boxes from her move. We looked at some of her wedding pictures as we had done with Dot and Reggie. We had also attended Evelyn’s wedding. That was over 40 years ago. It was Jewish wedding, and I reminded Evelyn the impression that the stomping of the wine glass during the ceremony had made on our son. After that, he said he wanted to be Jewish so that he could break the glass.

We came back to our hotel, and Kate crashed immediately. She got up once about 1:30 this morning but is still sleeping soundly right now at 10:30. I’ll wake her shortly so that we can hit the road for Knoxville. I’d like to be back home for dinner.

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A Short Trip to Visit Long-Time Friends

Friday, we drove to Raleigh to visit with our friends, Dot and Reggie Stone. The trip seemed like a long one. Of course, it was compared to our typical trip to Nashville. We ran into a good bit of construction. It took us almost an hour longer than usual, but it didn’t seem to bother Kate. She was quite relaxed. I should add that she is usually peaceful in a car. That is one of the reasons I started our Saturday and Sunday lunches at restaurants that are 20-25 minutes from our house. I’m not sure how much she slept, but her eyes were closed most of the way to Raleigh. She talked very little.

I am trying to be especially sensitive to her response to this trip. In some ways, it is a test of our ability to make our planned trip to Texas for Thanksgiving with our son, Kevin, and his family. The other day he asked me if I thought we would be able to make it. I told him I would know more when we get back home Monday night.

I can see already that there is an extra amount of confusion that occurs when we travel. If she gets the least bit confused knowing where to go in our own home, you can imagine what it is like when we are in strange places. Nothing is the same. Not even the Paneras. <G> Yesterday morning I saw a tweet that indicated the length of short-term memory for someone well into dementia is 3 seconds. That’s a pretty good estimate for Kate, sometimes even less. This confusion means that she is asking “Where are we?” much more than at home.

Yesterday, we spent a good bit of time with Dot and Reggie. I prepared them for the fact that Kate often sleeps late and that I needed to be flexible regarding our meeting time. I was quite surprised when I got back to the room after breakfast to find that she was up and preparing for her shower. That was about 8:30. As I have done in the past, I made a sign telling her that we were in the Residence Inn in Raleigh, that I had gone to breakfast and would be “back soon.” This time it didn’t work. I put the sign right next to the clothes I had selected for her. I figured (incorrectly) that she would see the sign if she got up before my return. I was only gone about 20 minutes. When I asked if she had seen the sign, she said, “What sign?” I showed it to her. She had no recollection. I have no idea if she missed the sign or forgot that she had seen and read it. The good news is that she wasn’t worried that I was not there. Maybe the fact that she doesn’t see me when she gets up everyday has developed a comfort level. I don’t know. It’s another one of those things that is impossible to know. She can’t tell me how she felt, and I can’t get inside her brain to see for myself.

Because she was up early, we had a little time before meeting the Stones shortly for lunch after 11:30, so we stopped at a nearby Panera (of course). Between the time we left the hotel and the time we met Dot and Reggie, Kate continually asked me to tell her their names. I would tell her. She would try to repeat them. Then I would tell her again and so on. At one point, she got confused and thought we were also meeting our children, so she also asked their names. When I told her we wouldn’t see Kevin and Jesse, she was relieved. She seemed nervous enough about getting together with the Stones that adding the children seemed overwhelming. In situations like this, I almost always tell her that it isn’t important for her to remember the names, but she worries nonetheless.

It turned out we all had a good time and enjoyed good meals with a terrific tiramisu for dessert. It had been years since we had been together, but we picked up right where we left off.. It would be no surprise to people who know us that Dot and I talked more than Kate and Reggie, but I was pleased they contributed their part to the conversation as well.

After lunch, we went back to Dot and Reggie’s place. They have lived in a continuing care community for five years. I was interested in hearing about their decision, the move, and overall how they felt about being there. They have a very nice two-bedroom apartment overlooking a beautiful stand of trees. Kate and I both admired the view from their living room and the adjoining balcony.

I had not planned on our staying too long, but Kate seemed to be getting along so well that we were there until about 4:00. That’s a long time for Kate to stay engaged. By the time, we left she was tired. It was a successful visit. In a brief conversation with Reggie after lunch and an exchange of text messages last night with Dot, it looks like the Stone’s impression was similar to my own. I thought Kate engaged her social skills beautifully. I also think Dot did some things to bring Kate into the conversation. She showed us pictures from their wedding 25 years ago. It was interesting to see how young we all looked at that time. Kate was particularly drawn to pictures of their granddaughter. As I have mentioned before, she loves children, and the granddaughter is adorable. That’s a winning combination.

We came back to the room for little over an hour before going to dinner. We didn’t need much after our lunch, but that didn’t make any difference in our eating last night. Once again, we topped off the meal with a dessert. This time it was Key lime cheesecake.

Today we will meet Reggie for lunch. Dot has an obligation at church and will join us a little later. Then we’ll go to visit another friend whom Kate has known since our undergraduate days at TCU. We’ll have dinner with her this evening and return to Knoxville tomorrow.

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An Interesting and Very Nice Day

Despite the fact that Kate was up at 6:00 yesterday, she was in a very good mood all day. In that respect, she was nothing like she was the day before. In fact, except for a little normal confusion immediately after getting up, she displayed relatively few of the obvious signs of her Alzheimer’s the way she has done in the past. She did ask my name once or twice at Panera but not once the rest of the day. In addition, she also mentioned our grandson, Brian, by name in an afternoon conversation without my saying anything to prompt her. She didn’t asked me where we are or the names of anyone else. She did ask me the name of the restaurant where we had lunch two or three times while we were there.

Of greater significance, is that we had a very good conversation when we got home after lunch. This is one of those times I wish I had a better memory. I would love to tell you exactly what she said. I’ll do the best I can to capture the moment.

As we drove up to our house, she said, “I remember this place.” I couldn’t be sure of what she meant. Right before this, she was talking about Madison. Did she think this was our place in Madison or simply that she recognized the house we live in now. Once in the house my uncertainty continued. She said something similar about the family room when we walked inside.

She was especially drawn to the back of the house and the trees on the property of the neighbor who live behind us. We sat down in the family room. Each of us had an iPad, but she continued to talk. I wanted to listen and support the conversation. She talked about our years in Madison when I was a graduate student. She commented about it’s having had a great impact on both of us. She said it was a time when we both grew up. Much of what she said comes from things I have said to her in the past, though not recently.

As in most other conversations, she talked about our marriage and how fortunate we have been, but there was something very different. In recent conversations, she has sounded like a nervous talker, just chattering away. This time she was so very normal and thoughtful as she spoke. There was no sign of concern or worry or fear about her memory loss. In many respects, she seemed quite normal. There was one difference that has become more common recently. The struggles with finding the right words to communicate what she wants to say. Often she says, “You know what I mean.” In most cases, she hasn’t told me enough for me to know. I find myself guessing what it was she wanted to say. More than half the time I guess after a few attempts. Other times, I don’t. Then she either drops the point she wanted to make or she goes on with the larger message she is talking about.

I found the conversation to be as rewarding as I found other recent ones to be sad. It was a good reminder that changes are not usually abrupt. They are gradual. They begin with something that happens on a single occasion and gradually become more commonplace.

We ended the day at Casa Bella for jazz night. We both enjoyed ourselves though as on other occasions, Kate was very quiet. There were six of us at our table, and four of us are talkers. Kate and one other woman tend to be on the quiet side.

I would love to see another day like that today.

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Our Day So Far

I went to the bedroom to check on Kate about 10:30 this morning. I met her in the hallway as she was about to enter the bath off the guest room next to our bedroom. That is where she fell out of the shower the other day. I stopped her and suggested she shower in our bathroom. I feel it is safer and have steered her toward it each morning since her fall. I walked her into the bathroom and showed her the towels I had gotten out for her. As I was doing that she said, “What’s my name?” I told her and then left her to shower.

We left for lunch right after noon. As we drove to the restaurant, she asked my name. In a few minutes, she asked again. She asked again at the restaurant. Then she asked her name. After that, she asked if we have children. That led into a lot of reminiscing about our family and our marriage. Earlier this morning, I had seen a picture of a couple dining in the early evening on the riverside in Prague with the Charles River Bridge lit in the background. It reminded me of our trip there more than ten years ago. I told her a story of our sitting on the patio of a restaurant near where our friends’ picture was taken. Each table had a cup filled with peanuts. I looked at the table beside us and saw a bird eating the nuts on that table. Kate didn’t remember it but got a kick out of the story.

Over the course of our marriage, we have discovered that many special moments occur serendipitously in ordinary situations. This was one of those times. She seemed to enjoy my recounting of some of our travel experiences. I enjoyed remembering those good times myself. For the first time in quite a while, she addressed me as “MM,” My Memory. I told her I was happy to play that role.

On the way home, she reached over and put her hand on my arm and said, “You know what that means?” I said, “I do, and I feel the same way about you.” Then she said, “And I don’t even know my own name?”