Posted on

Visiting the Zoo

I have been increasingly concerned about Kate’s mobility in recent weeks. She has been unusually slow getting into and out of chairs and the car. She is also slower going up and down curbs and stairs. Thinking it might be her arthritis flaring up again, I’ve asked her if she is experiencing pain. Each time she tells me that she feels no pain at all, that she is just being careful. I can’t help thinking this is a result of her limited physical activity. When she used to work in the yard, she moved around from place to place. It wasn’t like walking for exercise, but it was much better than remaining in a sitting or lying position all day.

Lately, I have thought about getting her to the zoo or to a couple of the museums in town. Yesterday was the perfect day to try out the idea. The temperature was in the lower-70s without a cloud in the sky. After returning home from lunch, I told Kate it was such a beautiful day that I thought we should get out. She agreed.

She didn’t ask where we were going. She just got in the car as though we were going to Panera or Barnes & Noble. When we drove into the parking lot at the zoo, she said, “Where are we?” I told her we were at the zoo. A number of times I have mentioned the possibility of going to the zoo, and she wasn’t interested. That is why I didn’t tell her where we were going until we got there. Even then, I told her that I needed to renew our membership. That was true. Then I said, “We might as well take a look around.” She followed me in without raising any protest at all.

We hadn’t walked far when she said, “I don’t want to walk much.” I told her we wouldn’t stay long. I went prepared to leave after a short time if that were necessary, but it wasn’t. We had gotten there about 3:30, and they closed at 5:00. That worked out well. She loved everything. You would naturally expect her to be taken by the animals, and she was. Given her experience with gardening and the fact that the zoo has invested heavily in landscaping, it was no surprise that she really loved the trees, shrubs, and other greenery.

One of the highlights, as it has been on previous visits, was the Lorikeet exhibit. As you enter the area with its net covering the entire space, you are given a small cup of nectar to feed the birds. Since it was late in the day, they weren’t as hungry as they usually are. Only two birds came to drink from my cup and one to Kate. Another bird accidentally got into the back of the top Kate was wearing. I didn’t see it happen. I only heard Kate shriek. The bird got out quickly, and everything was fine. We had a great time. Kate was like a little child. We’ll definitely go back while the weather is still good.

Posted on

Another Surreal Experience, A Moment to Treasure

If I didn’t already know that it’s possible to find joy in living with Alzheimer’s, I would be a believer now. Last night, Kate and I had the most incredible experience. It’s one I never would have imagined. Before going further, I should tell you that it can also be viewed through the lens of sadness, but it was pure joy for Kate. Because of that, it was a moment of joy for me as well, and it lasted more than an hour.

As we returned from dinner, Kate commented on a neighbor’s house. She said, “I remember that.” Our house is two doors down. I turned into our drive and parked in the garage. When Kate got out of the car, she looked at the trees at the back of the house and walked out of the garage to look more closely. She loves looking at the trees, ours and everyone else’s. Instead of turning around and heading toward the door from our garage to the laundry room, she turned toward the driveway back to the street. She suddenly realized she was going the wrong direction and said, “Where am I going?” I walked over to her. She pointed to our patio and said she just wanted to look around for a few minutes. She loved everything she saw. She commented on the patio itself, the arrangement of the furniture, the swimming pool, and the landscaping. It was as though this were the first time she had seen any of these things. In a minute, I suggested we go inside. She said, “Is it all right?” I told her it would be fine.

We spent the next hour going through every room in the house. As she had done outside, she commented on everything – the rooms themselves, the furniture (some of which I explained was from her parents home), the photos and artwork. She loved everything, even the laundry room that is pretty much like any ordinary room between the garage and kitchen. She was particularly struck by the family room. We walked around it for a while. Then she wanted to go into the living room. She was taken with a wedding picture of our daughter, Jesse, and her own wedding picture that was taken in her parents’ home. From there we entered the dining room. She loved seeing a portrait of her mother as a young girl and another of her grandfather on her mother’s side. We went through a door into the kitchen where she continued to be taken with everything she saw. In several rooms she commented about their not looking pretentious but representing a particular period. After leaving the kitchen, she wanted to go back to the living room, so we did. She apparently hadn’t remembered that we had just come from there. She expressed an equal measure of enthusiasm the second time around.

When we got to our bedroom and bath she said, “I would love to stay here tonight, but I know we can’t.” When I told her we could, she was thrilled. We continued to the other rooms. She loved each one. This was very similar to a surreal experience I mentioned a week or two ago. She mixed things that made sense with those that didn’t. There were times when it was clear that she remembered its being our house but not the one we are living in now, one that we had lived in sometime in the past. At other times, it appeared that she thought this was her family home. She specifically mentioned its meaning so much because it was a place that meant so much to her family.

Toward the end of our tour, she was very emotional. Tears welled up in her eyes as I’ve seen a number of times lately, in fact, just the previous night at Casa Bella. She said, “I am so glad we could experience this together.” I told her I felt the same way. She was so very confused, but she was also very happy.

When we finished, she wanted to relax in the family room. I put on some music, and she began to work on a puzzle on her iPad. It took her a little while to become fully focused on her puzzles. She kept looking around the room and commenting on things she liked.

As I said earlier, one could think of this experience as a sad one, and I understand that. How I wish she didn’t have this disease, but no one has figured a way to get around that. I am just grateful that we can share joyful moments like this one. We have many more good times than bad ones, but last night was very special for both of us. Living in her world really pays dividends.

Posted on

No Wake Up Call Necessary Yesterday

After having to wake her for five consecutive days, Kate got up on her own shortly after 10:00 yesterday. About 10:45, I checked on her and found that she had taken her shower and gotten back in bed. At 11:20, I checked again. She was still in bed and said she needed clothes. When she went to take her shower, she had her clothes in her arms. I went to the bathroom and brought them to her. She asked for her underwear. I couldn’t find them but knew that she had them earlier. I pulled back the sheet where she had been resting. There they were.

I went back to the bathroom to straighten up. She had used the two bath towels I had  out for her, but she had gotten into the drawer where I keep the wash cloths and hand towels. She had pulled out several of each that were thrown on the floor.

She put on her top. I reached up and straightened it for her. She shrugged and said, “You have to remember that I am capable of some things.”  As she started to put on her shoes, I was about to leave. She said, “Wait a minute. Don’t leave until I tell you.” These words sound harsher in written form than they were to me. She was trying to say, “I might need your help.” I stayed for a few minutes. When she appeared to be getting along fine, I said I was going to the kitchen. She didn’t stop me. A few minutes later, I heard her say, “Hey.” When I got to the bedroom, she wasn’t wearing her pants. She didn’t say a word, she knew I would understand. She couldn’t find them. I walked over to the chair in which she had been sitting and picked up the pants and gave them to her. She gave me a sheepish look and said, “Thank you.” For the rest of the day she was fine.

Since it was past noon, we skipped her muffin at Panera and went directly to lunch. Afterward, we came home for about forty minutes. She took that opportunity for a nap. She seems to have been tired all week, but not necessarily at bedtime. It makes me think about her sleep patterns as a sign of significant change. This started at the end of March when she started sleeping later in the morning. Since then her sleep as been erratic. She definitely gets up later than she used to, but once every week or so she surprises me and gets up early. That hasn’t happened over the past week.

Her sleep pattern has been accompanied by greater memory problems, confusion, greater dependence on me, and minor discomfort at my leaving her with a sitter. I know greater change is ahead. I just don’t know how quickly it will occur. If the current decline continues at the same pace, I am afraid it will be sooner rather than later. We are now less than four weeks away from our trip to Texas for Thanksgiving. Despite the changes that are occurring, it seems to me that we will be able to make it.

I have detected another minor change this week. Until the last day or two, she has called me by name when I was in another room and she needed something. Several times this week, she has just said, “Hey.” I take that as a sign that it is getting harder for her to think of my name. That would not be a big surprise. I have been well aware that she can’t remember my name most of the time. It’s just that she has been able to remember when she needs something. That may be going away.

Although she still asks me my name, her name, and the names of our children, she is more frequently asking, “Where are we?” This is something she done for a long time. It’s just happening more frequently. Coming home from Casa Bella last night, she asked me several times where we were.

Speaking of Casa Bella, we were there for Broadway night last night. This was a more spectacular program than others we have attended there. That’s an overstatement since the only accompaniment was a keyboard, no sets, and singers used music. There were, however, six singers instead of the customary two. All the music was from Les Miserables. Regular readers will remember that this is our favorite musical, and Kate was as taken by this production as she has been by the 25th anniversary concert in London. While there is no comparison between last night’s program and that one, the music is always good, and the singers were outstanding. Kate responded with tears and soft, but audible, Continue reading “No Wake Up Call Necessary Yesterday”

Posted on

Everyday Life

At Rotary yesterday, several people asked me how Kate and I are getting along. My answer is very much the same as it has been as long as I can remember. I say “remarkably well.” I believe that is just as true as it was when I adopted that as my standard answer. Recently, I have modified it slightly to say that over the past few months she has declined more significantly than in the past. Depending on the situation and the person I am talking to, I may say something like “She is now having trouble remembering my name as well as her own.” Then I add that we continue to be active and are enjoying ourselves. I think that is a reasonable summary of where we are right now. It just doesn’t fill in the details of what is going on. I try to do that in this blog.

I think yesterday presents a good picture of our daily lives. It was our day for the sitter, and Kate slept later than I would like in order for me to take her to lunch before the sitter arrived. I tried to get her up at 9:30. She seemed very tired, but she was ready for lunch around 10:45. That made it easy for her to have her lunch and get back home. She was neither very cheerful nor grumpy and not very talkative. Shortly after sitting down at our table, she asked my name. I told her. Then she said, “Wait, a minute. Say it again.” I did. She repeated it. Not five minutes later, she asked again. I told her. Over the course of the next few minutes, she asked another two times.

I told her that I would be going to Rotary and that Marilyn would be with her while I was gone. She asked me several times in a row to repeat Marilyn’s name. She wanted to know her first and last name. She was never able to remember it, but she did not express any concern about not being able to remember or the fact that I would be leaving her. Marilyn was already there when we drove up. Kate greeted her cheerfully. We chatted a few minutes. Then I told Kate I was going and would be back later. She asked what she could do. I told her she could stay at home and work on her iPad, talk with Marilyn, or look at some of her photo albums. I also mentioned Panera. That seemed to interest her. When I said goodbye, Kate gave me a dirty look.

When I got home, they were in the family room where Kate was working on her iPad. Marilyn said they did not go to Panera. She mentioned that they looked at the photo book Kate’s brother had made for her and that Kate had also taken a nap. After Marilyn left, I walked over to where Kate was seated. She said, “I’m glad you’re back.” I said, “I’m glad to be back. I like being with you.” She said, “I like being with you.” She placed emphasis on “you” as if to say “and not the sitter.” I said something about Marilyn’s being nice. She said, “She’s all right.” I didn’t pursue the discussion. I think we’ll just have to live with this a while.

The highlight of our day occurred later that evening. I should point out that our time together late in the day until we go to bed seems to be the most consistently good time we have. That may relate to the fact that I am more relaxed. By that time our routine is consistent, and I don’t have to think too much about entertaining her. We have a pleasant dinner. We come back to the house where I usually watch the news while she works on her iPad. Then I put on a DVD of a musical or something similar. Last night, I decided to go to YouTube for some of their musical performances. That turned out to be a real winner. Kate loved it. When I decided it was time for us to call it a night, she said, “It’s been a great day” several times. I also thought we had been well-entertained, but I especially liked seeing Kate’s response. We sampled an assortment of music and performers starting with the video of Kevin Spacey and Billy Joel and “The Piano Man” that I had played for Ellen on Sunday. Then I played about thirty minutes of Andrea Bocelli followed by The Three Tenors (Pavarotti, Domingo, and Carrera).

Kate’s confusion seems to be getting worse. That was expressed in a number of ways yesterday. As we prepared for bed, Kate said, “Where are we exactly right now?” At first, I said Knoxville, but she wanted a more specific answer. I told her we were in our house. She reacted with surprise. She seems to be putting more emphasis on knowing where we are now. She has asked that a long time, but it seems to be more frequent now. I can tell by other things she says that she often thinks we are out of town. At dinner last night, she said, “Are we in Fort Worth?” I mention this as another illustration that she is frequently confused, but it doesn’t keep us from experiencing enjoying life. We’re getting along “remarkably well.”

Posted on

Sunday in Nashville

After leaving Ellen Saturday afternoon, we had dinner and then went to our hotel for the night. Normally, we drive back to Knoxville on the same day, but my longtime friend from, West Palm Beach, Gary Dinkins, and his wife, Jeanette, were in Nashville for Gary’s brother’s 80th birthday. We stayed over a night so that we could have lunch with them.

Kate was tired after the day’s activity and was in bed early. She also slept late. I’m not sure how long she might have slept had I not awakened her around 10:00. Like the previous day, she was a little sluggish getting up. I let her rest another thirty minutes before getting her up.

As with everyone we get together with, she had to ask me Gary and Jeanette’s names several times on the way to meet them. She had done the same thing with Ellen. In fact, after spending 90 minutes with her, she said with surprise, “That was Ellen.” as we walked away from her. I don’t know at what point she forgot who we were with. I know that she was aware at some points during our visit because of the things we talked about. There were references to Ellen’s father and children and several friends. Kate gave no sign of wonder as to who we were visiting.

The visit with Gary and Jeanette went very well. I always wonder how she will do in different social situations. I’m not sure why I wonder. She handled herself quite well. She connects very well with both of them. She was at ease from the beginning and was an active participant in our conversation. Gary and I go back a long way. We knew each other as far back as junior high school and were roommates at TCU our freshman year. We don’t lack for things to say. Kate picked up on that. Several times she had side conversations with Jeanette. I could tell she was talking about our “gift of gab.” That’s a kind way of saying we talk too much. Despite that, she truly enjoyed herself. It was obvious to me while we were together, and she specifically mentioned having had a good time as we walked to our car. That meant as much to me as my own personal pleasure.

We topped off the day with a nice phone call from our daughter Jesse. We always enjoy catching up with her and her boys. Our conversation was a particularly nice one. It’s great to say that we had another good day.

Posted on

More Happy Times

I like good news, and that’s my report today. In my post yesterday, I noted that Kate was in a good mood and had accepted having the sitter without any reservation at all. When I left them, they were beginning to watch Fiddler on the Roof. When I got home, Mary was in the family room watching TV. Kate was in the bedroom resting. Mary said Kate had watched Fiddler for a while and then got sleepy. She got in bed and went to sleep.

When I went to the bedroom to see Kate, she wasn’t asleep but still resting. She was very relaxed but cheerful. This was Mary’s first time to see Fiddler and loved it. I explained that to Kate. I also said that it was nice that she (Kate) could share this experience with Mary. Kate, then, felt she had done something nice for Mary. I mentioned that she might share other musicals with her in the future. Kate liked the idea. I know that she won’t remember that, but I also know that she would feel good if she is able to introduce Mary to something she hasn’t known before.

Last night I asked if she would like to watch Fiddler. Yes, that’s the same show she had watched with Mary. She was excited about that. She was engaged right at the beginning. At 9:30, I suggested that we stop and watch more another night. She said she was getting sleepy but wanted to watch more. We continued for another 45 minutes before I said, “I think I’ll stop it here, and we can watch the rest another time.” She said that was fine, and we were off to bed.

I thought that was the end of the day, but Kate was wound up. We had quite a conversation. I can’t remember all that she said, but I was impressed with her expression of feelings about life and the two of us. She talked about how well-matched we are. Once again, I was struck by the accuracy of the things she said about our respective personalities. That reminds me of something that happened this morning. We stopped by Panera to get a muffin for Kate to eat in the car as we went to the airport to pick up our son, Kevin, who is visiting us for a few days. When I mentioned that she could eat the muffin in the car, she gave me a look of amazement and said, “What’s gotten into you?” The reason I mention this is that I have always been particular about not eating in the car. This time I felt we didn’t have enough time for her to eat it inside. I also knew that she wanted something to eat before we would be able to eat lunch. She may not always remember my name, but she knows me well.

Kevin arrived shortly after 11:30. We had a nice lunch and have been back at the house watching a little football. Kate has continued to be very cheerful. She has teased me a good bit today. I told Kevin that at times she seemed like a child trying to show off with company. He is also getting to see a few of the things that I have told him about. For example, she asked me to tell her where the “restroom” is. I walked her there. As she walked into the hallway, she said, “This looks familiar.” She saw a picture of her mother on the wall and stopped to look at it. She remembered it was her mother, but she had to ask me her name. When she came to a doorway that opens into family room, she said, “Oh, I like this room.” It was just like she had never seen it before.

We are meeting a high school friend of Kevin’s and her mother for dinner. We’re having happy times.

Posted on

A Nice Way to End One Month and Begin Another

Good Morning. I hope it is as pleasant a morning for you as it is here. The sun is shining brightly, and the temperature is a little bit cooler. Sometimes days when you don’t do anything special turn out to be especially good. That was certainly true for us yesterday. I was pleased that Kate was up early. So early, in fact, that we beat the group of Catholics who come to Panera after mass. We spent an unusually long time at Panera. We were there 2 ½ hours. Not only that, but we spent the entire afternoon at home after returning from lunch. That was almost 4 ½ hours. It’s hard for me to remember a time when we spent more than 3 hours at home in one stretch (during the day, of course). It would have been when Kate used to work in the yard. During that period of time, she could easily spend as long as 4 or 5 hours working outside. That hasn’t happened in at least two years.

During our time at home, Kate worked continuously on her iPad. She does have more problems working puzzles now than in the past, but she feels comfortable asking for my help. Her biggest problem is accidentally getting into the puzzle store to buy more puzzles. The creators of the app she uses make it very easy to buy more puzzles. I do that once in a while to make sure she has a good supply, but it doesn’t mean a lot to Kate. She has her favorite puzzles and works them over and over, often repeating a puzzle immediately after completing it.

For a long time, I thought it was just completing the puzzles that was appealing to her. Recently, however, she comments a lot on the beauty of the colors. She has one puzzle in particular that she frequently points out to me. She likes the colors and the kitten in the middle of a bouquet of flowers.

Apart from getting herself into the puzzle store, the second biggest problem is her eyesight. She often loses puzzle pieces when they are on top of pieces that are already in place. I admit that sometimes the patterns make it challenging, but it is mostly her eyesight that is a problem. I often move the pieces she can’t see to the side where they are clearly visible. I’m going to buy her some reading glasses and see if that helps. She’s had plenty of them in the past, but they get lost or broken rather quickly.

There are also two other possible reasons she doesn’t see well. One of those is her cataracts. In discussions with her ophthalmologist, we have decided not to have surgery. That’s true at least for now, but the likelihood of surgery decreases as her Alzheimer’s progresses.

The other reason involves dementia itself. I don’t fully understand but people with dementia often don’t notice things that the rest of us would see easily. One of the best examples is that Kate often doesn’t notice her iPad that is in a bright red case. I bought that case to make it easy to find. She often looks right over it. It’s not that her eyesight is that poor. She has 20/60 vision. That would make reading a problem and also identifying the right puzzle piece, but not seeing larger objects lets me know there is something else going on.

Kate is awake but not up yet. I expect she will be soon. We have a new sitter coming today. She is filling in for Anita who had minor surgery last week. I’m not sure when she will be back, but I feel good about Marilyn. While she is here, I will get to Rotary and then to a United Way meeting. I’m hoping for another good day and believe it is likely to happen.

Posted on

A Happy End to the Day

After returning home from dinner, we relaxed about an hour in the family room. Then we went to the bedroom where I played the last hour of Les Miserables. Shortly after sitting down in her chair, Kate asked (hand signals, of course,) if she could use her iPad. I told her that would be fine. I was curious to see if she would put it down when the music started. She didn’t immediately, but it wasn’t long before it grabbed her. That was it for the iPad. For the next hour, she gave her full attention to the music. As she has done in the past, she made frequent comments about the beauty of the music and the quality of the acting. For those of you who may not have seen this 25th anniversary concert, I should remind you that this is different from the stage production. It does not have the elaborate sets, and the singers do not act in the way they would on stage. All of the lead singers stand in front of a microphone as they would do in a typical concert. They do, however, use facial gestures as they would in the stage production, and they are always in role, even when they wait for the applause after each song.

At dinner last night, Kate told me that she was going to “crash” early. It didn’t happen. When Les Miz was over, she was so keyed up that it took a while for both of us to go to sleep. I had been up since 5:15 yesterday morning, so I was ready for bed. She was in one of her talkative moods. To me it is fascinating how much she is moved by this musical. I don’t think it is just the music. I believe it is this particular production that is so spectacular. At any rate, we turned off the lights and got in bed. Kate talked for a long time before dosing off. She talked about all the usual things – the beauty of the music itself, how wonderful that we could share things like this together, what a good marriage we have had, the wonderful things we have done together, our parents, and our children. In a way, it was almost like a child’s bedtime prayer, an expression of gratitude for everything we have done together. I wanted to sleep, but I wouldn’t trade anything for seeing her enthusiasm.

Posted on

Another Good Day

I am always concerned when Kate and/or I have any special obligations in the morning. That is the time of day when I am least likely to know when Kate will get up and how easy or difficult it will be to get her places. Yesterday, we weren’t going anyplace early, but I had a conference call meeting at 9:30 for an advisory committee on which I serve. The last meeting was almost two hours. This time I had made an 11:00 appointment with a new sitter who will serve as an interim sitter for Anita while she is out for a minor surgical procedure. I had already prepared the committee that I might have to break away a little early if I needed to get Kate up. As it turned out, everything worked out well. The meeting was unusually brief. It was over by 10:15.

When I went back to check on Kate, I found that she was getting dressed. That meant I didn’t have to be concerned about her being ready to meet the new sitter. We had a little extra before she came but not enough time to get a muffin at Panera. I had one in the freezer that I thawed. Then Kate worked on her iPad until the sitter arrived.

The sitter, Marilyn, arrived on time, and joined us in the family room where we chatted for about 30 minutes before going to lunch. We had a little over an hour and a half over lunch to get better acquainted. The interview turned out to be a nice social occasion. I felt very good about her and called the agency to let them know we were pleased and would look forward to her being with us on Monday.

Kate had her bi-weekly massage at 2:00. From there we went to Barnes & Noble for an hour or so before returning home to relax before dinner. She picked up her “Big Sister” photo book that her brother, Ken, had made for her. I brought a chair over beside her and watched as she went through almost the entire book. She loves seeing all the old pictures of her and her family. She continues to comment on several specific photos that she likes. I always enjoy seeing her enthusiasm. When she was near the end of the book, she said she would like to finish the rest tomorrow. Then without closing it, she went back to the beginning and started going through it again.

We had a quiet dinner at Casa Bella. We had already been there for Broadway night last Thursday. The musical performances are held in the larger back room. This time we took a quiet booth in the front of the restaurant and enjoyed ourselves.

From there, we came home. Kate asked me what she could do. When she asks this, I tend to think she is asking because she wants something different than the iPad. I suggested a few things, one of which was to work on her iPad.  That is just what she wanted. She was so engrossed that she continued working her puzzles after I told her I would put on Les Miserables. A little later, she came back to the bedroom and got ready for bed. She was asleep a little earlier than most recent nights. It was a good day and a reminder that we still have many good times.

Posted on

A Good Day

I realize that as Kate has declined over the past few weeks, I have had more sad moments to report than before. For that reason, I am especially glad when I can report positive news. That was the case yesterday. She slept late, and it was a day for the sitter. That means I spent less time with her, but it was quality time. As I noted in a previous post, Kate’s mood has a significant impact on mine. Yesterday, she was upbeat all day. That by itself would make for a good day.

We were able to have lunch together before the sitter arrived. Then I was off to the Red Cross to donate platelets. Shortly after I got home, we went to dinner. We had a very pleasant time despite the fact that she kept asking me the name of the restaurant. Once we were back home, we sat in the family room where I watched the evening news, and she worked on her iPad.

About 8:30, we went to our bedroom where I decided to test her response to Les Miserables again. After thirty minutes, she said she wanted to watch more but was tired. I told her she could go to bed, that we could watch more tomorrow. I intended to turn off the TV, but she wanted me to leave it on so that she could listen a while. Then she pulled the covers over her and said, “Good night, I love you.” She paused for a brief moment and then added, “Whatever your name is.” I said, “Richard Creighton, and I love you.” Then she said, “What’s your name?” again. A few minutes later she turned over in my direction and blew me a kiss. Once again, she asked my name. As the music proceeded, she audibly expressed her pleasure. She was quite moved and said, “It’s so beautiful; it makes me want to cry.” She was happy. So was I.