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An Interesting Experience while Donating Platelets

While the sitter was with Kate yesterday, I donated platelets. I’ve been donating platelets for about three years following many years of whole blood donations, so I am acquainted with most of the people who work in that section of the department, and they know me. That makes the donation time a bit of a social occasion as well. Yesterday I got a bonus.

About an hour after I had been there, a woman took the chair (lounge?) next to me. Since my last visit two weeks ago, they have added individual TVs at each chair. I decided to pick out a DVD of Seabiscuit to pass the time instead of reading. It turned out the person getting me hooked up couldn’t get the TV working. I put the DVD beside me on the chair. The woman noticed the title and said it’s a good movie.

That led to a very pleasant hour of conversation. Because she had asked about Seabiscuit, I asked if she was “into” horses. She answered affirmatively, and we were “off to the races.” I didn’t mean to imply that I know much about horses and the culture surrounding them. I know next to nothing. I recently read Motherhood: Lost and Found by Ann Campanella. That may seem like an unlikely book for me, but it is her story of being a caregiver to her aging parents at the same time she was trying unsuccessfully to have a baby. So where do horses fit in? Well, it turns out that she has a passion for horses. She weaves stories of her and her horse along with her own story about her mother’s Alzheimer’s. As you can see, and Kate would confirm, I digress. I just wanted to say that was the extent of my knowledge of the horse world.

While I don’t know anything about horses, I do enjoy learning about the variety of things to which people devote themselves. So it turns out this woman, Irene, I believe, has been involved with horses most of her adult life. I had one question after another, and she had one informative answer after another.
It turns out that she is a fox hunter though retired for two years. She opened up a whole new world. I knew nothing about fox hunting clubs, the procedures followed on a hunt, that the people who run the clubs know where the foxes live, and that the foxes become accustomed to being hunted, and especially that some clubs don’t even use foxes at all but the scent of a fox to attract the dogs. I asked some dumb questions like “Do you actually kill the fox?” They don’t. (You probably knew that.) I found the conversation to be fascinating.

Beyond her interest in horses and fox hunting, she has owned her own construction business. Most recently, she has been a subcontractor in the construction of a power plant. I was glad that the TV was not working. This conversation was much more interesting.

As I left, I couldn’t help thinking of my dad. He would have enjoyed this conversation himself. He, too, was fascinated by such things. I might add that my brother, Larry, has similarly broad interests. The Creighton boys are easily entertained.

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Yesterday was a nice day.

I hope my previous report didn’t make you think our days are no longer filled with good things to report. I think we’ll always experience good things. I am sure they will be different, but we’ll have them. In the meantime, we still derive a good bit of pleasure out of each day.

Kate was slow getting up again yesterday. We skipped Panera for the second day in a row and went directly to lunch. For about the third or fourth time in a row, we had dessert. I see a habit developing. Our server is now automatically telling us what they have and any special desserts for the day. There was a time that we rarely had a dessert after a meal. Now we have dessert at five of the restaurants we visit weekly.

Yesterday afternoon we went to our oldest community theater where they were performing Beauty and the Beast. Each summer they do a play or musical primarily for children. When our grandchildren used to visit, we would take them. Now we go by ourselves. Kate loved it.

From there we went straight to dinner at a Thai restaurant that is becoming our favorite Sunday night place. I ordered a dish that we have had before. This time I selected shrimp instead of chicken. Kate couldn’t stop talking about how good the sauce was. She loves rice, and I had saturated it with the sauce. I make a point of this because she rarely comments much about the meals we have except for the desserts. Her taste buds are still working.

Saturday night, we watched the first half of the 25th Anniversary concert of Les Miserables. Last night, we watched the second half. Kate was as taken with it as she was the first time she saw it. This was the fourth time we have seen it in four weeks.

We’re off to a good start this morning. Kate was up early enough for us to get to Panera right after 10:00. She is in a cheerful mood. Sometimes she likes to tease me. She is sitting across the table from me right now. A minute ago, she said, “If you just didn’t wear glasses, you’d be perfect.” I like that better than when she says, “You’re a nice guy, but you’re not handsome.”

As I was writing that last sentence, she said, “What is your name?” I told her. Within seconds, she said, “What’s the first name again?” Then she asked a third time. I told her, smiled, and said, “I love you.” She said, “I love you too.”

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Kate’s father’s home movies were a hit again last night.

We had an early dinner last night. That worked out well because it gave us a little extra time before going to bed. We took part of that time to relax in the family room. After an hour, we decided to watch another DVD of her father’s home movies. The portion we watched last night was taken in the mid-to-late 1930s. Although that was before Kate’s birth in 1941, she had known almost all of the people. She was especially excited to see moving pictures of her mother and father. She also enjoyed seeing her grandmother who hosted a big family lunch on Sunday. She had eight children, most whom we married with children at this time, so there was always quite a crowd. We counted over fifteen who are no longer with us. Afterward they adjourned outside to relax and watch the children play. It was fun to see the people she has known as adults playing as children. It was another special way to close the day.

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Sometimes the best moments are in the evening.

During the past few years, the evening has been our most consistently good time of the day. I say that in spite of the two recent anxiety attacks Kate has experienced. Mornings are a little different. Kate normally needs some time to fully wake up. I think that is one reason going to Panera has worked out well for her. She is able to eat her muffin leisurely while working on her iPad. She doesn’t have to enter into conversation except for the greeting of people we see there. Those are short-term encounters that give her a lift. That gives her a good hour or two to wake up Then she is ready for lunch. When she gets up unusually early, she sometimes wants to come back to the house to nap a little more. That used to happen frequently, not so often now.

I don’t know exactly why the time after dinner goes so well. I do know that I am more relaxed. I believe that is because I don’t feel as strong a need to entertain her. I think of this as a cooling down time. I’ve wondered if Kate doesn’t feel the same way. My recent purchase of DVDs of musicals and operas has certainly given us a regular activity for that time. When we don’t watch one of those, we spend an hour or so in the family room. I always put on some relaxing music that Kate and I both like.

Last night, I had something new for her. When we visited Kate’s brother and his wife in May, they gave us three VHS cassettes with home movies and videos for me to have converted to DVDs. They arrived yesterday. We watched one of them after coming home from our Monday night Mexican dinner.

This particular one consisted of highlights of a Franklin family reunion in 1982. I didn’t recall having seen this video before. I know that Kate didn’t remember. We both enjoyed seeing her parents as well as her aunts and cousins. As you would expect after 36 years, many of them have passed on. The children are grown up with families. It was a special treat for Kate and for me. When we finished, I noticed that she was still moved by what she had seen. I walked over to her chair, and we reminisced about her family and the good times we had with them. It was a beautiful way to spend the evening. What is best is that we have two others, each of which is a good bit longer. That should take care of us for several nights.

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More Confusion, But a Good Day

Yesterday we went to Nashville to visit our friend, Ellen, who had a stroke three years ago next month. She had lived in Knoxville until that time. She had the stroke while visiting her daughter in Nashville and has never returned home. We try to visit about once a month. She is now living in a memory care facility. This is the fifth place she has lived since we started visiting her.

Kate got up a little later than I had wanted, so we ate lunch before leaving. When I hadn’t heard any signs that she was up, I went back to the bedroom to check on her. I discovered that she was up and taking a shower. I glanced in the bathroom door to see a mound of clothes on the floor in front of the shower. She often takes her clothes for the day into the bathroom while she showers. What was unusual this time was that she had a variety of clothes, mostly winter clothes. They also included four or five tops and a couple of pants. I came back to the kitchen. When I went back fifteen minutes later, she was sitting on the bed. The clothes that were previously on the floor of the bathroom were now on the bed. It turned out that she had everything but her underwear. I asked if she would like me to get them. She did. When I returned, she said, “Thank you, whatever your name is.” I asked if she would like me to tell her my name. She said yes, and I did. On the way to lunch, she asked my name. I told her and then said, “What is your name?” She took a moment to think and then answered correctly.

She was very quiet on the way to see Ellen. When we arrived, she said, “Does this place have a name?” I told her we were in Nashville and gave her the name of the facility. This way of asking for a name is becoming more frequent now. Mostly, she says, “Where are we?” She has a similar expression when we are at restaurants. She says, “Does this place serve food?” This is a sign that she is ready to eat and thinks the restaurant is taking too long. She has no concept of time, so usually, it hasn’t been long since we ordered that she asks the question. Sometimes it occurs right after the server has walked away after taking our order.

Our visit with Ellen was one of the best we have had. I wish I could say that is because Ellen has improved. That wasn’t the case. In fact, her speech seemed to be worse than the last time we visited a month ago. At the time of our first couple of visits almost three years ago it was very difficult to understand her at all. Over the next year, she improved a good bit, but I would say we were still unable to understand about a fourth of what she said. In February of this year, she had a couple of seizures. They affected her mobility and her speech. Yesterday we could understand very little of what she said.

We got off to a good start. When we walked into her room, Ellen was lying down on her bed. Although I know her daughter had told her we were coming, she had forgotten. She was quite surprised to see us and very emotional about our being there. I don’t know that I have mentioned that Ellen is a very outgoing, take charge kind of person who had many friends in Knoxville. Because so many of her friends are about her age and travel to Nashville is a bit much for many of them, she has had practically no visits from them. We know of only one other couple from Knoxville who has visited her. In addition, most of the others in her memory care unit are unable to converse much. She must be starved for conversation with friends.

It was interesting to watch Kate’s interaction with Ellen. She took much more initiative in the conversation than she has done previously. She brought up the fact that the two of them used to have lunch together every Monday while I was at Rotary. It is interesting that this memory has not disappeared. She remembers other things about our relationship with Ellen and her husband, Gordon, but only when I bring them up. The Monday lunch is more firmly embedded in her memory. Something else was different about Kate yesterday. There were quite a few times when Ellen struggled getting her words out. In almost every instance, Kate tried to encourage her. She said, “Just relax. Take your time. You’ll get it.”

After we had been there a good while, I asked Ellen if the staff played much music for the residents. She said they didn’t. I suspect she just doesn’t remember. Ellen had been a choir director for almost 40 years. She was also a singer and played the piano. We began to talk about music. I mentioned that I remembered her son’s singing “Danny Boy” at a piano recital when our children were taking lessons. Then I remembered that I had a recording of “Danny Boy” on my phone. I played it for her. All three of us enjoyed it. That led to my playing several other pieces. It was a nice interlude in our visit. The music was beautiful. Conversation for Ellen was challenging. We let the music speak for us. At one point, Ellen reached her hand out to Kate who clutched it. I could see tears in their eyes. It was a touching moment to watch and be a part of.

Not long after that one of the staff came in to get Ellen up for dinner. I asked if she knew Ellen was a musician. She didn’t know a thing about her background in music. When I told her she was surprised. She said she was glad to know and would pass that along to the activities director so that she could take advantage of that. I wonder how many people in places like this are not fully appreciated because the people working there have no knowledge of who they were before their memory problems. I suspect this is true for most.

We left Ellen’s and went directly to dinner before driving back home. We stopped at McCormick and Schmick’s. As we waited for our meal, Kate looked across at me, put her hands around her mouth like a megaphone, and mouthed the words “I love you.” I told her I love her too. Then she said, “Tell me your name.”

The ride home was unusual. Normally, we drive this distance with very few words. I usually play music that I know Kate will enjoy. Last night, she was talkative. In fact, we talked most of the way back home. It got its start as we were leaving the restaurant. Our daughter, Jesse, called to check in. She updated us on her family’s recent trip to Florida. Kate was happy to hear from her and to know they had a good trip with the family. That must have prompted her to think about the good things in our lives. She talked about our marriage and how fortunate we are to have found each other. She talked about both of our children. I reminded her that our son, Kevin, and his family have just returned from an exciting trip to the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, and Zion National Park. It makes both of us happy to see our children enjoying life and moments like these with their children.

As we neared our home, Kate said she was tired. Then she mentioned she wanted “to do some work” before going to bed. She quickly added, “You know the kind of work I mean.” I did know, working on jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. We had had another good day.

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Another Good Day

It really makes me happy to say we had another good day yesterday. First, Kate was up in just as good a mood as she did the day before. She was alert and cheerful from the beginning to the end of the day. She was also up a little earlier. I liked that because it gave us more time together.

She always enjoys watching children wherever we go. That is another pleasure deriving from her intuitive abilities. There are limits, however. She loves watching them play and explore their surroundings. She is taken with the things they say, especially when they express they wants to their parents. She was enjoying one little boy who wanted to run around. The mother tried to restrain him. That was cute until the boy screamed. Kate finds screams or any sudden noise startling and offensive. When the boy screamed, she jerked in her chair and said, “Now that’s not cute.”

We had lunch at the Bluefish Grill. It is almost 25 minutes away from where we live. On the drive, I always play music that I think she will enjoy. Yesterday I played selected songs from Les Miserables. Once again, she loved it. I played another album on the way back. She loved it as well.

We spent almost two hours at home after lunch. Kate went through an old photo book of her family. Then she worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. Of course, I had music that we both enjoy playing all the time. It was a pleasant time. Then she was ready to leave the house. We don’t often stay here for more than a couple of hours. There was still a good while before dinner, so I took her to Marble Slab for ice cream. We had stopped there earlier in the week. It is next to Panera, and we love ice cream. It’s surprising that we hadn’t been there in almost three years. I don’t intend to wait so long again. Then we went to Barnes & Noble where we remained until dinner.

We had a strange at dinner. I told her about an experience I had had several years ago when I served on a pastor nominating committee at our church. Kate said, “You know what I’m thinking?” I didn’t and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t. She said, “You know.” I assured her I didn’t and asked her to tell me. That upset her. She said, “Just forget it.” We went on with our conversation and had a good time.

She was unusually talkative last night. She talked mostly about us and our marriage, how happy we had been, how well-matched we are. That continued after we got home. She talked about how comfortable she felt with me and how much she liked being with me no matter what we are doing. I told her I felt exactly the same way about her.

I am happy to hear her talking and being so expressive. At the same time, I keep wondering about what is motivating her right now. I sense that she feels her world is getting smaller. She remembers fewer things, and that increases the value of the things she does know and can appreciate. That leads to the conclusion of our day.

We had started watching a DVD of Sound of Music the previous night. We had only watched about forty-five minutes of it before she was sleepy. We watched another hour of it last night. She loved Julie Andrews and talked about her looks, smile, and singing but couldn’t remember her name. She repeatedly asked me her name. I reminded her of the time she was at the Jeu de Paume and saw Julie with her daughter. She had no memory at all.

She loved the scenery in the movie as well as the acting. She was talking during the movie. At one point, she said, “I know this is silly, but I feel like God sent you to me.” I said, “I know what you mean. I feel the same way about you.”

A few minutes later, she said, “You know, you give me energy.” It didn’t last though. She was sleepy. We decided to stop the movie right there and pick it up tonight. She had had a good day. So had I.

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A Very Good Day

Kate was up a little before 9:00 yesterday morning and in an especially good mood. When I mention her good mood, I am a little concerned that you might think that she generally wakes up in a bad mood. That’s not the case. Typically, however, she is slow to wake up. That has been her pattern throughout our marriage. She is generally a little groggy and not ready to talk.

This morning I went to the back of the house to see if she was awake. She had just gotten out of the shower and was sitting on the bed. She was about to put on a pair of pants when I walked in. She was quite cheerful and said, “You came in at just the right time.” She pointed to her back. I thought she wanted me to scratch it. Just yesterday, she had asked me to do that. It turned out that she wanted me to dry her back. I said, “I sometimes misunderstand what you want.” She smiled and said, “That because you’re not a girl.” I said, “Well, I know that sometimes presents a problem.”

After drying her back, I started to walk out of the room. She said, “Don’t go yet.” She was trying to figure out which way to put on her pants. It is increasingly a challenge for her to put them on so they are not backwards. She wanted to make sure that I was there to help her if she didn’t get them on right the first time. While she was doing that, I asked if she would like me to get a top for her. She did. I showed her one that used to be a favorite of hers. She didn’t want that. I got another one that is new. She liked it but then decided it was too dressy. I took it back to hang up and select something else when she said, “Why don’t you just let me do it.”

What I want to convey about this whole exchange between us is that Kate was quite cheerful and even a bit playful. She wasn’t really upset that I was offering help. In fact, she was seeking my help. In the end, however, she felt sure enough to get her own top. Interestingly, it was the one she had worn yesterday. I had just picked it up off her chair in our bedroom and hung it back in her closet. I’ve noticed that she seems to gravitate to things she has just worn.

When I first walked in on her this morning, I noticed that she had gotten out 4 pair of socks. They were all black, so it didn’t seem like she would have taken them out to decide which to wear. That’s just another puzzle. That reminds me that yesterday she brought two extra tops with her when we went out for dinner. They’re still in the car. When we went to dinner last night, she took a bra and two wash cloths she had used during the day.

I have often commented about the importance of music to both of us. I don’t believe I have said anything about the things she sees that also give her pleasure. For example, at Panera this morning, she turned her iPad around to show me the puzzle she had just finished. It was a black and white kitten surrounded by a ring of multi-colored flowers. She said, “Isn’t that beautiful?” She especially likes the ones with kittens. I got one set that has fifty puzzles with kittens. There are several that she especially likes. She often comments about how cute they are.

It’s not just the beauty in her puzzles that she likes. She loves all the greenery this time of year. The lot behind us is heavily wooded. She loves sitting in our family room and looking out on the trees. As we drive around town or out of town, she notices “the green” on either side of the road. It is interesting to me that she takes more interest in the green trees and shrubs than the spring flowers which usually get the most attention.

We had a good time at lunch. I said something to her about the boys’ soccer team that is trapped in the caves in Thailand. She was quite interested and wanted to know more (as she was and did the previous time I brought up the topic). I pulled out my phone and read her a news report. She probably asked four or five times where this was happening. This is a good example that her interest in what I have been calling rational thought (names, facts, and figures) that her Alzheimer’s has affected. She derives most of her pleasure from her experiential world. She literally lives in the moment and enjoys herself; nevertheless, she retains a normal intellectual curiosity. In the earlier stages of the disease, she expressed a good bit of frustration over her inability to remember. Except for her anxiety attack a couple of weeks ago, she hasn’t shown any frustration in a good while.

It pleases me that she still has her interest in what’s going on in the world around her. I frequently explain (briefly) events that are going on in the news. She wants to know, and I assume that in the moment I explain them she is satisfied. Neither the memory of the event itself or my explanation lasts more than that moment. Yet, I take it as a good sign that we can have these conversations.

We enjoyed ourselves so much at lunch that I hated to leave her with the sitter. We got home with enough time for us to sit down together in the family room. A short time later Mary arrived. I wondered if Kate would feel as regretful as I that she was here and that I was leaving. I needn’t have been concerned. Kate greeted Mary just as naturally and warmly as I would have wanted.

The best part of the day came after we returned home from dinner. We went to the family room where I expected her to begin working on her iPad. She did take it to her chair, but she also picked up the photo book that her brother Ken had made for her back in May. It’s over 140 pages filled with pictures of their lives from birth through May  when we were together with them in San Angelo. It was just this past Monday that the other sitter, Anita, said Kate had taken a long time to go through the album with her.

I was taking care of a few household things while Kate began to look through the album. Periodically, she called me to look at a picture. She was really engaged. The amazing thing is that she spent a full two hours going through the book. She went through it once and then started over again. She only stopped when she was getting sleepy and wanted to get ready for bed.

This may seem like an ordinary event, but the only other thing I have observed that occupies her time for that long is her iPad. She sometimes spends as much as eight hours in a day working jigsaw puzzles on it. When she was working in the yard, she could easily spend four or more hours, but she gave that up more than a year ago.

When something like this happens, I always speculate on what made her do it. Usually, there is no clear answer. That is probably the case this time, but I do wonder if her current loss of so many memories could be behind it. I am remembering her anxiety attack when she said that she didn’t know who she was or where she was. It seems likely that looking through the book gave her a sense of her connection to so many forgotten memories of her family and her history. I hope so, and I am sure that Ken made this book with that in mind. Whatever the explanation, I know that she was fully engaged and enjoying every moment she spent during those two hours. Yes, it was a very good day.

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Enjoying Special Moments and the Power of Music

Yesterday afternoon, I was reading an author’s essay describing why she had written a book after losing her mother to Alzheimer’s. She said that she wanted to lead others toward happiness that one often misses because of the sadness that is also a part of the journey. She felt she had let that sadness prevent her from fully appreciating the “happy moments.”

Her words made me think of another experience Kate and I had with music a little bit earlier. We returned home from lunch. We sat down in the family room, and I put on an album of the last half of Les Miserables. Since we had seen the DVD and listened to the audio over the past few days, I intended to select one or two songs that I knew were among Kate’s favorites. Once it started, I saw that she was taken by it and just let it play through to the end. Initially, she was working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. Then she became more engaged in the music, and put the iPad down. I could see that she was moved. She said, “It’s so beautiful.” I agreed. Before the end of the finale, tears welled up in her eyes. She got up from her chair and walked over to sit beside me on the sofa. She was crying, not out of any sadness. She was solely moved by the beauty of the music. I put my arm around her. She put her head on my shoulder. We savored the last notes.

We sat quietly for a moment. I decided to put on another album I thought she would like. One by John Rutter. We continued to sit there another fifteen minutes enjoying the music. As I have said before, we have both enjoyed music together since our first date, but I believe the pleasure she derives from music has increased substantially. I am glad that we continue to enjoy happy moments like this. They have been able to override the sadness that I sometimes feel.

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A Quiet but Nice Day

Kate slept a little later this morning, so we didn’t get to Panera until just after 11:00. Then Andriana’s turned out to be busier than usual. That meant it took a little longer for lunch which actually worked in our favor. This has been one of those days when Kate has asked more questions about our family (her father’s name, my father’s name, our children, and where we live). I took advantage of that time to reminisce with her. I was partially motivated by her anxiety attack week before last. That night she didn’t know who she who or where she was. Since then I have been trying to give her a little more information about her and her family.

Today’s conversation dealt largely with our attendance at so many live performances since our first date to Handel’s Messiah. I reminded her that we began our 50th anniversary celebration with a trip to New York City during the Christmas season where we attended Messiah at St. Thomas Episcopal Church.

Then I gave her a Cliff Notes’ summary of other performances we have enjoyed since we married. Most have involved musical theater. The first Broadway and Off-Broadway musicals we attended were on our first trip together to New York in 1967. We saw the original productions of Man of La Mancha and Cabaret. Since then we have seen as many as 30-40 shows there and many more here in Knoxville. We have also had season tickets to the Knoxville Symphony for 30 years. We haven’t generally attended some of the more popular entertainers, but we have been to concerts by Louis Armstrong, The Mamas and the Papas, Gloria Loring, Eartha Kitt, Jimmy Buffet, Marvin Hamlisch, Bette Midler, Billy Joel and Elton John, Tony Bennett, Paul McCartney, Art Garfunkel, and Willie Nelson. Opera has more recently entered our lives but is a favorite. We’ve enjoyed opera at The Met in NYC, Vienna, Berlin, Amsterdam, Zurich, and Sydney as well as quite a number of the Live in HD at The Met performances broadcast live in local theaters.

I went through these things knowing that she wouldn’t remember many, if any, of the things we had done. She does, however, remember that we have attended lots of events like these. More importantly, she was very attentive and seemed to enjoy my them bringing up. At the end of our reminiscing, she noted how fortunate we have been to have had so many good times together. I agree and will cherish the memories when we are no longer able to share them.

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Success: Three Times in a Row

As I suggested in my previous post, I took Kate back to see Won’t You Be My Neighbor? yesterday. That was the third time in the past eight days. It was, as they say, a “smashing success.” Once again, the theater was packed with an appreciative audience offering its applause when it ended.

Throughout the film, I kept looking over at Kate to see how she was responding. At various moments throughout the film, she expressed audible pleasure. I wasn’t surprised, but particularly struck, when she responded appropriately to things that were both funny and sad. I’ve said before that she generally understands what she hears, but she can’t retain it long enough for the knowledge to help her understand what follows. As the review in the NY Times notes, the producer gives its viewers a “feeling” for Rogers and his connection with children. I know that Kate understood that feeling.

On the way out, we bumped into a friend in the lobby. He commented about being a regular at this theater. When we parted, Kate smiled and said, “Well, I’m glad to know where we are.” We’ve also been regulars at this theater for many years, but I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t remember.

In the car, she said she wanted to read more about the film and Mr. Rogers. I told her we could check the Times review. She liked the idea. I read it to her shortly after we arrived at home. She listened intently. About midway through, she said, “I want to see it.” When I finished, she said, “I may want to see it twice.” I can’t fully express how much pleasure I got out of the fact that she liked both the movie and the review even if she can’t remember either right now.

This brings to mind something I have often read in a variety sources on caregiving. They suggest the importance of living in the world of the person with dementia rather than trying to get the PWD to live in our world. I think that is what Kate and I have been doing. It not only works for her; it works for me as well. Had it not been for her I would not have gone to see the movie even a second time. Even though I liked it as much as she did, I would have thought it silly to go again so soon. By living her way, I got to enjoy the movie another two times. I’m finding the same thing with the DVDs of musicals I have purchased in the past month. We’ve watched the 25th anniversary concert of Les Miserables twice, the last 30-40 minutes three times.

Her world is clearly different, and I am not denying the sadness I feel at her loss of her memory for names, places, and events. On the other hand, we’ve focused on music, theater, movies, and social engagement. Those are things we mutually enjoy. They continue to add to the quality of our lives, and I am grateful.