Another Example

An hour ago I went outside to tell remind Kate that she needs to meet a grant recipient and Shirley Hazel at 11:45 and that we could get make a trip to Lowe’s before that. I suggested we leave at 11:00. I came inside and I thought she had as well. Ten minutes ago I was going to check on her and saw her coming in from outside. She was in her pajamas and had continued to work on pruning her plants. She had simply let time slip by which is very common.

The surprising thing is that I know she wanted to go to Lowe’s at 10:00. Now we won’t have time to go at all before her meeting.

Some Things Are Funny

This morning after returning from my walk I saw that Kate was dressed and dressed more nicely than she would be on a Saturday morning. Typically she wouldn’t get dressed until 10:00 or 11:00, and then she would be more casual. When I said something, she dismissed my remarks and indicated that she wasn’t dressed up any more than usual. I just let it go. A little while later she asked me if I could help her with her medicine. (I changed the container for her medicine last Sunday, and it has confused her greatly. I was surprised by this because it is laid out the same way as the previous one that she has bought for herself and used for at least 2 years. It is designed so that you can put pills in it for 4 different times of the day for a 7-day period. The only difference in the new one is the color and the way you open the sections that actual contain the pills. Nonetheless she can’t get it. I had told her I would get another one, but she was trying to relabel the places that say “noon” and “evening” with tags that say “morn” and “bed.”) She had taken out the medicine from several sections and didn’t know what to do with them. I fixed that. Then she said something about Sunday, and I realized that she thought today was Sunday not Saturday. We both laughed, and I told her at least the bright side was that now she has an extra day before Sunday.

Happy Moments in the Midst of Sadness

We returned Friday night (this is Monday) from a visit with Jesse’s family for Thanksgiving. Everything went well. Kate got along well. I don’t think a thing happened that would give either Jesse or Greg a clue that she has AD. One thing I will note is that Kate seems to have developed a more positive view of other people than she had before. I have noticed this for a good while – perhaps a year. That starts with me. She tells me much more often than she used to that she is glad she married me, that I am good to her, etc. I see the same thing in her judgment of other people. In particular she comments about how smart people are. I think this is a reflection of her inability to do so many things and her seeing others do these normal things without any effort.

Now on to the reason I chose the headline above. This past Saturday we went to Gregory’s for lunch. Near the end of our meal, Kate wanted to take a moment to update her calendar. She is working harder to jot down things she needs to remember in her calendar. She asked me when we were leaving for New York. I told her Wed., Dec. 5. I also told her that I thought she had already entered the information. She checked and said that she had. She asked me what time we were leaving. I gave her the departure and arrival times. First, she is getting good at trying not to digest too much information; so she held her hand up to stop me when I went beyond the departure time. Before moving on to the date and times for our trip back to Knoxville the following week, she struggled to get the correct information into her calendar. It took several minutes before she was ready to move on. I then gave her the arrival time in NY. That took her a little bit of time. Then we went to the return trip. This became a struggle, and she finally asked me to do it for her. When I checked the departure date and time, I found that she had entered it incorrectly. My point is that this can be looked upon as a sad situation and a frustrating one; however, we both laughed through it from beginning to end. This is not necessarily typical of these situations, but it is common. It reminds me of the way Dad reacts in many situations. He will just smile and say, “”My brain just won’t let me do it.” It is really something going through these things with both of them, but it is good news that we are sometimes able to make light of the situation.

An hour after writing the above I received a call from Kate asking me for the phone number for the president of our neighborhood association. The interesting thing is that I had just given her his cell phone number 20-30 minutes earlier. She also has both his and his wife’s cell phone numbers and home phone in the directory that she was using yesterday to make calls. She specifically indicated she had their numbers. I am sure, however, that she is simply unable to remember where she put the number I had just given her or that she has their number in the directory.

An Example of What It is Like.

Kate and I are leaving Thursday for Fort Worth for our 50th TCU class reunion. I just got an email she sent to the secretary of our music club. In it she says she is free for a meeting this Friday morning or Monday morning. I called her to remind her that we will be in Texas both those times. She had forgotten. She repeatedly forgets the moment to moment things although she remembers many things from the past. These must be troublesome things for her. In fact, although we don’t talk specifically about AD, we have so many of these experiences that she doesn’t have to say anything for me to suspect how frustrating it is for her.

The other day she had some simple problem on the computer, and she said something about “This is going to be a long road.”

I bought new phones at the house about 6 weeks ago. One has been missing for at least 2 weeks. We have remotes that go with each TV in the house. They are not interchangeable. The one in our bedroom disappeared a few weeks ago; so we borrow from another one when we need it, but it won’t do all the same things the correct one will do.

Two Quick Things

Here are 2 examples of the types of memory problems that are occurring regularly.

1. For several years we have used our house as a periodic B&B as a fundraiser for Kate’s PEO chapter. Last night and tonight we are hosting 2 ladies from Erie, PA. We got the call about this B&B approximately 4-6 weeks ago. Last week we received a reminder call. Kate and I talked about it, and she added it to her calendar. On Tuesday evening she called our housekeeper to ask if she could come yesterday instead of tomorrow to help her get ready for our guests. I reminded her it was Wednesday and Thursday. We got a call from one of the guests who said they would be in around 1:00 pm or so on Wednesday. I communicated this to Kate. When I got home from the office around noon, she was trimming the shrubs outside. I said, “You must be feeling pressure.” She asked why, and I said they would be here soon. It turns out she was thinking it would be Thursday and not Wednesday when they would arrive. She then did begin to panic.

2. Sometimes she indicates she wants to do something and then forgets about it. For example, she is working on an update of the neighborhood directory. This was prompted by a request from our new neighbors. Knowing how long it might take her to do a complete revision of the directory, I suggested she just send a copy of the existing directory. She firmly resisted this. I dropped it. Then I saw the neighbor on Sunday morning as I was walking. He mentioned the directory, and I told him Kate was making a revision right now. He said he would like to have one just as it is. I told Kate, and she said, “No problem.” And got one for him.

Little Things

Just got a call from Kate. We had talked about 20 minutes ago about meeting at noon at Applebee’s for lunch. She was calling to ask if I had said 12:30. Again, this is an example of a mistake that anyone could make.

More Signs of Confusion

Yesterday Kate misplaced the money I had put out for our housekeeper. I have no idea where it is. I’m sure it will turn up sometime.

She also put dirty dishes in dishwasher with clean ones after my telling her they were clean. This incident could really happen to anyone, but I am more prone to link it to AD since her diagnosis.

Forgetting Appointments and Responding with Humor

I took a call from Kate about an hour ago. She was calling from the hair dresser’s to tell me that she had locked herself out of the house and would need to stop by the office to get a key. She also said that she had forgotten her hair appointment again and that Evelyn’s daughter had had to call her to come in. Kate has mentioned before that she thought they suspected her AD. I suspect ongoing behavior is confirming it.

I find it interesting that she is able to take a humorous approach to this instance of forgetting. It makes me think of my dad who is responding similarly. I feel like this is a further sign of the progression of the illness that instead of expressing frustration, she is able to laugh about it and make no effort to hide her forgetfulness.

Ongoing Challenges and Frustrations

No need to go into many specifics, but it is clear that Kate is having more difficulty remembering things. This usually involves where she leaves her iPhone, her purse, or an item of clothing. What I find more disturbing is that her organizational ability is declining. Last night we sat outside for a while and then got in the spa. She commented that she is trying to concentrate on those things that don’t require a lot of thought. Anything that requires her to put together a sequence of things seems to be a problem. That would include getting dinner ready, getting things together for a meeting like PEO, and especially the family album. I can hardly wait for her to finish. For a while I thought it was good that she had something like this to focus on. She loves it, but she faces many frustrations. I am confident that a good bit of the problem involves her condition, although certainly working with a new piece of software brings its own problems.

Right now the plan is that she will not be working on another album with her brother. It is too stressful for her to coordinate with another person. She is going to work on albums for our own family and grandchildren. She has already started getting organized for these by going through many of our old photos and arranging them into categories. There will be no timeline which will be a good thing. Even though her brother has been very understanding, she feels pressure to complete the project ASAP. I am hoping the next 2 weeks will end her part.

I should also mention that I have noticed her own discouragement, although when I used this word last night, she corrected me. She felt that was too strong an expression for her current state. Nonetheless, she sees all the little things that are signs of her slipping.

I forgot to mention that last week Kate told me about the University of Tennessee women’s basketball coach who at 59 has announced that she has dementia. That provided an opening for me to ask if she had thought about when and how she might tell our children or others of her diagnosis. She said she felt she wanted to tell the children but that she saw that as something that was a year away. I suggested that, because we were not with the children very much, they would probably not suspect anything for a while. I then asked her what she would want me to do if either of the children asked me about her. She said she would want me to tell them. Actually, I don’t think she was that specific. I think I would probably try to open the door for her to tell them.

I also asked her what she would want me to do if someone outside the family asked me about her. She said that was another story with the clear implications that she wasn’t ready to announce.

She also indicated that there would be no necessity of a more public announcement. She feels, and I agree, these are things that are done by celebrities. We both are inclined, I think, to let this evolve naturally without having a defined time to tell others. I believe this is the way that most people handle it.

Events That Make Me Think About the Future

Several things have happened this morning and the past several days that make me think more about Kate’s condition and progress. As usual, we went to church separately and were to meet in the sanctuary. When she didn’t show up, I thought she must have gotten detained with someone after Sunday school and ended up sitting in the back of the sanctuary. When we drove to lunch after church, she said she had had one of those experiences in which the brain just didn’t work. It turned out that she had entered the sanctuary on the left side rather than the right side where we (I) always sit. She looked along the rows in the area where she thought I would be and finally took a seat by herself. It was only later (I think after the service) that she realized she had gone to the wrong place and that I was sitting right where I always do.

The other events involve updates on several people we know who have dementia. At our recent (this past Wed) meeting of the executive committee of the music club, someone asked about one of our members who has dementia. The word was that she has good and bad days. She and her husband have moved to a continuing care facility. This has been a problem for him because his photo studio is in their house and he is still active in his photography.

In addition, in Sunday school this morning one of our members reported that her husband will be staying permanently at the nursing facility where he has been in rehab. Although he has recovered physically from recent surgery, it has been a setback mentally. He was diagnosed with dementia 7 years ago. It made me think about Kate’s progress. Seven years would put her at 77 which is much sooner than I care to think although I have feared from the first that she might move along more quickly than we have wanted to believe.

Another member of our Sunday school class was there this morning. She seemed to have progressed further in her dementia than I had noticed in the past. She gave me a gentle but big hug and told me she loved me. It breaks my heart to see her and to imagine where Kate will be in a few years.

In this morning’s paper I read an obituary of an old acquaintance who would have been my age. Donations options were given, one that included a day care facility, and I thought he might have had AD or dementia. I found out that is correct.

On occasion I mention to Kate about someone’s having AD, but most often I find myself unwilling to say anything because I don’t want to add any anxiety to that which I know she already feels.