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Our Day

I am very happy to report that we got to the Shepherd’s Center just before class and that registration was a snap, just a matter of turning in the registration form and check that I had completed before. We went directly to our class and were able to find 2 seats together. The best news is that when the class was over, Kate said, “He is really good. I want to be here every time.” The class we attended is about the Holocaust and is taught by a retired UT professor. I was not overly impressed at the depth of his lecture, but he was ideal for Kate.

Immediately following the class we bumped into one of my dad’s friends who had taught the writing class he attended for several years. Since we are going to Nashville to see Ellen today, we didn’t stay any longer. We have a little time before leaving; so we came back to Panera to get muffin a muffin and to pass a little time here.

As I was pulling into a parking space, Kate told me she was going to take off her hose. They were too tight. I just finished buying 5 pair last week. I ordered while she found a place for us to sit. When I got to our seats, she was in the ladies room. In a minute, she came back and said now she was more comfortable. I asked what she had done with the hose. She told me she had thrown them away. This is another problem in that it was one of the 5 pair purchased last week. I am almost positive that they were her size. It does concern me that we waste so much money. I just hate being wasteful. We have spent most of our lives being conscious about our spending. This is just one of the things that requires changes in my habits.

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Getting a Leisurely Start

We’re off to a good start today. It is a beautiful spring day. I took my customary 3.21-mile walk after getting up at 6:15 and having breakfast. Since then I have been reviewing and responding to email. I purchased a new audio system about 4 weeks ago and have been listening to music much more than in the past. I have found that to be very therapeutic for me.

Kate got up around 8:30 and got some apple juice. I reminded her that we get haircuts at 10:30 this morning and that she would get color. Then she went back to her bedroom and turned on the TV. When I went back about 15 minutes ago, she was just getting up to get her iPad. She asked me to bring her some yogurt which I did. I had started to ask if she would want her morning muffin at Panera but chose not to do so when she seemed like she just wanted to relax right now. I changed out of my walking clothes and dressed for the day. I felt it was better for her to relax, and we could leisurely get to our haircuts. She doesn’t really need the muffin. She is up to 174 now, a far cry from 99 before we were married. It is hard for her to stop eating though. Last night I had suggested we go to Hathaway’s for dinner. I was thinking that we both needed something less fattening. I got a cup of black bean soup, and we split a grilled salmon with asparagus and a baked sweet potato. I had only gotten the soup because the rest is not usually that filling. When I started to ask our server for the check, Kate said, “Don’t you want some dessert?” I really didn’t but knew she did. We ended up getting the skillet chocolate chip cookie which I think is to die for but has to be loaded with calories. The upshot of that was that when we left, I was stuffed again. I find that I am having a difficult time getting my weight back to what I like it to be (160-162 vs. 164-167).

This is just of the type of adaptations that one has to make along this journey. I believe it is worth it, however. I don’t want to look back one of these days and wish that I had loosened up a bit on my routine.

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What’s Happening as We Begin 2016

We got back around 8:30 New Year’s Eve from a successful trip to Texas. Since then we have been gradually getting back to normal. As always, Kate is enjoying being at home. She has been busying herself getting all the Christmas decorations put away. She has also been putting order into her closets and rooms. Not sure what motivated this, but it is nice to see.

Close to lunch time I asked if she would like to see The Danish Girl. She indicated she would. We went to Panera. Then we drove downtown for the movie. As we arrived downtown, she asked, “Did you need to do something downtown?” I told her that we were going to the movie. She hadn’t remembered that I had told her we were going there. This is not simply an illustration of her forgetfulness but mine as well. It is quite possible that I had not reminded her that we were going to a movie during or after lunch despite the fact that I know she can’t remember from my telling her before lunch. It is amazing how often I fail to remember that she can’t remember. I think it is because so much of her behavior seems quite normal that it reinforces my responding to her as though she is normal.

Following a movie yesterday afternoon, we went to A store next to the theater. Kate was looking for gloves. She was not happy with the fact that the ones she liked had a logo on the upper side. I asked her if she would like me to take her to Belk to look. She said, “”No.” As we were approaching home, she said, “”I think I would like to go by Belk’s.” This is the kind of thing that is often a bit frustrating for me in that I would have gone a more direct way to Belk’s had she decided earlier. I told her I would be happy to do that, and we went. Right away she found a pair of gloves that she liked. They were very much like the ones she had just bought but without the logo. I held those gloves for her while she looked at some others. She found a pair of dressier, leather gloves that she liked. She wanted to get both. When I mentioned the gloves she had just bought , she had forgotten getting them. She said she would only get the leather gloves. On the way home she said she would put them in her leather jacket (which she was wearing) so that she would know where to find them. This afternoon when we were about to leave for lunch, she couldn’t find the gloves but did find the more casual ones. We have a lot of this kind of thing.

Last night she said she would go to church with me this morning. She got to bed at 9:00 or shortly thereafter. This morning I got up at 5:40. I left for a walk at 6:45. When I returned about 7:30, I could see that she had eaten some yogurt. When I went to the bedroom, she was still in bed. At 8:30, she was still in bed. I asked if she still wanted to go with me to church or stay at home. She asked if I would mind if she stayed at home. I assured here that it did not matter to me. She chose to remain at home. I told her that would return home after Sunday school and take her to lunch. I got home at 11:20. She was up but not dressed. I said, “”Oh, you’re not ready.” That was the wrong thing to say. I knew it the minute it came out of my mouth. I try to be more careful than this, but I am far from perfect. This was a frustration for me because I had rushed home so that we could get to lunch before the crowd. She was irritated with me and told me she would have to take a shower. I went into the bedroom and watched a portion of a recorded program of CBS Sunday Morning. After an hour or so, Kate came into the bedroom where I was watching TV. She held out her iPad and said, “I found it.” I could tell that she thought I had known that she had misplaced it but simply said, “”Good.” It looked like she was close to being ready; so I went into the kitchen and started to enter this particular post on my laptop. I didn’t get very far. It ended up that we didn’’t leave the house until 12:50 which was 1 ½ hours after I had gotten home from church. She reached her hand over and put it on my leg as we were driving. I took this as her way of saying, “I’m sorry for making you wait.”

We had a pleasant lunch and talked more than usual. As we were driving home from lunch, I said, “”Well, you found your iPad.” She then said that I was cute last night. She went on to explain that when she had asked me where my iPad was that I said, “Where you put it.” In actuality, she had never told me the iPad was missing. As I recall she had been using it in bed up until she turned in for the night. Obviously, she had misplaced it this morning. She just imagined that this had happened last night and that she had asked me about it. I am wondering if this is going to be a regular occurrence from now on.

All in all, our trip went well, and we are off to a good start on the New Year. I feel good about how she will get along on the trip. I will need to watch the pacing of our activities. I will try to avoid early morning excursions to give her time to go back to bed after she gets up and has breakfast. I am approaching the cruise with the mindset that we don’t have to meet any schedule unless she is up to it. So far I haven’t signed up for any excursions. I will probably do so for the first morning we are in port as a test for how it goes.

Throughout the trip she got plenty of time to nap in the morning and the afternoon. I suspect this is going to become more common in the months ahead.

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The Role of Humor

After being so depressed last night, Kate was herself this morning at least until it was time for us to get a bite to eat before our haircuts at 11:00. Here’s what happened. About 9:45 I went back to her office where she was working on her laptop. I told her we would need to leave in 30 minutes if we wanted to get something to eat before our haircuts. She indicated that would not be a problem. In the meantime, I went back to my computer. After 15 minutes, I went back to let her know that we had 15 minutes. Before I could say anything, she said somewhat angrily, “What do you want? You can see I’m getting ready.” Seeing that she was well on her way to being ready, I let her alone and didn’t say anything more. At 10:15 she called to me and asked, “Where are you?” She was all ready to go. Knowing that she would wait for me while I was getting my haircut, I asked if she wanted to take her iPad. She said, “And my computer too.” I could see that she didn’t have her computer; so I assumed that I needed to get it for her. Since she had been using it in her office, I went there to get it. I didn’t find it. In the meantime, I discovered that she was looking for it as well. I told her I had seen her using it in the office but didn’t see it there. We both started looking in different rooms of the house. Then she asked where her iPad was. I told her it was probably in the bedroom, but I had no luck there. Then I asked her, “You wouldn’t have taken both of them and put them in the car, would you?” Before she could answer, I went to the car to check. They were in the front seat of the car. She acted quite relieved to know they were found; however, she had already gotten pretty worked up and couldn’t immediately calm down. This was not a full-blown panic attack but her heart appeared to be racing and she was breathing more heavily than normal.

We went to Panera. On the way over I asked, “Are you back to normal now?” (This is something that occurs somewhat frequently. I ask the question, and she tells me if she is or isn’t.) She told me, “Not yet.” I sense that this routine exchange seems to facilitate her calming down IF I don’t I appear to be pushing her but simply being sympathetic. I told her I thought she would be perfectly calm by the time I brought her food to her. That didn’t happen. She told me (in a nice way) that she still wasn’t back to normal. About half way through her sandwich, she said, “I’m all right now.” We both smiled and went on with our lunch.

I dropped her off to get her haircut while I went back home to take care of a few things and to stop by Walgreens to pick up a prescription. When she finished, I took my place to have my hair shampooed. In a few minutes she approached me and indicated she wanted to get a Dr. Pepper out of the car. I gave her my key with some hesitation and gave her instructions as to where I had parked. Kate left. I felt uneasy, and Dawn said she would follow her to the car. I told her what my car looked like and where it was parked. She came back in a few minutes and said that Kate had immediately turned left as she walked out of the shop instead of going straight as I had told her. Then she couldn’t find the car, but Dawn helped her.

When I had finished, we both went to the car. I asked her for the car key. She didn’t have it. I went back in the shop and found that she had put it on the bench beside the spot where she had been sitting. When I came back with the key, she was quite relieved. She was about to panic again. She joked abut my having to put up with so much from her that sometime I was going to lose my patience and just shoot her. I smiled at her and said, “It’s not going to happen.” We both laughed. I said, “At least we can keep our humor.”

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From Panera

I woke up early this morning (4:55). Kate got up around 6:30. I walked and came back to the house. Around 8:30, I noted that she was still in bed. I asked her if she would like me to take her to Panera. She jumped on that immediately. She wasn’t really sleepy, just bored. She had been working jigsaw puzzles and got tired of that. The weather isn’t conducive to working in the yard.

When she got in the car, I looked at her jacket. It was one that I didn’t recognize. Then I gathered that it must belong to Libby, our housekeeper. She had come just a few minutes before our leaving. Kate quickly returned the jacket to the house. When she returned, she thanked me for noticing. She said, “You rescued me again.”

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Imagining Things

Last night as I was turning into Ruby Tuesday for dinner, I said to Kate, “Oh, I forgot to bring my $5 off coupon again.” She said with a bit of irritation, “Why don’t you keep it in the car.” Then she went on to say, “I’ve told you at least 3 times to do that. You don’t listen to me.” This led to a further exchange in which I said, “You don’t think I listen to you.” She said, “No, you don’t.” My point in bringing up this episode is that she has never suggested that I keep the coupon in the car. In fact, we have not really discussed this. The only prior mention occurred the last time we were here about 2 weeks ago when I also had forgotten the coupon.

Kate did not sleep well last night. At 2:30 this morning she mentioned that she couldn’t sleep. I know she was awake around 4:00 when I woke up again before falling asleep until 5:00. I think she was awake then. I got up at 6:00. She has rested a little since that time, but I really believe she lost a lot of sleep. I asked her a few minutes ago if she had been worried about something. She said she hadn’t and couldn’t figure out why she couldnt sleep.

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Communicating Indirectly

I have often noted that Kate does not like to talk about her Alzheimer’s, but that she regularly makes indirect references to it. Here is an example from today. Last Friday her friend, Camille, invited her to lunch at noon today. I had suggested this time as I have Rotary at 12:30 on Monday. I arrived home from the office at 11:00 to make sure Kate would be ready when Camille arrived. I discovered that Kate had already come in from outside and had taken her shower before getting ready. I told her I would get her debit card for her and that I was putting a note indicating to tip $4.00 no matter what the check would be. She took the card and note which were in a small purse.” Knowing she might put it down in her room and not be able to find it later, I suggested she give it to me. She would have no part of that. Then I suggested that we put it in a place that both of us would know. She liked that. I told her I would put it on the corner of the island in the kitchen where I keep her daily calendar. She agreed to that.

Ten to fifteen minutes later she walked into the family room and said, “On the island in the kitchen.” I said, “You got it. Two thumbs up.” Then she said, “Four thumbs up” indicating that she was giving herself a pat on the back. No conversation about Alzheimer’s, just a subtle statement of the situation indicating her own recognition of her own memory problem.

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Everyday Examples

Last night we went to a symphony concert. I made dinner reservations. She decided to take a nap before going out. Knowing that getting ready, especially getting ready on time can be stressful for both of us, I told her we would leave in an hour and twenty minutes. When we had about 35 minutes before leaving, I told her it was time to get ready. She got up willingly and right away, something she hasn’t always done in the past. I mentioned that because of the cold, she might want to wear one of her new turtleneck sweaters, none of which she has yet worn. Two of them were purchased in early fall, the third we bought this past week. She was immediately offended by my suggestion. She reacted abruptly and asked me to “just leave me alone.” I did so. When we were 5 minutes away from departure time, she came into the family room fully dressed and asked me, “Is this too casual for tonight?” It was too casual and is something she wears quite regularly. The cut itself, not long sleeve and a large opening at the neck, was not right for a cold night. I suggested she try one of the turtlenecks. She then went into a panic from which she did not fully recover until we were on the way to the concert after dinner.

At the restaurant, we bumped into the pastor at our local Unitarian church as we walked in. He was with a friend, and we chatted with them a few minutes before sitting down at our table. You would have never thought there was anything wrong. Once we were seated, however, her posture and the expression on her face clearly indicated she was trying to calm herself down from her panic. She didn’t talk except in response to my questions, and I tried not to talk too much because she was not in a talking mood. (I might add that I have created a playlist of soft relaxing music on my iPhone. I played this from home to the restaurant and from the restaurant to the concert and then back home. It is a mixture of classical (mostly) and popular music. I put this together just for these situations and use it fairly frequently; so frequently that I periodically move the order of the pieces so that it does not seem so repetitious as well as making sure songs nearer the end of the playlist actually get played.)

When I drove into the line for valet parking, she said she wanted to get out and go inside because it was so cold. We usually get out of the car together. This time I said, “OK. I’ll meet you inside” and paid the valet. Then I went inside to meet her. I went in the main entrance where we usually enter. I didn’t see her. I saw quite a few other people that I know and asked if they had seen Kate. No one had. Then I started walking around the lobby area and even went upstairs where we would enter to reach our seats. I still didn’t find her. When the lobby cleared out, it was easier to see who was left. It was clear she wasn’t on the side where we usually enter. I walked to a desk on the other side where I saw someone I know and asked if she had seen Kate. She had not. Then I looked a little beyond her and saw Kate waiting on the other side of the lobby. I don’t know exactly why she was in that spot, but I do know she does not remember locations very well. I suspect she got out of the car and went into the hall through another entrance. This would have required a further walk since I was letting her out near the main entrance, but she could easily have forgotten about that entrance. Interestingly, she was not in a panic although she was a little irritated that I had taken so long. I didn’t even ask how she happened to be there. I have learned that she does not like to discuss such things. I believe it is because it is hard for her to remember how something like this occurred. She can’t explain it. Anyway all turned out well. The concert was not an exciting one for her. It was clear by looking at her that she was ready to go home before the first note was played, but she never said a thing.

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“Don’t count me out yet.”

Last night as we were driving to dinner, Kate said she had counted 8 people walking along the street. This is a habit she has gotten into the past year or so. She started do this after noticing that she sees more people walking along this street than she does other streets. She then told me that she had counted the walkers while listening to me. I joked about her being a multitasker. She then looked at me and said, “”Don’t count me out yet.” This is not the first time she has said this though it is not something she says all the time. I have heard her say this as many as 5 times (an estimate). This is another example of our light-hearted way of recognizing her situation but not dwelling on it or approaching it with sadness.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I have found that so many things are happening I can’t remember to report on all of them. In an effort to do a better job covering what’s going on, starting today I am going to attempt to write daily updates. I may not be as detailed, but I hope to write more often.

Yesterday was a good day. I took Kate for a haircut at 9:00. While she was there, I went to Barnes & Noble, got a cup of coffee and checked email. I find this to be quite relaxing and today it took a little longer since Kate was also getting color this time.

When she finished, I got a call from her hairdresser’s  daughter telling me Kate was ready. I had made sure that Kate had her phone with her; so I wonder why she didn’t call me herself. Perhaps she forgot she had the phone. In the past few months, she has used her phone much less and usually doesn’t have it with her. That may be because she doesn’t usually have her purse with her. That is to prevent forgetting it.

When I got to the hairdresser’s, Kate asked me if I had the money to pay. I told her I had given her the money. She didn’t remember at all. I told her that it was in a pocket in her purse. I showed her, and she paid. This conversation was in front of her hair dresser, her daughter, and one other customer. This kind of thing makes me think that surely they know about Kate’s AD.

From there we went to Belk’s where I bought some new athletic socks and Kate got hose that she has desperately needed. We also got some new towels for our bathroom, the first since we moved in almost 17 years. Kate also bought some new sunglasses. I wanted to discourage the purchase, but she really wanted them. She has sunglasses although she doesn’t know exactly where they are. This is but one example of when I feel the priority should be on other things. For example, she needs more casual clothes that fit her. She doesn’t seem to feel the same need.

At my suggestion, we went to shop for slacks after leaving Belk’s. She didn’t find anything. I will continue to push on this although I have to be gentle.

We had lunch and went back home. She got ready to go to a funeral over an hour earlier than departure time. Then when it was time to leave, she couldn’t find her shoes and had to wear a different pair. We went from the funeral to get a sandwich and salad for dinner. She just had iced tea. We got home at 6:30, and she changed clothes before going outside to work in the yard. We were going to watch a movie, but she didn’t come in until almost nine o’clock. She thanked me for letting her stay out and commented on how good she felt. We both mentioned how much working in the yard is like therapy for her. It is really amazing.

Thus it was a good day. She was excited about today as well because the woman who helps with landscaping came over at 9:00 this morning to spread compost in the flower beds.