Posted on

Attempting to Live Normally

It is now almost 3 ½ months since Kate’s diagnosis. There isn’t much to report since the last post. We are both moving into a period that I would describe as “normal” except that we can’t forget, and we make references to AD more and with more personal meaning than in the past. I find myself avoiding mentioning anything about other people with AD. For example, in SS this past Sunday, Pam was clapping as we sang Happy Anniversary for one of the couples in the class. She seemed to be enjoying herself so. Normally she doesn’t say anything, but is so sweet and gives everyone a hug when they greet her. I shy away from telling Kate because I don’t want her to dwell on her future condition. However, she sees enough on her own that I can’t prevent such experiences entirely.

She continues to work on the family album. It is so hard for her to remember how to import pictures and where she has stored them on her computer. She gets awfully frustrated.

I was out of town last week, and she got along just fine. I had been concerned about leaving her as we both have noted her increasing dependence on me. I sometimes feel caught in a conflict between wanting her to be as independent as she can be and wanting to help her as much as I can.

The movement into a normal period is illustrated by the fact that she dropped yoga after her one-month trial. She originally said she would go back, but I am beginning to wonder. She is working in the yard which makes her feel good both physically and psychologically. Perhaps when the album is done, she will try yoga again.

Posted on

Cleaning and Organizing

This morning I noticed that Kate was up and could see through the sliding glass doors from my view in the kitchen that she was working on the top drawer of her end table. I went in to say hello since she is rarely up that early (about 7:15). She was cleaning out and organizing her top drawer. The only reason I point this out is that for several months she has been trying to put more order in her life. She has worked on cleaning out closets and drawers, etc. I suspect this is a reaction to her feeling of a loss of control over things. She missed a meeting yesterday morning with a PEO. Kate had written it down for today instead – something she has done frequently over the past few years.

Posted on

Everyday Life

Nothing too eventful has taken place since my last posting with respect to Kate’s AD. She did call me yesterday to tell me that she had missed another hair appointment. This has occurred a number of times over the years even as recently as a few weeks ago. She gave me the time of the new appointment and asked me to keep tabs on her hair appointments. She will, of course, do so herself, but I will be her backup in the same way that I am for her medicine.

As we were headed to dinner last night, she told me that she had encountered a problem on her Facebook page. When I tried to explain what might have happened she got frustrated and said she wouldn’t understand it anyway. I understand, but at each moment when she brings up something like this, I forget and proceed with an answer that she can’t understand. I trust I will get better with time.

Posted on

Another Instance of Getting Lost

I ended quickly on the last entry because Kate called and said she was in the parking lot and didn’t feel like coming in at the time. As planned in the earlier conversation, we went to Casa Bella. We had our usual veal piccata along with amaretto cheese cake for dessert. For extra measure I decided to try their pistachio gelato which was good but not nearly as good as the cheesecake.

It turns out that Kate got lost as I has suspected. She drove around a long time and finally called the hostess for her meeting that she wasn’t coming. She was clearly frustrated, and I am sure, though she didn’t say so, that she attributed the problem as related to her Alzheimer’s. I commented over lunch that we know that she is geographically-challenged and that we can work harder to relieve any frustrations in that area. I also noted the conversation we had had with her behavioral psychologist commented on how well she does with the verbal area and that that is something that will work in her favor going forward since so much of day-in-day-out social activity relies on such skills. I also said that she might put greater emphasis on making scrapbooks and albums for the grandchildren as this is something she enjoys and that the grandchildren will appreciate in later years.

Having time at lunch in a place that has been special to us was just the right thing. Not surprisingly, she had thought of suggesting Casa Bella herself. She was quite calm during lunch and left for home relaxed and ready to tackle the family album that she and her brother Ken have worked on for the past 4-5 months. During Ken and Virginia’s visit to Knoxville this past week, Ken and Kate were able to make a good bit of headway. It now looks like they are into the final editing. I think they are both beginning to see the end. My guess is that they may let it go sometime in the next 2-3 weeks.

Because of their visit, I haven’t written anything about our visit to talk with Lillian Walters, the social worker at Kate’s physician’s office. The visit went well. Nothing of special note came out of it. We did not schedule another visit but Kate said she would prefer to call when she felt the need. Kate later told me she was glad I had gone with her although nothing occurred that makes me think it is good for me to be there. She began by asking Kate how she was doing, and Kate hesitantly said she had her ups and downs. This surprised me because I would have said she has done remarkably well. At the same time I recognize there are times of frustration that occur. We talked with Lillian about her irritability. She suggested that Kate give herself permission to excuse herself for some of this and to organize her life to minimize frustration. We talked about my doing more things and how Kate feels about that. One thing in particular was taking over the checking accounts. Kate said that was fine with her.

Posted on

A Phone Call for Comfort

Just got a call from Kate. I had missed a call from her about 30 minutes ago. I sent her a text and asked if she were all right. Thus her call. I asked where she is, and she said she was headed back home. Then she asked where I was and what I was doing for lunch. I told her I was lunching with her. She asked where she could meet me. I said, “How about Casa Bella?” She said, “That would be great.” I asked her to stop by the office and we could go together.

She was obviously distressed. I fear that she either got lost on the way to the meeting or she did something embarrassing at the meeting.

Posted on

Forgetfulness

Last night Kate and I went to a movie at our local arts theater, Olympia. When we got home she started to put Dad’s clothes in the washer. Then she discovered that the washer had clothes in it. She had turned the washer off when we left for the movie. I saw her do it but thought she was setting the washer for washing Dad’s clothes upon our return. She couldn’t imagine why she had turned the washer off. She said, “I don’t know what’s happening to me.” This is another indication that she is getting back to looking at life normally and not thinking about AD all the time.

Posted on

Adjusting

I just realized this morning that it was 2 months ago on Monday that we got the news of Kate’s diagnosis. The fact that I hadn’t specifically realized it when I wrote my thoughts on Monday underscores the fact that we are making the adjustment.

Posted on

Life is Normal, But Not the Same

Just a quick note. Yesterday Kate went to her annual visit with Dr. Edwards, her GYN. In the context of asking her how things were going, she told him about the PET scan and diagnosis. Kate gave me her review of the visit last night. She said she had told Dr. Edwards about the AD diagnosis and to him that she was doing rather well. I confirmed that. She is doing remarkably well. She said that Dr. Edwards gave her a hug when she left and noted that seemed a highly unusual thing for him to do. I commented that it was nice that he had shown such sensitivity and she, of course, agreed.

I underscored how well I thought she was doing and indicated 2 things. (1) That we can’t always maintain any given emotion for an extended period and that we seem to gravitate back to “normal.” We seem to have entered a period of time when we recognize that life itself hasn’t changed; it is only the diagnosis, and we can go on with life. At the same time, we now view time as more precious than before. Things will never be looked at in the same way as before the diagnosis. (2) That we had both been encouraged by Dr. Reasoner’s assessment that she has plenty of good time before the part we fear the most.

Posted on

Trying to Live a Normal Life

Once again I don’t have a lot to report. I was out of town Tuesday through late Friday afternoon last week on a focus group project in Florida. I could note a couple of things. First, we are both settling into what I suspect will be a normal lifestyle. That means we are not driven by emotion surrounding Kate’s AD. However, we don’t forget it. I have continued to be patient in situations in which I would not have been patient before. I am amazed at how much actually knowing the reason for Kate’s behavior (rather than suspecting) has affected my reactions to her forgetfulness.

Another thing I noticed is that when I returned on Friday evening, she said she had missed me. That in itself is not unusual, but this time she went on to say that her missing me related to not having me there to help her through “my problems.” She is still working on a family album with her brother, Ben. That has introduced a variety of frustrations. Many of these are related to the problems working with computers. She can’t remember how to solve problems. She can’t remember where she has saved information. Yesterday she asked me to help her when she was trying to clean up the files she has for the album. She must have 20 or more different files she has used. The large number annoyed her, but she didn’t know how to delete them. I suggested she not delete them but put them in a new folder for “Old Files.” I helped her set that up, and she was fine.

I know she is also frustrated since she knows Ben wants to complete the album as fast as he can. I suspect she is working more slowly than usual since her AD prevents her brain from moving quickly. This has probably been a frustration to him, but she does not want to tell him about her diagnosis. We still have not told anyone and don’t intend to do so for quite some time.

Yesterday after Sunday school I talked with one of our members whose husband has AD. He seems to get along pretty well, but she tells me it is getting to be difficult for her to get him dressed and ready for SS each week. I asked her how long she had known he had AD. She said 5 years since his diagnosis but, perhaps, 10 years of suspicions. I wasn’t sure whether she meant an additional 10 years or 10 years including the diagnosis. I suspect the latter. I was interested, of course, since I can’t help but wonder how long we will be able to go without other people knowing.

Posted on

Not Much to Report

Not a lot to report today. For the most part the days since my last entry have not been too eventful. The one thing I would say is that Kate is feeling frustrated more easily and, I think, less patient with herself. The biggest source of frustration right now is the family photo album that she is working on with her brother. I know she is working more slowly than he would like. He has indicated in several communications that he wants to wrap things up. She feels that the album needs more work and that there is information not currently included that should be there.

She continues to be forgetful. The Aricept has certainly not changed that (nor is it supposed to). In a brief conversation we had at Chalupas over the weekend, she indicated that she thought she had deteriorated since January 21 when Dr. Reasoner first told her the results of the PET scan. I told her that I couldn’t see any sign of that and wouldn’t expect noticeable changes to occur in so short a time frame.

One example of her forgetfulness is that she wanted to get into her online bank account to pay a bill for some work on the flowerbed in the front yard. When I helped her, I discovered she had been using the wrong password. I offered to help her with making the online payment and she wanted to do it herself. I take this as a sign that she doesn’t want to give up all independence. She ultimately was able to do it, but it took a while to do so.