A Day of Surprises

After the experiences of the past two days, I was hopeful that yesterday would be better. Before telling you about it, I’ll “cut to the chase” and let you know that it was better in that she was able to get up and out during the day. I don’t mean to say that Kate failed to show any of her recent symptoms. In fact, it was a day of multiple surprises.

It started early. I awoke at 4:15 to go to the bathroom. After I returned to bed, Kate was cold and needed help getting the covers over her. I got up and took care of it. She chatted a little while. I must have been awake thirty to forty-five minutes. At 6:00, she wanted to go to the bathroom. Normally, I would have gotten up after getting her to bed again, but I decided to rest a little longer. I slept until 7:15.

About 8:30, I noticed on the video cam that she was getting up. I got to her and found that she seemed groggy but otherwise quite normal. She responded to me as though he knew me as her husband, but she wanted to go home. I helped her to the bathroom. She was a bit unsteady and very insecure, actually frightened that she might fall and wanted to hold my hand. Once in the bathroom, she said, “Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me.” I said, “You think something’s wrong?” She laughed and said, “Well, I think everybody wonders that.” I was glad that she said this in a way that convey no sense of concern or anxiety. She was simply being candid and then making light of it.

After she was dressed, she asked if she could lie down again. I suggested we go to the family room so that she could use the recliner. She has increasing difficulty getting up from a lying or sitting position. The recliner makes that easy although it scares her. I thought she might go back to sleep for a while and did not want to experience yesterday’s problem. I went to the kitchen and got her a breakfast bar. Most of the time when she rests I play music that is especially relaxing. I was glad that I did something different. I played albums of My Fair Lady, Oklahoma, and Sound of Music. She remained awake through all of it.

About 45 minutes before I wanted to leave for lunch, I asked if she would like to look at one of her photo books. She did, and we spent only a few minutes before she said she wanted to lie down on the sofa and rest. I got her up after thirty or forty minutes without a problem. She was ready to eat.

She was very talkative in the car and at lunch. She was so talkative that I didn’t play any music going to or coming back from lunch. I didn’t always understand what she was talking about, but much of it involved her feelings about our marriage.

She rested, but did not sleep, for almost three hours in the afternoon. I played music, but she was especially taken with the house, especially the family room where we were seated and the trees outside. This was the first time I recall her expressing enthusiasm for the branches of trees without their leaves that make up most of the trees on our neighbor’s property behind our house. She asked me a number of questions that made it clear that she had no idea it was our house. I didn’t correct her.

Something unusual happened late in the afternoon. I had asked if she would like me to read to her. She wasn’t enthusiastic, but I suggested I read The Velveteen Rabbit and told her I would stop if she wasn’t interested. I read for about five minutes. She wasn’t paying attention. I asked if she wanted me to stop. She did and said she wanted to talk with me about something serious. The expression on her face also conveyed an even more serious issue was confronting her. It turns out that she was very concerned about her mother who died fourteen years ago. Kate wanted me to know that she was thinking of moving to Fort Worth to take care of her. Although everything she said was rooted in a delusion, I was astounded by the rational way she approached the topic. She talked about her various options and why they wouldn’t work. She said her mother had many friends who could help but outlined reasons that would not work. Then she talked about paid caregivers and suggested they would never deliver the kind of care she could provide. She also talked about her mother’s condition and noted that sometimes she was rather “clear-headed” (I don’t remember the exact words she used.) and other times she wasn’t. The mentioned the nature of the mother-daughter relationship that would enable her to provide better care than anyone else.

She talked continuously for a good thirty to forty-five minutes. Most of that time she did not realize she was talking to me. I got the impression she thought I was in another room and would be back soon. Several times she mentioned that she would need to talk with me about a possible move to Texas. I was eager for us to leave for dinner so that we could get back for the Super Bowl, but she kept on talking.

(My interest in watching the Super Bowl is another surprise of the day. Although I have caught a few portions of a couple of games this season, I haven’t watched a pro game all season. I am, however, aware of the success of the Chiefs’ quarterback, Mahomes, and have been impressed that a man as young as he is could attain such stature so quickly. I think, however, that the real reason I was interested was that I just wanted to relax and amuse myself for a short time.)

I was finally able to stop her by suggesting we talk about this over dinner. She accepted, and we went to Panera. It was close, and I figured we could get back in time for the game. During the short car ride to the restaurant and at the table before we got our food, she continued to talk about somebody she thought had been at the house and was going to meet us at Panera. Her attention was diverted when we got our food, and I didn’t hear anything more about the issue.

Another problem developed as we left the restaurant. Although she had been getting along pretty well, she was still a little unsteady on her feet. She wanted to take her drink with her. As we walked out to the parking lot, we had to step down from a curb. Normally, I use two hands to help her, but I had her drink in one hand. As she stepped down her weight shifted, and she lost her balance and fell. Fortunately, it was a gentle fall. The problem was getting her up. At first, I tried to lift her from the front. That failed miserably. Then I got behind her and put one arm under her right arm and the other under her left arm and lifted. Success.

The day was not over yet. Once we were home, it looked like things were moving smoothly. She wanted to get ready for bed. I wanted to watch the game. I got her to the bathroom and had her toothbrush ready for her. After that, we ran into a problem. She forgot to brush her teeth and got in bed. She hadn’t taken her medicine or put on her nightgown. That was a time when she wanted to work on her hair. I suggested that she get her teeth brushed and put on her nightgown. Taking her daily medications is becoming more difficult. She often drops them. Sometimes she puts them in her mouth but doesn’t swallow them. I have to monitor this carefully and give her one at a time. Something I did or said caused her to be angry with me. She told me to shut up, and I did something I had never done before. I very gently said, “I love you, and I know you didn’t mean to say that. We’re both frustrated, but we need to respect each other.” She followed that by speaking back to me in the same tone of voice and agreed that we do need to respect each other. She went on to say that sometimes it seems like I am trying to control everything she does. I was somewhat startled by the rational, honest and loving way she responded. Getting her ready and into bed was easy after that.

It was halftime at the game. I took my shower and left the game on. When I came back the second half was about to begin. I sat down to watch. A little later, Kate said something like, “Wow, this is really something.” I thought she must be dreaming. When I looked, I saw that she was sitting with her head elevated and looking at the TV. I asked if she was enjoying the game. She enthusiastically said yes. I know she had no idea who was playing nor could she follow what was happening. I don’t know why she seemed so engaged with the game. Could it have been an effort to connect with me in a positive way after the tiff we had earlier? Was she trying somehow to relate to me? I don’t know. Her response to the game was certainly unusual.

That wasn’t the last of the day’s surprises. After the game, I got in bed and moved close to Kate. She was still awake and seemed concerned. I said, “What’s wrong?” She said, “I don’t know. I’m scared.” I remained close to her and tried to comfort her. This had to have been one of those times she was disturbed about not knowing anything, but the only thing she said that would suggest that was asking who I was. I gave her my name and told her I wasn’t sure what was wrong but that I would always be with her and that the two of us together would be able to handle anything that comes up.

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