In yesterday’s post on stress, I discussed two aspects of caregiving that I believe influence the degree of stress that I and other caregivers experience. My intention was to convey why I believe my stress is less than that of other caregivers. In my earlier post, I suggested that my caregiving load has been comparatively light and that my prior caregiving experience as well as my personal characteristics have enabled me to cope with the challenges I have faced. Today I focus on the ways in which I have been able to minimize stress. I am fortunate to have a variety of ways to address the problem, and I depend on all of them.
Binging on music and eating out are unquestionably my best ways to manage stress. I have written extensively about both of these and won’t say more about them here, but they have been great therapy for Kate as well as for me. They have provided us with pleasure and kept us socially engaged. We are fortunate to share these interests. That is not true for every couple.
Exercise has been a part of my life for a long time. Although caregiving has changed that somewhat, it still is an important part of my life. As I became less comfortable leaving Kate alone, I engaged a sitter three afternoons a week so that I could continue going to the Y as well as doing other things cited below. I reduced the amount of time spent at the Y but added a 40-minute walk every morning.
Reading is another of my pleasures. Before my retirement, I focused on my career. Much of my reading then was influenced by my professional interests Since then I have broadened my reading substantially. After Kate’s diagnosis, I opened an account with Audible and get two books a month. I listen to books while I am at the Y and when I walk in the morning. I like being able to accomplish two tasks at one time. I also read some on my iPad. I wanted to learn more about the experiences of other caregivers and began to read books they as well as people with dementia have written. I have read over thirty of these.
I have participated in voluntary organizations for most of my life. As a caregiver, I have had to reduce that, but I fit some in my schedule. I’ve been a Rotarian for 36 years. I currently co-chair our CART Committee that collects weekly contributions from our membership for Alzheimer’s research. I have been active with United Way for 35 years and serve on two of their committees. Although I no longer serve on the board, I maintain contact with a local hospital foundation that raises funds for the area’s largest hospital system. Until three years ago, I was still active in our church. Now my only involvement is serving on a committee that calls church members on their birthdays. The pastoral staff has remained in contact with me. Kate and I have lunched with three of the pastors, most frequently with our senior pastor with whom we had such a good experience this past week. He was the first person to approach me with a concern about Kate. That was July 2011, six months after her diagnosis. They have definitely stayed in touch.
I also meet with friends for coffee. Mark Harrington and I get together each Friday afternoon for over an hour at Starbucks. I also have a church friend I meet at Panera about once a month.
Email contacts have also been important. In particular, I am in daily contact with two college friends. In the past, we could easily have over twenty messages a day. Our correspondence not as frequent now, but rarely does a day go by without several messages.
For many years, we have had good friends in Nashville. We have a long history of daytrips to visit friends. We have continued those visits since Kate’s diagnosis. One of those is Kate’s closest friend who is now in memory care following a stroke four years ago. We try to visit with her every four or five weeks. In connection with that visit, we often get together with another of our Nashville friends.
I launched this blog and opened a Twitter account in January 2018. These have opened up an entirely new avenue for minimizing stress. They have helped in two ways. First, they provide new activities that I can do right from home. Second, they have enabled me to make new online friends that have been very supportive. I have learned much from them.
All of these activities have kept me active and provided different ways for me to be socially engaged. I expect my stress is likely to increase in the future. That’s because Kate is requiring more personal care than in the past. Up until now, I have had sufficient time for the personal things I like to do. In addition, most of our time together is spent doing things we both enjoy.
The major part of my stress doesn’t arise from my direct caregiving responsibilities. It comes from the sadness I feel as I watch Kate’s decline. Although I can’t predict the timing or all the specific things we are likely to encounter, I know all too well where we are headed. As we move forward, I intend to do what I have done in the past. I’ll take great pleasure in our Happy Moments and enjoy the satisfaction of keeping her as happy and secure as I can. I feel it’s a privilege to walk with her through this last chapter of her life.
