Yesterday Kate greeted me with a smile when I went in to get her up. I always like that and want to think that means she knows my name and that I am her husband. She didn’t say anything that would let me know, and I didn’t ask. I told her I liked her smile and reminded her how often she comments about other people’s smiles. It seems to be one of the first things she notices. I told her I loved her. She said she loved me. Then she appeared very sad and her eyes filled with tears.
During most of our marriage, I rarely saw any tears. Since Alzheimer’s entered the picture, tears have become more common. As she declines, she is much more emotional. Tears flow at happy and sad moments. In moments like this particular one, I wonder if she experiences the same feelings I do. Every time I say, “I love you” I feel I am also saying, “Goodbye.” I know that I am losing a little bit of her every day. Her senses are keen. She knows something is wrong with her. At some level, I think she, too, feels that our time together is fleeting.
