Another Difficult Moment

About 7:45 this morning, I went to the bedroom to check on Kate. I don’t know why. Knowing that she sleeps much later than that, I usually don’t check on her before 9:00 or 9:30. I am so glad I did. As I walked in, I could hear her whimpering. She has never been one to cry until the past few months during when she has experienced anxiety attacks and two recent moments when she was very sentimental. Those experiences immediately made me think about her anxiety over her memory loss. I am sure I was right.

I got in bed and held her. I asked what was wrong. At first, she didn’t say anything. She just continued to cry. She often has trouble expressing her feelings. I continued to hold her. A few minutes passed. Her cry became more than a whimper. I said, “You sound like you’re afraid. Are you afraid?” She held her head up and nodded. I said, “Life can be hard, can’t it?” Then I asked “What are you afraid of?” She said, “Losing you.” I said, “You could never lose me, I will always be with you.” Another few minutes passed. She continued to cry softly. Then she said, “I don’t even know who I am.” I told her and then told her about her parents and our children.

I have a wireless audio system that I can control with my phone. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and turned on an album of Russian sacred music. It is very peaceful. She said she liked it. I continued to hold her, and she slowly began to stop crying. Several times she said, “I don’t want to lose you.”

After a while, she said she would like to lie in bed a while. I told her I would get my computer and sit in my chair next to the bed. She rested another 45 minutes. Then she got up. She looked a little confused, but she wasn’t crying. I hope that she has already forgotten what had happened. I just wish I could keep this from happening again.