More Confusion and Recognition of It

It has been another nice day with our son’s family. It is Sunday, so they went to church this morning. I chose not to go thinking it would be good to let Kate get up leisurely and have a relaxing morning. Kevin called us after church, and we met him and his family at a local hamburger place for lunch. Then we came back to the house for the afternoon. We watched a couple of football games. Kate worked puzzles on her iPad. She did rather well, but I could tell she would have liked a change of scenery. When I asked if she would like to go back to the hotel, she said no. Thus we stayed at the house until time to leave for their annual Christmas Eve church service. We attended with them as we have done in the past. We came back to the house and had chili that Rachel had made. Then we came back to the hotel where Kate quickly got ready for bed. She didn’t even work on her iPad and was asleep in no time.

Despite having a nice day, Kate continued to be confused about where we are. I know she must have asked me almost ten times. That began this morning when we went to the car to go to Panera. She asked, “Where are we?” She asked again as we were leaving and also as we were leaving lunch. When we got back to Kevin’s house after lunch, she got out of the car and started pulling leaves from a shrub in front of the house. She had pulled only a few when I told her I thought we should go inside. Yesterday afternoon at Kevin’s she had said, “I can pull a few leaves.” It was a statement but really a question. I told her this was Kevin’s house and that might not be a good idea. She accepted that without a problem.

Tonight when we got out of the car at the church, she pulled me aside and asked, “Where are we?” I told her we were in Lubbock. She said something about knowing that. I told her she could ask me as many times as she wanted. She said, “And you don’t even make fun of me.”

Apart from the confusion, Kate has seemed melancholy. I noticed the first signs during the church service after we had sung “The First Noel.” After that it appeared that she wiped a tear from her eye. I asked if she were all right. Of course, she said she was. She enjoyed the service. It involved a lot of music. She especially liked a quartet’s version of “O Holy Night.”

We left Kevin’s right after dinner. After we got in the car, she asked if we were in Fort Worth. I told her we were in Lubbock. Then before I got out of the drive, she asked again. When I told her Lubbock, she said, “I don’t know why I keep forgetting that.”

In the car on the way back to the hotel, she said, “I know one thing; I am glad I married you.” I told her I was glad to have married her. I told her I wanted her to know she could count on me. She said, “I know that.” Back at the hotel, she seemed very dependent and appreciative of the ways in which I help her. Before getting into bed, she gave me a hug and said, “I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said, “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. I will always be with you.” She said, “I know.”

Her mood makes me think that she is recognizing her loss of memory. I doubt that she is associating it with her Alzheimer’s, but I believe she knows something is wrong. She is feeling more dependent on me. I think traveling brings this out because she has no idea where we are or where things are around the hotel room. Several times she has asked me where the bathroom is. Since I have packed her clothes, she has no idea what things I have brought for her, or where they are. There is good reason she is confused. My deeper concern is that this confusion is not just a result of being in strange places but that it represents a sign of further decline. I fear what things will be like in the next few months. I hope my fears are unfounded.

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