For a long time Kate has teased me about trying to control her. It has always been tinged with a note of seriousness. Yesterday she expressed clear irritation with me. It happened as we were returning to our apartment here at Chautauqua from the afternoon lecture. She began as though we had already been having a conversation. That has happened before. She believes we have talked about something but haven’t. Her first references to a move to Texas.
This time she started very diplomatically. She said she wanted to tell me something, but she didn’t want to make me mad. I told her I wouldn’t get mad. She then said that I don’t consider how she feels about things, that I simply go ahead and make decisions for her. She illustrated that by noting that when she says, “I am hungry” I will say, “How can you be hungry. You just ate a while ago?” What surprised me most is that is a good recollection of a number of experiences we have had. In fact, it happened yesterday before we attended the afternoon lecture. At that time, it had been slightly over an hour since we had eaten lunch.
From this she continued to tell me other ways in which I tried to control her. At least one of those was something I had never done. I can’t recall what that was, but her mention of it reinforced my thinking that she had imagined some events or things. At the same time, she was also responding to something that is genuine. I do find myself taking charge of more things. I try, however, to let her be as independent as I can. One of my challenges is that there are some things that she is happy for me to do. In addition, there are some occasions when she is happy for me to do something that on other occasions she would resent.
I will need to be even more sensitive about these things in the future, but I am sure I will stumble along the way. I am taking this experience as one more indicator of the transition we are going through.
I am also asking myself. How much is my desire to take trips like this one to Chautauqua rooted in my own personal desires versus what I believe she would like. I think it is a combination of both.
