I started the morning early thinking about Kate and the future. I am now ending the day feeling better than I did at that time. However, not everything has been encouraging during the day. The good news is that when she got up this morning, she walked into the kitchen smiling. It was the kind of look I have grown accustomed to over the past 52+ years.
After my morning walk, I worked at the computer in the kitchen for a good while. Some of that was writing the earlier post today. Kate had looked at the memo pad I keep on the island and saw that this was the day for our houseskeeper to come and also the day we were going to visit her friend, Ellen in Nashville. I reminded her of these things. About 9:30, I thought I should check on her since I had wanted to leave shortly after 10:00. When I went back to her office, I discovered that she was still in her nightgown. She was sorting through and hanging up clothes that were on her bed. I think they must have been from the cruise. I told her we were going to leave in 35 minutes and that I needed to mail a couple of letters and would be back after that. I bumped into a friend at Starbucks and chatted a few minutes with him; so I didn’t get back to the house until almost 9:50. She was still in her nightgown. She asked how much time we had. I told her 10 minutes thinking that 15-20 would be all right. About 15 minutes later, she came out dressed for the day. I was surprised she was ready. She seemed a bit panicky. She said something about my being angry with her for being late. I assured her (unsuccessfully) that I was not angry. It was no use. She started crying. She told me she was trying so hard. She repeated that she knew I was angry and was just trying to be nice. What she didn’t know is that I had called our friends whom we were to meet at at 11:30 and told them we were running late but would be there. In other words, I wasn’t angry at all. In fact, although I often find myself frustrated, I don’t believe I ever get angry with her. I genuinely believe I am understanding of why she behaves as she does. That makes all the difference in the world. At any rate, we left in the car with her feeling really bad about making me angry. We didn’t talk the entire way to Nashville. I put on a playlist of music I have created just for moments like these. I have used it quite a number of times. It played all the way.
After parking the car, we walked to the restaurant. Kate left her coat in the car, and it was windy and 41 degrees. I said, “Don’t you want your coat?” She looked at me angrily and said, “”No.” We hadn’t walked too far when she said she needed her coat. I gave her mine. Although I had a sweater, it was pretty chilly. When we got in the car after lunch, I asked her when she was going to give me back my coat. Once again, she looked at me angrily. I didn’t pursue the subject, and she wore the coat until we got home. By that time I feel sure she didn’t even remember that she was wearing my coat. She was in a good humor, however. At 7:50 p.m., she told me she was going to bed. I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me. She was relaxed and very comfortable in bed. All is well.
