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PEO Sisters Know.

On Sunday we went to a Christmas concert. Kate’s PEO chapter took this opportunity to make it a club social as they did last year. I went to get the tickets Sunday morning and didn’t find them where we keep tickets. I remember that Kate brought them home from a meeting and had them in her PEO bag. I thought I had removed them and put them with our other tickets. I obviously didn’t do so. Kate just walked in. Will continue later.

Next Morning, 7:41 am

Just back from my walk. Kate has gone back to bed, a common pattern for her. She gets up and eats. Then she gets back into bed with either her iPad or her laptop. She gets sleepy and rests a while.

Let’s go back to Sunday. We didn’t have our tickets; so I called  a PEO sister who arranged for everyone’s tickets. She didn’t answer, and I left a voice mail message. She called back later, but we were at the concert or dinner.

Yesterday morning I called Linda. I wanted to apologize for not taking care of the tickets and also to see if she understood Kate’s situation. As I suspected, she said they all knew. She indicated that is why they someone to our house early on Thursday – just to make sure all was in order. I told her that the diagnosis had been 4 years ago this coming January 21. She seemed quite surprised that it had been that long. I didn’t tell her a lot but did ask that she keep in communication with me regarding any obligations that Kate has (like meetings, etc.). She agreed to do so.

Kate and I both continue to believe that she is getting along pretty well. Kate especially does not realize the full extent of her condition. At lunch the other day she asked me if I had seen the ad for a movie about Alzheimer’s. I asked if she meant Still Angie? She said she thought so. She told me she didn’‘t want to see it. I told her I had read it and that the situation was different from ours in a number of ways. First, Angie’s condition progresses rapidly over a 2-year period. Second, Angie’s husband is focused on his career which leads him to be much less sensitive than I think he should be. That led to her telling me that she thought she was doing well. She mentioned that she does have to ask me about names. She didn’t say something that I believe she also realizes. She asks me many things repeatedly – what time we are going someplace, etc.

One thing I am asking myself now is how blind I might be to her condition. I clearly believe she is much further along than Kate does, but I have a hard time imagining that in another year that she will be as far along as Angie was at the end of two years. In time I am sure I will have an answer to this question.

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A Couple of Little Things

Ellen came by this morning to pick up her Christmas pottery and her poinsettias that she had loaned Kate for her PEO meeting on Thursday. She mentioned to Kate in my presence that after Christmas she gets into a clean-up mode and would be willing to help Kate sort through her clothes to determine what she needs to get rid of and what she wants in her closet. After Ellen left, I asked Kate about Ellen’s help. She told me that she didn’t want her to help, that she didn’t need it; she is already taking care of it and has been giving clothes to our housekeeper. She told me that she has been doing a little bit at a time and didn’t need any help. This is obviously not true, but she doesn’t realize she is not making progress.

This morning she asked me which light switch in the family room controlled the outlet she likes to use when she is charging her computer. After I told her, she said, “”How did you know that? You remember everything.” She is often amazed by what other people can remember or do.”

While we were at lunch, she asked me what my mother died of. I said, “Alzheimer’s.” I went on to say that many people with Alzheimer’s often die of something else, but that Mom really died from Alzheimer itself. She said, “You know I don’t remember much about that at all.” I told her there was a good reason for that; she was taking care of her mother, and she didn’t have the kind of daily contact with Mom that she did with her mother.

Following lunch we went to Belk to get Kate some gloves and hose. When we walked into the store, she said, “”I also want to look at some slacks.” I mentioned that we had just bought a lot of slacks. She asked me to stop talking. We did look for slacks. When I noticed that she was looking at black slacks, I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair of black slacks last Saturday. She then looked for others but didn’t find anything. She told me she would just get the gloves and hose and look at home to see exactly what she needs.

On the way home, she asked me a question (I don’t remember what it was.) When I told her, she said, “I know. I have asked you that five times.” I said, “”That’s all right. You can ask me as many times as you want. I’ll remember for you.”She said, “”You are so patient with me.”

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Getting Ready for a Party

When my alarm went off at 5:00 this morning Kate was irritated that it had awakened her. This is not the first time she has been irritated by it. This is a change, however, from the pattern over the years. I have set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for many years. It is only recently that she has had a problem. Several weeks ago, I stopped using the alarm on my radio because I thought it was too aversive. I selected what I thought was a soft tone on my phone. I guess I need to look for something else.

As I was thinking about going to the store for half and half and a few other things, I thought about napkins. Kate walked into the room. I asked, “”What do you usually do for napkins?” Her response, “”Leave me alone.” I did. I looked in the kitchen pantry and noticed that we have white disposable napkins. I will check in at Target this morning to see if they have something with a Christmas design.

I did arrange for Kate to get her haircut this afternoon at 3:00. I took her by to see Dawn who cuts my hair so that she could get the right color. Kate has asked Ellen about Christmas pottery that she might borrow. I suspect Ellen will bring it over this morning.

There is still much to do.

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More on Clothes

This past Saturday I took Kate shopping for black slacks. She told me she didn’t have any that fit. We bought 2 pair and a couple of turtle neck sweaters as well as another long sweater to wear over a blouse. This time I took pictures of them so that I know what to look for when the time comes. I also told her I wanted to know where she puts them so that I would be able to find them when necessary. She did not want me to do that. She said she would keep them where she could find them.

Last night as she was getting ready for the music club, she said she couldn’t find any black slacks that fit. I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair on Saturday. She asked where they were. I told her she had worn one on Sunday and the other was in my closet held back for alterations. I got the ones in my closet for her to try on. They worked except they were too long.

This was about 2 hours before we needed to leave. I told her that we ought to go get a quick bite to eat at Panera. She hadn’t realized we had so much time. She said she would change clothes before going. It turned out that she changed to a different outfit to wear to music club. About 40 minutes had passed; so I said let’s just go to Panera the way you are. You can finish getting ready when we get back. She told me all she needed to do was put on her make up. We went to Panera. When we got back I went to take a shower and get dressed. An hour later, after I was dressed, she had completely changed.

When we got home, I suggested she give her slacks to me to keep in my closet. This insulted her. I fear that she will lose these as she has the others.

In the meantime, she is having her PEO group over on Thursday morning for their meeting and Christmas lunch. Up until today she had done almost no decorating. I got decorations out of the storage room and suggested she look through them. She has done so and gotten some things out and also put up some decorations; however, she has a tremendous job to get ready for Thursday. She has refused my help and told me not to worry about it, that she would get it done. In a conversation with Ellen, I suggested that she might drop by in the morning to see how things are going hoping that Kate might accept her help. I have also arranged for the woman who cuts my hair to cut hers tomorrow as well as giving her coloring. She asked what the color is. I couldn’t answer; so I am taking Kate by her place this afternoon to let Dawn determine the right color.

The bottom line: Kate is continuing to get along well in many respects, but she is getting worse when it comes to organizing her life and remembering recent things. She needs to be reminded of just about everything.

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Sometimes Hard to Know What to Believe

Kate and I got back from lunch at a short time ago. While we were there a funny thing happened. I made a comment about the paintings on the walls. I mentioned one in particular and said that I liked it. Kate said that she had told Ellen how much she liked it on a previous visit. That led to our walking around the restaurant to see the other paintings. Each of us commented on the ones we liked. When we got back to our table she looked at the one I had first indicated I liked. It was the one she said she had told Ellen she had liked. She indicated she did not like that one. I didn’t say anything. I just accepted this as it is a common occurrence. One moment she will say she likes or wants something. In the next moment she says something counter to the first comment. It can make it a challenge to know what to say or do. You have to be ready for change.

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So How Are Things Going?

It is hard to believe that it has been a full month since I have updated this journal. I see that on Nov. 10 I started an entry but never finished it. I will do better this time.

Kate and I got back this past Friday (Nov. 28) from a trip to Texas. We flew into San Angelo and stayed a night with her brother,  Ken, and his wife, Virginia. The next day we drove to Fort Worth where we stayed two nights in the former home of one of her aunts and uncles. It is now called the Franklin House B&B. I had arranged this sometime ago and not told Kate. I wanted it to be a surprise. She loved being there as did Ken and his wife.

We met Naomi Richardson for lunch at Sadie’s Cafe. On Friday night we went  to Kate’s cousin’s house for barbeque. On Saturday we met Kevin and his family at Nate’s BBQ.  That evening we went to the TCU/Texas A&M football game in the new stadium. Although it rained, we had a good time.

On Sunday we drove to Lubbock where we stayed at the Residence Inn near Kevin’s house. We had a Mexican meal that night. On Tuesday we went to Rachel’s parents house. We then drove to a small town near Midland for lunch. That made for a nice day. We celebrated Thanksgiving at Ken and Rachel’s. Then we drove back to San Angelo on Friday where we caught our flight home.

There has been nothing of great import that has taken place since my last entry. Kate has had another appointment with her doctor. There was nothing to report on our end or on the doctor’s end. I would say that she continues to display some of the common symptoms that have happened pretty regularly over a long period of time. Our (my) biggest problem continues to be getting ready to go places. I may get a good taste of this as we prepare ourselves for several Christmas receptions, one of which is tomorrow night.

I would say that she has been somewhat more assertive about doing some things for herself. For example, I offered to help her with packing for our trip. She would have no part of it. As has happened on several trips in the past, she did not take enough underwear. One morning we had to go to Target for a bra. Another morning I went to Target for panties. One day, she put on a pair of my jeans. I never said anything. It gave her another change, they fit, and no harm was done. I don’t think she ever realized she had done this.

The first morning we were in San Antonio, she was looking for a bra and tossed clothes all over the bed. I volunteered to help and started putting clothes in drawers and the closet under the assumption if we got some things out of the way, it would be easier to spot her bra. I noticed that she took everything out of the drawers and put them in her suitcase. It turned out that she thought we were going home. The fact that it wasn’t even Thanksgiving did not strike her at all. One day during the week in San Antonio, she told Kevin about our staying at the Franklin House. She hadn’t recalled that we had taken him and his family through the house on Saturday.

She really enjoyed seeing people, especially her high school friends. She seems to be unusually enthusiastic and talkative when she gets together with people. I need to work harder on seeing that she gets more opportunities. We are together so much that we don’t talk that much. She is also getting a little stir crazy being in the house so much. Because of the cooler weather, she is not working in the yard nearly as much. That doesn’t’ leave her many things to do for stimulation.

We laugh a lot. She is much more prone to let me know about things I don’t do. Today, for example, I mentioned that I had not checked phone messages on our home line since our return. She wanted to know why I had not done it. Some of the things I consider to be cute. This week we had lunch at Panera. Each of us got, as usual, 2 napkins with our meal. Not noticing that she had two napkins, she reached over and took one of mine. It was only when I pointed out that she had taken my napkin that she realized she had napkins too.

On Friday morning in San Angelo she asked me if we were going home tomorrow. I told her we were going home “today.” She was ecstatic. Periodically through the trip home she expressed her eagerness to be home. Upon getting home and through the next day she continued to express her pleasure in being home.

In sum, we are doing well. I see no signs of depression on her part or mine. I do, however, recognize that she does not like being dependent on me to drive her everywhere. Today she also asked if I would build a fire for her to enjoy while I attended a meeting. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable doing so. She accepted that.

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The Good Thing Is . . .

This past Saturday night Kate and I went to a wedding. This was the first time that two of my staff members had been with Kate since I told them about her Alzheimer’s in July or August. This morning as the three of us talked about the wedding, I asked them if they would have known about Kate’s illness if I had not told them. They said absolutely not. They recounted conversations they had had with her and how comfortably she had handled herself.

That led me to tell them something that I had been thinking about lately and have mentioned in my journal on previous occasions (I think). One of the really good things about Alzheimer’s is that there is such a long period between the time the patient and her husband recognize the problems and the point at which others notice. Clearly this isn’t true for everyone. I still remember that over two years ago this summer our pastor invited me to lunch and asked if Kate were all right. He made it clear that someone had noticed something different about Kate. It is equally obvious that in more extended conversations like those of Saturday night that even people who know can’t detect any signs.

It is also worth noting that in a conversation with Kevin this past Friday morning, he told me that he still would not know if I hadn’t told Jesse and him earlier this year. He hasn’t seen her, but he has had phone conversations some of which have been lengthy. I consider this aspect of Alzheimer’s to be a blessing for the patient and her husband.

The realization of this positive aspect of the disease has made me think a little more about the need or desire to tell others about her condition. I have been telling a few people this year and have thought of telling others. In particular, I have thought about telling Bruce Morton, my old college roommate. I have hesitated because we both know Nancy Hardwick whose husband, Charlie, has dementia. They were both classmates of ours at TCU. About 10 days ago, Bruce asked me if I knew anything about how Charlie was doing. When we last saw him at our 50th class reunion, I knew from Nancy but could not tell that he had dementia. This made me think that Bruce might be in touch with Nancy. Since is originally from Fort Worth and has both Fort Worth and TCU ties in common with us, I would not want her to know before Kate’s family. That has made me wonder if the time has come to tell them. We will be in Fort Worth the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had already decided I didn’t want them to know before the visit but thought that after the visit might be the right time. Now I am thinking there is no reason to tell them until later. We will see in time how I handle this.

Jigsaw Puzzling

Several times lately Kate has said she loves her iPad. That is quite a shift since I got it for her a couple of years ago. She hardly used it for a year, but more recently she has gotten into it. I believe the major attraction has been the ability to work jigsaw puzzles on it. It appears to be one of the first things she does in the morning, and one of the last things she does before going to bed. It is not an obsession, but I believe it is a result of its being something, like pruning, that she is able to do and to do at her own pace. No one is pushing her.

At the moment she is working a puzzle at a time when I believe she should be getting ready to get her hair cut. We have arranged for her to see a new hairdresser since her former one is no longer able to do her hair. It has been over 4 weeks since she has had her hair done. At any rate, I know she is eager to get her hair done, but she is still working on the iPad. Whoops, I just went back to the bedroom to check on her. She is up. The bed is made. She must be getting her clothes on.

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Frustrating Experience

This morning I looked at my calendar and noticed that I had volunteered to call three members of church today to wish them Happy Birthday. Kate had three people, I think, to call on Monday. I had given her the cards with the calling information on them that morning. I had forgotten to follow up until now. When I got home from the Y and a stop by the office, I asked Kate if she had made the calls. She had forgotten. Then she got angry with herself. I felt bad for her. I should have remembered to remind her that afternoon. Now she is suffering for it. She asked that I remind her to make the calls later today.

I am wondering how this is going to work out. I had signed us up for the committee that makes these calls because I thought it might be something that she could do and enjoy. It may turn out that she doesn’t do them at all.

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Appreciation

In the recent past I have noted that Kate is more irritable than in the past. More specifically, I noted that she gets peeved with me. Now I would like to report that she is going through a phase in which she is expressing an unusual degree of appreciation for what I do for her. She frequently says, “”Marrying you is the best thing I ever did.” Every time I help her with something, she seems quite appreciative and is more expressive of her need for me than before. The things I do don’t have to be of much significance. For example, last night she picked up her iPad before getting into bed. She discovered the battery was exhausted. I said, “”Give it to me, I’ll charge it for you.” She said something like, “”Oh, that would be wonderful. I can never figure out which thing to use.” She handed the iPad to me. I plugged it in, and she picked it up and started using it. Then she said something else. I don’t recall exactly what it was, but it was an expression of appreciation.

This makes me wonder if she is experiencing more problems doing everyday things and suffering more frustration. Nothing other than her appreciation indicates that is the case. I also am beginning to wonder if she is entering a stage in which she doesn’t cognitively process things in a way that leads to her being depressed, but she clearly still feels frustration.

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Little Mistakes

Yesterday afternoon I picked up the mail as we were driving in from dinner. I gave it to Kate since I was driving. I noticed that one item was a package wrapped in a strong plastic like a shipment of clothing from LL Bean. I felt it and told Kate that it was my new checks that I had ordered last week. Later last night I opened the refrigerator to see the package on a shelf. I know this is supposed to be a common type of behavior for someone who has Alzheimer’s, but this is the first time I have noticed this. I have frequently noticed, however, that she typically puts things down in various places for convenience (on the floor, a chair, a sofa, the bed, etc.). It seems a bit stranger to open the refrigerator door and put the checks in it.

This morning we went to our monthly Y breakfast. Kate has given up tea as a way to minimize her acid reflux. For that reason, I told the waitress not to bring her iced tea as usual but to bring her water. She did so and also brought my hot tea. In a moment I noticed that Kate had taken my tea. I didn’t say anything. I just order another one for me. She never realized that she had taken mine.