Posted on

Thursday

Today’s Kate went to her PEO chapter’s meeting. This was just a social and not a regular meeting. I had gotten an email reminding me of the meeting 3 weeks ago. Kate had also received an email (at least I assume so), but she had never mentioned it to me. In order to prevent her awareness that I am communicating with a couple of her PEO sisters about things like this, I simply mentioned this to her a week or so ago as though it were something that she might have told me. She never questioned how I knew. I reminded her yesterday that she would be going today. She asked me what time we were going but nothing else. I told her I was going to take her to our church where she would meet someone who would take her to the meeting. She showed no surprise that I knew this. When we arrived, she got out of the car while one of her sisters came over to speak with me about making arrangements to get her back home. I noticed that she didn’t say much to but gave me more attention as if to say that Kate doesn’t really understand, I’ll tell Richard. After they returned, Kate said that the people in the car are big talkers and that she had a hard time getting in to say anything. I suspect that what is happening is that people are beginning to treat her as though she doesn’t understand. In other words, they are treating her in the very way that Kate has been concerned about. That is why she hasn’t wanted people to know. Things like this make me feel for her.

When she got home, she seemed tired. She has been in the bed ever since. Some of that time she has been working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad, but she has also slept. That is what she is doing now. I am about to get her up to take her to dinner. I have a dinner at the convention center this evening in connection with my responsibilities at the foundation. I think the social activity of the day has worn her out, another sign of Alzheimer’s.

Posted on

Preparations for the Music Club Going Well

I think we are in good shape for the music club tomorrow night. We had someone put out all the mulch in all the flower beds. It looks much better now.  The weather has put a little damper on Kate’s work in the yard. I am glad of that except that it provides entertainment for her. In fact, she really needs it. Over the past few months (even this morning) I have heard her mention being bored. I feel like we are pretty active, but the truth is there still is a lot of time during the day when she could be doing something. Since the Alzheimer’s doesn’t enable her to do the things she used to do, filling this time is becoming something of a problem.

I did discover something that may help her. She gets tired and generally goes to bed as early as 8:30, sometimes earlier. I created a queue of old movies that I believe she would enjoy seeing, but she goes to sleep shortly after they start. What I have been doing is just showing the movie in segments over several nights. Even then, she isn’t really watching the movie. The most recent movie we watched is To Catch a Thief with Cary Grant and Grace Kelley, two stars she loves. One afternoon this week I asked her if she would like to watch the movie. She did, and we did. I think it was the first movie we have watched all the way through on a single showing. That filled up a good 90 minutes. If I could arrange for more movies, we would be in good shape, at least for a while. Of course, some of these would need to be streamed.

One other reason I feel we are in good shape for the music club is that Libby came yesterday and helped us clean up the patio and garage as well as some of the other places in the house that she might have missed when she was hear Tuesday or things we had messed up since then. I also moved the furniture so that we are ready for the folding chairs that are to be delivered tomorrow afternoon.

Posted on

Making More Adjustments

As we prepare for the music club at our house this coming Monday, I am coming even closer to adjusting to Kate’s inability or unwillingness to take care of some of the things necessary to get ready for entertaining. She has cleaned up the large guest room and the small guest room. I am not sure where she has put everything, but her office is still a mess. Although she had told me on Monday night that she would let Libby help her clean up, she refused to do so yesterday when Libby was here. As I reported yesterday, she was almost in tears when she told me we would just keep her door closed for the music club. I have let it go; I know everything will be fine. I was never concerned about the music club. I just thought it would be a good excuse to get cleaned up.

I am more interested in the outside of the house now. I have arranged for hardwood mulch to be delivered today. I also contacted a young man to come over tomorrow and spread it in the flower beds. I have also asked Libby to come on Saturday help with some last-minute things like the patio and garage.

A few days ago I had asked Kate not to do anything to mess up the yard after the woman who cuts our grass had come. She was here yesterday. I know that Kate will have forgotten and plan to drop it. I’ll just let her do what she is able and wants to do. That is working in the yard as long as she cares to do so. We bought more plants yesterday. She wants to go back for more today. She has planted a lot of what we have purchased but not all.

I am slowly learning the lesson that I must learn and that is not to have any expectations that she will be able to do anything to prepare for events like this one. The disease simply won’t allow her. Of course, I have been doing this all along, but it is not something you just start doing. That is especially true since she is always trying to assert her independence and not accept any suggestions or help that I want to give. Increasingly, I am learning to let her do what she wants and can do. I can tend to the other things.

One of the ways in which she is declining is not to notice things that are in front of her. For example, at dinner last night we split a shrimp and flounder platter. She said she was getting full. I noticed there were still two shrimp on her plate and asked if she were going to eat them. She said, “”Where are they?” I showed her. They were in plain sight. She wanted and ate them.

When we returned home, I picked up the mail. There was a card from Ellen thanking us for taking her and her daughter to lunch for Easter. I left it on the island where I thought she would see and read it. Later I asked her if she had read Ellen’s note. She hadn’t; so I got the card and put it on her side of the bed while she was brushing her teeth. When I came back into the room, I asked if she had read the note. She said she hadn’t and asked where it was. I saw that it was on her bedside table; so she had picked it off the bed and put it there. She hadn’t noticed or felt any desire to read it. She had simply put it aside. This is a common thing that she does with email and regular mail. It is as if she doesn’t see these things which I do believe is part of it. Frequently I notice that she can’t see or read things that I point out wherever we are. It reminds me of the exercise I took one time at an Alzheimer’s workshop. We were asked to put on sunglasses in a dimly lit room and go from table to table trying to sort different items. I just couldn’t quite make things out. This was to give us an idea of what it is like to be an Alzheimer’s patient.

Two days ago I finished a book. I still have a day or two before getting my new Audible credits; so I started listening to Jan’s Story. It is written by Barry Petersen who was a CBS journalist. His wife, Jan, had Alzheimer’s. I have listened to it twice before. At that time and now, I feel that it is really his story and not hers. Most of what he says tells more about his adjustment than hers. This time, however, I found myself more able to relate to what he says because I am experiencing some of the same things. I also notice differences in their situation from ours in the same way that I have done when I have spoken with friends who care for a spouse with Alzheimer’s. All of this reminds me that as similar as we are, we are different as well. We are not identical.

Posted on

Jan’s Story and Our Experience

I’m reading Jan’s Story again. I am noticing more things this time. For example, Jan opened and closed the refrigerator door. She also moved items around. This is very much the way Kate is doing with rearranging other things on shelves and rearranging knickknacks in the kitchen.

This morning I opened a drawer to get a spoon for my cereal. I noticed that all of the silverware was covered over by her used paper napkins. I suspect they were napkins left over from visit to a restaurant in the past day or so. She probably didn’t know where to put them and just put them in the drawer with the silverware.

I am now in the part where the author talks about her friends because he has put her in an assisted living facility. What they can’t understand is that she still shows so much normal behavior. This is something that strikes me because most of the people who see Kate have no idea of her condition.

Posted on

Good Friday Update

Wednesday afternoon (April 1) Ann and Jeff Davis were in town; so we arranged to meet them for dinner at Il Giorgioni at 5:30 pm They were not sure when they would be finished with a hearing at the State House; so they called when they got out to arrange the time. Kate was outside working in the yard. I went out to her and told her that the Davises had called and we would meet them in about an hour. She said she would come in to take a shower and dress. I came back inside. Knowing that we had plenty of time, I didn’t worry when she didn’t come inside right away. She did so in about 20 minutes. There seemed no reason to worry. When I saw that she was getting dressed, I still did not worry. When she wasn’t completely ready 10 minutes before I had planned to leave, I went to her to ask how she was coming along. She told me to leave her alone. I did. I didn’t want to start another panic attack. When it was time to leave, I checked on her again. She was indignant and again told me not to talk and leave her alone. Finally, we got in the car at 6:00, the time we were to meet the Davises at the restaurant. At 5:25, I called Ann and told her we were running a little late.

After getting in the car, Kate asked what time we were to be there. I told her we were to have been there 30 minutes earlier. She then went into a panic and said she didn’t know. She wanted to know why I didn’t tell her. I told her I tried to explain but that she wanted me to leave her alone. This attack was not as severe as the last one, but she was still teary when we arrived in the restaurant parking lot. We took a moment for her to compose herself and went inside. She was very embarrassed about running late and felt it was her fault. She apologized to Ann and Jeff for being late.

Just before the Davises left to go back to Nashville, Jeff said he wanted to go to the men’s room. I said I needed to go as well. In the men’s room I told Jeff about Kate’s Alzheimer’s and explained that is what accounted for our being so late. Yesterday afternoon, I called Ann and apologized for telling her through Jeff and wanted to give her a little more information. She was quite tearful throughout the conversation and had me tearing me up near the end. She wanted to know what they could do. I told her it would be nice if we could come up to have lunch with them sometime in the near future. She mentioned that they are coming through on the way back from North Carolina next week and could have dinner with us. I told her that would be great.

Posted on

Our Dad

Kate finally decided the new computer is not for her. The big factor is the size of the screen. It is to small for editing pictures. I have spent hours getting everything on the new computer. Tomorrow I will spend less time taking things off and preparing to return it to Dell. I may explore giving it to a grandchild first, but I think Kevin’s children are so used to the Apple that going to a PC would not be appealing to them.

Once again, Kate was in bed quite early last night – around 7:30. She did not seem especially depressed, but I think her being tired is related to her discouragement. This morning she left a pot boiling on the stove. It had a peach in it. She was intending to loosen the skin to remove it but forgot about it. I could tell this was another blow for her. She just keeps running into things that make her feel she can’t do anything right. It, of course, saddens me as well. This is just a further indication of the changes that are taking place.

Posted on

Still Believing No One Knows

Last night Kate and I sat in front of the fire and just relaxed. It was one of those rare times that she has spoken about her AD. We talked as we have before about how well we have gotten along since her diagnosis. I told her I thought the past 4 years had been the best of our marriage. She hesitated and didn’t quite agree. She preferred to say that we have gotten progressively better with the passage of time. A little later he did acknowledge that the past 4 years have been especially good ones for us.

In the discussion she said something she has mentioned before that no one knows about her condition except Ellen, Ken, and Virginia. She even noted that no one would suspect. Quite naturally, I do not dispute this notion. This is the way she wants it. I want to support to the extent I am able. When she says these things, I must admit to a tinge of guilt for having told our children and even more for telling special friends like the Greeleys and Robinsons or my staff.

Perhaps because I know that Kate’s PEO chapter is aware and that another friend told me he had heard about Kate, I am becoming to suspect that others at our church might have an idea. The other day someone asked me if Kate is with me on most Sundays. I have told her before that Kate is in the library. Sometimes she asks if Kate is in the library. This morning someone else asked me how Kate is. I may be especially sensitive now, but I wondered if she might know. Several other people ask about her, but all of the inquiries could be just normal interest. One day, however, I know that it will occur because they are aware.

I have awakened in the middle of the night several times in the past few nights. I have managed to get back to sleep, but it is has taken more time than I have been accustomed to in the past. Previously, I would wake up and then go right back to sleep. I don’t know if this is just something that is natural with aging or the stress that I feel as I try to keep things in order and think about the future when it will be more challenging.

I feel that my recent contact with several other friends and family members may be an indication of my feeling greater stress than I have had in the past.

Posted on

It’s cold outside, and Kate’s there.

I arrived home from the Y about 40 minutes ago. When I drove into the garage I noticed that the door to the patio was open. That usually means that Kate is outside tending (pruning) to her plants. Given that the temperature is 32, I thought surely that couldn’t be the case. When I came inside, I called out, “I’m home.” There was no response. I looked around, and she was not there. Then I knew that she must be outside. I went out to the side of the house, and there she was. I told her I was surprised to see her outside. Then I asked if she knew that it was 32 degrees. She said, “Yes.” I asked if she were cold. She told me she wasn’t. She didn’t have a coat on, but she did have a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I did not notice, but she usually wears another sweatshirt and pants under those. I told her I would be in the house. We’ll see how long she stays out. Right now I am not terribly worried about her from a health standpoint. I don’t believe she is at risk of harming herself. It is just a matter of discomfort. In that regard, she seems all right. What I fear is the future. There may be a time when she is doing this kind of thing and not properly dressed for it. Who knows what lies ahead.

Note added at 10:39. Kate came in 10 minutes ago. She said, “You know what? It’s cold out there.” It turns out that she got along well. She said it was only her hands that felt cold. She did have on two sweatshirts but only one pair of sweatpants.

Posted on

It’’s Hard to Remember

Yesterday as we drove away from the restaurant where we had lunch with TCU friend, Kate said, “”Tell me his name again?” I told her. In a few minutes she asked again. Then she practiced it again as she has done with other names.

Later, but still on the way home, she said, “”Polly Jones.” I corrected her telling her that the name of the person whom she was trying to remember, our next door neighbor. She was disappointed that she had slipped up. I told her that there was a good reason that she got mixed up, that she had originally learned it incorrectly as Polly; so it was hard to get that out of her mind.

This morning as I was preparing my breakfast, she called me. I went back to the bedroom. She asked me if I would get the Today Show on the TV. I did so. She looked very discouraged. She hasn’t said a word, but I know that she recognizes her deterioration though the TV is something she has had problems with off and on for at least a year or more.

It is very clear to me that she is getting worse. I also find myself getting more anxious.

Posted on

Travel Issues

Yesterday Kate and I drove to Nashville to attend a performance of Tirandot at the Schermerhorn Symphony Center. As always, I was concerned that Kate would not remember to bring things she likes or needs. Such was the case. As she was packing in a rush, she couldn’t find the shoes she wanted to wear last night. I found a pair of black boots that she said would work. It turned out, however, that they are too tight; so walking was a problem. Fortunately, we didn’t have far to go, just across the street.

After the opera, she discovered she hadn’t brought anything to sleep in. She asked if I had something. I gave her the dress shirt I had worn to the opera. Interestingly, she brought several pair of hose. She wore 3 pair to the opera to protect her from the cold. We were outside for only a short time; so she was a little warmer than she likes.

We opted for the breakfast buffet this morning. This offered another example of the difficulty she has getting her eyes to focus on the various items she is looking for. For example, she stood in front of the bowls beside an assortment of fruit (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and apricots) as well as yogurt. She noticed the fruit and then walked down the buffet looking for a bowl even though they had been right in front of her. She didn’t notice the bowls, but she said she remembered having been here before even though this was our first time at this hotel. Another case of Deja Vu.

Last night at the opera, she asked me to take her gloves because she couldn’t get them in the pocket of her jacket. Now that I think of it, I must have dropped them below my seat because I don’t see them. It is obvious that I don’t do a great job of keeping up with her things. I am finding it challenging to keep up with her things as well as my own.

As soon as we came back to the room after breakfast, she got right in the bed with the covers over her. Over the past year or two this has become a pattern. In a few minutes I will get her up to meet an old TCU friend for lunch.