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Start of Our First Day in Lubbock

Kate and I have had a good night’s sleep. I don’t know if it is not having adjusted to a new time zone or just my normal custom of waking up early, but I was wide awake before 5:00 this morning. I remained in bed until almost 6:00 when I got up and dressed. If Kate got up during the night, I didn’t hear her. That is most unusual. She didn’t get up until 8:00. She was a bit groggy and confused when she woke up. I thought maybe she was wondering where she was. I told her we were in the Residence Inn in Lubbock. She didn’t react at all. She asked where her clothes were. I showed her where I had laid them out before going to bed last night. She picked them up and took them to the bedroom and tossed them on the bed. She had said she was going to take a shower but ended up back in bed for another fifteen to twenty minutes. Then she got her iPad and worked jigsaw puzzles another fifteen minutes. She got up and came into the living area of our room where I was reading the paper. She still looked groggy and confused and said nothing. I asked if I could help her with anything. She never answered and went back to the bedroom. Shortly I heard the shower going. I try to imagine but can never fully grasp what it must be like to get up in a strange place and have no idea where I am. I think I would be a little confused myself.

We are to meet Kevin and his family at their place sometime before noon. Before then, I will take Kate to the lobby for some juice and yogurt. After that, we are going to Panera for Kate’s muffin and to the grocery to buy a roast for the Christmas dinner. I am looking forward to a pleasant day with family.

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To Lubbock for Christmas

Kate and I left for Lubbock this morning. For a couple of years, I have made it a point to take later flights than we used to. That is because she can be slow to wake up in the morning, and I don’t like to rush her. That creates a bigger problem than it solves. I’ve learned that from experience. Today’s flight was a little earlier than I had wanted (11:00), but later flights would have gotten us in later than I wanted.

I had done almost all of our packing the day before, just saving a few things that needed to be done at the last minute. I skipped my walk so that I could avoid any surprises. The one unknown was whether or not Kate would wake up early as she sometimes does or if I needed to wake her. It turned out that she woke up about 7:40. I wanted to leave for the airport by 9:15. I was encouraged until she went back to bed. Before 8:30, I decided to get her up. She didn’t want to get up but said she would. I made a trip to Panera to get her a muffin and brought it back home. When I got back, she was in the shower. I picked out clothes for her and put them in the bathroom where she had laid out the clothes she had worn yesterday.

After she dressed, I noticed that she hadn’t worn the top I picked out. She picked out one that was fine but wouldn’t be as warm as I thought she might need for today. When I explained she accepted my suggestion. It turned out that we got to the airport in good time for us to sit down and relax. She ate her muffin and drank some orange juice.

The only slight issues we had involved going through security. Although I like to carry both her ID and boarding pass along with my own, sometimes they request that each of us hold our own. When the main checking ID asked her to scan her boarding pass, she didn’t immediately understand how to do it. She placed it so the bar code was not over the scanner. I helped her, and we got through that part. The next part was not being sure what she was to do when they asked her to walk through the body scanner. I walked her to the scanner and pointed the way through and told her to walk through it.

After we boarded the plane, she picked up my jacket that was across my lap and put it over her knees and legs. I asked where her coat was. She had no idea, and I didn’t see it. I couldn’t remember seeing it where we had been waiting and thought we might have left it going through security. I spoke with a flight attendant who said I couldn’t get off the plane, but the agent working the gate could look for it. Then it was time to go. They said if they found it, they would leave it with lost and found. When we landed in Atlanta, I asked Kate for my jacket. When she gave it to me, she was also holding her own. It turned out that I had worried for no reason.

The rest of the trip went smoothly although I lost her twice for just a moment. The first time occurred in Atlanta as we started out for our gate. I looked back and could not see her. It turned out that she didn’t see which direction I had turned coming out from the plane. I looked back a short distance and found her. She was just standing there looking around. That happened again as we left the plane in Lubbock. She was right behind me as I was getting ready to turn and walk through the door of the plane. As I walked down the ramp, I looked back and did not see her. It turned out that she had gotten into a conversation with the flight attendant at the door. These are little things that had no serious consequences. They do, however, reveal how easy it is to get separated especially in large crowds. It reminded me of why I feel under more pressure when we travel.

One other thing happened in the Atlanta airport. We walked to the escalator to catch the train to another terminal. I looked back to help her get on the escalator because she has had some trouble recently. She didn’t want my help. I got on the first step and reach out my hand for her. She didn’t want to take it. I started going down, and she wasn’t getting on. I tried walking up but it was moving down faster than I was walking up. Fortunately, a woman came by at that time and helped Kate. Later in the Lubbock airport, we took the elevator instead of the escalator.

As on other trips, I noticed some confusion. In the car from the airport, I mentioned our seeing Kevin and Rachel. She asked if they were staying in the same place that we are staying. I told her they would stay in their own home, that they live here in Lubbock. Then she asked, “What are their names again?”

For dinner, we all went to a Mexican restaurant. As we walked out of the restaurant, we said good night and said that we would talk in the morning about our plans for the day. Kate asked, “Aren’t they staying where we are?” I should add that this comes after we had been at their home less than two hours earlier.

I am happy the day went as smoothly as it did. I am optimistic that we will have a grand Christmas.

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A Great Day In Asheville

As expected, we had a nice day in Asheville yesterday. I had made reservations for lunch for 12:15 at one of our favorite places. I never quite know how easy or difficult it might to meet a specific time like this and also get in her muffin at Panera, but she had been getting up early enough for us to make it. It turned out that I had to wake her, something I don’t like to do. That meant I did have to “gently rush” her to get ready. She wasn’t entirely happy about it, but we avoided a big problem. I called the restaurant to get a later reservation.

When we arrived at the restaurant, our server came up to the hostess desk to greet us. I had made the reservation on Open Table and requested Melissa. This was the fourth time she has served us. We like her and she seems to like us. She even brought us an order of their warm banana bread on the house, a recent addition to their menu. The last time we were here was in September. At that time  I told her about Kate’s Alzheimer’s. I didn’t get a chance to say very much before Kate came back from the restroom; I’m afraid it was a more abrupt announcement than I had intended. Her eyes were filled with tears as we left. As we walked to our table, I was able to let her know how well Kate has been getting along even though her memory is just about gone.

Near the end of our meal, I got a call from our hotel letting us know that our room was ready. When I picked up the key at the front desk, they let us know it is the “Christmas” room. It is beautifully decorated for Christmas and is the only such room in the hotel. Right now, I am sitting in front of the fireplace in a sitting room adjoining he bedroom. At the end of the sofa to my left is a gorgeous Christmas tree. It’s no wonder we always choose to stay here. They have always been so very nice to us.

A few years ago, I told the front desk about Kate’s diagnosis. I usually do this at the hotels we visit. It may not be necessary, but I like them to know in case she should come out of our room and not be able to find her way back, especially if is during the night. On a few occasions, she has gotten up to go to the bathroom during the night and tried to go outside. On one occasion she had gotten into the hallway before I caught her. I have been confident that I would wake up when she gets out of bed. Recently, however, there have been a couple of occasions that I haven’t waked up.

At 3:00 yesterday afternoon, we went to see the musical Annie. We have seen other productions at this theater and been pleased. I wondered how well they would do with this one since the cast consists of so many children. I got my answer. These were exceptional children, especially the young girl who played Annie. This is a very upbeat musical. I knew Kate would like it, and I was not disappointed. She expressed her enthusiasm throughout the show. In fact, this is one of the things that I am trying to watch carefully. She gets so excited that she expresses her emotion audibly with things like “Wow” or “She is good.” She frequently says these things after many of the songs. So far the volume of her expressions has been low enough that I doubt people around us felt disturbed. It does make me wonder though if the volume might increase as she declines further.

On the way back to dinner after the show, Kate said, “Where in the world are we? New York? San Francisco? Dallas?” I told her we were in Asheville. She said, “I knew that.” She has asked the same question at least one other time on this trip. That is not unusual and is understandable given the limits of her memory.

At dinner, we had a nice conversation with a couple sitting at the table next to us. We learned that they were members of a church whose former pastor is a former student of mine at UT. They were both educators, and we discovered other connections we have in common.

During the night, Kate got up twice to use the bathroom. This hotel has a very good night light for the bathroom. There are two small ceiling lights that are controlled by a switch just inside the door. They provide a soft light that enables you to easily find the bathroom in the dark. That is something about which I would have given a thought before Kate’s diagnosis. Now it’s a very important thing. I wish they were available in all hotels.

Kate is still sleeping. She awoke about fifteen minutes ago and started to get up. She asked, “What can I do?” I told her she could get up and go to breakfast, stay in bed and work on her iPad, or sit on the sofa with me in front of the fireplace. She chose to stay I bed. I told her there is no hurry, that she can stay in bed as long as she likes. I may go back to the lobby where they served a continental breakfast and bring something back to the room for her. That is just in case she gets up after 10:00 when they take up the breakfast.

I am happy to say that our visit here has been a good one.

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Looking Ahead

It is often said that “it’s good to live in the moment.” I believe that. I believe that Kate and I have tried pretty successfully to do that since her diagnosis; however, I tend to be a planner. I am always thinking into the future and about possibilities that might require consideration right now. I wish I could accurately predict the future, but I’ve never been very good at that. That hasn’t prevented my continuing efforts to plan ahead. With respect to Kate and our time together, I have tried to focus on the moment and found that very rewarding. I have also tried to anticipate the future with respect to a number of things that I believe are especially important. These include our annual trip to Chautauqua as well as visits with our children and grandchildren and special friends.

Long before the end of this year, I had been thinking that this Christmas might be our last one with our son and his family in Lubbock. I was never sure that we would make the trip this year, but my optimism increased as we approached the Christmas season. Our travel arrangements are made, and I have no doubts about our making the trip and that it will go well.

On the other hand, I am also more confident now that this will be our last holiday in Lubbock with our son and his family. I am not ruling out the possibility that we might make a late-spring visit, but it is hard to imagine that Kate’s situation will make it possible to go back next Thanksgiving. That would be our typical pattern, Christmas one year and Thanksgiving the next. We always rotate the holidays with our daughter’s family and our son’s family.

My reasoning about the future involves her continued decline. She is simply losing even more of her memories, and she experiences more confusion than in the past. On top of this, travel itself is troubling for her. She can’t remember where she is. I have concerns about her walking out of the hotel room at night. There are also issues of her needing to use the restrooms in airports. These issues have existed before. I have worked around them in a variety of ways, but at some point, I will need to say it is best that we not make the trip. I believe that time will occur in the coming year.

With that in mind, I am grateful that we are having such a good time during this Christmas season. There are still more things to come before we leave for Texas, and I expect our visit there will be special as well.

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Our Visit with Ellen

On our way home from Memphis, Kate and I stopped by for a visit with Ellen in Nashville. We continue to try to visit about once a month. This was the first time that she has been in bed when we arrived. She was surprised, but pleased, to see us. We always check with her daughter before each visit to make sure it is convenient. I am sure that her daughter told her. I find that I am always interpreting Kate’s behavior in light of her AD. I am probably doing the same with Ellen. Knowing that she is in a memory care unit, it seems like her forgetting is a pretty good bet. The only reason I make note of this event is that she has always seemed so sharp in the past.

When she got up, we found her quite talkative, a trait that has always been characteristic of her. The only complication now is her speech. I don’t think we could detect any change in that since last time. We could still only understand about 25% of what she says. Despite the speech problem which does make conversation a challenge, we stayed longer than on any previous visit, almost two and a half hours.

This time we stayed with her while she ate her dinner in the dining room. We didn’t intend to stay through her dinner, but she seemed like she didn’t want us to leave. At one point, when we said we needed to leave, she was ready to leave her dinner. We decided to stay a little longer for her to finish.

I have always been curious to see if Kate’s visit to the memory unit would have any impact on her. So far as I can tell, she hasn’t seemed to notice. I have been concerned that since most of the residents are rather non-communicative, it might make Kate think about her being in this same condition sometime in the future. I just don’t see any reaction. In fact, as we were leaving yesterday, she spoke to a resident sitting at the table next to us. She told the resident her name was Kate. As it turned out, the resident’s name is also Kate and she just beamed at the coincidence.

After leaving Ellen, we dropped by a local pizza place I had heard about. Then we headed back home. The trip home had been a smooth one. Kate was tired and very quickly got ready for bed. I have noticed that she has been tired after our previous trips, so it is not surprising to discover that she is still in bed this morning. That is quite a contrast to the past week or so when she has been getting up early enough for us to be at Panera by 8:30 or shortly thereafter.

Kate got along well on the trip, but being in different places is confusing for her. Several times while we were in Memphis and in Nashville she asked me, “Where are we?”

On the other hand, I am very happy that she still is able to handle herself well in social situations. She is quiet after a while. It is hard for her to follow conversations and to interject her own comments. Sometimes when she jumps in, she says something that is not related to what we are talking about. But she displays the poise she has always had when meeting people. I hope she retains that ability for a long time.

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A Nice Thanksgiving

We had a very pleasant Thanksgiving with Jesse and her family. Once again, we ate well. I suspect that is true for most of you reading this message. It was a relaxing day. The four adults were awake and downstairs before 8:30. The boys didn’t come down until a good bit later. Kate and I were mostly observers in the day’s activities. Jesse and Greg worked off and on the entire day. Jesse fixed everyone’s favorites. That meant mac ‘n cheese for Randy, bow tie pasta for Ron, and asparagus casserole for Kate and Jesse. The only sad part for me is that Kate no longer remembers that the casserole was a holiday dish that her mother made when she was growing up. She simply ate it without comment, and in the midst of all the activity, I forgot to tell her how much she had always enjoyed it. She loves reminiscing about her mother and would have liked thinking about other holiday favorites that she made for her family.

Like many families, we had the football games on all afternoon and into the evening. We didn’t sit down and watch any of them, but we kept up on the scores and periodically sat in front of the TV during critical portions of the games. After dinner last night, we watched Christmas with the Kranks. I hadn’t seen it before. It was one that Jesse’s family had seen before and loved. It was fun to watch as a family. Jesse and I were the primary viewers. Kate worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad the entire time. She got in a lot of that yesterday. Greg had a football game on his the bedroom. Ron went back and forth from the movie to the game, and Randy was playing games on his phone. Despite the fact that we were not all watching the movie intensely, I felt it was a nice family time that allowed each person to pursue his personal interests while still being together.

As I have noted on other trips, large blocks of time can be a problem for Kate. She doesn’t like to stay in one place for an extended period of time. That is an issue whether at home or on the road; however, it is easier to change locations at home. For example, we can run to Panera or Barnes & Noble. She can work in the yard. We are always moving from one place to another. This desire to change locations is compounded when we travel because she is also confused about where we are and when we are going home. Early in the day yesterday, she asked me when we are going home. I told her we were going home “tomorrow.”

During the middle of the day we played Uno with Jesse and the boys. We had a good time and had a few laughs as well. I didn’t grow up playing lots of games at home, but I have come to recognize how good they are at facilitating group engagement. Everybody has fun most of the time except when someone loses too much. Playing with Kate adds a special dimension to games. She can’t remember the rules, and when I would try to help her, she would resent being helped. She had a real sense that we didn’t believe she could do anything right. At one point, we all knew that she had a “wild card” in her hand with a good opportunity to use it. We kept telling her what a wild card is and when to use it, but she never recognized that she had one in her hand. It was only one of three cards. She simply didn’t perceive it. Despite this issue, the game was a success.

Sometime during the night, Kate screamed, “Help!” I asked what was wrong. She said something about “her.” I asked, “Who is she?” She said, “My helper.” I had been thinking things were going so well with the sitter. Suddenly, I wondered if she had been afraid of the sitter. I asked if she had done something to make her afraid. She said, “No.” The she told me the sitter was with her. There was apparently something else that had scared both of them. I asked what had happened. She said, “I don’t know.” She mumbled a bit. Then for the next few minutes, she periodically said something about her (the sitter) as though she were concerned about her safety. I told her everything was all right, that it was just a dream. She said, “I hope so. I would feel better.”

Dreams like this are not typical for Kate, but she does occasionally have them. Fortunately, most of them involve her days in the classroom. She is always giving instructions to her students in a very kind way.

It is now 9:30 a.m. Kate has not yet come downstairs, and I want to leave in the next 30-45 minutes. I think I will go upstairs to check on her. Jesse has gone to work. The boys are still sleeping. It’s been another good holiday with family.

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Going to Memphis for Thanksgiving

This morning we left for Memphis where we are spending Thanksgiving with our daughter, Jesse, and her family. We usually break up the trip by stopping for lunch in Nashville to visit one of several friends who live there. This time we had a short visit with  Angie and Tom Robinson, a couple we have known since our undergraduate days at TCU. She is a retired English teacher with the public school system. He is a retired philosophy prof from Vanderbilt. Tom and I are two of three TCU grads who have kept up and for a number of years have kept up an active daily email correspondence.

We  met them at a local Tex-Mex restaurant where we spent about an hour and a half catching up on our lives. They are both very much aware of Kate’s AD. Of course, Kate is not aware that they know. That has not been a problem since they never say anything that would even hint of any awareness. Of course, this is almost always the case with everyone. It would be a rare person who would say anything to a person who has AD.

Although were not together long, we had a pleasant visit. When we left, Kate specifically mentioned how well it had gone. She even noted that everyone got to talk, something she is sensitive to, at least with respect to her getting left out.

The rest of the trip wasn’t as pleasant. Not too far out of Nashville, we ran into heavy traffic on I-40. One lane going West was blocked for construction. That exacerbated the problem created by the holiday traffic. It took us almost an hour longer than normal to get to Memphis.

We all went to dinner at a pizza place Jesse and Greg thought we would like. It is one of those down home places with a lot of character in one of the older sections of Memphis. Jesse knows we like places like this and has taken us to quite a few on our previous visits. When we returned to the house, we didn’t waste any time in calling it a night. Although the drive from Nashville to Memphis wasn’t so pleasant, the visits with the Robinsons and our evening with Jesse’s family more than made up for it. It was another nice day.

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Report on our Weekend Trip to Memphis

Like our trip to Texas, our trip to Memphis was a success. It’s always good to see our grandsons. This time was no exception. The highlight, of course, was our getting to see Randy play with his high school band. Friday night we saw the band perform at halftime during their homecoming game. Saturday night we saw the last three bands in the regional band competition. We enjoyed each of them but too special pleasure in seeing Randy’s band. They competed against only one other AAAA school and won in every category. It was also nice to hear our other grandson, Ron, talk about his theater class. He is excited about upcoming tryouts for The Three Musketeers that they will perform in January.

We ate dinner after the band events on both nights. That meant that we were up later than normal. Kate handled it well. She is a real trouper. I had previously committed ourselves to stop in Nashville on the way home to visit Kate’s best friend, Ellen, who is in a memory care unit, and our friends from the University of Wisconsin and the University of Tennessee, Ann and Jeff Davis. In order to do that, we needed to leave by 10:00 if we wanted to get back home at a decent hour. Kate was sleeping soundly, but I woke her up just before 9:00 to give her time to get a shower and dressed for the trip. She got up very willingly and was ready in time to leave at 10:00.

Both visits were good ones. Ellen is declining. Her speech has been affected by her stroke a little over two years ago as well as several seizures she has had since the end of February. I think her vascular dementia is beginning to affect her now. Kate didn’t seem to pick up on this. Seeing the other people in the memory unit caused me to wonder whether it is a good thing to keep taking Kate. She doesn’t seem to notice. At least she doesn’t say anything that makes me think he feels uncomfortable. I think she just doesn’t think about her ending up in the same condition. I am glad. I wish I didn’t.

We had dinner with Ann and Jeff at their home. We have lived in different cities for the past 25 years or so; however, each time we are together we pick just as though we had seen them yesterday. At one time, Ann was Kate’s best friend. That was before she and Jeff moved to Ohio. They moved to Nashville about twenty years ago. It was a great way to end what had been a very nice weekend.

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Adjusting to a New Place

Yesterday Kate and I drove to Memphis to see our grandson, Randy, who is in his high school’s band. They were playing at halftime of their homecoming football game. Last spring, we came here to see our other grandson, Ron, in a junior high production of the musical Shrek. Since then Randy has been eager for us to attend one of his band performances.

The trip yesterday was a smooth one. I did notice for the first time that Kate became restless on the drive. We broke up the trip with a couple of stops. Otherwise, it was an easy trip.

We went to the stadium around 6:00 so that we could watch the band march into the stadium which is the equivalent of the team’s entrance to the field for parents of the football team. It was fun to see Randy march in with his band uniform. He has not hit his growth spurt and is at least a foot shorter than the boy in front of him. He had a big smile on his face when he saw us. The highlight, of course, was the halftime show itself. This year the band has worked on a program featuring the music of Gershwin. We enjoyed the show. As frequently happens, we were impressed with the quality of the performance of these high school students.

Not having a child on the football team, we left after halftime. We went to a neighborhood Italian restaurant for a later dinner. It was after 10:30 when we got back to Jesse’s and after 11:00 before getting into bed. Because this is a good bit later than we usual go to bed, we both slept later. I was up at 7:30. Kate didn’t get up until about 9:00. She came downstairs and said hello. She came in with her morning pills in her hand. She very naturally picked up a beverage cup that Jesse had gotten out for herself and used it to take her medications.

In a few minutes, she walked out of the kitchen. When I checked to see where she had gone, I found her under the covers in Jesse’s bed. She was there until close to 11:00 when she woke up and said she wanted to take a shower. While she was in the shower, I put her clothes out on the bed. Later I went back to check. She had gotten out of the shower. I thought she might not see her clothes on the bed and brought them to her. As I helped her by pointing out what she could wear, she responding willingly and even gratefully. This is another pattern that has emerged when we are traveling. My interpretation is that she finds everything a bit confusing and, thus, willingly accepts my help more easily than when we are at home.

 

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Leaving Texas

In the rental car center at the airport in Dallas, Kate asked me, “Where are we?” I said, “The Dallas airport in Texas.” She said sadly, I don’t wanna leave Texas.” I said, “But, we’ve had a good time” and gave her a hug. And she doesn’t realize she may not be back.