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Traveling to Memphis

Yesterday we left for what I expect to be our last Christmas visit to our daughter Jesse’s house in Memphis. As with our trip to Texas in November, I wasn’t sure that we would be able to make it. About two weeks ago, I felt sure enough to make our lodging  reservations. This will be only the second time we have not stayed with her and her family. At this stage of Kate’s illness, I felt it would be better to have the privacy afforded by staying in a hotel. She can sleep as late as she wants, and we won’t have to worry about any of the mess she makes in the bathroom.

Given how late she has been sleeping, I thought I would let her sleep until 11:30, grab a quick bite to eat, and hit the road between 1:00 and 1:30. As it turned out, she woke up about 10:30. That gave us time to have lunch at the Bluefish Grill, our regular Saturday lunch place.

On several occasions, we have stopped in Nashville to have lunch with friends or visit with our friend Ellen Seacrest. She’s our friend who had a stroke while visiting her daughter in Nashville three years ago this past August. We stopped for a nice visit with her. Earlier in the week, we had seen Louise, the woman who replaced her as choir director at her church in Knoxville. When I mentioned that we were going to see her, she asked if we could take something with us. Yesterday morning she brought a gift bag with a Christmas CD, an assortment of homemade cookies, and a card with greetings and signatures of Ellen’s choir members. That made this visit very special.

Ellen had directed the choir almost forty years and contributed in many other ways to the church. She was well-known and loved. The distance has kept all of her Knoxville friends from visiting her. To the best of my knowledge, we are the only ones who have visited her more than once. Thus, Ellen was quite moved to be remembered in this way. I asked Ellen if she would like to talk with Louise. She was excited when I mentioned it. I called, and Louise answered on the first ring. That began a 10-minute phone call that was certainly the highlight of Ellen’s day. I am so glad I told Louise we were making this visit. After Christmas, I think I will talk with Ellen’s daughter and see how she would feel if we brought one or two of her closest church friends with us on a future visit. That would be quite a thrill for Ellen.

I thought it would make the trip easier if we stayed overnight in Nashville and complete the trip to Memphis today. It would also enable Kate to sleep as late as she would like without getting us to Jesse’s too late in the day. That has worked out quite well though it is increasingly difficult to travel with Kate. There is so much for me to think about and manage. Lots of things come up that would be more easily taken care of at home. I don’t intend to stop all overnight travel. I could easily see staying overnight in Nashville on other trips to see Ellen, but I don’t think we will stay away from home longer than one night in the future. I am also uncertain about how long we might do that.

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The Trip Home

Kate didn’t want to get up yesterday morning, but she did. We got to the airport two and a half hours before our flight’s departure. The only troublesome spot was going through security. It was a little like having two toddlers except that the TSA folks believe she can understand what is happening and what she should do. We stood in line to go through the typical scanner that you walk into, face to the right, and raise your hands above your head. I asked Kate to watch the people in front of us and do the same thing. It was a challenge for her to grasp. When there were a couple of people ahead of us, something happened to the scanner. We were shifted to go to the one you simply walk through without stopping. I thought we had it made. I walked first so that Kate could follow what I did. That was when they re-opened the other scanner and asked her to go through that one. She couldn’t follow what the man was trying to tell her. I told him she has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t follow directions well. He let her walk through behind me.

The other issue at security is taking off what is necessary and placing all the required items on the convey belt and collecting them once they have been scanned. Doing this while trying to keep and eye on Kate is a challenge. I was glad when we were through.

From then until the end of the flight’s arrival in Nashville, everything went smoothly. Kate was in a very good mood. She didn’t seem bothered by anything. She was quite relaxed. Before take off, she was working a puzzle. She stopped and asked my name. I told her. She tried repeating it to me. When she was not successful, she wanted me to repeat again. She did this several times consecutively. One time she asked me to say it slowly, and I said, “Richard.” She said, “Richard.” I said, “Lee.” She said “Lee.” I said, “Creighton.” She said, “Creighton.” A few minutes later, she pointed at me and then at herself. I thought her hand signals meant she wanted me to tell her her name and pointed to her to indicate that. She said, “No, yours.” We went through the routine of my name once again. Then Kate said, “What’s my name?” We went through the same routine with her name. She was able to get her first name but missed her maiden name and last name. I wondered if the person seated next to Kate could hear our conversation and, if so, what she was thinking.

Later in the flight, she tapped her hand on my leg. I looked over at her. She blew me a kiss. I returned it. Then I leaned over and said, “What’s my name?” She tried but couldn’t remember. We went through it a couple of times, and she got it. I said, “You got it. I love you.” She laughed and said, “But, can I remember it?” It was interesting that she continues to ask my name and hers so often without expressing any frustration or concern over her inability to remember. I am glad about that. It hurts when she experiences anxiety over not knowing who she is. The rest of the flight continued smoothly. She never stopped working on her puzzles.

She asked me quite a few times where we were going. When I told her we were going to Nashville, she asked why. I told her we were going to get our car and drive to Knoxville. I also told her we would spend the night in our own house. She was surprised and pleased each time and asked where we live. She didn’t seem to remember our having been in Lubbock at all. I continue to be amazed at how well she gets along when she remembers so little and never knows where she is or where she is going.

We were seated on the third row from the rear. I suggested that we let everyone else get off before we did. That worked well. It even allowed Kate extra time to thank the flight attendants as well as the clean-up crew that boarded after the other passengers had disembarked. Kate is now walking slower and slower. It took us a long time to get to baggage claim. Our bag had been removed and sent to customer service.

We caught the shuttle to get our car in the long-term lot. We didn’t have to wait long and were off to Knoxville. We stopped for a sandwich on the way. She surprised me when we walked in the house. I expected her to say, “I’ll follow you.” Instead, she walked through the family room ahead me. She didn’t know where she was going, however. She walked into the living room. She turned around and came out. Then she followed me to our bedroom. She was quite tired and soon went to bed. The change in time zone made it difficult for her to go to sleep, but she was happy. One of the last things she said was to ask my name, hers, and those of her mother and father.

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Returning Home Today

It is approaching 8:00 CT as I write this post, and I am feeling a bit melancholy as we make our preparations for our return to Knoxville this afternoon. It has been a good trip. I was optimistic that we would be able to make this one, but Kate’s decline in the past six months made me wonder if we would make it. I am glad we did. It was special to spend Thanksgiving with Kevin and his family. It wouldn’t have been the same had we remained at home; however, it’s been a bitter sweet trip.

As I have noted before, her feelings for Texas have been stronger in the past few years, and she still occasionally mentions the possibility of a move back. In fact, she said something to me about that possibility since we have been here. As she has done a few times in the past, she asked what I thought we would do about moving. I told her I wasn’t sure. I suggested that we remain in Knoxville right now and see how things unfold. She accepted that without comment. At this stage she tends to follow my lead.

Despite her Texas pride, she has not expressed any special enthusiasm for being here, having Texas BBQ, or eating Tex-Mex. She also loves her children and grandchildren. She does not always remember that she has them, but when she does, she expresses her feelings about them. It was different this time. I believe most of that is because she is unable to remember who they are. At dinner last night she was unclear of who we were sitting with. I gave her the name of each person, but she couldn’t remember them. As she did when Kevin visited Knoxville in September, she said things that were clear signs of her Alzheimer’s. Last night for example, she asked, “Where are we?” as we were eating dinner. If she can’t remember where she is or who she is with, one can easily understand that it is hard to express enthusiasm for being here with her family.

Before we left the restaurant last night, Kate said she would like to use the restroom. I walked her to the door and waited for her. As she walked in, a woman was just leaving. Kate said something to her. The woman responded and then walked by me. I told her that Kate has Alzheimer’s and asked here if there were anything that Kate might find confusing. I mentioned that she has had occasional trouble getting out of the restroom. She said she didn’t notice anything that might present a problem. A few minutes later, Rachel, Kevin’s wife, asked if I would like her to go inside to help Kate if she needed anything. I told her I thought she would be all right and that I would just wait for her. It wasn’t long before I heard a knock on the door. I opened it. Kate was standing there. She was relieved to see me. I don’t know why, but she had been unable to open the door. My guess is that she tried to push it open rather than pulling it open. It is just one other reminder of the challenges faced by people with dementia everywhere they go. There are a million little things like this that we take for granted.

As we leave today, I won’t be thinking just about this as Kate’s last trip to Texas. I will also think of it as a point marking a change in my own life. We met in Fort Worth. We were married there. We lived there for two years after our wedding, and we have made regular trips to visit family in Texas ever since. We return now to Knoxville, our home for the past 47 years, but I carry with us memories of very special moments Kate and I have shared in Texas. I only wish she were able to remember them as well.

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The Day After Thanksgiving

We had a good day yesterday. I can’t ever be sure exactly why some days are better than others. I believe that yesterday’s schedule was at least partially responsible. It was a day that was broken into several different segments. That is more typical of our daily routine when we are at home. It seems to be hard for Kate to do the same thing for an extended period of time. That is why we are rarely at home, Panera, or Barnes & Noble longer than two hours.

Kate was up earlier yesterday. They were still serving breakfast when we got to the dining room. They close at 10:00. We had our iPads with us and spent about an hour there before she felt tired. That is typical when she gets up earlier than usual. We came back to the room where she lay down on the sofa and napped another hour. Around the noon hour, Kevin and his family picked us up for lunch at a restaurant downtown. We followed that with a walk around the area and visited an historical site.

I was especially pleased that Kate was able to get in a little walk. Her life is very sedentary. She refuses to walk around the neighborhood or at a gym. She only walks to get from one place to another, and those are short trips. As a consequence, it is becoming more difficult for her to walk or even to get up from a seated position. She can do it herself, but she often wants to take my hand. Frequently, I put my hand under her arm and help lift her out of the car. Most of the time, she is quite accepting of that help. Other times, she refuses, saying she can do it herself.

One of the other challenges of walking involves her eyesight. I suspect it is her cataracts that present a problem. She is very sensitive to light and dark portions of the pavement as well as painted lines on the street or small pebbles in pavement of sidewalks. When we leave Panera at home, we sometimes exit by a side door that leads to wheel chair access to and from the parking lot. Although I tell her she does not need to step up or down, she is very cautious. When walking with a group as we were yesterday, it can be a challenge for others to walk as slowly as she does. Just walking across a street can take a while. As family, they were all understanding.

Kevin dropped us off at the hotel around 4:00. We had had a nice leisurely outing. Kate enjoyed herself although I would say that she was not as enthusiastic as she was six months ago when we were here. On the whole, her emotions are expressed with much less enthusiasm than in the past.

Kate and I relaxed in our hotel room for an hour and a half before we left to meet Kevin and his family for dinner at one of our favorite hamburger places. We had a good time and enjoyed our burgers. Knowing that Kate loves French fries, I got her a side order. I quickly noticed that she went for the fries before the burger. They were gone before she got down to the burger patty. I think I have mentioned before that she usually eats sandwiches including burgers in pieces. I haven’t identified a consistent pattern, but she normally takes off the top slice of bread or bun and puts it aside. Then with her hand, she picks off the individual ingredients (in this case, pickles and tomato) and eats them. I didn’t notice as she was eating but I believe the top of the bun was gone when I noticed she had eaten all the fries and had gotten down to the shredded lettuce and the patty. By then, the rest of us had finished eating. It took another ten or fifteen minutes for her to be ready.

As we walked back to our car, Kate was very cautious as we walked across the parking lot. It was lighted, but there were lots of shadows. She was concerned about possible uneven surfaces. I have heard that people with dementia often perceive patches of black to be holes and that a way to prevent walking away from home is to put a black mat in front of the doors leading to the outside. I’m not sure of the validity of this, but I wondered about that as we walked to the car. The position of the lights focused light on the front end of the cars where we had parked. This cast long shadows at the rear end of each car. I was holding Kate’s hand. As I turned to walk more directly to our car, we were about to walk into the shadow of the car next to us. Kate stopped. She looked at the shadow as if if it were a chasm. I told her it was all right, just a shadow of the car. She didn’t accept that. She pulled my hand and walked around the shadow rather than through it. Then I wondered how she would react when she noticed the shadow of our car. She ignored it completely. We walked right through it to the passenger side of the car.

She was in one of her appreciative moods as we drove back to the hotel. She thanked me for everything I do for her. This is not something that occurs everyday, but she expresses her appreciation often enough that I know she recognizes much that I do for her and is genuinely appreciative. That helps to keep me going. I know that some caregivers don’t hear such expressions as often.

Christmas music was playing in the lobby when we got back to the hotel. Kate said, “I love that.” That led me to turn on some Christmas music I have on my phone when we got to our room. We listened for an hour and a half while she worked on her iPad and I watched the Oklahoma/West Virginia football game with the sound turned down.

After a while, Kate lay down on the sofa and rested while listening to the music. I suggested that it was time for bed. She agreed but made no effort to get up. I finally got her up. In the process of getting her dressed for bed, she got irritated with me for pushing her. After we were in bed, she apologized and said, “You have to put up with so much from me.” She still seems quite perceptive in ways like this. I would love to know exactly what she notices and what she doesn’t.

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Thanksgiving Day

We had a nice day. It was a little different from past visits. For the second day in a row, I had to wash clothes before leaving the hotel. I am sure this is one of the things that discourages many caregivers from traveling with their loved ones. During the morning, we remained at the hotel until time to get to Kevin’s for the Thanksgiving meal. Kate was especially relaxed. After being awake around 6:30, she went back to sleep and didn’t get up until I woke her around 10:30. We were here last in May. That was just before Kate’s sleeping became more erratic. Since then it has been difficult to plan things before noon or 1:00. I stayed in touch with Kevin concerning our progress in getting ready, and we arrived at his house pretty much on time.

We got off to a good start. Kate seemed very much herself and greeted our son and his family as she always has. Rachel’s parents, Lila and Jerry Livingston were also with us. I know Kate could not remember them, but she carried off the initial moments quite well. It wasn’t until we were eating that she seemed to work hard to be a part of the conversation. It’s hard for me to explain, but she didn’t seem like herself. She was like a child seeking attention. At one point, she made several impolite remarks to Lila, and even suggested that Lila might be lying. The rest of us were silent. No one knew quite what to say. The fortunate thing is that everyone is aware of Kate’s Alzheimer’s and has been around Kate long before the diagnosis. I feel sure they understood this wasn’t Kate speaking. It was the Alzheimer’s. It was similar to the way she was in a conversation at Barnes & Noble a week or two ago. I hope this doesn’t become a habit. If it does, I may have to create some small cards explaining that she has Alzheimer’s. I could slip them to people we encounter in public situations.

The experience also reminded me of a book written by Martin Schreiber, My Two Elaines. His choice for a title emphasized the personality differences between his wife before and after her Alzheimer’s. Until recently, I hadn’t experienced anything like this with Kate. As with so many things, I wonder what lies ahead.

Following lunch, we turned on the Cowboys/Redskins ball game. For twenty or thirty minutes, Kate looked through a photo book of Kevin’s family trip to several national parks in the West. Brian, Kevin’s son, explained what she was seeing. She went through the entire book and enjoyed it. After that, she withdrew from the group. She rested in her chair with her eyes closed for a long time. I doubt that she was asleep but may have dosed periodically. After a while, I went out to the car and got her iPad and brought it to her. She is usually quick to accept it and work on it for a long period of time. That wasn’t so yesterday. She simply kept it beside her.

Coincidentally, I was involved in a short Twitter exchange this week that involved the challenges of being in groups for people with dementia. I commented that Kate does best with just one other couple and even better one-on-one. Yesterday’s experience adds to all the other changes I have noticed over the past few months. It even makes me a bit more cautious about our plans to be with Jesse and her family for Christmas.

After eating some of the leftover turkey and brisket, we came back to the hotel. Kate quickly got into her puzzles on the iPad. I checked email, Twitter, and started my draft of this post. I tried to find the last of the football game on our TV but stopped on the Discovery Channel instead. We both enjoyed the featured program on animal behavior.

Kate seemed to be herself. She was tired and got to bed a little earlier than the past few nights. She is still sleeping now at 7:50. I think we will take it easy this morning. I’ll be in touch with Kevin about possibilities for lunch and the afternoon.

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Smooth Traveling Yesterday

As I suggested in my previous post, Kate was ready early yesterday. We were able to get to the airport with time to spare. I do notice, however, that traveling with her is a much bigger responsibility than it was just six months ago. She moves much slower and gets very confused. Fortunately, she depends on me for guidance, but I find that I am not at ease. I have to watch her at all times. I feel like I am on “high alert.” Going through security did not cause any major problems, but she doesn’t understand what to do. That adds a little extra stress as I seek to comply with all the security requirements for each of us.

Kate worked puzzles on her iPad the entire flight. Since I was seated beside her, I had the opportunity to watch her more than I normally do. I have said before that she seems to pay no attention to either the shapes or the color of the pieces as she seeks to put them in their proper places. It seemed like she was simply randomly getting them into the right spots. Now, I don’t believe that is true. She does seem to pay attention to the shapes of the pieces. I still believe, however, that she doesn’t notice how the colors on a piece might match a particular configuration of colors on the puzzle. The app she uses shows her how long it takes her from start to finish. It looks like she takes from five to ten minutes to do each sixteen-piece puzzle. It also looks like her ability to work a puzzle comes and goes as she is working. One moment she seems to be fine. The next she is stumped.

We had dinner with Kevin and his family and had a good time. It was difficult for Kate to follow the conversation at our end of the table. She responded by being quiet.

When we got back to our hotel, she was in a very appreciative mood. Several times she thanked me for “all that you do.” At least two times, she said, “Thank you for all you do for us, especially what you do for the women.” I decided not to ask who she meant by “us” and “the women.”

After my shower, I went into the living room area where Kate was working on her iPad. She said, “I want to thank you for being my friend.” I said, “I am glad to be your friend. I love you, and I think you love me.” She began to get teary and said, “I think I do.” I usually say something about being her husband but decided to let it go this time. She also said, “Not everyone likes me.” I said, “I can’t imagine anyone’s not liking you.” She said, “We’ll see.”

When I got up this morning, I heard her chuckle. I saw that her eyes were open. I walked over and kissed her on her forehead. She smiled but didn’t say anything. I had a sense that she recognized me either as her husband or her friend. She didn’t appear to be confused. She was still awake when I was ready for breakfast. I told her we are at the Residence Inn in Lubbock and that I was going to get some breakfast and bring it back to the room.

We have stayed here quite a few years. In recent years, I’ve requested a room on the first floor. That is so that I won’t be far away when I leave her for breakfast. More recently, I have brought my breakfast back to the room. That way I am gone only a few minutes. If for any reason she would leave the room, I would see her. This is just one tiny thing to which I must be attentive when we travel. I also have to be prepared to wash clothes. In fact, I did that yesterday morning before leaving Nashville.

She was asleep when I returned to the room and is still sleeping. There is no reason to rush this morning. We will try to get to Kevin’s house between 11:00 and 12:00. I’m looking forward to a Happy Thanksgiving and wishing the same for you and your family.

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An Uneasy Start

We are currently in a Residence Inn in Nashville. We drove from Knoxville yesterday afternoon before flying out to Lubbock this afternoon. We can catch a direct flight from here. Coming up the day before is much easier on Kate. We had an unusually good dinner last night. It was a special time for us, almost like it was before Alzheimer’s.

Knowing that it can be hard for Kate to get up in the morning, I had her take a shower last night. That was to help us get away by 10:15 or so. We both slept well, that is, until just before 5:30 when she hit me and tried to get me to move away from her. I think I must have bumped her, and she didn’t recognize me or our surroundings. I remained very calm and spoke to her softly trying to calm her. She didn’t say anything for a while. By then, I think she recognized me as a familiar face but not as her husband. She was confused but not frightened. I was very close to her, and she didn’t push me away.

She asked, “Who are you?” I said, “I am your husband.” She seemed puzzled but didn’t act like I was wrong. Seeing her confusion, I said, “We are in a hotel in Nashville.” She said, “What are we doing here?” I explained that we were here to catch a plane to Lubbock to be with our son for Thanksgiving. She said, “Who is that?” I told her and also told her about our having a daughter. She said, “What’s wrong with me?” I told her that I thought she might have had a dream and woke up a little confused. I said, “You are all right. Let’s just relax right now. I’ll take care of you.”

I picked up my phone from the bedside table and played “Send in the Clowns.” She reacted immediately and said, “That’s beautiful.” When it ended, I asked if she would like to hear it again. She said, “Oh, yes.” After that, I played an album by the Susquehanna Chorale. It contains some of her other favorites like “Shenandoah,” “Danny Boy,” and “Deep River.” I followed that with two other albums. As the music played, she went back to sleep. She had been awake for an hour.

She woke up a couple of times after 7:30. Then she got up at 8:00 and went to the bathroom. She is awake now but in bed. She seems to be doing fine. Her music had run out, so I put on another album she likes. She said, “Where did I get you?” I said, “At TCU. That’s where we got each other.” She said, “That fits.” She seems to be fine now.

For me, the good news is not just that she is relaxed but that she is up early enough that we will have no trouble getting to the airport in plenty of time and get a bite to eat before the plane leaves at 1:00.

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Travel

This is Thanksgiving week, and we leave tomorrow to spend the holiday with our son Kevin and his family. As you would expect, Kate and I are approaching this trip in very different ways. This is very likely her last trip to her home state of Texas. I have been thinking about this trip for months. Her feelings for Texas are actually stronger now than they were when she was younger, but one of the things that disappeared with her memory is the ability to anticipate the future. I have been telling her for weeks that we are going to be in Lubbock for Thanksgiving. I’ve heard that the estimated length of time that a person at this stage of dementia can remember is a matter of seconds. As a result, she has no idea that we are going. She will enjoy the visit with family and being in Texas “in the moment” as she does with all her experiences.

There is usually a bit of sadness associated with “last-time” experiences. I think immediately of the time when a child leaves for college or gets married. Parents know that their lives will be changed forever. The sadness brought on by those experiences is partially offset by the pleasure we derive from watching our children take their place in the world as adults. That is very different from the anticipated loss of someone who is approaching the end of life. I derive much pleasure from my recall of our lives together. I believe we have made the most of our time, not only since Kate’s diagnosis but from the beginning of our courtship. We will continue to enjoy life together as long as we are able. I have to say, however, I cannot escape the sadness of these last experiences. I believe that is as it should be.

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Adapting to Change

None of us escapes change. It’s all around us. For those of us living with Alzheimer’s it’s the same. The difference is the source of those changes. In our case, it’s the plaque and tangles that keep growing inside the brain. We’ve learned to expect some changes. Others are unexpected. Regardless, we adapt.

Our weekend trip to Nashville causes me to reflect on a minor change that I experienced in connection with travel. By itself, it is really unimportant, but it is illustrative of the required adjustments that we continually face. It relates to my personal morning routine.

I have always gotten up earlier than Kate. I also like to eat breakfast shortly afterwards. It had been my custom to get up, shave, dress, and go to breakfast while she slept. I have followed this same routine when we are traveling. In the rare event that she woke up before my return (I’m not aware that it ever happened), she understood where I was and didn’t worry. I felt there was no reason to hurry, so I left with my computer or iPad and took my time getting back to the room. Later on, I began to be concerned that she wouldn’t remember where I was. I started leaving a sign that said I was at breakfast and would be back soon. In addition, I took the words “back soon” seriously and didn’t stay any longer than necessary to eat breakfast. I ate quickly and went back to the room. When we are in Lubbock we stay in a Residence Inn where they have a buffet. I request a room on the first floor so that I can get to breakfast and back easily and also take something for Kate. That has worked well for quite a while.

Saturday night in Nashville we stayed in a Marriott and were on the fourth floor. My concern about leaving her has increased significantly during the past few months. Before making the trip, I decided that I would request room service so that I didn’t have to leave her at all. For me, that represents quite a change. Eating breakfast in the semi-darkness of a hotel room is not my idea of the best way to enjoy breakfast. The only other time I recall ordering room service was in 1976 when our family was in Medellin, Colombia. Our children were 7 and 5 at the time, and I am sure that was motivated by convenience.

As I look ahead, I believe our travel is coming to an end. We do have a trip scheduled for Thanksgiving with our son and his family. In that case, our room is likely to be on the first floor again. That should enable me to slip to the buffet and bring breakfast back to the room.

This is hardly the most serious problem involved in our travel. lf it were, I would happily go without breakfast at all (if necessary, of course <g>). The most serious issue is losing her. That has happened several times. Another is getting through airports. Going through security is more challenging. Use of restrooms is another. Regardless of how serious the potential problem, each one requires changes from the way we used to do things.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, much in life is changing, and all of us are adapting. There is a significant difference in caring for someone with dementia, and I am reminded of the words of the serenity prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” As caregivers, we cannot change many of the things we face. That leaves us only one option. We must do the changing ourselves. Those for whom we care cannot.

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Thoughts on Travel

In connection with our weekend trip to North Carolina, I have communicated with two friends who have asked essentially the same questions. “Considering the benefits of our trip and the challenges presented by it, was it worth it? And what are the implications for our plans to spend Thanksgiving with our son and his family in Texas?” The first is the easier one to answer. I was glad to have made the NC trip. That could very easily have been the last one we will make there together. It was a very good experience for me. It was definitely a disappointment that nothing we did enabled Kate to appreciate the past in the way that I could. My expectations were not high, but I did hope that she would express more glimmers of recognition. Ironically, the only things she said she remembered were two things we had never seen before, both places where our friends live. I can’t be sure and can’t explain it, but I believe that on some level she recognized Dot, Reggie, and Evelyn. She certainly gave every sign of recognition, but I know from past experience that she can easily do that without recognizing who she is with.

The more difficult question is whether or not I believe we can make the trip to Texas for Thanksgiving. That is complicated by the unknowns concerning Kate’s situation at the time. If we were traveling today, I would go. I also feel this trip is an important one to make as I believe it will be her last visit to Texas and our son’s family. With that in mind, I bought our airline tickets yesterday. That should clearly express my intent to make the trip.

As you have no doubt picked up, Kate is declining more noticeably now. Thanksgiving is 8 weeks from tomorrow. I have no way of predicting what she will be like at that time. I intend to approach everything we do one day at a time. So far that has worked for us. We have often been able to do things much longer than I thought possible. This time I am not predicting what will happen. I will be ready if we can make it. If not, we will make other arrangements for Thanksgiving and be thankful for all the good times we have had and others that are sure to follow.