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The Day After Thanksgiving

We had a good day yesterday. I can’t ever be sure exactly why some days are better than others. I believe that yesterday’s schedule was at least partially responsible. It was a day that was broken into several different segments. That is more typical of our daily routine when we are at home. It seems to be hard for Kate to do the same thing for an extended period of time. That is why we are rarely at home, Panera, or Barnes & Noble longer than two hours.

Kate was up earlier yesterday. They were still serving breakfast when we got to the dining room. They close at 10:00. We had our iPads with us and spent about an hour there before she felt tired. That is typical when she gets up earlier than usual. We came back to the room where she lay down on the sofa and napped another hour. Around the noon hour, Kevin and his family picked us up for lunch at a restaurant downtown. We followed that with a walk around the area and visited an historical site.

I was especially pleased that Kate was able to get in a little walk. Her life is very sedentary. She refuses to walk around the neighborhood or at a gym. She only walks to get from one place to another, and those are short trips. As a consequence, it is becoming more difficult for her to walk or even to get up from a seated position. She can do it herself, but she often wants to take my hand. Frequently, I put my hand under her arm and help lift her out of the car. Most of the time, she is quite accepting of that help. Other times, she refuses, saying she can do it herself.

One of the other challenges of walking involves her eyesight. I suspect it is her cataracts that present a problem. She is very sensitive to light and dark portions of the pavement as well as painted lines on the street or small pebbles in pavement of sidewalks. When we leave Panera at home, we sometimes exit by a side door that leads to wheel chair access to and from the parking lot. Although I tell her she does not need to step up or down, she is very cautious. When walking with a group as we were yesterday, it can be a challenge for others to walk as slowly as she does. Just walking across a street can take a while. As family, they were all understanding.

Kevin dropped us off at the hotel around 4:00. We had had a nice leisurely outing. Kate enjoyed herself although I would say that she was not as enthusiastic as she was six months ago when we were here. On the whole, her emotions are expressed with much less enthusiasm than in the past.

Kate and I relaxed in our hotel room for an hour and a half before we left to meet Kevin and his family for dinner at one of our favorite hamburger places. We had a good time and enjoyed our burgers. Knowing that Kate loves French fries, I got her a side order. I quickly noticed that she went for the fries before the burger. They were gone before she got down to the burger patty. I think I have mentioned before that she usually eats sandwiches including burgers in pieces. I haven’t identified a consistent pattern, but she normally takes off the top slice of bread or bun and puts it aside. Then with her hand, she picks off the individual ingredients (in this case, pickles and tomato) and eats them. I didn’t notice as she was eating but I believe the top of the bun was gone when I noticed she had eaten all the fries and had gotten down to the shredded lettuce and the patty. By then, the rest of us had finished eating. It took another ten or fifteen minutes for her to be ready.

As we walked back to our car, Kate was very cautious as we walked across the parking lot. It was lighted, but there were lots of shadows. She was concerned about possible uneven surfaces. I have heard that people with dementia often perceive patches of black to be holes and that a way to prevent walking away from home is to put a black mat in front of the doors leading to the outside. I’m not sure of the validity of this, but I wondered about that as we walked to the car. The position of the lights focused light on the front end of the cars where we had parked. This cast long shadows at the rear end of each car. I was holding Kate’s hand. As I turned to walk more directly to our car, we were about to walk into the shadow of the car next to us. Kate stopped. She looked at the shadow as if if it were a chasm. I told her it was all right, just a shadow of the car. She didn’t accept that. She pulled my hand and walked around the shadow rather than through it. Then I wondered how she would react when she noticed the shadow of our car. She ignored it completely. We walked right through it to the passenger side of the car.

She was in one of her appreciative moods as we drove back to the hotel. She thanked me for everything I do for her. This is not something that occurs everyday, but she expresses her appreciation often enough that I know she recognizes much that I do for her and is genuinely appreciative. That helps to keep me going. I know that some caregivers don’t hear such expressions as often.

Christmas music was playing in the lobby when we got back to the hotel. Kate said, “I love that.” That led me to turn on some Christmas music I have on my phone when we got to our room. We listened for an hour and a half while she worked on her iPad and I watched the Oklahoma/West Virginia football game with the sound turned down.

After a while, Kate lay down on the sofa and rested while listening to the music. I suggested that it was time for bed. She agreed but made no effort to get up. I finally got her up. In the process of getting her dressed for bed, she got irritated with me for pushing her. After we were in bed, she apologized and said, “You have to put up with so much from me.” She still seems quite perceptive in ways like this. I would love to know exactly what she notices and what she doesn’t.

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Thanksgiving Day

We had a nice day. It was a little different from past visits. For the second day in a row, I had to wash clothes before leaving the hotel. I am sure this is one of the things that discourages many caregivers from traveling with their loved ones. During the morning, we remained at the hotel until time to get to Kevin’s for the Thanksgiving meal. Kate was especially relaxed. After being awake around 6:30, she went back to sleep and didn’t get up until I woke her around 10:30. We were here last in May. That was just before Kate’s sleeping became more erratic. Since then it has been difficult to plan things before noon or 1:00. I stayed in touch with Kevin concerning our progress in getting ready, and we arrived at his house pretty much on time.

We got off to a good start. Kate seemed very much herself and greeted our son and his family as she always has. Rachel’s parents, Lila and Jerry Livingston were also with us. I know Kate could not remember them, but she carried off the initial moments quite well. It wasn’t until we were eating that she seemed to work hard to be a part of the conversation. It’s hard for me to explain, but she didn’t seem like herself. She was like a child seeking attention. At one point, she made several impolite remarks to Lila, and even suggested that Lila might be lying. The rest of us were silent. No one knew quite what to say. The fortunate thing is that everyone is aware of Kate’s Alzheimer’s and has been around Kate long before the diagnosis. I feel sure they understood this wasn’t Kate speaking. It was the Alzheimer’s. It was similar to the way she was in a conversation at Barnes & Noble a week or two ago. I hope this doesn’t become a habit. If it does, I may have to create some small cards explaining that she has Alzheimer’s. I could slip them to people we encounter in public situations.

The experience also reminded me of a book written by Martin Schreiber, My Two Elaines. His choice for a title emphasized the personality differences between his wife before and after her Alzheimer’s. Until recently, I hadn’t experienced anything like this with Kate. As with so many things, I wonder what lies ahead.

Following lunch, we turned on the Cowboys/Redskins ball game. For twenty or thirty minutes, Kate looked through a photo book of Kevin’s family trip to several national parks in the West. Brian, Kevin’s son, explained what she was seeing. She went through the entire book and enjoyed it. After that, she withdrew from the group. She rested in her chair with her eyes closed for a long time. I doubt that she was asleep but may have dosed periodically. After a while, I went out to the car and got her iPad and brought it to her. She is usually quick to accept it and work on it for a long period of time. That wasn’t so yesterday. She simply kept it beside her.

Coincidentally, I was involved in a short Twitter exchange this week that involved the challenges of being in groups for people with dementia. I commented that Kate does best with just one other couple and even better one-on-one. Yesterday’s experience adds to all the other changes I have noticed over the past few months. It even makes me a bit more cautious about our plans to be with Jesse and her family for Christmas.

After eating some of the leftover turkey and brisket, we came back to the hotel. Kate quickly got into her puzzles on the iPad. I checked email, Twitter, and started my draft of this post. I tried to find the last of the football game on our TV but stopped on the Discovery Channel instead. We both enjoyed the featured program on animal behavior.

Kate seemed to be herself. She was tired and got to bed a little earlier than the past few nights. She is still sleeping now at 7:50. I think we will take it easy this morning. I’ll be in touch with Kevin about possibilities for lunch and the afternoon.

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Smooth Traveling Yesterday

As I suggested in my previous post, Kate was ready early yesterday. We were able to get to the airport with time to spare. I do notice, however, that traveling with her is a much bigger responsibility than it was just six months ago. She moves much slower and gets very confused. Fortunately, she depends on me for guidance, but I find that I am not at ease. I have to watch her at all times. I feel like I am on “high alert.” Going through security did not cause any major problems, but she doesn’t understand what to do. That adds a little extra stress as I seek to comply with all the security requirements for each of us.

Kate worked puzzles on her iPad the entire flight. Since I was seated beside her, I had the opportunity to watch her more than I normally do. I have said before that she seems to pay no attention to either the shapes or the color of the pieces as she seeks to put them in their proper places. It seemed like she was simply randomly getting them into the right spots. Now, I don’t believe that is true. She does seem to pay attention to the shapes of the pieces. I still believe, however, that she doesn’t notice how the colors on a piece might match a particular configuration of colors on the puzzle. The app she uses shows her how long it takes her from start to finish. It looks like she takes from five to ten minutes to do each sixteen-piece puzzle. It also looks like her ability to work a puzzle comes and goes as she is working. One moment she seems to be fine. The next she is stumped.

We had dinner with Kevin and his family and had a good time. It was difficult for Kate to follow the conversation at our end of the table. She responded by being quiet.

When we got back to our hotel, she was in a very appreciative mood. Several times she thanked me for “all that you do.” At least two times, she said, “Thank you for all you do for us, especially what you do for the women.” I decided not to ask who she meant by “us” and “the women.”

After my shower, I went into the living room area where Kate was working on her iPad. She said, “I want to thank you for being my friend.” I said, “I am glad to be your friend. I love you, and I think you love me.” She began to get teary and said, “I think I do.” I usually say something about being her husband but decided to let it go this time. She also said, “Not everyone likes me.” I said, “I can’t imagine anyone’s not liking you.” She said, “We’ll see.”

When I got up this morning, I heard her chuckle. I saw that her eyes were open. I walked over and kissed her on her forehead. She smiled but didn’t say anything. I had a sense that she recognized me either as her husband or her friend. She didn’t appear to be confused. She was still awake when I was ready for breakfast. I told her we are at the Residence Inn in Lubbock and that I was going to get some breakfast and bring it back to the room.

We have stayed here quite a few years. In recent years, I’ve requested a room on the first floor. That is so that I won’t be far away when I leave her for breakfast. More recently, I have brought my breakfast back to the room. That way I am gone only a few minutes. If for any reason she would leave the room, I would see her. This is just one tiny thing to which I must be attentive when we travel. I also have to be prepared to wash clothes. In fact, I did that yesterday morning before leaving Nashville.

She was asleep when I returned to the room and is still sleeping. There is no reason to rush this morning. We will try to get to Kevin’s house between 11:00 and 12:00. I’m looking forward to a Happy Thanksgiving and wishing the same for you and your family.

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An Uneasy Start

We are currently in a Residence Inn in Nashville. We drove from Knoxville yesterday afternoon before flying out to Lubbock this afternoon. We can catch a direct flight from here. Coming up the day before is much easier on Kate. We had an unusually good dinner last night. It was a special time for us, almost like it was before Alzheimer’s.

Knowing that it can be hard for Kate to get up in the morning, I had her take a shower last night. That was to help us get away by 10:15 or so. We both slept well, that is, until just before 5:30 when she hit me and tried to get me to move away from her. I think I must have bumped her, and she didn’t recognize me or our surroundings. I remained very calm and spoke to her softly trying to calm her. She didn’t say anything for a while. By then, I think she recognized me as a familiar face but not as her husband. She was confused but not frightened. I was very close to her, and she didn’t push me away.

She asked, “Who are you?” I said, “I am your husband.” She seemed puzzled but didn’t act like I was wrong. Seeing her confusion, I said, “We are in a hotel in Nashville.” She said, “What are we doing here?” I explained that we were here to catch a plane to Lubbock to be with our son for Thanksgiving. She said, “Who is that?” I told her and also told her about our having a daughter. She said, “What’s wrong with me?” I told her that I thought she might have had a dream and woke up a little confused. I said, “You are all right. Let’s just relax right now. I’ll take care of you.”

I picked up my phone from the bedside table and played “Send in the Clowns.” She reacted immediately and said, “That’s beautiful.” When it ended, I asked if she would like to hear it again. She said, “Oh, yes.” After that, I played an album by the Susquehanna Chorale. It contains some of her other favorites like “Shenandoah,” “Danny Boy,” and “Deep River.” I followed that with two other albums. As the music played, she went back to sleep. She had been awake for an hour.

She woke up a couple of times after 7:30. Then she got up at 8:00 and went to the bathroom. She is awake now but in bed. She seems to be doing fine. Her music had run out, so I put on another album she likes. She said, “Where did I get you?” I said, “At TCU. That’s where we got each other.” She said, “That fits.” She seems to be fine now.

For me, the good news is not just that she is relaxed but that she is up early enough that we will have no trouble getting to the airport in plenty of time and get a bite to eat before the plane leaves at 1:00.

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Travel

This is Thanksgiving week, and we leave tomorrow to spend the holiday with our son Kevin and his family. As you would expect, Kate and I are approaching this trip in very different ways. This is very likely her last trip to her home state of Texas. I have been thinking about this trip for months. Her feelings for Texas are actually stronger now than they were when she was younger, but one of the things that disappeared with her memory is the ability to anticipate the future. I have been telling her for weeks that we are going to be in Lubbock for Thanksgiving. I’ve heard that the estimated length of time that a person at this stage of dementia can remember is a matter of seconds. As a result, she has no idea that we are going. She will enjoy the visit with family and being in Texas “in the moment” as she does with all her experiences.

There is usually a bit of sadness associated with “last-time” experiences. I think immediately of the time when a child leaves for college or gets married. Parents know that their lives will be changed forever. The sadness brought on by those experiences is partially offset by the pleasure we derive from watching our children take their place in the world as adults. That is very different from the anticipated loss of someone who is approaching the end of life. I derive much pleasure from my recall of our lives together. I believe we have made the most of our time, not only since Kate’s diagnosis but from the beginning of our courtship. We will continue to enjoy life together as long as we are able. I have to say, however, I cannot escape the sadness of these last experiences. I believe that is as it should be.

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Adapting to Change

None of us escapes change. It’s all around us. For those of us living with Alzheimer’s it’s the same. The difference is the source of those changes. In our case, it’s the plaque and tangles that keep growing inside the brain. We’ve learned to expect some changes. Others are unexpected. Regardless, we adapt.

Our weekend trip to Nashville causes me to reflect on a minor change that I experienced in connection with travel. By itself, it is really unimportant, but it is illustrative of the required adjustments that we continually face. It relates to my personal morning routine.

I have always gotten up earlier than Kate. I also like to eat breakfast shortly afterwards. It had been my custom to get up, shave, dress, and go to breakfast while she slept. I have followed this same routine when we are traveling. In the rare event that she woke up before my return (I’m not aware that it ever happened), she understood where I was and didn’t worry. I felt there was no reason to hurry, so I left with my computer or iPad and took my time getting back to the room. Later on, I began to be concerned that she wouldn’t remember where I was. I started leaving a sign that said I was at breakfast and would be back soon. In addition, I took the words “back soon” seriously and didn’t stay any longer than necessary to eat breakfast. I ate quickly and went back to the room. When we are in Lubbock we stay in a Residence Inn where they have a buffet. I request a room on the first floor so that I can get to breakfast and back easily and also take something for Kate. That has worked well for quite a while.

Saturday night in Nashville we stayed in a Marriott and were on the fourth floor. My concern about leaving her has increased significantly during the past few months. Before making the trip, I decided that I would request room service so that I didn’t have to leave her at all. For me, that represents quite a change. Eating breakfast in the semi-darkness of a hotel room is not my idea of the best way to enjoy breakfast. The only other time I recall ordering room service was in 1976 when our family was in Medellin, Colombia. Our children were 7 and 5 at the time, and I am sure that was motivated by convenience.

As I look ahead, I believe our travel is coming to an end. We do have a trip scheduled for Thanksgiving with our son and his family. In that case, our room is likely to be on the first floor again. That should enable me to slip to the buffet and bring breakfast back to the room.

This is hardly the most serious problem involved in our travel. lf it were, I would happily go without breakfast at all (if necessary, of course <g>). The most serious issue is losing her. That has happened several times. Another is getting through airports. Going through security is more challenging. Use of restrooms is another. Regardless of how serious the potential problem, each one requires changes from the way we used to do things.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, much in life is changing, and all of us are adapting. There is a significant difference in caring for someone with dementia, and I am reminded of the words of the serenity prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” As caregivers, we cannot change many of the things we face. That leaves us only one option. We must do the changing ourselves. Those for whom we care cannot.

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Thoughts on Travel

In connection with our weekend trip to North Carolina, I have communicated with two friends who have asked essentially the same questions. “Considering the benefits of our trip and the challenges presented by it, was it worth it? And what are the implications for our plans to spend Thanksgiving with our son and his family in Texas?” The first is the easier one to answer. I was glad to have made the NC trip. That could very easily have been the last one we will make there together. It was a very good experience for me. It was definitely a disappointment that nothing we did enabled Kate to appreciate the past in the way that I could. My expectations were not high, but I did hope that she would express more glimmers of recognition. Ironically, the only things she said she remembered were two things we had never seen before, both places where our friends live. I can’t be sure and can’t explain it, but I believe that on some level she recognized Dot, Reggie, and Evelyn. She certainly gave every sign of recognition, but I know from past experience that she can easily do that without recognizing who she is with.

The more difficult question is whether or not I believe we can make the trip to Texas for Thanksgiving. That is complicated by the unknowns concerning Kate’s situation at the time. If we were traveling today, I would go. I also feel this trip is an important one to make as I believe it will be her last visit to Texas and our son’s family. With that in mind, I bought our airline tickets yesterday. That should clearly express my intent to make the trip.

As you have no doubt picked up, Kate is declining more noticeably now. Thanksgiving is 8 weeks from tomorrow. I have no way of predicting what she will be like at that time. I intend to approach everything we do one day at a time. So far that has worked for us. We have often been able to do things much longer than I thought possible. This time I am not predicting what will happen. I will be ready if we can make it. If not, we will make other arrangements for Thanksgiving and be thankful for all the good times we have had and others that are sure to follow.

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A Trip Forgotten

Yesterday morning, Kate was worn out from the weekend trip to Raleigh and Chapel Hill. I finally woke her at almost 11:00 so that we could get bite to eat and take a quick look at several places in Chapel Hill that I hoped would bring back memories for both of us. It worked for me but not for Kate. Her memories of people and places come and go. They have been going more lately. That was the case for Chapel Hill. I had looked forward to rekindling the feelings of the past, but it was not to be. I don’t mean that she didn’t enjoy the experiences we had. That would be especially for our time with the Stones and Evelyn Schmidt. The problem was that she was never able to remember our connections to these friends nor this part of the country where we spent three years early in our marriage.

It was, however, very important to me. I remember our time there when we were much younger, and I remember this past weekend. Yesterday, Kate didn’t even remember that we had been there over the weekend. As she continues her decline, I find myself more frequently reflecting on our past but also trying to keep in mind that we are still creating new memories. I know that I will reflect on them in the years ahead.

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Our Visit With Another Longtime Friend

We got in another good visit with the Stones yesterday at lunch. Dot had an obligation at church and joined us a little later. That gave Reggie and me and chance to catch up on a number of old friends and colleagues from our graduate school days. Although he has had a number of TIAs, I was impressed with his memory. In most cases, I thought his long-term memory for those days was better than my own.

Before meeting them, Kate repeatedly asked me their names and tried to remember them. It was impossible. Once again, she handled herself well. At one point after Dot had joined us, she said something about Dot’s manner or personality that was very complimentary. It was a reminder that although her memory is virtually gone, she is still able to perceive certain qualities in people. I wish I could remember exactly what she said. It may have been something about Dot’s smile that she felt conveyed a warmth that Kate liked. I have noticed that she often comments when she sees smiles that appeal to her. That is especially true with photos. It may also be a reminder of how important a smile can be for anyone in social encounters.

We (I) left the Stones on a high note. It had been wonderful seeing them again. I was glad we had made the trip. For Kate, the experience was different. She did not express her feelings, but I could tell she got along well during our time with them, but that her memory of them was gone right after we left them. Even while we were together, she couldn’t remember their names. When Reggie got up from the table to go out front to meet Dot, she said, “Who is he?” At no time did she remember that we were in Raleigh. That should not surprise me. She doesn’t remember when we are in Knoxville. It is interesting that wherever we are she tends to think we are in Fort Worth, her hometown. That connection is still alive.

After lunch, we drove over to Chapel Hill where Kate’s longtime friend, Evelyn Schmidt, had recently moved into Carol Woods, a continuing care community. We have always loved Chapel Hill. I was disappointed that Kate’s memory of the place is fading. Before coming last week, she spoke fondly of the town. Yesterday, she couldn’t remember it at all or why we were coming here.

Evelyn gave us a tour of her new home. It is set in the middle of a beautiful, wooded area. Of course, that is easy to do. One of the things we always liked about Chapel Hill is the trees. It is a deeply forested community. I loved seeing Kate’s reaction to Evelyn’s new residence. I mean the setting of the place, not the apartment itself. As we walked from place to place, she would wander away to the windows that open on to such scenic beauty. Her aesthetic senses were working on over time.

As we walked around, we met several of Evelyn’s friends who also live there. Interestingly, one of them received his undergraduate degree from TCU just a few months before I was a freshman there. He and Evelyn’s husband, were colleagues in the English department at UNC. Although Kate enjoys social encounters like this, her attention was still focused on the beauty around her. I’m not even sure she realized that he had been at TCU. If she had, she would have responded with more interest.

When our tour was completed, we went to dinner at a small French restaurant where we had a good meal and enjoyed conversation with Evelyn. Afterwards, we went back to Evelyn’s apartment that is still stacked with cardboard boxes from her move. We looked at some of her wedding pictures as we had done with Dot and Reggie. We had also attended Evelyn’s wedding. That was over 40 years ago. It was Jewish wedding, and I reminded Evelyn the impression that the stomping of the wine glass during the ceremony had made on our son. After that, he said he wanted to be Jewish so that he could break the glass.

We came back to our hotel, and Kate crashed immediately. She got up once about 1:30 this morning but is still sleeping soundly right now at 10:30. I’ll wake her shortly so that we can hit the road for Knoxville. I’d like to be back home for dinner.

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A Short Trip to Visit Long-Time Friends

Friday, we drove to Raleigh to visit with our friends, Dot and Reggie Stone. The trip seemed like a long one. Of course, it was compared to our typical trip to Nashville. We ran into a good bit of construction. It took us almost an hour longer than usual, but it didn’t seem to bother Kate. She was quite relaxed. I should add that she is usually peaceful in a car. That is one of the reasons I started our Saturday and Sunday lunches at restaurants that are 20-25 minutes from our house. I’m not sure how much she slept, but her eyes were closed most of the way to Raleigh. She talked very little.

I am trying to be especially sensitive to her response to this trip. In some ways, it is a test of our ability to make our planned trip to Texas for Thanksgiving with our son, Kevin, and his family. The other day he asked me if I thought we would be able to make it. I told him I would know more when we get back home Monday night.

I can see already that there is an extra amount of confusion that occurs when we travel. If she gets the least bit confused knowing where to go in our own home, you can imagine what it is like when we are in strange places. Nothing is the same. Not even the Paneras. <G> Yesterday morning I saw a tweet that indicated the length of short-term memory for someone well into dementia is 3 seconds. That’s a pretty good estimate for Kate, sometimes even less. This confusion means that she is asking “Where are we?” much more than at home.

Yesterday, we spent a good bit of time with Dot and Reggie. I prepared them for the fact that Kate often sleeps late and that I needed to be flexible regarding our meeting time. I was quite surprised when I got back to the room after breakfast to find that she was up and preparing for her shower. That was about 8:30. As I have done in the past, I made a sign telling her that we were in the Residence Inn in Raleigh, that I had gone to breakfast and would be “back soon.” This time it didn’t work. I put the sign right next to the clothes I had selected for her. I figured (incorrectly) that she would see the sign if she got up before my return. I was only gone about 20 minutes. When I asked if she had seen the sign, she said, “What sign?” I showed it to her. She had no recollection. I have no idea if she missed the sign or forgot that she had seen and read it. The good news is that she wasn’t worried that I was not there. Maybe the fact that she doesn’t see me when she gets up everyday has developed a comfort level. I don’t know. It’s another one of those things that is impossible to know. She can’t tell me how she felt, and I can’t get inside her brain to see for myself.

Because she was up early, we had a little time before meeting the Stones shortly for lunch after 11:30, so we stopped at a nearby Panera (of course). Between the time we left the hotel and the time we met Dot and Reggie, Kate continually asked me to tell her their names. I would tell her. She would try to repeat them. Then I would tell her again and so on. At one point, she got confused and thought we were also meeting our children, so she also asked their names. When I told her we wouldn’t see Kevin and Jesse, she was relieved. She seemed nervous enough about getting together with the Stones that adding the children seemed overwhelming. In situations like this, I almost always tell her that it isn’t important for her to remember the names, but she worries nonetheless.

It turned out we all had a good time and enjoyed good meals with a terrific tiramisu for dessert. It had been years since we had been together, but we picked up right where we left off.. It would be no surprise to people who know us that Dot and I talked more than Kate and Reggie, but I was pleased they contributed their part to the conversation as well.

After lunch, we went back to Dot and Reggie’s place. They have lived in a continuing care community for five years. I was interested in hearing about their decision, the move, and overall how they felt about being there. They have a very nice two-bedroom apartment overlooking a beautiful stand of trees. Kate and I both admired the view from their living room and the adjoining balcony.

I had not planned on our staying too long, but Kate seemed to be getting along so well that we were there until about 4:00. That’s a long time for Kate to stay engaged. By the time, we left she was tired. It was a successful visit. In a brief conversation with Reggie after lunch and an exchange of text messages last night with Dot, it looks like the Stone’s impression was similar to my own. I thought Kate engaged her social skills beautifully. I also think Dot did some things to bring Kate into the conversation. She showed us pictures from their wedding 25 years ago. It was interesting to see how young we all looked at that time. Kate was particularly drawn to pictures of their granddaughter. As I have mentioned before, she loves children, and the granddaughter is adorable. That’s a winning combination.

We came back to the room for little over an hour before going to dinner. We didn’t need much after our lunch, but that didn’t make any difference in our eating last night. Once again, we topped off the meal with a dessert. This time it was Key lime cheesecake.

Today we will meet Reggie for lunch. Dot has an obligation at church and will join us a little later. Then we’ll go to visit another friend whom Kate has known since our undergraduate days at TCU. We’ll have dinner with her this evening and return to Knoxville tomorrow.