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Our 52nd Anniversary

We are on our summer schedule at church. That means a combined adult Sunday school class at 9:00 and worship at 10:15. One of Kate’s favorite pastors is teaching the combined class. Kate had wanted to go last week, but she didn’t get ready until it was too late. Last night I asked Kate if she wanted to go this morning. She said she did. I got up about 30 minutes before her. She came into the kitchen while I was eating my breakfast. I wished her a happy anniversary. She gave a look that indicated that she had forgotten.

We hugged, and I asked her once again if she would like to go to go to Sunday school. She confirmed that she did. She asked me how much time she had before leaving. I told her about an hour and a half. In a short time she came into the kitchen again. She was groggy. I walked over to her and gave her a hug, and said, “Happy Anniversary.” She said, “Oh, it’s our anniversary?” and hugged back.

I went out for a walk 15-30 minutes later. When I returned, she was resting on the bed. I asked if she still wanted to go. She said she did. I went into the kitchen to check my email. A little while later, I went to our bedroom to check on her. She was resting. I asked if she wouldn’t rather skip Sunday school and just go to church. She said yes.

I left her again while I watched a video of a Rotary meeting I had missed while we were in Switzerland. About 40 minutes before our church service was to start, I went back to the bedroom and found that she was asleep. I decided to let her sleep. About 20 minutes ago, I checked again and found her in bed working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. I asked if she were hungry. She said yes, and I said, “Well, let’s get ready for lunch.” She said OK. I can’t be absolutely sure, but I am sure she doesn’t remember that we were going to church.

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Downward Spiral

I am feeling like Kate is in the midst of a more serious downward spiral than she has experienced before. Her short-term memory is becoming weaker and weaker. The biggest issue with this is time. She seems not to have any sense of time. I am trying not to push her to get ready for things like our Y breakfast this morning. I do my best not to push her, but it is never easy.

Yesterday at 11:55, I got her to come in from outside so that we could get a bite to eat and go to a 12:50 movie. There was also a 3:45. I gave her the option of going to the later showing, but she chose the earlier one. At 12:35 I went back to check on her. She had just gotten out of the shower and was not dressed. She sternly told me not to say anything. I didn’t and decided to wait until she was ready.

Finally, at 2:00 (an hour and ten minutes past the start time for the movie) I went to check on her. I found her on the bed in the large guest room. I asked if she were getting hungry. She said, “yes.” She got up slowly, and we went to Panera. While there, I told her the movie would start at 3:45 which gave us time to go back home for a while. She never realized that she had forgotten about the 12:50 movie. In this case that was just fine. In other situations, we don’t have other options. For example, going to the symphony, Sunday school, a theater production, etc.

I have mentioned previously that I am only now seeing how important short-term memory is to daily functioning. This seems like the kind of behavior that we commonly associate with someone with dementia. I must admit that this scares me a bit.

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Recognition of Short-term Memory Problem

Yesterday as we were walking to our car from church, we stopped to talk with a couple. When we had finished, Kate asked me who they were. I told her their first names. Before I could say the last name, she said their last name. Then she said, “My memory is shot.” She clearly recognizes what is happening. I hate for her to suffer in this way, but I think it will be even worse for me when she is not aware.

At 6:00 last night, I went out to let her know it was time to come in so that we could go to dinner. She got up (she was on the ground) right away and started to follow me back to the house. I went inside. After 15 minutes, I hadn’t heard her come in; so I went outside and saw that she was working in a flower bed in the back of the house. It turns out that she hadn’t remembered that she was coming inside to go to dinner.

She came in and took a shower. In a little while she walked into the family room dressed for bed. I asked if she had changed her mind about our going out to dinner. It turns out that she hadn’t remembered that. She changed, and we went out to eat.

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Saturday

Last night while we were having dinner, Kate said, “You know, my memory is getting worse.” I told her I had observed that and noticed that she had seemed a little discouraged. I also told her that she had gotten along so well and that we were still able to enjoy so many things. She agreed. She also commented that although her friend, Ellen,  knows, “no one else would know.” She went on to say that she still was not ready to tell the children. She also said she would know when it was time and that she would let me know ahead of time.

I found this especially interesting in light of this week’s experience in which she accepted without any suspicion my awareness of her PEO meeting and plans for her to meet her PEO sisters for the trip to Sevierville. Clearly this lack of suspicion is a direct result of the progression of the disease.

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It’’s Hard to Remember

Yesterday as we drove away from the restaurant where we had lunch with TCU friend, Kate said, “”Tell me his name again?” I told her. In a few minutes she asked again. Then she practiced it again as she has done with other names.

Later, but still on the way home, she said, “”Polly Jones.” I corrected her telling her that the name of the person whom she was trying to remember, our next door neighbor. She was disappointed that she had slipped up. I told her that there was a good reason that she got mixed up, that she had originally learned it incorrectly as Polly; so it was hard to get that out of her mind.

This morning as I was preparing my breakfast, she called me. I went back to the bedroom. She asked me if I would get the Today Show on the TV. I did so. She looked very discouraged. She hasn’t said a word, but I know that she recognizes her deterioration though the TV is something she has had problems with off and on for at least a year or more.

It is very clear to me that she is getting worse. I also find myself getting more anxious.

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A Moment of Realization

Although I have made it clear that Kate’s short term memory continues to decline, and I am looking at 2015 as a turning point to a more serious stage of Kate’s AD; sometimes there are moments that shake you just a little. Such a moment occurred yesterday afternoon.

Following our lunch, we were in Belk’s when I received a call from Ellen that she was locked out of her car and needed to get to a 3:00 pm appointment. I told her we would be there to pick her up and take her home to get a key. (First, I should say that Kate and I had gone to see Selma the day before. Because it covered events that were especially relevant for our generation, it had an impact on both of us. On the drive home, we talked about the movie and our memory of racism as we were growing up. Once home, Kate went to her computer and did some checking on the actual events as she often does after we have seen a movie.)

As we were driving to pick up Ellen, the radio was tuned to NPR. They did a segment in which they mentioned Selma. Then Kate said, “When are we going to see it?” I hesitated a moment, and she repeated her question. I told her we had seen it “yesterday.” She then hesitated a moment as though the significance of her memory lapse has startled her as well. Then she said, “Well, I remember my birthday luncheon” that had been the day before.

It is not unusual for Kate to forget things so quickly. This happens all the time, even during the same day or even after a few moments. The difference in this particular lapse was that the movie had had such an impact, we had talked about it, and she had explored the events on her computer after getting home. I took that as a signal that the AD is entering a more serious stage.

I want to add that after I had told her we had seen the movie, she thought about it a moment and then remembered that we had seen the movie. She specifically pointed out a number of things she had remembered correctly.

This morning before going to the kitchen to fix my breakfast, I reminded her that today would be a busy day for us. She asked what we were doing. I told her we would go to lunch and then to a memorial service for one of her PEO sisters at 1:00 and then go directly to a 90th birthday party for another mutual friend. Then tonight we are going to see Broadway Bound. Before going for my walk, I told her that our friends, the Robinsons, were not going to be able to attend the Live at The Met performance of The Merry Widow after all because the tickets were sold out. We had originally planned to go ourselves, but we have the memorial service and birthday party. While on my walk, I got a call from Kate saying that Ellen had called and invited us to go see The Merry Widow with her this afternoon. I told her we were going to the memorial service and to the birthday party. She simply didn’t remember. This kind of thing is happening all the time.

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Sometimes Hard to Know What to Believe

Kate and I got back from lunch at a short time ago. While we were there a funny thing happened. I made a comment about the paintings on the walls. I mentioned one in particular and said that I liked it. Kate said that she had told Ellen how much she liked it on a previous visit. That led to our walking around the restaurant to see the other paintings. Each of us commented on the ones we liked. When we got back to our table she looked at the one I had first indicated I liked. It was the one she said she had told Ellen she had liked. She indicated she did not like that one. I didn’t say anything. I just accepted this as it is a common occurrence. One moment she will say she likes or wants something. In the next moment she says something counter to the first comment. It can make it a challenge to know what to say or do. You have to be ready for change.

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Frustrating Experience

This morning I looked at my calendar and noticed that I had volunteered to call three members of church today to wish them Happy Birthday. Kate had three people, I think, to call on Monday. I had given her the cards with the calling information on them that morning. I had forgotten to follow up until now. When I got home from the Y and a stop by the office, I asked Kate if she had made the calls. She had forgotten. Then she got angry with herself. I felt bad for her. I should have remembered to remind her that afternoon. Now she is suffering for it. She asked that I remind her to make the calls later today.

I am wondering how this is going to work out. I had signed us up for the committee that makes these calls because I thought it might be something that she could do and enjoy. It may turn out that she doesn’t do them at all.

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An Example of Things

This morning I came from the office to take Kate to lunch before I went to a Rotary meeting. She was on her laptop in the bedroom as I walked in. She said, “”My dental appointment is.” . . “ Then she looked at her laptop calendar and said, “”September 23 at noon.” I didn’t say anything, but, of course, September 23 is long past. She had gotten an email reminder of her appointment a day or two before the 23rd. I realized we had a conflict on that day; so I called the dentist and rescheduled for January. Sometime thereafter she ran across the appointment listed on her September calendar and let me know that she had a dental appointment on September 23. I reminded her that we had changed the appointment and that it was past the 23rd. Sometime after we got home from our cruise (last week), she said that she had an appointment on the 23. I simply told her we had changed it until January. Today when she told me once again, I didn’t say anything. I felt it was better not to tell her it was almost November and that the appointment is now in January.

The funny thing about this is that she doesn’t seem to recall that we had made the change. The more typical thing that happens is that she asks me when something is and when I tell her, she says, “”I know. You told me that before.” Sometimes she says, “”I’ve asked you that 2 or 3 times.”

I still want to reinforce that despite these memory issues we can have a good times together. I believe our quality of life is quite good even though we are both making adjustments to her changing condition.

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Ups and Downs

Kate was down all through lunch. When we came home she immediately lay down in bed. I spent some time on email.

Prior to lunch I had looked for a movie and saw that The Flick was showing Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at 3:00. Kate said she would like to go. It seemed like it would be a good one for her. She loved it. When we were in the car on the way home, she said the movie had really lifted her spirits. It is a rather hokey 1950s movie. I enjoyed it as well from an historical standpoint. I was just pleased that it brought her out of her depression.

We had a couple of memory issues. We saw in the credits that Howard Keel and Jane Powell had starred in the movie. We commented that they were the only people we knew. In fact, Kate had said that the female lead looked like Jane Powell. As we were driving home, she was reading a brochure with information about the movie. She read that Jane Powell was in the movie. When I mentioned its being in the credits, she asked me what part she played. She had completely forgotten in that short time. Another incident occurred that has been common for most or all of the past 3-4 years. We past a pizzeria that I had not known before. When I pointed it out, she said, “Oh, I remember our passing that on the way to the movie.” We had not come that way going to the movie. She commonly says I have told her things that I haven’t told her.