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Success With the New Sitter

Last week I was very disappointed to learn that we were losing our Monday sitter. She had been my favorite. A couple of weeks ago, we had a new sitter, Cindy, when I had a luncheon to attend. She had an easy job since Kate was still in bed when I got home. She had been asleep the entire time I was gone. I did introduce her to Cindy before I left, but they had no chance to get acquainted.

Cindy got the assignment to sit with Kate yesterday while I went to Rotary and a United Way meeting. I was comfortable having her but was a little uneasy as I wondered how Kate might respond to someone she didn’t know. I decided it would be best to wake her early enough to get her dressed and ready for lunch. Then the two of them could go to lunch at Panera. That would give them a little time to get acquainted.

I didn’t say anything to Kate about my leaving or Cindy’s coming. I waited until she arrived. I met her at the door and walked her to the kitchen where Kate was taking her morning meds. I introduced Cindy to Kate and told Kate that Cindy had come by to see her a couple of weeks ago, but she was asleep. I went on to say that she was back and that they could go to lunch together. Kate received her just the way I would have wanted. She was happy that they could go to lunch.

Then I told her I was going. She said, “Why don’t you eat lunch with us?” I told her it was my day for Rotary. She gave me a slight frown and then turned to Cindy and said something like, “Well, we’ll just have good time ourselves.”

Before leaving, I set up the TV to watch YouTube videos of the Tabernacle Choir. When I returned home, they were watching intently. This is one of the few times that I have used the video cam to check on things while I was away. I checked between Rotary and my United Way meeting. They had apparently just gotten back from Panera and were starting the video. I checked again after my UW meeting. They were still watching.

When I got home they were both sitting in front of the TV. They had been well-entertained by the music, and I was feeling great that it had been a successful first visit with this sitter. Today I will confirm with the agency that she is to be our regular Monday sitter.

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Another Good Day

I guess I was so happy about our previous day that yesterday’s posts didn’t mention that Kate showed almost no signs of a cold. Wednesday was her best day in the past two weeks. I was relieved that we had avoided anything more serious. Yesterday she was even better.

It was the second day in a row that she got up early, took a shower, and went back to bed. This is a time when I could have let her stay in bed longer, but I wanted to have lunch with her before the sitter arrived. I was glad I did. We had a nice lunch and were back home in time for me to set up the TV in our bedroom with YouTube videos. I chose Andrea Bocelli. I also showed Mary how to search for other videos if they wanted something else. Kate said she wanted to rest a while and got in bed.

While I was at the Y, I checked the video cam several times. Each time they were still in the bedroom watching videos. The same was true when I returned home four hours later. Kate had been up a while and was fully engaged with the music. So was Mary.

Setting up the TV for YouTube or DVDs before I leave has become a regular thing now. That seems to have replaced their afternoon trip to Panera. I still mention the possibility of their going to Panera, but Kate isn’t responsive to that. Yesterday was an exception. She was excited about going but wanted to rest first. After resting, she only wanted to watch Bocelli.

Because my primary focus is on Kate, I don’t say much about other things I do while the sitter is here. Of course, I have my Monday Rotary meeting and my trip to the Y on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but I also meet my friend Mark Harrington every Friday afternoon at Starbucks. We hadn’t met the past two weeks because of Kate’s cold. In both cases, I had forgotten to let him know I wasn’t coming. That’s just one of the things I discover that I have slipped up on lately. I find more things slip through the cracks than they used to. I know some of that might have occurred just because of my age, but I feel sure that my responsibilities for Kate also play a large part.

Anyway, it was good to see Mark again. He’s an interesting man, and we always have a lot to share. He is the one who takes care of the technical issues in connection with the blog. Right now he and I have been working on a book I am editing. The first half consists of three and a half years of emails that I wrote under my dad’s name after his stroke that left him unable to use his computer. The second half is devoted to over 100 pages of Dad’s own biographical notes that he had written for a writing class he attended several years prior to his stroke. We’re close to printing time now. When it is finished, I plan to give copies to the family and a few close friends. That would have happened long before now if I hadn’t found it difficult to work in with my other responsibilities.

Every few weeks I also meet with a church friend whose daughter was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in her fifties. We met for coffee Wednesday afternoon. Our experiences are vastly different. Talking with him underscores how fortunate Kate and I have been not to have other complicating factors beyond the illness itself. Despite our differences, we also have a lot of common experiences. I enjoy being with him. I hope our lack of complications don’t make it less enjoyable for him.

While we were out for our Friday night pizza, we bumped into one of my long-term clients and his wife. They sat down with us and chatted about forty-five minutes. It was good to catch up with them. Kate also enjoyed it. These experiences continue to reinforce my belief that the primary benefit of eating out is that it is a social occasion. Most importantly, it is the type of social occasion that Kate handles quite well. The time is short. We exchange pleasantries and are on our way. It is good for her and for me.

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Definite Progress

Yesterday was clearly a day of improvement for Kate. There has been no sign of wheezing since Friday evening. She is also coughing less. Those were the two most obvious signs of her being sick. She has had to clear her nose more than usual, but it has been less of a problem.

She has been so tired during the past eleven days, that I was surprised when she got up about 8:30. She wasn’t as groggy as she often is. For the first time in several weeks, we arrived at Panera about 10:15. That gave us plenty of time for a muffin and lunch before the sitter came at noon.

When Valorie arrived, she gave her a friendly greeting. I mentioned that I had put in a DVD of Fiddler on the Roof. At first, she said she wanted to rest. Then she changed her mind and wanted to watch. When I told her I was leaving for Rotary and the Y, she said, “You’re leaving? Why don’t you stay here with us and watch?” I explained that I needed to get my exercise and would be back later. She didn’t complain, and she didn’t look sad. It was clear by the look on her face, however, that she really wanted me to stay. As I left, Kate and Valorie were watching Fiddler. I wondered if Kate would make it through the entire movie without resting. When I returned, Valorie said she watched the whole thing without napping at all. I was happy to hear that.

The big disappointment of the day was learning a little later that Valorie will no longer be coming. She is the sitter I liked the most and would have loved having all the time. The agency didn’t give any explanation. Given the privacy laws, I can understand that, but I would really like to know if she left the agency or they shifted her to another client. I have her phone number and plan to call her tomorrow.

In the meantime, they are sending the new sitter that came last week while I attended a luncheon. I felt she was all right, but Kate slept the whole time I was gone. I did introduce the two of them before leaving, but I wish Kate had had more time to get somewhat accustomed to a new person. This is one of the challenges of our time. There is a lot of transition in positions like this. It makes me realize how fortunate we were with the team of caregivers we had with Kate’s mother. After the first month or two, we settled into a team seven or eight people who were with us until her death. That was almost five and a half years.

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A Short Day for Kate

Yesterday Kate was tired and didn’t want to get up. At 10:30, I asked her if she would like me to take her to lunch or let her sleep longer. She opted for sleep. I decided it would be a good chance to let her get accustomed to Mary’s helping her. I kept poking my head in the bedroom thinking that she might wake up before I left. She didn’t. I did bring Mary into the bedroom and told Kate she was here if she needed anything.

After leaving, I began to wonder how long Kate would sleep, but I didn’t call Mary to check.  I decided it was best to leave things up to the two of them. I got home a few minutes before 5:00 and found that they weren’t at home. I knew that meant they were at Panera. My immediate thought was that she had gotten up very late and was eating a late lunch. They were back home a few minutes later. I discovered that I was right. Mary said she had tried to get Kate up a couple of times but didn’t want to force her. She finally got her up at 3:15. It took almost an hour for her to get ready. They got to Panera at 4:15.

I hadn’t eaten a regular lunch. I ate a banana and snacked on some granola before leaving for the Y. I was ready for dinner when I got home. Kate is sometimes ready to eat shortly after eating a meal. I decided it probably wouldn’t bother her if we went directly to get our Friday night pizza. I was right about that. On the way to the restaurant, I asked her about going to Panera with Mary. She told me they had just stayed at home. She ate her half of the pizza just as easily as she usually does.

The next question I had was “Will I have trouble getting her to sleep?” That turned out not to be a problem at all. We got in bed about our usual time, 9:45. I went right to sleep and was unaware that she had any problem. She slept through the night and is still sleeping at I write this blog at 8:50. Will she get up earlier this morning? I don’t know. I have an idea that she may not have slept as much yesterday as it appeared. She was in bed, but lately she has been staying in bed longer after waking up. It makes me wonder if she wakes up but doesn’t know what to do. This is something I will pay more attention to in the days ahead. She may actually need me to get her up.

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Another Success with the Sitter

I have previously mentioned that Kate’s Monday sitter, Valorie, has been able to help Kate get up, showered, dressed, and to lunch. That was a great step forward for me in that it meant I didn’t have to do that before the sitter arrived. I could let her sleep and know that Valorie would be able to handle everything. There is another benefit for Kate in that I don’t have to rush her to get ready. Neither of us likes that.

Until yesterday, I had not had the opportunity to see if Mary, the Wednesday and Friday sitter, might also be able to assume a similar role for Kate. I wasn’t concerned about Mary’s ability, but I wondered if Kate would be willing for Mary to help with these personal matters. I received a call from the agency on Wednesday asking if we could change the time of Mary’s visit yesterday to 11:00 to 3:00 instead of 1:00 to 5:00. That presented a good opportunity to see how well it might go.

The next step was to see if Kate slept late. She usually does, but she sometimes surprises me by getting up as early as 7:30. As it turned out, Kate slept until thirty minutes before Mary arrived. I got her to the shower. Then she went back to bed. When Mary arrived, I took her into the bedroom to let Kate know that she was there. Mary told Kate to let her know if she could help with anything. Kate said she would. I gave Mary some instructions and left it with her. When I got home, I discovered that everything had worked without a hitch. I specifically asked Mary if she had helped Kate dress. She said she had asked Kate if she would like help, Kate said she did. Then I went back to Kate and asked if Mary had helped her dress. She said, “No. Why should she? I can do that myself.” Although it is possible Kate didn’t want to say that she had help, I believe she just couldn’t remember. After all that had been almost four hours earlier. She often forgets things in seconds or minutes.

Even though it worked well, I may not be calling on Mary to play this role often. The reason is that she doesn’t arrive until 1:00. On most days, Kate is up and dressed before that. On the other hand, she sometimes sleeps until 1:00. There are also times like today when Kate has gotten up and showered, but she is not dressed. Whatever happens I feel good knowing that I can rely on Mary for help.

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More Success with the Sitter

About three weeks ago, we got a new sitter on Mondays. She replaced the previous one who was experiencing her own health issues. I asked the agency to send the new sitter an hour earlier on her first day so that I could get acquainted with her and give her instructions about Kate and her care. I liked her immediately. When Kate met her, she felt the same way.

I felt so comfortable with her that the following week I left before getting Kate up. That left Valorie to get her up and help her with her shower, dressing, and taking her to lunch. That has taken a big psychological load off of me. Prior to that I sometimes had to rush Kate to get up and ready for me to take her to lunch before the sitter arrived. Now I don’t have to get her up at all.

I have been surprised and pleased by the way Kate has handled this change. In fact, I don’t think she has been aware of it. That’s the sad part. On the other hand, she likes Valorie. When I told her this past Monday that I was leaving and that Valorie would help her with her shower and getting dressed, she was perfectly at ease. That makes me feel comfortable about leaving.

Now I am beginning to wonder how Kate would respond to Mary who comes on Wednesday and Friday. Would she feel as comfortable accepting her help with those same things? I think so and am willing to try it. The difference is that Mary arrives at 1:00 instead of 12:00. That means Kate is more likely to be up and showered by the time Mary arrives. Whatever the future holds, I feel good about both of our sitters.

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It began with a scream and ended with music.

About 4:30 yesterday morning, I was awakened with a loud scream. Kate had a bad dream. She was unable to tell me about it but was very frightened. This was a time to comfort her. I held her and told her she was all right, that she was safe and that I would take care of her. She calmed down and dosed off within fifteen minutes.

This was not the first time she has had a bad dream. Fortunately, they don’t happen often. Most of the dreams I have been aware of have been good ones. Until the past couple of years, she would talk while dreaming. They were always in a situation in which she was teaching children. I could easily see this as an outgrowth of her years as a school teacher and librarian/media specialist.

I stayed in bed until 5:10. I decided to let Kate sleep. She had responded so well to Valorie’s getting her up, showered and dressed last week that I felt comfortable letting her take care of her again. Before leaving, I told Kate I was going and that Valorie would take care of things. She seemed perfectly comfortable with that, and I left feeling good.

When I returned later in the afternoon, Valorie and Kate were in the family room having a serious conversation. They were talking about students and teaching. At least Kate was. Valorie appeared to be listening. I was pleased to see they were getting along well. They were talking as two friends might do. I am still surprised, but glad, that Kate is willing to let her help with her shower and getting dressed.

We ended the day with an annual Christmas dinner with music at Casa Bella. It was a wonderful evening. The meal was outstanding, and the conversation lively although it was hard for Kate to keep up. She couldn’t hear or understand much of what was being said. She frequently asked me to tell her what people had said. As I have been doing lately, I cut her meat (a very tender beef tenderloin) for her. That is something new within the past couple of weeks.

This was another bitter sweet occasion for me. I can’t predict the future, but I know that next Christmas will be very different from this one. I am glad that it went well. Kate and I both loved the music, and we ended the evening singing Christmas carols. We don’t know most of the sixty or guests who were there, but we are accustomed to seeing them for these musical nights throughout the year. It was a beautiful shared experience for everyone.

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A Good Experience with a Sitter

Next week it will have been a year and three months since I first engaged the services of an agency that provides in-home care. I arranged for a sitter to come for four hours three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Things have gone pretty well for the most part. The first couple of weeks we had a couple of sitters that didn’t work out. Since that time we have had the same sitter on Monday and the same one on Wednesday and Friday until recently when our Monday sitter had her own health problem. We had someone who took her place for two or three weeks before she also had health issues and won’t be back.

The agency sent a new person today. She is to serve on an interim basis until they can locate someone to be with us regularly. I didn’t get word about this until just before leaving for Thanksgiving, so I was a little uneasy about having someone new without my having met her previously. I suggested that they send her an hour early so that Kate and I could get to know her a little before I left for Rotary. I was prepared to skip Rotary if I felt at all uncomfortable.

My next concern involved getting Kate up in time for me to help her dress before the sitter arrived. She had gotten to sleep late last night. That made me think she would sleep late this morning. I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered she got up early. She was still getting ready when the sitter arrived. That gave me time to give her a brief orientation to Kate and her needs and routine. When she walked into the family room, Kate reached out to give her a hug before I could introduce two of them. Kate and I liked her very much.

Since it was time for Kate’s lunch, I suggested that the three of us go over to Panera. We went in two cars so that I could go directly to Rotary from there. I ordered Kate’s lunch while the two of them took a seat. When I got to the table, the sitter told me she liked the name Jesse. I was surprised that Kate had remembered our daughter’s name. That doesn’t happen often. I left for Rotary, and they were talking just like they had been longtime friends.

I called the agency from the car letting them know that I was pleased. I told them I would like to have her on a regular basis if that were possible. They are going to let me if if they can work that out. I certainly hope so.

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Another Day Without a Sitter

For the second Monday in a row our sitter is sick and not able to be with us. I am sorry she is sick, but I am happy to spend the day with Kate. Rotary is taking a Thanksgiving week break, and I have no other special obligations. If I had anything, I could have arranged the agency to provide a substitute.

The good news is that I don’t have to be concerned about getting Kate up and dressed and take her to lunch before the sitter arrives. That seems to be an increasing challenge as she sleeps a little later. I am thinking about changing the time the sitter comes on Wednesday and Friday from 1:00 to 1:30 to give me a little extra time. I can’t do that on Monday since Rotary starts at 12:30.

I am glad to say that we ended on a high note yesterday. We went to dinner from Barnes & Noble and then came home. I watched a portion of the Monday night NFL game. I put the sound on mute and turned on some music that both of us could enjoy. Kate worked on her iPad until time for bed. I hope we start off as well this morning as we finished last night.

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A Different Kind of Monday

So much of my attention is focused on Kate and the changes she experiences that I often overlook the fact that change us occurring for everyone on a daily basis. I think of that now because Kate hasn’t even stirred yet, and I know this Monday will be different for us. Last night, I received a phone call from the agency that provides the sitters for Kate. Marilyn, who was supposed to be here from noon to 4:00 is sick and will not be able to come. They were quite willing to send a new person, but I declined. I would rather change my plans for the day than bring in a sitter that Kate has never met. Actually, I am rather glad to have another day without a sitter.

Kate’s morning routine continues to be erratic. After thinking that she was settling into getting up late, she got up early several days in a row. The past few days she has gone back to sleeping late. Yesterday was another day when I had to get Kate up earlier than she wanted. Fortunately, she was very cooperative, but I felt bad about it. She has been very tired in the morning. I thought it might be good to let her sleep this morning but knew that the sitter comes at noon on Mondays, and I didn’t want her to wake up after I had left for Rotary. It’s not that I don’t think she could handle it. I just know that she often needs my help when she gets up. Of course, at some point, I will probably have a sitter to help in the morning. I don’t think either of us is ready to do that right now.

I often mention that Kate either sleeps late or surprises me by getting up early. She has experienced one other change in the past week or two. She doesn’t seem to go to sleep as quickly as she used to. There are some nights when she hasn’t gone to sleep as long as an hour or two after going to bed. I don’t ever recall that before. Of course, that could easily play a role in her needing to sleep in the morning. At dinner, she frequently tells me that she is going to “crash” early; however, she seems to get her second wind after we are home. When she was on Trazodone, she went to sleep rather quickly, but I don’t want to go back to that just yet. On the whole, I think she has been more alert since we discontinued it six or seven months ago. Her only groggy moments occur when she wakes up in the morning. Trazadone could exacerbate her confusion.

At any rate, I don’t plan to go to Rotary today. I also had a United Way meeting scheduled at 2:00. I will skip that as well. Kate and I usually have nice days together. I’ll take advantage of this change in the sitter’s schedule to enjoy the day with her.

I should add that yesterday was another good day. Since Kate got up late, we went directly to lunch. That gave us a brief time at home before going to see the musical Buddy at one of our local theaters. We had a good time. From there we went to dinner and then back home to relax the rest of the evening.