Posted on

A Very Nice Sunday

From start to finish, Kate and I had a nice day today. I was up just before 6:00, had breakfast, took a 2.5-mile walk, and returned home before she was up. I checked email and worked on preparing this journal to post online by the end of January. Kate slept a little later; so we didn’t get to Panera until almost 10:00. That had been a typical time for us until the past couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. I think she is still recovering from the trip to Memphis.

One of the things that may have accounted for such a nice day was our schedule. It was broken into small chunks of activity. We spent about an hour and a half at Panera and then went straight to lunch. We arrived back at the house just before 1:00. As she usually does, Kate asked if she could work outside for a while. I told her I would be glad for her to do so. She expressed surprise once again. Then she asked if she could use her clippers. That’s when I reminded her that we couldn’t find them yesterday afternoon. I bought 3 new clippers two weeks ago. They have all “disappeared” now. I came inside to catch portions of two different football games. She worked almost two hours before coming in.

When she came inside, she said she was going to take a shower and then pointed to the bathroom off the guest room, the one she usually uses. A few minutes later she appeared wearing a different top and was all ready to go someplace.I asked if she would like to go to Barnes & Noble. She said, “Anyplace.” Off we went. About 4:30, I suggested we go home. That would give us about an hour before going to dinner. She accepted that.

She worked outside for almost an hour before coming in. By then it was time for dinner. We went out and returned home by 6:45. I suggested that I make a fire and that we both relax for a while. We did. Brian called about thirty minutes later. We had a nice conversation with him. When we hung up it was about time for us to call it an evening. I took my shower. She got ready for bed and worked on her iPad for another hour. Then retired for the evening.

I am now catching a little bit of the Packers/Steelers game. It has been a good day. We didn’t do anything elaborate, but we enjoyed the day and being together.

Posted on

As Expected, Another Good Broadway Night

Yesterday I reported on our full but very good day. That was just before we were leaving for our monthly visit to Casa Bella for Broadway Night. We have enjoyed all of their musical evening dinners; so I was optimistic that we were in for a good evening. I was right. Once again, we sat with the Jensons. We have really enjoyed getting to know them. They are in their nineties and doing very well. She is the daughter of the woman who started the restaurant almost fifty years ago. When he married into the family, he became a partner in the restaurant. They worked together until they turned the restaurant over to their daughter and her husband. We were joined by another couple that usually sit at another table. It was also getting to know them a little better.

Apart from that we saw a neighbor whom I see frequently on my morning walk. I had mentioned some time ago that Casa Bella had the Thursday night musical events. This was her second time their with two of her friends. In addition, I saw a member of the Sunday school class I used to teach. These are the kind of connections that become everyday events in a city like Knoxville. I believe this has made our lives with AD just a little bit better than it might have been otherwise. The best part is that both Kate and I enjoy these social encounters. They aren’t long or involved and do not involve any great obligations that we would be unable to meet. They just become bright spots in our day.

Of course, the focus of the whole evening is on the musical program itself. We were familiar with all three of last night’s musicians. That also adds a measure of comfort for us. The female vocalist has a master’s in voice from UT. She is not only a fastastic singer but a great actress. She brought the house down when she sang her last number, “Habanera” from Carmen. She slinks seductively among the audience stopping by a number of the men in the audience. Everybody gets a kick out of this. Her finance is a gifted pianist from Spain where he has received wide recognition. The male singer is someone who is very active in local theater but earns his living in the computer industry. All told, it was a beautiful end to what had been a very nice day.

Posted on

Having a Sitter is Working

I am writing this post while we are at Panera and am going to relate an incident that just occurred before going on with the topic of the day. A few minutes ago, I was talking to a couple we see her almost every day. They were leaving, and when we said our goodbyes, I turned around and bumped the table at which Kate and I are sitting. As I have noted before, one of Kate’s symptoms is reacting strongly to noises, bumps when we are driving, and other surprises. When I bumped the table, she gave me a dirty look and said, “You always do that.” I always take this humorously since she says this occasionally, but it never relates to a specific thing that I do on a repeated basis. One reason I am able to relate to it humorously is that the dirty look she gives me is not a mean-spirited one. It seems to be more of her effort to respond in a kind way to something that has startled her.

Pardon that diversion, it was just an event that occurred as I was starting this post about the sitter situation. As the heading suggests, things continue to go well. We continue to have just two sitters, one who comes on Monday (Mary) and another who comes on Wednesday and Friday (Anita). Kate likes both of them. I still cannot detect any hesitation or reservation about their being here. In fact, one of the things she likes is their being able to take her to Panera while I am gone. That is a relief for me as I had been concerned about Kate’s having a 4-hour block of time that was all at home with someone who is still a bit of a stranger.

Kate conveys her comfort with the sitter in several different ways. First of all, she is very welcoming to the sitter when she arrives. She always has a bright smile on her face indicating that she is glad to see her. Second, she sometimes says things when I am present with the her and the sitter before leaving. For example, this past Friday as I was driving out of the driveway, I waved to her and Mary and said that I was headed to the Y. Kate waved back and said, “I’m in good hands.” Yesterday before leaving, I handed Anita the Panera card and said they might want to go to Panera. Kate responded quickly. She put her hand on Anita’s shoulder and said enthusiastically, “We want to go to Panera, don’t we.”

Yesterday, I returned home just a few minutes before the end of the 4-hour period the sitter is here. I found that Kate and Anita were not home. I figured they were at Panera. They didn’t get back until almost fifteen minutes later which would have been after Anita’s shift was over. I am impressed with Anita. One of the first things she said to me was that she had clocked out at 4:00. She was reassuring me that I wasn’t going to be billed for her going beyond the time. After Anita left, Kate mentioned how sharp she is, something that she says about most people she meets. It’s an indication of her liking the person and also a sign that understanding things going on around is such a challenge that she is impressed when she sees other handling things with ease. As you can imagine, I am quite satisfied with how things are going with the sitter.

Posted on

Report on our Weekend Trip to Memphis

Like our trip to Texas, our trip to Memphis was a success. It’s always good to see our grandsons. This time was no exception. The highlight, of course, was our getting to see Randy play with his high school band. Friday night we saw the band perform at halftime during their homecoming game. Saturday night we saw the last three bands in the regional band competition. We enjoyed each of them but too special pleasure in seeing Randy’s band. They competed against only one other AAAA school and won in every category. It was also nice to hear our other grandson, Ron, talk about his theater class. He is excited about upcoming tryouts for The Three Musketeers that they will perform in January.

We ate dinner after the band events on both nights. That meant that we were up later than normal. Kate handled it well. She is a real trouper. I had previously committed ourselves to stop in Nashville on the way home to visit Kate’s best friend, Ellen, who is in a memory care unit, and our friends from the University of Wisconsin and the University of Tennessee, Ann and Jeff Davis. In order to do that, we needed to leave by 10:00 if we wanted to get back home at a decent hour. Kate was sleeping soundly, but I woke her up just before 9:00 to give her time to get a shower and dressed for the trip. She got up very willingly and was ready in time to leave at 10:00.

Both visits were good ones. Ellen is declining. Her speech has been affected by her stroke a little over two years ago as well as several seizures she has had since the end of February. I think her vascular dementia is beginning to affect her now. Kate didn’t seem to pick up on this. Seeing the other people in the memory unit caused me to wonder whether it is a good thing to keep taking Kate. She doesn’t seem to notice. At least she doesn’t say anything that makes me think he feels uncomfortable. I think she just doesn’t think about her ending up in the same condition. I am glad. I wish I didn’t.

We had dinner with Ann and Jeff at their home. We have lived in different cities for the past 25 years or so; however, each time we are together we pick just as though we had seen them yesterday. At one time, Ann was Kate’s best friend. That was before she and Jeff moved to Ohio. They moved to Nashville about twenty years ago. It was a great way to end what had been a very nice weekend.

Posted on

Our last day in Texas

Before leaving Knoxville yesterday, Kate and I made our usual stop at Panera where we both got muffins. Then we made a trip to the cemetery where we visited the Franklin family plot. We stopped at the graves of each person and sensed the memories of our experiences with them. There were a few who died before I became a part of the family, but I had a great sense of the story of this particular family and how close they had been.

We stopped a little longer at the graves of Kate’s mother and father and an infant daughter. It was an emotional moment for both of us. I believe it was especially so for me because I believe this will be Kate’s last visit to this place before she passes. The tears welled up in my eyes as we stood in that place.

From there we moved on to Dallas where we will catch our plane to Nashville this morning. We drove directly to the home of a childhood friend of mine with whom I have been in contact since the third grade when we met, Carter Owens. One of my earliest memories of him occurred during the 1948 presidential race between Truman and Dewey. He was a big Truman supporter. I am sure most of the other fourth graders hardly new who Truman was. This interest in politics has lasted the rest of his life. He is now a retired political science professor.

We met Carter at his home where he lives with his partner and now husband, Michael. They married shortly after we were with them two years ago. We had lunch at a nice French restaurant that was rather quiet for our extended conversation. We had a lot to catch up on. After lunch, we continued the conversation at their home. Kate and I both enjoy their company and had a pleasant afternoon.

Around 4:00 we left for our hotel near the airport. We had a fitting close to a very good week. It was everything I wanted it to be. Kate had seen all of the family living in Fort Worth as well as the people who have been most special to her for many years. I wish she were able to savor the memories. Since that is not possible, I am at least glad she was able to enjoy the time she had with each one.

 

Posted on

A Great Day with Family and Close Friends

2017-10-22 (8:05 pm)

Today’s highlight was a family reception following church. We met in the parlor where the family had attended many events over the years. This included wedding receptions for several of us who were in attendance. It was a very informal gathering made special because we don’t get together very often anymore. We took lots of pictures that I am sure we will treasure in the years to come.

We went back to our hotel after the reception. Later in the afternoon, Kate and I visited two friends at a senior facility. One is my former professor with whom I had lunch on Friday. The other is the mother of a good friend who lives in Nashville.

We went directly from this visit to take another friend to dinner. Naomi has meant a lot to us. For years she was a member of Kate’s mother’s Sunday school class. During the late 1990s, after Kate’s mother had suffered a stroke, Naomi served as her caregiver. It meant a lot to Kate to have someone who knew and loved her mother to manage the onsite care that was needed. Even then Kate traveled back and forth between Knoxville and Fort Worth to see her mother and take care of lots of details.

During dinner, we talked about lots of memories. Kate loved it. I think Naomi did as well. It was a perfect close to our reunions with friends in Fort Worth.

 

Posted on

Another Successful Day

2017-10-20 (9:29 pm)

In my previous post, I indicated my optimism that today would be another good day for Kate. I am happy to report that I was right. The main event was a lunch with four childhood friends of Kate’s. A couple of month’s ago, I had spoken with one of them, Laura Williams, about our planning to attend homecoming this year. In that conversation, Laura asked if there was anything she could do for Kate. I mentioned the possibility of getting several other old friends together for lunch. She said she would love to arrange that. At the time we were thinking about their going out to lunch someplace. When it came close to the time of our trip, Laura told me that another of her friends wanted to host them at her house. She had done that once before several years ago.

Laura chose two other friends who had also been close to Kate growing up. We talked about an appropriate number. I said having five including Kate was ideal. I tried to prepare Kate for this lunch by mentioning it to her a number of times over the past few weeks including the names of each of the four friends who would be there. I was not at all surprised when she could not remember either who the friends were or that we were even making the trip home.

This morning she seemed particularly concerned about getting their names correct. Several times she asked me to tell her the names again. This always came after my mentioning the lunch she was going to. Without these prompts, I don’t believe she would have even remembered that she was going to lunch with anyone.

As we were driving to lunch, she kept rehearsing the names of her four friends. I don’t recall that she ever got all four of them. Sometimes she struggled to get one. I told her I didn’t think she needed to worry about the names as she would remember the people when she saw them, and she wouldn’t have to call them by name. Of course, that didn’t stop her from trying.

I thought it might be good to remind her of our children and grandchildren. That led to a shortened version of the same kind of rehearsal of their names. It is only in moments like this that I really have evidence of how poor her memory has become. In much of our ordinary conversation, she is not required to use specific names or places etc. It is times like these when I am saddened. Other times I tend to think she is doing better than she really is.

I knew Kate’s time with her friends would go well the moment we arrived. All four of them greeted her warmly, and they immediately started getting updates from everyone. While Kate was at her lunch, I picked up a former professor and mentor for lunch.

When I returned to pick up Kate, they all told me what a wonderful time they had had. Two people specifically thanked me for suggesting this opportunity. I was touched by the reception Kate received as well as the joy on her face.

The hostess, Linda Turner, told me that an old friend, Marjorie Eggleston, lived nearby and would love to see us if we had time. Marjorie is now 93 and in a wheel chair, but her mind is sharp. She and I often spent some time together chatting at various family celebrations. We thought of ourselves as buddies at that time. It was good to see that we still feel the same after all these years. Kate was equally thrilled to see Marjorie as her parents had been close friends of Marjorie’s husbands parents. They had been like an aunt and uncle to Kate.

As thrilled as she was to see Marjorie, Kate was also confused. She kept thinking that Marjorie was her husband’s mother whom she thought of as an aunt.

We ended the day with a reunion dinner at TCU. There were very few people there whom we knew, but it was nice to see them.

It turned out to have been as nice a day as I had hoped.

Posted on

Lunch with Another Friend and Then to Fort Worth

First, an aside. Four years ago today, my dad celebrated his 100th birthday. He was in rare form that day. He entertained the crowd of 94 with his reflections on life in in youth and comments about the people and changes he had seen. Two days later, I received a call at 6:30 a.m. telling me that they were taking him to the emergency room. He died exactly two weeks later. He left us in style. I never feel sad about his death. He lived life to the fullest and retained his sense of humor to the very end. To me he was a model of optimism and adaptability. Although he suffered hardships at various times in his life, especially as a teenager when his dad left his mother and him for another woman, he always made the most “of the hand he was dealt.”

Now a comment or two on our second full day in Texas. Although we had had a full day yesterday, Kate was up early this morning. I had gotten up an hour or more before she did and brought scrambled eggs and sausage to the room for me as well as a couple of muffins, yogurt, and orange juice for her. After she had dressed, she was ready to go just like she is when we are at home. I suggested we walk over to Starbucks which we had done yesterday. We were there about an hour before returning to the room for a break. Then we headed to meet another childhood friend of Kate’s, Meg Wright.

Unfortunately, I had given Meg the wrong location of the restaurant where we were to meet. Thus, we got together a little later than I had intended. That did not, however, diminish the fun that Kate and Meg had before, during, and after our meal. When it was time for us to leave, Meg and Kate hugged each other. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought that this may be the last time these two see each other.

Once again, Kate has shown some confusion over a number of things. This morning she got up and went to bathroom while I was in the other room. She walked out of the bedroom, and I asked if I could help her. She asked me where the bed was. She was standing only a few feet from it. I pointed to it and said, “Right there.” She turned around and went back to bed. A little later, she got up again and asked me where the bathroom was.

While we were waiting for Meg, she asked me several times who it was we were waiting for. Several times, I also mentioned our grandson, Brian. Each time she asked me who is parents were. I told her he is our son and daughter-in-law’s son. I’m not sure if she ever got that straight. I think a lot of information is being thrown at her, and she is in overload.

Posted on

The End of our First Day in Texas

2017-10-18 (10:01 pm)

Late this afternoon we met our friends Nancy and Charlie Hardwick. Kate had known Nancy in junior high and high school. Charlie and I had been roommates at TCU during our sophomore year. We have visited them a number of times over the years when we were in Denton where Nancy has lived for more than 28 years. This is a second marriage for both of them. Charlie was diagnosed with dementia more than five years ago. Nancy had told his friends about him several months before our 50th class reunion. That means that he and Kate were diagnosed about the same time. Either he was diagnosed later than Kate or the progression of his illness has been more rapid as he is further along on his journey. In fact, I got a text from Nancy before we met saying that Charlie would not remember us.

We met at a restaurant near their house. When we walked in, Nancy told us that when she mentioned that they were going to meet us for dinner, Charlie said, “You mean Kate Franklin?” At least he remembered her name. As we got out of the car, Kate said, “You’re going to have to do all the talking for me.” That turned out not to be true at all.

We had a delightful time with them. We simply picked up where we had left off when we last saw them two years ago. We took pictures and reminisced about our college days and exchanged information about the college friends with whom we had kept up. I believe all four of us were disappointed that we might not have this experience again. I know that Charlie and Kate will not have thought that, but Nancy and I did.

As we walked to the car, Kate said, “Were they just passing through town?” I said, “No, they live here.” She said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in Dallas (again). Despite these moments of confusion, this was one terrific day. I am sorry it is over but know there is more to come.

Posted on

Emotional Moments in Denton

Kate’s cousin, Sharon, picked us up at our hotel for lunch and a couple of stops afterward that provided Kate with some very special emotional moments. First, we went to lunch where we had time for lots of reminiscing about many happy family times. Sharon is only a year or so younger than Kate, and her memory is fully in tack. She remembers with some details stories of individual family members and especially the family Christmas traditions. She told us about the three times that the entire family gathered together in three different homes of family members. They began with the exchange of presents about 10:00 at one house. Everyone dispersed to their own home after that and came back together in the early afternoon for lunch. That was followed by individual family time at their own homes. Then they came back together in the evening for light snacks and desserts leftover from lunch.

As Sharon recounted these family stories, Kate was elated. It was a touching experience for me to see how enthusiastically she listened to them. After lunch, we went back to Sharon’s house. It is filled with many items from her mother and father’s home as well as other special things from the homes of other aunts and uncles. She even has a door that came from Kate’s and Sharon’s grandparents home. It opens out to the deck on the back of the house.

Kate responded tearfully to both the things her cousin showed her as well as the things she told her. As an observer, it was touching to see the way Kate responded. Sharon brought our time together to a close with another special moment. She drove us to the home of her son and his wife to show us the dining room table and chairs that were originally in Kate’s parents’ home. I believe her parents bought them when they moved into their home in 1949. The chairs still had the original fabric on the cushions.

Sharon drove us back to our hotel where Kate rested a while before dinner. This experience is certain to be a highlight of our trip, but we have several other get togethers that I hope Kate will also view as meaningful. One of those is coming up at dinner when we are meeting a couple we have known from Fort Worth and TCU. We should have a lot of memories to discuss.

One final and interesting end to our visit occurred when Sharon dropped us off at our hotel. As we walked away from her car, Kate said, “Now who is she?” I told her that was her cousin, Sharon. This is yet another example of what strange twists can occur with this disease. I am confident that she understood who Sharon is throughout our time with her, but something happened right at the end that caused her to forget.