Good Times | - Part 18

May 15, 2018May 17, 2018

Travel Day 4: Lubbock

Yesterday we had a shorter than usual morning. At least I did. I didn’t get up until 7:00 and Kate didn’t get up until 9:15. By the time Kate was ready to get something for breakfast, it was almost 11:00, so we skipped Panera. Instead we dropped by a Starbucks that is one block away from the restaurant where we were to meet Kevin, Rachel, and Brian. Kate, Brian, and I decided to visit the National Ranching Heritage Center during the afternoon. Kevin had a conference call to make before then. That meant that we didn’t get away until almost 2:30. I think all three of us enjoyed the museum. It was especially engaging for Kate. I am sure she couldn’t understand all that she read or that I read for her, but she tried to take it all in. Quite a few times she turned to me and said, “I want to remember that.” That’s what she says when she wants me to be responsible for remembering something she wants to include in her family photo album. Of course, she hasn’t done any work on the album for two to three years. I know she won’t ever get to it again, but I always tell her I will remember “it” for her. We left the museum through a different door than the one we used to enter. When we walked by the entrance, Kate noticed it and acted like she wanted to go in. I hesitated in responding. Then she said, “Have we already been there?” I told her we had. I didn’t tell her we had just walked out of it.

This was a day when she didn’t ask me to remind her of a single name. She either remembers the names (unlikely) or has learned that she doesn’t have to remember the names in order to participate in our conversations. She did ask several times where we are or where she is. One of those times we were with Kevin. When I told her we were in Lubbock, she said, “So we’re not in Fort Worth.”

We went to an Italian restaurant for dinner. Kevin, Kate, and I arrived at the restaurant first. Kate wanted to use the restroom. I took her there. She asked me to “stay right here” outside the door to the restroom. I only recall her asking me to do this one or two other times. She obviously recognizes her difficulty getting back to our table. We had a good meal. From there we came back to our hotel. For the second night in a row, we sat in the courtyard. It was a good way to end another nice day.

May 14, 2018

Travel Day 3: Mother’s Day

Kate had a nice Mother’s Day with our son, Kevin, and his family. We joined them for lunch at a down home hamburger place that was a stereotypical Texas kind of place. I pulled into a parking space, and Kate said, “We must be in Texas.” I said, “What makes you say that.” She said, “All the Texas license plates.” It’s easy to assume that she is not processing much of what is going on around her, but this is a good reminder that her brain is still working. As she sometimes says, “Don’t count me out yet.”

After lunch, we went back to Kevin and Rachel’s house where we watched the Celtics trounce the Cavaliers. Rachel’s parents live just outside of Lubbock and came in for dinner at another Texas-style restaurant located in the house and barn of an old ranch. I had the chicken fried steak while Kate had her preferred variation, the chicken fried chicken. Kevin and Rachel brought red roses to their mothers.

Kate and I came back to the hotel where we sat outside in the courtyard. There was a nice breeze that was welcome following a high temperature in the low-90s in the afternoon. We were the only guests enjoying this pleasant evening. I suppose they were thinking it must still be hot.

Kate continued to work on her iPad as she did most of the afternoon when we were at Kevin’s. She would be lost without it. I am glad she has something that she can still do almost entirely on her own. Periodically, she accidentally hits a button that takes her to the store to buy new puzzles. I have to get her out. Otherwise, she works the puzzles on her own.

The other day on our flight, I watched her moving puzzle pieces around as she tried to put each one in its proper place. This is not an easy thing for her. She doesn’t seem to clearly differentiate pieces for the edge from those for the puzzle’s interior nor does she consider the shapes or colors. It appears that she completes the puzzles solely by trial and error. It takes her a long time, and most of the puzzles have only 16 pieces. You can set them to many more pieces, but it is quite difficult when the pieces are very small. I started setting them to 16. When she reworks them, that is how they are set when she opens them. The other thing I noticed is that she sometimes works the same puzzle several times in succession. Of course, given her memory problems, that should not surprise me. It definitely does not bother.

Although she asked me for the names of Rachel’s parents a number of times, Kate didn’t express any of the trepidation I observed the previous night when we met Kevin and Brian. I think she has gotten more comfortable with her surroundings.

One of the characteristics she has developed since her diagnosis is to more positively evaluate just about everything. People are smarter and nicer. Food and live theater productions are better. And hotels like the Residence Inn are viewed as higher quality than she would have said before Alzheimer’s. She really likes it here. I wouldn’t suggest that anyone trust her assessment of the things she likes, but it is pleasant to be with someone who is so positive about life. I like that.

About 9:15, we came inside and got ready for bed. Kate commented about how relaxing it had been to sit outside for an hour or so. She was right. It is also true that the period of time between our coming home from dinner and going to bed is always a very relaxing time for us.

Once we were back in the room, she talked about how good she felt about our marriage. She expressed a generous amount of appreciation for what I do for her. (Remember what I said in the previous paragraph. She does have a tendency to exaggerate on the positive side of most things; nevertheless, it is nice to be on the receiving end of praise.) It was a good Mother’s Day, and I felt as though she had treated me like it was Father’s Day.

May 11, 2018May 11, 2018

A Good First Day of Travel

Except for a delay because of construction on the way to see Kate’s friend, Ellen, everything went well today. Ellen is in a very nice memory facility, not just a section of a skilled nursing facility. Memory care is all they do. She was about the same as last time. Her mind seems clear. By that, I mean that she seems to understand us without any problem. Her speech is the big problem. I recognize, of course, that she wouldn’t be in a memory care facility if she did not have vascular dementia.

I have some trepidation about taking Kate to a place like this and deliberately avoid doing so except for our visits to Ellen. Most of the residents appear to be much further along than Ellen or Kate, but Kate doesn’t seem to notice at all. She doesn’t say anything nor does she evidence any sign that she is in a memory care facility.

Tonight we had a great dinner at McCormick and Schmick’s. Our server was fantastic. Knoxville is a college town, so we are accustomed to having students as servers. They do a good job, but it is striking when you run into one like we had tonight. She’s a real professional.

I have commented a lot lately about how cheerful and agreeable Kate has been. There is one other characteristic that I should also mention. She is appreciative of my help. That has been true for the entire time I have been caring for her. Lately, however, it seems less perfunctory. It’s not just saying “Thank you” or “You do so much for me.” Tonight, for example, as we were finishing our meal, I commented on how good the meal was. She said, “I don’t want your head to swell, but I always have happy times with you.” Then she said, “I always like being with you. I really mean that.” I told her it meant a lot to me that she said that, and it really did.

May 8, 2018

Our Lunch with Longtime Friends

We had lunch with Dorothy and Mitch Hinely at Casa Bella today. Our friendship with Dorothy goes back to the early 1970s when we were members of a local Unitarian Fellowship. Our daughters met at that time and are still best friends. She and Mitch married several years ago and quickly became a valued addition to this longstanding relationship.

Prior to going, I told Kate we would be joining them for lunch. She couldn’t remember them. I told her their names and something about them. That didn’t help. Even when I mentioned the friendship of our daughters, she didn’t seem to know who I was talking about. That changed the moment she saw them. In fact, Dorothy stooped down to Kate’s chair, and Kate said enthusiasm, “No, I’ve got to stand up and give you a hug.” This reminds me of my earlier post that asked, “What does it mean to know someone?” Kate clearly knew her in some way even if recalling her name and other things about our friendship were drifting away.

The conversation flowed easily. I am sure we could have taken much longer to catch up on our respective lives and to reminisce together, but it was time to go. I worried about Kate since Dorothy and I tended to dominate the conversation with a little help from Mitch. It’s hard for Kate to keep up, and I am sure she couldn’t follow everything we talked about. The moment we got in the car she told me how much she had enjoyed the lunch and how smoothly the conversation had gone. I was happy about that. It shows that she felt a part of the group even though her speaking time was decidedly less than that of the rest of us.

I took special note of the fact that she then asked me the name of the restaurant where we had eaten. This surprised me since we have been coming to Casa Bella since 1971. When they added their musical evenings, we started coming three or four times a month. We were there just last Thursday evening and will be there this Thursday. It is a place we have eaten to celebrate good times and to console ourselves when things were not so good. I remember a couple of years ago when she forgot our favorite dessert. Now the restaurant’s name is slipping away as well.

May 6, 2018

A Nice Ending to Another Good Day

Although we got a late start and Kate slept later than I wanted, we had a nice day that ended in a typically good evening. I do have to report, however, that Kate had a good bit of confusion in the evening. Several times at dinner, she asked,”Exactly where are we?” The first time I said Knoxville. Five or ten minutes later, she asked the same question again. This time I asked if she meant the city. She nodded. Again, I told her Knoxville. She asked at least once again while we were eating and then again as we walked out of the restaurant.
In addition, we saw Dan Carlisle, a retired music professor from UT who was our son’s piano teacher for two years while he was in high school. He is a regular at this restaurant. He is almost always there when we are. I pointed him out to Kate soon after he arrived. A short time later, she asked his name. That happened again once or twice before he had finished his meal. Until last night, she has been able to recall his name. She often mentions he is there before I’ve seen him.

Once we were home, Kate wanted to go in the living room where we sat for about thirty minutes. We hardly ever use this room any more. She was very cheerful and talkative, something I love to see. She talked about what a nice room it is. I mentioned the furniture and other items we had gotten from her parents’ home. She liked that. She took special pleasure in the Royal Doulton China figures that her father had given to her mother. After a while, she asked, “Exactly where are we?” I told her we were in Knoxville where we live. She said, “So this is our house.” It was a statement that sounded more like a question, and I said yes.

As we were chatting, Kevin called. We talked with him a short time and made plans for our upcoming visit to Lubbock next Saturday. We’re arriving at a good time. Brian will return home on Tuesday after finishing his freshman year at TCU. It will be good to hear what he’s been up to.

After Kevin’s call, it was time for bed. I headed to our bedroom. When she didn’t come right away, I walked to her room to see where she was. She was standing in the hallway near the door to the guest room and her room. She wanted to know where she should go and pointed to the guest room. I told her I thought our bedroom would be a good place. I asked if she would like me to get her night clothes. She said yes. I brought them to her. She had no problems like the previous night.

I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came out, I heard her call my name. She was in the hallway where I had seen her a few minutes earlier. The light was out, so she was completely in the dark. I turned on the light. She said, “Where do you want me?” and pointed to the guest room. Once again, I told her our bedroom would be best. She seemed relieved to see me. It appeared that she had lost me. It was dark, and she didn’t know where to go. This is only the second time I have observed any indication that she wasn’t sure about her way around the house. The other time was a few weeks ago when we returned from an evening at Casa Bella. When we got in the house, she said, “I’ll follow you.”

You may think it strange that I would say we’ve had a nice day after telling you about Kate’s confusion. I do find that all the new and increasing signs of her decline make me sad. On the other hand, my mood is also affected by her mood. She was in a good mood, and I find it especially uplifting to see her enthusiasm about our living room and the things we have of her parents. Life continues to change, but moments like this sustain us.

April 29, 2018

It’s been a good week.

Yesterday was a full day. We attended a funeral for the woman who cleans our house. In order to avoid rushing by dressing and undressing for the service, we dressed for the service before going to Panera. We were there at 10:30. That gave Kate time to have her muffin and work a few puzzles. We left for lunch shortly after 11:00 so that we could be at Bluefish right after they opened at 11:30. This was really a long way to go given that the funeral was to the west just outside of Knoxville, but I like sticking to our routine as much as we are able. As it turns out, the timing was perfect. We had a leisurely lunch and ample time to pick up Melanie, a colleague at my office for the past 37 years and get to the service on time (at least the time we intended to be there). It turned out there was a very large crowd. We were just in time to get seats. If we had been much later we wouldn’t have been so lucky.

As I have mentioned several times, Kate has had a very good week. That continued yesterday. This was one of those times when I picked out her clothes, and she was very cooperative about getting dressed. The funeral service was over two hours with a lot of singing, praying, and praising. I knew she was unable to follow what was going. I had told her several times that we were going to the funeral, but she wasn’t able to remember. Near the end of the service, she leaned over to me and asked, “Where are we?” I told her we at Libby’s funeral service. She said something like, “Oh, I’m glad we came.” I can’t imagine what it was like for her sitting there all that time and not knowing where she was or why. She handled it beautifully. Her only problem was her arthritic knee. That is making getting around more challenging.

When the service was over we took Melanie back to where we had picked her up and then headed back into town. It was early, but we stopped for dinner before going home. After we were seated, Kate said, “Are we in Fort Worth?”

Despite this kind of confusion, she enjoyed the day. We spent a little while relaxing before she turned out the lights at 8:00. We have now completed seven straight very good days.

April 27, 2018

Yesterday’s routine was a bit different, but it was another good day.

If you are a regular reader, you are well aware that Kate and I lead a very routine life. That is in large measure because that is the way I try to organize my personal life; however, it also relates to my belief that having a routine might be good for Kate. Our typical day involves a visit to Panera in the morning, out to lunch, home for a while, a visit to Barnes & Noble or Panera, home again, out to dinner, back home, relaxing and going to bed. We don’t duplicate any of our restaurants in a given week, but we do have specific restaurants at which we eat for each meal of the week. There is some variation on Tuesday night, Thursday, and Sunday night. I might add that at each restaurant we have our favorite meals and almost always order the same thing each week.

Yesterday we didn’t follow the pattern at all. First of all, Kate didn’t get up until noon. That meant that we skipped what is perhaps the most regular part of our day, Panera. She wasn’t ready to leave for lunch until almost 1:30. I decided to go to a local deli we rarely visit because it is so busy at lunch. That turned out to be a nice change.

After lunch, we came back home. I put on some music and worked on my blog while, Kate worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. I was prepared for her to be ready for either Panera or Barnes & Noble after we had been home an hour. It turned out that we didn’t move for almost two and a half hours. By that time, it was getting close to dinner.

We had had such a good week so far and our daily routine had been so different, I decided to do something different for dinner. I made reservations at Casa Bella. That may not seem different since we eat there the first three Thursdays each month, but those are nights we go for dinner and music. We sit with a group and have a great social and musical evening. Last night we sat a table for two in a smaller and quieter room and reminisced about the many occasions, most happy but some sad, that had brought us there. We usually order the veal piccata. This time we chose one of their daily specials, roasted pork shoulder with baked apples with fennel over polenta. Even for somebody who likes a routine, it’s nice to do something different once in a while. It was a perfect way to end our day.

April 25, 2018April 26, 2018

Three in a Row

After two very good days during which Kate has seemed very upbeat and cooperative, I wondered what today would be like. It is now 5:30, and we’re about to stretch the good days to three in a row.

This morning she slept a little later than I had expected, so we didn’t leave for Panera until almost 10:30. When she came into the kitchen (where she meets me each morning when she is ready to leave), she was cheerful and joked with me a bit while taking her morning meds I had set out for her. She usually takes several of the pills and turns around toward the sink. I have to watch because she generally forgets about the pills she has left on the island. This morning she said, “I know you. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna forget the others.” She finished taking the first few pills and started walk toward the door to the garage. I looked on the island. The other pills were still there. I hesitated but reminded her about them. I hated to do it because I didn’t want to embarrass her for just having let me know she wasn’t going to forget them. She had apparently forgotten having said anything and simply took the remaining pills and wasn’t bothered by my letting her know about them.

We spent an hour at Panera and then went to lunch. We got back home about fifteen minutes before the sitter arrived. As she has the past three days, she brushed her teeth and then got into bed to rest. When the Mary arrived, I took her into the bedroom to say hello to Kate and told her I was leaving for a meeting and then to the Y. Kate told Mary she was glad she was here. She asked me what she could do. I told her she could rest as long as she wanted and then the Mary would take her to Panera if she wanted to go. She liked that idea. I left her resting.

When I returned home, she and Mary had been to Panera and were in the family room. Kate was lying on the sofa. After Mary left, Kate commented on how well she takes care of things. I said, “And isn’t it nice to have company?” She agreed without any hesitation. This is good for my own comfort level in leaving her. She is still resting but not asleep. We’ll go to dinner shortly. I know the balance of the day will go well. Afternoons and evenings consistently go well. I’m feeling grateful.

April 24, 2018

Another Good Day

This is a short follow up to my previous post about our good day yesterday. I closed that by saying, “We’ll see what tomorrow brings.” Now I know. It’s been another good day. Once again it was a day without any special events. We just went about our daily routine. Kate has also been unusually good humored all day.

I won’t detail exactly what we did as in the previous post. I would just like to make two observations. First, and more important, it has now been two days that Kate has not complained about the arthritis in her knee. Except for how slowly she walks and gets in and out of the car, I wouldn’t know that she has a knee problem at all. I don’t believe this was because of any lessening of pain. I believe it relates to her mood. She has simply been more positive in her outlook today. The only sign of annoyance she displayed all day was at Panera this morning when a young child screamed a couple of times. As I have said before, she is very sensitive to sudden and/or loud noises. As much as she loves seeing young children, she is often bothered by the noises they make.

The other observation is not directly related to her mood. It relates to her use of hand signals to communicate with me. I have mentioned that she uses hand signals to ask things like, “Should I get put on my night clothes?” Or “Should I take my iPad?” Or “Should I take my cup into the restaurant with me?” I don’t believe, however, that I have said anything about her responses to me when I say things like, “I love you.” “If I had the chance, I would marry you again.” Or any other loving or complimentary words. Instead of verbalizing her response, she points her index finger at herself and then at me to say she feels the same about me. This is not something I had known to be a characteristic of someone with dementia, but it may be. I do know That someone I follow on Twitter recently mentioned that his wife used a hand signal to indicate she was ready for their nightly orange for dessert; however, his wife has some impairment of speech. Kate does not.