Sometimes I wish I were a gifted writer. Now is one of those times. Bear with me as I try to explain why.
Kate and I have lots of good days, but yesterday was a day I would like to remember exactly as it happened. We got off to a good start. Kate was in a very good mood. She got up early enough that we could make our morning pilgrimage to Panera and then to lunch without having to rush. That worked out perfectly because I had arranged a trip to Nashville to see Ellen Seacrest, her closest long-term friend. She lived in Knoxville until suffering a stroke two and a half years ago. Since then she has spent time in rehab and two different assisted living facilities in Nashville. Following two seizures, she went back to assisted living but in the memory care section.
We have known Ellen and her husband, Gordon, since the early 70s when we lived in the same neighborhood in Knoxville. Our children grew up together and attended the same schools from pre-school through high school. We celebrated many special occasions with them including many New Year’s Eves. After Gordon’s death in 2013, Kate and Ellen spent much more time together. They lunched together. They shopped together. Ellen was unquestionably Kate’s closest friend. To this day, Ellen is the only person one than her brother, Ken, that Kate has told about her diagnosis.
When Ellen had a stroke in August 2015, Kate’s life changed dramatically. That left her with no close friends in Knoxville. I have not only played the role of husband but best friend as well, but it’s never really been the same. For a few months after Ellen’s stroke, we were unable to visit her but kept in touch through her daughter who lives in Nashville. As soon as she gave the word that Ellen was up for a visit, we went to see her. Since that time, I have tried to arrange a visit once a month. I wanted the two of them to maintain their relationship as well as they could.
While in Knoxville, Ellen was well-known in many circles. She is a musician who was employed by ETV as a program director and later TV producer. Her first program was a musical program for children. Many children grew up knowing her as the “Music Lady.” She was also a producer of many other ETV programs that did not involve music at all. Simultaneously, she was a very active member of her church and had directed the choir for almost 40 years before retiring a few years ago. She loved to entertain her friends, co-workers, and those she knew at church.
Try to imagine the impact of her having a stroke in Nashville and never returning home again. She was immediately removed from a host of people who could have been of great support to her during a very difficult time. The distance between Knoxville and Nashville as well as the ages of her best friends made it difficult for people to visit her. Besides us, I know of only one person and a couple who have visited her since she has been there. The visits of the others occurred only once. Ellen made a good recovery; however, her speech never returned to normal. That makes it challenging to carry on a conversation with her. That, too, may have discouraged others from seeing her.
We had the flu in late January. When we had fully recovered, I contacted Ellen’s daughter about our coming to see her. That is when we learned that Ellen had fallen breaking her hip, shoulder and elbow. Yesterday’s visit was our first in about seven weeks. She is still in rehab at a new place that is closer to her daughter who has been a devoted caregiver for her mother. She does this while holding down a challenging job with Bank of America and fulfilling her responsibilities as a single parent of two teenagers.
So we have two very close friends each of whom has experienced life-changing health issues, separated by geographical distance, and who haven’t seen each other since Ellen’s traumatic experience with her fall. Now they see each other for the first time in weeks.
I know Ellen’s daughter must have told her we were coming, but the look on her face suggested that she was floored that we had come to see her. Kate took her hand. They both had a teary moment as each expressed her pleasure in seeing the other. The sight of this reunion and what it meant to each of them caused my eyes to well up with tears as well.
About mid-way into our visit, I mentioned something about our not having attended the music club for a while. Ellen and Gordon had sponsored our membership years earlier. Then I told her about our having recently seen Tosca and La Boheme. That reminded me of Kate’s experience with music I had played for her this past week. I keep all my CDs on my phone and pulled it out of my pocket and played “Danny Boy”. That had been a special favorite of Ellen’s. When her son was about 10, he sang it at a piano recital at which he also played the piano. Once again, Kate’s eyes watered as did Ellen’s. I was teary myself. When it was over, I played “Shenandoah,” and “Swing Low Sweet Chariot.” We listened quietly as the music played. All of these are beautiful arrangements on an album by the Susquehanna Chorale. I knew they would be special for Ellen after her career in choral music. It was equally special for Kate. We will be back for other visits, but I suspect I will remember this particular for along time to come.
