Posted on

Travel, Confusion, and Learning How to Address It

Kate came into the living area of the suite to which we had been upgraded. She looked very groggy and confused. I asked her if I could help her. She gave me a confused look. Then I took a more direct approach that is not like me. I said, “Let me tell you where we are. We are at the Haywood Park Hotel in Asheville, North Carolina.” She said, “Oh, yeah.” I went on to tell her that we were going back home this morning and that we had no time schedule to meet. That seemed to satisfy her. Then she asked, “Can I rest a little?” I told her that would be fine. Then she said, “If I can find where to go.” I said, “Let me show you.” Then I walked her to the bedroom.

I find that I am always learning and changing the way I approach things with Kate. My normal style is not to be abrupt or too directive. I know she does not like to be controlled. There are times like this one, however, when she is disoriented or in need of direction. In this kind of situation, I have learned enough to know that she won’t realize where she is when she wakes up when we are traveling. I can make things easier for her by simply telling her and not acting as though she does know.

Three weeks from tomorrow we leave for Texas where we will spend a week visiting family and friends. I will need to remember how important it is to provide regular information of where we are, what we are doing, etc. in order to maintain her comfort level in strange surroundings. This is more difficult than it sounds. It is amazing how easy it is to fall back on the way I have related to her over the course of our marriage. In so many respects, she continues to appear quite normal, even to me. That makes me want to respond to her in the way I would have before her diagnosis.

Posted on

Travel and Confusion

Today Kate and I drove to Asheville where we have had a very nice day. She has been in a particularly good mood. In addition, she has enjoyed everything we have done today. That includes an especially nice lunch at The Blackbird. We asked for the server who had taken care of us on our previous two visits. She remembered us and once again, remembered our drink orders. Lunch was followed by a play that she liked, An Act of God. I thought the play was well performed, but did not think the play itself was a good one. It isn’t one I would recommend. One of her qualities that has been brought out by Alzheimer’s is to be especially impressed with performers. She almost always overstates their talent. I believe that is what impressed her today. I don’t think she could follow most of what was happening in the play itself. The important thing to me is that she really enjoyed herself. When the play was over, she said, “Wow!”
She has likes the hotel in which we are staying. We have stayed here a number of times. It’s a nice place and in a good location downtown. The woman working the front desk has been with the hotel since they opened and has been at the front desk each time we have arrived. This time she arranged an upgrade to a much larger suite than we usually have. It is certainly something we don’t need, but it is nice that she did this. It keeps us coming back.

In the midst of her enjoyment, Kate has been confused on where we are. As we got to the theater this afternoon, she said something that I can’t remember, but it implied that she thought it was in Knoxville. A little later when we reached the hotel, she asked, “Now tell me where we are.” I told her we were in Asheville. A few minutes later, she asked the name of the hotel. I told her. The second I told her Asheville and the hotel name she said, “Oh, I knew that.” I am sure she did. She just couldn’t call it.

One other moment of confusion occurred just before we went to dinner. She had just brushed her teeth and came back into the bedroom with the toothpaste and two packets of towelettes in her hand as though she were ready to pack up for home.

Right after returning from dinner, she came into the bedroom after brushing her teeth. This time she wasn’t carrying anything. She looked puzzled. I asked if she were looking for her night gown. She didn’t answer. Then she saw that the housekeeper had put a robe on each bed. She said, “Oh, here it is.” Then I got her night gown for her. She has now settled into bed with her iPad. She is very contented, and so am I. She just turned out her light. I think I will get ready to take my shower.

Posted on

More Signs of Change

Kate seemed unusually confused at lunch today. As we were waiting for our food, she pointed to several military from Fort Jackson which is very near where we live. Then she asked me the name of the base in Fort Worth. I told her that it is the Naval Air Station. .

After a quiet moment or two, I told her that tomorrow is Brian’s birthday. He is our oldest grandchild. She asked, “Who are his parents?” I told her that Kevin and Rachel are his parents. I mentioned that Brian is now 19 and how it didn’t seem that long ago that we had flown out to Texas when he was born. As we talked a little more, she asked, “Who are his parents again?”

She also asked me how long we had been married. I told her we had been married 54 years and that it would be 55 next May. We started talking about other things, and then she asked again how long we had been married. As I sat across from her and listened to her confusion, I felt a deep sense of sadness. There were moments when I fought to hold back the tears.

On the way home, she said she wanted to pull leaves. I told her I knew that was something she really liked to do. She acknowledged that and said, “Of course, when I start my two albums, that will keep me busy.” It is interesting that this comes up once in a while even though it has been about two years since she has done anything on them. At least she said “when I start” on my albums. She must recognize that she hasn’t been working on them.

When I pulled into the driveway, she asked if she could pull leaves. Then she asked about using clippers. After that she asked if she should wear a cap and where she should start. This is just a continuation of a pattern she has established over the past few weeks.

Posted on

Symptoms

We drove to Asheville for lunch, a play, and dinner. We had a nice lunch and Jenny, who works the front desk, gave us an upgrade on our room. A few minutes ago we got back from the play. Before the show began, I got Kate a bottle of water that she took with her into the theater. At intermission, the man in front of her said something to her about squeezing the bottle and making noise during the first act. She said she didn’t squeeze it. He said, rather sternly, “Yes, you did.” She said she was sorry. A few minutes before the second act began I leaned down to him and told him that she has Alzheimer’s and that it was my fault that she had made the noise and that I just didn’t hear it (which was true). At the end of the performance, Kate tapped him on the shoulder and said something about her mother’s having gone to TCU. Then she asked me what her mother’s maiden name was. It was a good thing I had told the man about her diagnosis. He smiled and asked her if she enjoyed the performance. She told him she had. Then we moved on.

As we were walking back to the hotel, she said, “Where are we?” I said, “Do you mean what city are we in?” She nodded. I told her Asheville. She just said, “Oh.”

Posted on

Sad Moment, – Sundowners?

About an hour ago, Kate came in from outside where she had been pulling leaves since we got home from dinner. I met her in the laundry room, and she said, “What now?” I told her it was time to take a shower and get into her night clothes for bed. She accepted that and went to shower.

After quite a while, I went back to her room to make sure she remembered to put on her night clothes. When I got there, she was about to get dressed to go out. I told her I was just coming back to remind her to put on her night clothes. She thanked me for that and said she was about to put on her regular clothes. I left the room.

In a little while she came into the kitchen fully dressed with her iPad in her hand along with a book of crossword puzzles. She was ready to go out to Panera or Barnes & Noble. I reminded her she needed to put on her night clothes. She went back to her room.

I had sat down in my chair in our bedroom when she walked in fully dressed. Once again, I told her it was time for her night clothes.

She went back to her room. When she returned, she was carrying a night gown but still dressed. She said, “I can just put this on over . . .” (did not finish). I told her she should take off the clothes she was wearing and just wear the night gown, that she would get hot wearing both.

She left again. She came back without the nightgown but had put on a different top. I stood up, walked over to her and put my arms around her and told her how much I loved her. She hugged me tightly and started to cry. She quickly stopped herself. Then I said, “Wouldn’t you like me to get you a night gown?” She nodded. I went back to her room and got a night gown and brought it to her. When I gave her the gown, I said, “We take care of each other, don’t we?” She agreed. Then I took the clothes she had been wearing and hung them up in her closet.’

I am back in the bedroom now. She is working on her iPad. When I walked in, I said, “The way you are lying there you look like the subject for an artist to paint.” Then I said, “We have a good time, don’t we?” She agreed. I said, “We’ve had a good time; we are still having a good time; and we are going to have more good times.”

Posted on

Sundowners?

Last night when Kate came inside from pulling leaves, her top was soaked from perspiration. When I commented on how hot she was, she said she was going right in to take a shower. Then in a whisper she asked a question that she occasionally asks, “Are we staying here (pointing to our bedroom) tonight?” I told her we were. Then I went back to the bedroom where I was watching TV. In a few minutes she came in the bedroom wearing different clothes from those she had been wearing. She had not had a shower. She asked me, “What should I do now?” I told her it would be a good time for her to take a shower and put on her night clothes for bed. She accepted that and only asked which bathroom should she use for her shower. After her shower, she returned to the bedroom in a robe but no gown. I asked if she would like me to get a gown for her. She said, “Yes, but first get me another towel.” I got both a towel and a gown. When she was fully dry, she put on the gown and got into bed with her iPad. She was in a very good humor. I continued watching an ETV program on the migration of Zebras in Botswana.

Posted on

Signs/Symptoms of Alzheimer’s

We arrived at Panera about twenty minutes ago. As I was waiting in line to pay for two drinks, Kate went to the drink dispenser to get a Dr. Pepper in the cup she had brought with her. She sat down at the table where I had put my cup and her iPad Before I had time to order, she went back to the dispenser with her cup. In a couple of minutes, she returned to our section but didn’t know where to go. I pointed to the table where she had been and where our things were. Then I noticed she was not only carrying her cup, she had picked up another cup with a top on it, and it was half full. Then she took off the top and poured the contents into her cup. Spontaneously, I asked where the got the cup, “from another table?” She said, “Of course, not.” I didn’t say any more. I knew that she couldn’t tell me, but the only way she could get a cup was to get one from the person at the counter where I was waiting. All I can think of is that she picked up someone else’s drink.

Shortly after I got to the table, she looked at me and said with a happy face, “Are we really going to Chautauqua?” I told her we weren’t but that we had just been there and had a great time. I also said, “It would be nice to go back, wouldn’t it?” She agreed.

Posted on

A Sad Thing

I’ve observed a couple of other signs of Kate’s current condition since my last post. One was yesterday when she got up from her chair on the porch to go inside. We had been talking with our neighbor next door. She walked right by the door to our apartment although she had been sitting immediately next to it. I caught her and showed her the door.

Tonight we had a similar experience. She told me she thought she would go inside and asked if I would show her the way. Once again, she was sitting immediately outside the door. This one makes me even sadder because she had to ask for help.

This afternoon as we stood up to wait between one speaker and the next in the Hall of Philosophy she wanted to move to the aisle, perhaps to have a little extra room. That was only two seats past me. I watched the whole time to make sure she was seated before the next speaker began and that she did not move away. The she started moving away from our row to the back. I could tell that she had forgotten where we were because of the way she was looking around. I reached her just as she was about to take a seat in the back of the hall. When I got to her, she said something like, “I knew you would find me.” That is all that either of us said. I took her hand, and we walked back to the front.

Posted on

Confusion

For the third night in a row, Kate has not known where we are. We were at dinner at the Brick Walk Cafe. Kate was facing where she could see Bestor Plaza and all the people outside. I said, “I guess tonight you know where we are.” She hesitantly said, “At home?” I told her we were at Chautauqua. She was pleased. She obviously hadn’t remembered our being here. Memory problems are so interesting. She clearly remembers Chautauqua. The mention of the name brings out good thoughts, but she is unable to recognize that we right here on the grounds.

This fits with my suspicion that while we were in Lubbock in June, she never remembered where we were. Knowing this makes me wonder whether or not we should make any further travel plans. If she were showing signs of distress, I would clearly not consider traveling. As it is, she does have moments of pleasure every place we go. Much of the time she doesn’t express a lot of enthusiasm, but it comes out periodically. She liked the morning speaker. She didn’t say anything about the afternoon speaker. That was one that I didn’t enjoy myself.

The only other trip that is in my planning right now is the trip to Fort Worth for homecoming. That is around October 19. There are two reasons that I would like to make the trip. The first is that I expect that this will be her last trip home. Second, it will be her only opportunity to see a grandchild at TCU. Our oldest will be a freshman in September. Kevin and his family as well as Kate’s brother and his wife are also planning to be there. It just seems like an important trip to make. At the moment, I have hotel reservations but haven’t done anything else to prepare for the trip. I’ll wait another month to make a go or no go decision. Even then I will be prepared to cancel if necessary.

Posted on

Forgetting

Kate was slow getting going yesterday but perked up during the church service. She liked the preacher and got the feeling of being back in Chautauqua. We had a nice afternoon. After dinner, I took her on a short walk around Bestor Plaza before going back to the apartment.

For the second night in a row she skipped the evening program. It was the opera on Saturday and the sacred song service last night. In both cases, she had planned to go until after supper. At first, she started saying that she might not go. Then finally she said she would go if I really wanted her to go. I told her I wanted her to do what she really wanted.

Saturday night, she went to sleep quickly and was on the way to sleep before I left. Last night, she went to bed, but when I got home she was still awake

This morning she was up around 7:45 and took her shower. As I did yesterday, I laid out her clothes for her. A few minutes after 7:00, I had gone out to get her a muffin and orange juice. After she finished both, she went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. In a few minutes, she came into the living room with her toothbrush and toothpaste in hand and said, “I’m ready.” I said, “Ready for what?” She said, “To go home.” I got up from the sofa and gave her a hug and said, “This is our first day here. We have a whole week ahead.” She said, “Where are we?” I told her and said I should have reminded her. She nodded and said, “I’m just sleepy.”

This is just another of her poor memory AND mine. I should never have referred to being here without specifying where “here” is. I know she can’t remember. Why can’t I remember that?