After thirty-seven consecutive years as a caregiver, I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do have a few tips to offer those who are caring for someone with dementia. The first is to develop a plan. Kate and I did that as a team, something I would recommend to every caregiver. I believe that set the stage for us to work together throughout our journey. Knowing that Alzheimer’s would have an impact on the rest of our lives, we began planning immediately after her diagnosis.
We spent several weeks (months?) talking about the potential changes and how we could adapt. We established a goal to enjoy life and each other as long as we could. We reflected on what we currently enjoyed: movies, music and theatrical performances, eating out, and travel. We binged on them as long as we could.
Although our first focus was on what we enjoyed, we also considered many of the practical things that might be involved. We contacted our attorney and accountant who helped us prepare for the legal and financial matters we might encounter.
We also thought about Kate’s care and what we should do when she might require in-home care. As a result of our caring for all four of our parents and my father’s girlfriend after my mother died, we felt it would be best to consider a move to a retirement community that would offer a variety of services that we might potentially need. Ten years later we acted on that decision. It was a good one. We have now lived at Still Hopes almost five and a half years and have never regretted it.
Don’t worry about making a detailed plan. In fact, something more general gives you the ability to make specific changes if and when that becomes necessary. At first, you need to be clear about the things that give you the most pleasure in life. That way you can focus on enjoying them as much as you can while you are still able to do so.
