Challenges, and The Velveteen Rabbit

Recently, Kate has experienced more and longer periods during which she seems to sink deeper into her Alzheimer’s. The primary symptoms involve her being tired, not wanting to get up in the morning, confusion related to not knowing where she is, who she is, and who I am. Her response has been withdrawal and fewer moments of cheerfulness. She has continued to rely on me to help her, but there have also been times when she responds to me like I am a stranger she mistrusts. One night she was very suspicious of me when we went to bed. I don’t recall another that has happened.

During the past few days, there have been at least four specific instances in which she didn’t know “anything” and seemed frightened. One of those occurred when she didn’t want to get up for lunch. I tried several times. She declined each time, and I let her continue to rest in bed.

The last time was over an hour after my first try. When she refused again, I asked if she would like me to read to her. She didn’t. I told her there was something I wanted to read and asked if she minded if I read it. She shrugged. I went to the family room and got The Velveteen Rabbit (TVR). I started to read. She wasn’t interested. I continued to read, and as I did, I could tell that she was paying more attention. By the time, I reached the end, she was fully absorbed and touched. I said, “Isn’t that a nice story?” She agreed. We chatted briefly. She was very much at ease. Then I asked if I could help her up for lunch. She said yes.

The next night she got in bed shortly after dinner. She was still awake an hour and a half later. That is not unusual, but she me what she could do. I got TVR again and read it to her. It worked the same way it had the day before.

Yesterday morning, she was awake and ready to get up at 6:30. After breakfast we spent some time with one of her photo books before she was tired. She was asleep when the sitter arrived at noon. I decided not to wake her before I left for Rotary. That may have been a mistake. When I got home she was still resting on the sofa. The sitter told me Kate wouldn’t talk to her the entire time and didn’t want the sandwich I had ordered from Panera.

After the sitter left, she wasn’t especially happy to see me and appeared to look at me with suspicion. I told her I was glad to see her and that I would like to read something to her. She didn’t express any great desire, but she didn’t protest either. Once again, I picked up TVR. The effect was the same. We talked a few minutes about how much we like the book. Then it was time for dinner.

Last night, we had a repeat of the night before. She was in bed a good while before she wanted to know what she could do. I read TVR again. This time I wondered if it would have the same impact since I had just read it to her before dinner. That was not a problem. She was perfectly at ease when I finished. Was her memory any better? I don’t know. I didn’t test her. I only know that she was comforted and went to sleep.

2 Replies to “Challenges, and The Velveteen Rabbit”

  1. The fact that Kate was “perfectly at ease” when you finished reading to her, “was comforted and went to sleep” seems to indicate that what you did was just what she needed. Because you have had such a close marriage for so many years, do you think she also senses your anxiety episodes as she sinks deeper into Alzheimers and is concerned for you?

    1. Thank you, Elaine. I’ve been unable to detect that she is able to sense my anxiety at all. Periodically, she is especially appreciative of my care for her, but I haven’t been able to connect with with anything that I might have done close to the time she acknowledges how much I help her.

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