Adapting to Changes in Kate’s Sleep Pattern

I’ve alluded many times to my OCD tendencies and my adaptability with respect to Kate’s Alzheimer’s. For the most part, I am pretty flexible and don’t experience any anxiety when things can’t go the way I planned. The hardest thing has always been my commitment to be on time. Kate’s Alzheimer’s presents a problem for me. I try to allow plenty of time to have her ready for all appointments and other obligations. This would include those that are self-imposed like having lunch together before the sitter arrives. I had a schedule that was working, but Kate’s recent changes in her sleep/rest pattern have upset things a bit.

Ironically, I’ve experienced more anxiety on the days we have a sitter than on the days we don’t. That doesn’t seem like the way it should be. It really shouldn’t, but the problem for me is two things. I feel a need to have Kate ready when the sitter arrives. It also involves the plans I have made for myself during that time. On Monday, my Rotary club meets at 12:30. The sitter arrives at noon. That works fine unless I’ve had trouble getting Kate up and dressed. This is self-imposed because I wasn’t sure how comfortable Kate would be having the sitter get her out of bed, help her with toileting, and dressing her. I am less sensitive to that now, but I still like for her to up and dressed when I leave.

On the other two days, I generally have more flexibility. The sitter arrives at 1:00. That gives us an additional hour to get ready and eat lunch. In addition, I rarely have any appointments as early as 1:30. That allows me a little extra time. It is not unusual for me to stay as long as fifteen minutes after the sitter arrives. Now that we are homebound, I have spent as much as two of the four hours at home. I could easily get along without a sitter now, but I don’t want to run the risk of losing them should I temporarily discontinue their service.

Several times recently Kate hasn’t gotten up until late in the afternoon. The first day I made a concerted effort to get her up. I didn’t push her too hard but far enough that I got a hostile reaction. I backed away. Since then, I have let her stay in bed as long as she wanted, but it bothered me.

Friday was another one of those days. I took a very non-threatening way of waking her. About thirty minutes before trying to wake her, I turned on music that I hoped might gently wake her. Then I took my laptop into the bedroom and worked on a blog post. I waited for her to open her eyes and see that I was there and then casually spoke to her in a way that she wouldn’t take as the first step to get her out of bed. I was very relaxed. We talked a little, but I didn’t try to get her up. She seemed in a good humor but sleepy. When I finally asked if she would like to have lunch with me, she wanted me to go ahead. I told her I would really like to eat with her but said nothing more. She didn’t move. I told her I would be in the kitchen if she needed me.

This time I believe I really accepted this as part of the natural progression of her Alzheimer’s and not a time for her to change. I’m the one who needs to do that. Having done it, I feel much better. To my surprise, I think the overall adjustments we are making in connection with being homebound have made this change easier than it might have been. It’s been a time when I have fewer obligations even those that are self-imposed. Except when I prepare a meal, our lives are more relaxed.

Since Rotary is not meeting, I have changed the time for our Monday sitter to 1:00 from noon. That and the fact that I don’t have to rush away when she arrives creates a greater feeling of relaxation. Like everyone, I am accepting a lot of things that were not my first choice. Given everything that is happening, fretting over her sleeping seems less important than it was before.