I’m always trying to guess what is going on his Kate’s head. Sometimes I think I have a pretty good idea. Many times, I don’t. Between midnight and 7:00 this morning we had two very different conversations. I don’t know what prompted the first one. I think I understand the second.
Just after midnight, I felt Kate move and looked over. She looked at me. Then she said, “I want you to know how much I love you.” I said, “And I love you too.” Then she said, “If I were to die today, I would . . .” She couldn’t think of the words she wanted to say. I said, “You would be grateful for all the time we had together.” She said, “Yes, I love you so much.”
That began what must have been a 15-minute conversation in which each of us expressed how thankful we are that we found each other. It’s been a while, but she used to say, “What were the chances that a South Florida boy would end up with a Texas girl?” We often talk about the choice that each of us made to attend TCU. That decision made it possible.
At least three times in our brief conversation she repeated what she had said at the start. “I want you to know how much I love you.” and “If I were to die today . . .” Each time I filled in the last part of her sentence.
We talk about death once and a while. She often says, “We’re all going to die. It’s just part of life.” In all the other times, I knew why she was prompted to comment on dying. This time it came out of the blue. The only thing I know is that she is aware that something is wrong with her. She is having more experiences in which she is concerned about not knowing who she is, where she is, or what is going on. Was she having one of those experiences? It didn’t sound like it. She was talking to me as though she knew exactly who we are and was grateful. It does make me wonder, however, if the experiences of confusion she is having are beginning to make her think she might be dying. I don’t know, but I will be more conscious of any other signs that might suggest that.
I woke up at 5:45 and was about to get up when I heard a whimpering sound from Kate. I told her I was about to get up but wondered if she was all right. She said, “I don’t know. I don’t know where I am or why I am here.” I told her I could help her. She said, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m confused.” I said, “That must be scary.” She said it was. Then I said, “You are Kate Creighton.” She said, “Who are you?” I told her, and she repeated, “I’m glad you’re here.” I told her we had some photo books I could show her and that they would probably help her. She said, “Just talk to me,” and I did.
I put my arm around her and for the next hour told her about her parents, where she was born, our courtship, our marriage, and our children and grandchildren. At one point, I must have started to dose off. She said, “Keep talking.” At 6:50, she seemed relaxed. I said, “Are you all right. I was thinking about getting up.” She said, “I’m fine.” I got up, and she went back to sleep.
I hate for her to have these experiences, but I am glad that it is possible to comfort her when they happen. I really didn’t do much at all. I simply talked to her slowly in a comforting voice and gave her information that stimulated her intuitive thought processes. I am sure she didn’t remember any of it after I told her, but she felt safe and secure.
This is another good example of the intersection of rational and intuitive thought processes. She began the conversation with little or no rational knowledge but an intuitive sense that she should. My providing the knowledge didn’t change what she knows. It did change how she feels.