It’s hard to believe, but it was a year ago on September 8 that I engaged a sitter for the first time. I chose to work through an agency that was one of several recommended by Kate’s doctor’s office. I had thought about bringing in sitters for at least six months before making the commitment. I just wasn’t ready until I felt I could no longer leave her alone. That was a specific problem for my exercise at the Y three days a week and my weekly Rotary meeting as well as a monthly meeting at United Way.
There were a few rough edges in settling into the two people we have had for all but two weeks since then. The good news is there was no problem introducing them to Kate. I had dreaded telling her because I thought she might resist. It turned out that she only asked why I was having someone stay with her. When I told her I was feeling less comfortable leaving her alone and thought it would be better for her to have some company, she said, “Okay.” That was it. She’s always been very cordial with both of them. There have been several times when she wanted to go with me or frowned when I told her the sitter was coming. Most of those times have been recent. I believe that relates to her growing dependence on me.
Knowing that Kate doesn’t like to remain at home for very long at one time, I purchased a Panera gift card and told the sitters they can use it for themselves as well as for Kate. Until recently, they have always spent time at Panera. Now, it seems like they go most of the time but spend less time there on each visit.
We are introducing a new sitter next week. Anita, who comes on Monday, is having a surgical procedure that will prevent her being here. The agency did not tell me the problem but said they were not sure if she would be out more than one day. This morning at 11:00, Kate and I will interview a new sitter. I thought we would meet here at the house for about 45 minutes and then go to lunch. I would like to get to know her as well as possible in the time we have. Following our time together, I will call the agency and let them know if I would like to have her come on Monday or interview someone else.
From the start, the biggest problem was my accepting someone else to care for Kate. I now have a better appreciation of why my dad was uneasy about in-home care. Even now, I am not fully adjusted to having a sitter; however, I really believe this is a wise thing to do. Having sitters has enabled me to continue going to the Y, to attend Rotary and other meetings, as well as running errands and meeting my friend, Mark Harrington for coffee on Friday afternoon.
I should also say that I have been pleased with the sitters themselves. They are not CNAs (Certified Nursing Assistants), but the only need we have had so far is simply to be here with Kate and to take her to Panera when she wants to go. In other words, they simply spend time with her.
Overall, having sitters has worked for us. It has enabled me to continue my life apart from caregiving. Although I have never thought of it as a way to minimize stress, I suspect it has served that purpose as well. Having additional help has also been a good transition for Kate and me as we look toward the future when she will require more care. I haven’t been ready to increase the time, but I suspect that may happen soon. I’m not sure what part of the day I will need it most. If Kate were to start getting up at night, I might want someone to be here during that time. On the other hand, Kate will eventually need help with her shower. That would mean having someone in the morning unless I decided to switch her shower to the evening. As with other things, I’ll take this one day at a time and see where it takes us.
