I am often asked how Kate and I are doing. I appreciate the concern, but I always ask myself, “What is the best way to answer that question?” For example, as I reflect on the past week, I would say it’s been a good one. I think that’s true despite my having lost Kate for 20-30 minutes yesterday afternoon. In a previous post I commented on our having had several musical experiences that were special highlights for us. On top of that, Kate has been in a very good mood for the past few days. She’s even been in a good humor at the beginning of the day, something that is more challenging for her since it takes her a while to wake up. Virtually every day ends well. That was certainly true this week. I might say that “things are going very well.”
My typical response, however, is to say “remarkably well.” I believe that has been a good summary response the entire time we’ve been on this journey. On the other hand, it doesn’t really capture the whole story. For most of the past seven years, Kate has experienced frustration over not remembering things she had wanted to remember or having difficulty with tasks that she used to do with ease. The past couple of years she has been moving beyond that. I don’t believe she connects any of her behavior with her diagnosis the way she did initially.
Over time she has become increasingly bored when she is in the same place for very long. That has been a special problem since she hasn’t been working in the yard as much during the past few months. Almost every day, we move from home to Panera, to lunch, to Barnes & Noble and/or Panera, to dinner, and home for the night.
30-minute break.
I am writing this at Barnes & Noble right now. Thirty minutes ago, a man whom we met here last week dropped by our table to say hello. That led to a good conversation in which we shared a little information about each of us. I am sure that for Kate the highlight of our conversation was her discovery of his Texas roots in Grand Prairie. As she has aged, she has developed a more typical pride in her native state. We discovered several other people with whom we have friendships including a former pastor of ours when we were at TCU. We have many experiences like these at just about every place we go. It makes me wonder if this is part of why Kate likes to get out of the house as much as she does. I know these kind of social interactions boost my spirits. They remind me that even with change, we still enjoy ourselves.
Ultimately, everyone’s life is a mixture of good things and bad, not just those of us who are caregivers. I recognize that some people seem to enjoy a disproportionate amount of good things. Kate and I believe we are among them, and we both feel for those whose struggles have been much greater than our own. That said, I am deeply saddened as Kate continues her decline. Our lives have changed significantly in many ways since her diagnosis. They will change even more in the months ahead. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we continue to have enriching experiences together and with others.
My final observation about answering the “how are things” question is this. The precise answer depends on a number of different things like who is asking the question, how much does the person really want to know, and how much time do you and they have. As I said earlier, I think we are getting along “remarkably well.” That is probably a pretty good response for most people who inquire. For a few others, I may go into greater detail.
