Frustration and Boredom

My follow up to yesterday is only to say that it things didn’t get better for the second day in a row. As always, I try to figure out why when things are not going well. Sometimes I have a clearer idea than others. Often I’m just not sure. Yesterday, for example, she seemed to start out with a less cheerful demeanor. That was even before any particular event occurred that might have brought her down.

That was different once we got to Panera where she was working on her jigsaw puzzles. Repeatedly she kept hitting something that took her out of her puzzle. That particular screen has a “Back” arrow in the top left-hand corner, but she doesn’t see it. I just hit it, and she is back to the puzzle. Other times, it is a little more difficult, and I just hit the “Home” button on the iPad. That takes me to the screen with all the app icons. I select the one she had been working on (if I can remember it), select it, and give it back to her. As noted in the past, she never asks for my help. She just closes the iPad, puts it on the table, and looks frustrated.

To make matters worse, we had a rainy day. That meant that she couldn’t work in the yard. Since her two main activities were not available, she spent more time in bed. I tried to interest her in a movie, but she didn’t want to go at least to the one that I thought might be the best possibility for her.

We went to our regular place for pizza. When we returned, I put on a Katherine Hepburn movie. She seemed eager to watch. A few minutes into it, she said she was sleepy and got into bed fully clothed. She didn’t get up until this morning. She seems normal this morning. That means she isn’t in a bad mood although we got off to a rough start when she had dressed in some clothes that I didn’t think she would have wanted to wear since we are driving to Nashville to have lunch with our friends Tom and Angie Robinson. This was one of those times I put clothes on the bed for her. I took her to the room and left her to put them on.

When she came out she was wearing the same thing she had been wearing. That happened two times before we got it right. You might think the easy answer is for me to stay with her while she dresses; however, she doesn’t like for me to do that. She feels she doesn’t need my help.

We are now at Panera before driving to Nashville. On the way here, I decided to tell her that today is my birthday. (Jesse had sent me a text and plans to call while we are on the way to Nashville. I didn’t want Kate to learn about my birthday that way because I feared that she might feel bad for not remembering.) I said, “Today is my birthday. I am 77. Did you ever think you would be married to someone that old?” She said, “I was just thinking that.” That is all she said. No surprise. No emotion. It doesn’t make me sad for me, but for her.