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Dropping Her Guard

Over the weekend, Kate and I went to see the movie, Jane, about the life of Jane Goodall. We were both amazed at the way the chimps in the wild became comfortable with Goodall after they were in close proximity for a good while. Some of this was fostered by Goodall herself by providing a supply of bananas that required the chimps to come closer and closer. We observed something similar on a PBS special on Nature recently. A photographer followed a cheetah and her cubs for a period of about two years. The mother cheetah and her cubs became so accustomed to the photographer that he was ultimately able to pet her and put a collar with a GPS device around her neck.

With these things in mind, I am noting that Kate is also showing more signs of dropping her guard with me. I feel sure something similar will occur with others. In Kate’s case compared to the wild animals mentioned above, she is influenced not only by having been with me a long time. I believe this change is also a function of the disease. It is much like an innocent child who doesn’t realize that what she says or does will be interpreted differently from the way she had wanted or intended. Let me give you an example of the kinds of things I am thinking about.

As we left the restaurant after lunch today, Kate heard a news item about a politician getting caught in lie. She didn’t understand and asked me to explain, a very common occurrence. That itself is a small example. In this case, after I gave her an explanation, she said, “You’re gonna have to explain this to me later.” Her words and they way they were expressed clearly showed that she simply didn’t understand, and it was not something that was very difficult. It would not surprise me if she had done the same thing if she had been with someone else.

Another example occurred after we were home. She changed her top to work in the yard. After buttoning her shirt, I heard her laugh. When I looked at her I could see that the right and left sides of the shirt did not meet as they should. I said, “You got a button out of place.” She said, “Two buttons.” She had been able to laugh at herself for doing this. Unlike the frustration she expressed in earlier stages, she was now able to look t what she had done with a touch of amusement.

She was struggling a little to get her shirt buttoned correctly; so I helped. She accepted my help without any problem. It took me a moment to get the two sides of the shirt as they should be. I said, “This can be tricky.” She said, “It really can be.” This exchange was done very naturally without feeling that this was a symptom of her AD. Over the past year I have more of this kind of behavior. It makes me think of what many people say about someone with dementia. “At least, she doesn’t know.” I can see we are moving in that direction. I also think her receptivity to the sitters, especially letting them take her to Panera, is another indication of this change.

Apart from these things, I see more and more little things that I have seen in the past. The difference is that now so many things are happening even in a single day. Several things come to mind. The weather has cooled in the past week, and I have given her an old jacket of my dad’s to use when she is working outside. It is a good warm jacket with one problem. It has a warm liner that we can take out. The problem is that each time she takes it off, the lining in the sleeves comes out. This leads to much confusion when she puts it on again.

She likes to use clippers when she is working with her shrubs, but he keeps losing them. Long again, I might buy fewer than six or eight pair over a six-month period. A few days ago, I bought her three new pair. She has already lost two of them, one the first time out, the other the second time. Earlier today, I looked around the shrubbery but didn’t find either one. I did, however, find a pair of sunglasses I bought about six weeks ago. They had been missing for at least a month.

After getting her shirt buttoned, she wanted get something to drink. She went to the refrigerator and poured herself a small glass of apple juice. Then she went outside without drinking it. She also walked by the jacket that I had just gotten out for her.

Fortunately, none of these things represents a serious problem. In the scheme of things they are very small. At this point, I have been able to adapt well enough that they don’t bother me. I am just glad that she seems happy and hope this continues for a long time.

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More Signs of Compliance

Today is Sunday, and it’s been a good day. Kate was up reasonably early though not as early as yesterday and the day before. I tried to interest her in church, but she didn’t bite. We did make our usual visit to Panera. Then we came home for about 45 minutes before leaving for lunch. Kate to a brief rest. Once I mentioned that it was about time for lunch, she got up both willingly and quickly. This was not characteristic of her one or two years ago. She is much quicker to come in from outside or stop whatever she is doing inside when I tell it is time to go. That certainly makes my life, and her, much better.

For the first time in quite a while we had a success with a movie, Jane, a documentary about Jane Goodall. It was an excellent movie that was enhanced by the discovery of over 100 hours taken Gumbe where she studied chimpanzees for thirty years. Kate loved it. As we walked out, she said, “This should be shown in every school.” Hers is a remarkable story and having original videos so that we could really see her with the chimps added to its impact.

After returning home from dinner, Kate went to her room and came back with a robe. This is something that occurs frequently when she has intended to get a gown. I asked her if she had wanted a gown. She looked a little surprised and then went back to get one. She brought one back to the bedroom but also brought a different robe. She had obviously forgotten that she had already brought one.

As I was getting out of the shower, she came in and said, “Question. Do you think I should go ahead and get into bed?” I told her I thought that would be a good idea. She doesn’t ask me every night, but it is common for her to ask me if it is time for bed and/or if she should put on a night gown. I am not sure what has prompted this. My suspicion is that there are so many things that I tell her it is time for that she is beginning to anticipate my questions. She is very sweet when she asks, and I must say I feel a touch of sadness when she feels she needs to ask me questions like this.

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A Bad Start, But a Great Finish

Yesterday was our first cold day of the season. That follows a lengthy period of time when our temperatures have been well above normal. Apart from the cooler temperature, it rained on and off the entire day and into the night. I don’t think the weather is likely to have affected Kate’s mood, but she didn’t begin the day as cheerfully as she has been doing lately. She was up earlier. That meant an earlier visit to Panera. After an hour she had a very dejected look on her face that made me surmise (correctly) that she was ready to go home.

On most days, she would have wanted to go directly to the yard to pull leaves. In this case, the weather prevented that. I told her I would build a fire in the fireplace and that we could pull up our chairs and enjoy the first fire of the season. She seemed to like that. We have a lot of wood that is left over from the past two years when it was much warmer than usual. The fire was going in a flash, and both of us commented on how good it felt to relax in front of the fire. After almost an hour, Kate appeared to have had enough. She got up from her chair leaving her iPad behind. She started re-arranging some of the knick knacks on the entertainment center in the living room. It was obvious she was ready for something else. I suggested we go to lunch. She accepted.

I began to think about the rest of the day. She had a facial scheduled for 4:00, and we were going to attend Jazz Night at Casa Bella at 6:00. That led me to think about her getting a manicure and pedicure. It had been a while since I had arranged that for her. I mentioned that to her on the way to lunch. She was not enthusiastic but accepted the suggestion.

We had a nice lunch at a place near our home. When we got back to the house, I called the nail shop and discovered they could take her right away; so off we went. It’s located a few doors down from Panera. While Kate was getting her nails done, I went to Panera with my laptop. She was finished about 3:15. That left us only 45 minutes before her facial. I decided that we should go back to Panera until time for her facial appointment. By this time, her mood had begun to change. She wasn’t overly cheerful, but she was not down the way she had been in the morning.

The spa where she gets her facial is a few doors from Whole Foods. I usually go there with my laptop while Kate is getting a facial or massage. About a year and a half ago, I signed her up to have a facial and a massage once a month, each about two weeks from the other. She has seemed to enjoy that. Yesterday was no exception. She was relaxed when I picked her up.

When we got home, we had less than an hour before leaving for Casa Bella. I listened to the news while she worked on her iPad. I had downloaded photos from our recent trip to Texas to her iPad. Her puzzle program allows her to create new puzzles with any of the photos. Again, she was not overly enthusiastic, but she did get a kick out of seeing the pictures. She hasn’t figured out how to select the photos and create a puzzle, but I can do that for her. After she completes each photo puzzle I have created, she selects one of the stock puzzles that come with the program. Each time she runs into a road block, I create a new photo puzzle for her. I am going to continue adding new photos to her iPad so that she will have a large selection from which I can choose.

We got to Casa Bella a few minutes after 6:00 and sat at our usual table with the parents of the owners of the restaurant. Kate and I like both of them, and last night no one else joined us at the table. That meant it was much easier to enjoy the conversation. I am sure this made the experience a better one for Kate. As I have noted in previous posts, we attend Opera Night on the first Thursday of each month as well as Broadway Night on the third Thursday of the month. Jazz Night is a new musical program that began a few weeks ago. Last night was only the second time we have attended.

The program was superb. We had heard that a clarinetist we know from the local symphony was going to be playing but nothing else. It turned out that he was part of a trio of extremely talented musicians that included a an outstanding female vocalist and a guitarist. The music consisted of many familiar ballads. We and the rest of the audience were thrilled with the performance. To top things off, we ran into several other people we know who had not attended before. That made the evening very special in a variety of ways. A day that had started out rocky ended on a high note. The events of the morning were long forgotten. Of course, that was especially true for Kate.

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Always Something New

Tonight I brought Kate’s meds to her as I do each night. She asked, “For tonight or tomorrow?” This was surprising to me because I have never given her medications at one time to be taken the next day. Sometimes I can see something that has occurred that would prompt a question like this. In this particular case, it was something new that seems “out of the blue.”

We have the evening news on TV. The big news for the past three days is the shooting at the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. Virtually, every time we have had the had the news on radio or TV, we have heard reports of this horrible shooting. Kate has responded to some of the news with greater than normal interest because of her roots in Texas and the fact that our son lives in Texas. Each time, including a moment ago, the subject has come up, she has reacted as though this is the first time she has heard of the shooting. She always asks, “Where is this?” I know I must have told her as many as ten times. She is simply unable to retain it.

This prompts me to say that I have been reading some of my posts from the first ten to eleven months of 2011. One of the things that strikes me now is that some of the things about the weakness or lack of short-term memory sound identical today. It illustrates the lack of precision of my words in describing her symptoms at that time. I suspect it also reflects my own perception of how short short-term memory is. In reality, it is much shorter today, but I had not yet had the experience of the kind of short-term memory that is more appropriately called “immediate” memory.

I have always thought that the progression of Kate’s illness has been very gradual. Comparing my early posts with what I know today provides strong reinforcement for this perception. Her decline has been even more gradual than I had thought. That adds to my belief that Aricept (donepezil) and Namenda (memantine) may have been effective. Of course, there is no way to be sure since we don’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t taken them.

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A Change in Mood

We have had a long string of good days over the past three weeks. We were bound to experience a change. Today is the day. I didn’t notice anything different before making our morning trip to Panera. In the car on the way over, she didn’t want me to talk. I complied. Before getting out of the car, I asked her if she wanted to know if she wanted to take her book of crossword puzzles inside. She hesitated a moment and then said she didn’t. While we were there, she was frustrated as with her jigsaw puzzles. Over the past few weeks she has had even more problems than usual but had learned to simply hand over the iPad to me to get her back where she wanted to be. Today, she was just disgusted. At one point, she gave me a look that meant she was ready to go. We got in the car to go home. As we approached the house, she asked if there weren’t somewhere else we could go. I asked if she would like to go to Barnes & Noble. She say, “Anywhere. I don’t care.” I had wanted to go by Walgreens and select some photos for printing and suggested we go together. She accepted. That really didn’t do the trick either. It did, however, pass a few minutes during which she didn’t seem frustrated or depressed.

I decided to go for an early lunch at a restaurant where we usually eat lunch on Saturday. This Saturday we have another engagement; so I thought that might be a good option for us today. The primary reason for my selection was that it is almost 25 minutes to the restaurant. I was hoping that the drive would give her time to regroup. I took my iPad in with us and showed her pictures of our recent trip to Texas. She seemed to enjoy that.

Upon our return home, she asked if she could pull leaves. I told her that would be fine. She did that for about thirty minutes and then came inside. In a few minutes, she came into the kitchen where I was working on my computer. She had her iPad under her arm. She was obviously ready to get out of the house. We got in the car and went to Barnes & Nobel and spent about 45 minutes there before leaving for our regular hair appointments. She is finishing up right now as I am writing this post. Tonight is opera night at Casa Bella. I hope that will give her a lift.

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Halloween in Our Neighborhood

I don’t think I have ever commented on Halloween in our neighborhood. It’s a very big deal. We moved into our house in July 1997. Not long after that, I met some of our neighbors during one of my morning walks. They asked if the previous owners of our house had told us about Halloween. They hadn’t, but they informed me of the large crowds of children that descend on our street. I appreciated the warning but still didn’t buy enough candy. I had to run out to buy more an hour into the evening. I didn’t count the trick-or-treaters, but based on the amount of candy I had bought, I guessed it to be nearly 300. It has dipped a little in years when we have had inclement weather, but it has grown tremendously since then. Last night was our biggest crowed. I estimate that we had over 800 before running out of candy at 8:15.

Prior to living in our current house, we had lived on a busy street and rarely had more than 5-10 trick-or-treaters. Knowing that Halloween would be a quite different in our new home, Kate suggested that we also offer water. I laughed and made fun of what I thought was a silly suggestion. After all, what child would want water on Halloween. Kate got the last laugh on this one. I discovered that plenty of children and their parents appreciated having water as well as candy. I estimate that about a third of the total number also have water.

The success of the water and the candy has required us (me) to focus on the logistics of serving such large numbers. First of all, we need to remain outside the entire time. There are simply too many people. There is an almost constant stream. Sometimes tey are in groups of 10, 15, or even 20. We also have to have plenty of cups, a 5-gallon water container, a table for the container and cups, and a method of dispensing as efficiently as possible, and a plan for refilling the water and supply of candy. Kate has been the dispenser of water while I take care of the candy.

That has gone rather well until the past few years when the number of trick-or-treaters reached 500 or more. This year it was clear that Kate will not be able to handle the water in the future. Indeed, I suspect that by next year, she may not even sit outside with me. If so, I will arrange for someone else to help with the water. Even before her diagnosis, she was having difficulty doing things that required a designated series of steps, like those required for fixing a meal. Thus, she had some difficulty getting water served without spilling it, pouring water in the unused cups as opposed to those that were used and then placed back on the table, locating the supply of cups even though it was in clear sight of her, etc.

The good thing is that she never displayed any sense of frustration. It took much longer to serve the water than it should have, but it didn’t bother her or the people who were waiting for water. The latter is another indicator of the importance of the water itself. They were willing to wait, often with as many as 8-10 people in line.

As we have every year in the past, Kate and I both had a good time. I am glad we had another successful Halloween although I am sad thinking that it won’t be the same next year.

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Miscellaneous

Our first day back in Nashville was a pleasant one. Kate’s good mood has continued. The sitter came in the afternoon. I didn’t mention to Kate that she was coming. She arrived while Kate was in the backyard, and I was getting ready to leave for the Y. Once again, Kate received her warmly, and I was off. Before leaving, I told the sitter that she had a 5:00 appointment for a massage. I asked her to make sure that Kate came to get ready around 4:00. When I returned, they were both sitting in the family room where Kate was looking at one of her family albums.

As we finished our dinner last night, I asked her if she would like dessert. She often gets a scoop of homemade gelato that we share. She told me that she had had enough and would skip the dessert. Then she asked me. I told her that I had eaten so much on our trip that it would be good for me to pass it up. Just then, our server approached the table and asked if we wanted dessert. Kate immediately asked, “What do you have?” Of course, she ended up with her gelato. This is not an unusual event. She frequently says she is going to do something and then turns around and does something else. This is hard for those of us with a memory to understand, but for her, it is as natural as breathing.

On the way home, out of the blue she asked, “Are we moving into the new house tomorrow?” I hesitated a moment. Then I said, “We won’t be moving right away.” I didn’t pursue the topic. I don’t know what motivated it. She must have been thinking again that we had talked about moving into a new house.

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Another Successful Day

2017-10-20 (9:29 pm)

In my previous post, I indicated my optimism that today would be another good day for Kate. I am happy to report that I was right. The main event was a lunch with four childhood friends of Kate’s. A couple of month’s ago, I had spoken with one of them, Laura Williams, about our planning to attend homecoming this year. In that conversation, Laura asked if there was anything she could do for Kate. I mentioned the possibility of getting several other old friends together for lunch. She said she would love to arrange that. At the time we were thinking about their going out to lunch someplace. When it came close to the time of our trip, Laura told me that another of her friends wanted to host them at her house. She had done that once before several years ago.

Laura chose two other friends who had also been close to Kate growing up. We talked about an appropriate number. I said having five including Kate was ideal. I tried to prepare Kate for this lunch by mentioning it to her a number of times over the past few weeks including the names of each of the four friends who would be there. I was not at all surprised when she could not remember either who the friends were or that we were even making the trip home.

This morning she seemed particularly concerned about getting their names correct. Several times she asked me to tell her the names again. This always came after my mentioning the lunch she was going to. Without these prompts, I don’t believe she would have even remembered that she was going to lunch with anyone.

As we were driving to lunch, she kept rehearsing the names of her four friends. I don’t recall that she ever got all four of them. Sometimes she struggled to get one. I told her I didn’t think she needed to worry about the names as she would remember the people when she saw them, and she wouldn’t have to call them by name. Of course, that didn’t stop her from trying.

I thought it might be good to remind her of our children and grandchildren. That led to a shortened version of the same kind of rehearsal of their names. It is only in moments like this that I really have evidence of how poor her memory has become. In much of our ordinary conversation, she is not required to use specific names or places etc. It is times like these when I am saddened. Other times I tend to think she is doing better than she really is.

I knew Kate’s time with her friends would go well the moment we arrived. All four of them greeted her warmly, and they immediately started getting updates from everyone. While Kate was at her lunch, I picked up a former professor and mentor for lunch.

When I returned to pick up Kate, they all told me what a wonderful time they had had. Two people specifically thanked me for suggesting this opportunity. I was touched by the reception Kate received as well as the joy on her face.

The hostess, Linda Turner, told me that an old friend, Marjorie Eggleston, lived nearby and would love to see us if we had time. Marjorie is now 93 and in a wheel chair, but her mind is sharp. She and I often spent some time together chatting at various family celebrations. We thought of ourselves as buddies at that time. It was good to see that we still feel the same after all these years. Kate was equally thrilled to see Marjorie as her parents had been close friends of Marjorie’s husbands parents. They had been like an aunt and uncle to Kate.

As thrilled as she was to see Marjorie, Kate was also confused. She kept thinking that Marjorie was her husband’s mother whom she thought of as an aunt.

We ended the day with a reunion dinner at TCU. There were very few people there whom we knew, but it was nice to see them.

It turned out to have been as nice a day as I had hoped.

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Emotional Moments in Denton

Kate’s cousin, Sharon, picked us up at our hotel for lunch and a couple of stops afterward that provided Kate with some very special emotional moments. First, we went to lunch where we had time for lots of reminiscing about many happy family times. Sharon is only a year or so younger than Kate, and her memory is fully in tack. She remembers with some details stories of individual family members and especially the family Christmas traditions. She told us about the three times that the entire family gathered together in three different homes of family members. They began with the exchange of presents about 10:00 at one house. Everyone dispersed to their own home after that and came back together in the early afternoon for lunch. That was followed by individual family time at their own homes. Then they came back together in the evening for light snacks and desserts leftover from lunch.

As Sharon recounted these family stories, Kate was elated. It was a touching experience for me to see how enthusiastically she listened to them. After lunch, we went back to Sharon’s house. It is filled with many items from her mother and father’s home as well as other special things from the homes of other aunts and uncles. She even has a door that came from Kate’s and Sharon’s grandparents home. It opens out to the deck on the back of the house.

Kate responded tearfully to both the things her cousin showed her as well as the things she told her. As an observer, it was touching to see the way Kate responded. Sharon brought our time together to a close with another special moment. She drove us to the home of her son and his wife to show us the dining room table and chairs that were originally in Kate’s parents’ home. I believe her parents bought them when they moved into their home in 1949. The chairs still had the original fabric on the cushions.

Sharon drove us back to our hotel where Kate rested a while before dinner. This experience is certain to be a highlight of our trip, but we have several other get togethers that I hope Kate will also view as meaningful. One of those is coming up at dinner when we are meeting a couple we have known from Fort Worth and TCU. We should have a lot of memories to discuss.

One final and interesting end to our visit occurred when Sharon dropped us off at our hotel. As we walked away from her car, Kate said, “Now who is she?” I told her that was her cousin, Sharon. This is yet another example of what strange twists can occur with this disease. I am confident that she understood who Sharon is throughout our time with her, but something happened right at the end that caused her to forget.

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Morning Confusion

A little earlier Kate was in the bed working on her iPad. I heard her express some frustration and say something about not being able to get this “thing” working. I asked if I could help. Then I walked over to her. She handed the iPad to me. I saw immediately that she was not in her jigsaw puzzle app but in photos instead. I got her back to her puzzles, and she said, “I can’t live without you.” I said, “You don’t have to; I will always be here for you.” I doubt that she can envision what the future holds, but moments like these are full of meaning for me.

Recently I have been struck by the fact that it seems like she has the most trouble with her iPad during the morning, especially while we are at Panera. At other times of the day, for example at night when you might expect her to be worn out, she is able to work on the iPad for long periods of time without needing my help. I wonder if it is just a morning grogginess that is the basis of the morning confusion.